Disclaimer:
Bizzaro: Gotham Champion owns My Immortal and all related characters!
Previously, on Reading fanfiction: My Immortal:
"That is wrong, I don't care if the paedowolf did it to you, that is immoral and wrong."
Chapter 21.
AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! So you insult Raven, and then ask for forgiveness? Seems like something you would do.
Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. He just spotted his whore of a girlfriend in the arms of his ex-lover. I think he's anything but ok.
"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. WOO GO DRACO! He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. I don't think you can run in a suicidal way.
"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."
"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily. Or he could just want to give him a hug. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.
"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) I'm sorry, but I still can't get over the fact that no one is concerned about crying blood! That is a very serious issue!
And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. Well, since Hogwarts accepts paedophilic werewolves as teachers, cat janitors aren't that much of a stretch.
"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. Wait, since when can you see an invisible meowing man?
"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.
"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. Vampire you idiot, cats have extra sensitive ears! (I think)
"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! No. Just no. He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1 Why did you need all the... just then?
"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school. WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS! Also, seeing as how Draco already died because of slitting his wrists, there is a glaring continuity error here. Considering for a second that the author is reading this for some reason (and that this is not a parody, which it well might be) let me explain something to her: continuity is the act of keeping the timeline straight, so that events happen in a particular order and do not disregard events that have already taken place, therefore making it so that there is not a plot point that is completely at odds with another. Take, for example, Draco; wherein an act that has already killed him is repeated for much nicer consequences on his part.
Another thing that I've forgot to mention that is –coincidentally- arguably a continuity error when taking into account the previous paragraph. Dumbledore said that Draco died from slitting his wrists, yet the next time we see him he is in the hands of Lord Voldemort. Therefore, there is a possibility that Voldemort broke into Hogwarts, captured Draco, conjured/transfigured something into a replica of him (though dead) and escaped Hogwarts, ALL WITHOUT DUMBLEDORE NOTICING! This points to a massive level of competency on Lord Voldemort's part. However, this would also mean that Voldemort broke into Hogwarts for no reason whatsoever. Please, consider all that for a moment.
"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"
"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. I've got nothing. I seriously can't think of anything that can accurately express the level of stupid that I just read. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 So you could hear someone knocking on the doors when you're, in your beds, and in your coffins?
Chapter 22.
AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 I think we can all agree that you suck the most.
All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped. Suspense! Drama!
Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! Continuity mistake alert: In traditional Harry Potter Cannon, it is proven impossible for males to enter the Girl's Dormitory.
I opened my crimson eyes. Your eyes were already open, so how can they open just now? They'd have to have been closed. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Vampire/Harry does like wearing baggy clothes, doesn't he. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words 'Bich' is not a swear word. and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle WTF! WHEN WERE THESE TWO GIRLS? WHEN WERE THEY IN THE ROOM?. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire . He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. This paragraph and the entire previous paragraph is completely and utterly stupid.
"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?" Yes, that needs an answer
"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.
"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.
"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice. Disagree, she's a cheap slut.
"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." Was that sentence meant to be put like that?
"I will I will." he said.
So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. 0: you did not just go there. YOU DID NOT JUST FU*KING GO THERE!She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.
"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!" What is this, a chance for some actual, non-contrived character motivation?
"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge. A: Dark Lord, not Bark Lord. B: YES! ACTUAL CHARACTER MOTIVATION! C: Why is Dumbledore not closing the school? He would in these events seeing as how innocent, child lives are at risk.
"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" Aside from firing Dumbledore as headmaster, I agree with her! Seriously! Wait, I read that wrong. It actually says: "YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" So that means they want the one person who could possibly defeat Voldemort in a duel to leave a school which is a target of his.
"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort And he is Harry Potter! and she Oh no, the author is actually going this route. is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." ...Well at least her name is back to normal! Wait, not even that, because 'Enony'.
Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. As you should seeing as how that one piece of news is capable of changing your life forever. Preferably by ending it.
...
Chapter 23.
AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! Or they could just be mad at the fact that this exists. They want this to be killed. Killed with fire. And so do I.
The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.
"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. I'm sorry, but are we missing a piece of information that no one wants but you are probably going to tell us anyway?
"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" Oh yeah, I forgot that Enoby can make doors that were previously open be closed in between chapters. -_- Stoned face.
Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. Again, really sorry, but I am really confused as to what is going on. Please enlighten me...
Actually don't, I don't want you to.
"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.
"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" Draco, why do you want to sh*t next to her?
"No I do!" shouted.
"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.
"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. So Harry and Draco are fighting over who should get to sit next to the Mary Sue. Seems like the classic case of being near Enoby-to-many-middle-names-Way. GET IT! It's funny because a lot of Dumbledore bashing fics, which seem to always be terrible, use that when Harry is complaining about how Dumbledore has manipulated him all of his life and stole money from his numerous vaults.
Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!
Does that mean we get to see an epic Dumbledore-Voldemort duel? AWESOME!
"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. I think the author has mistaken the fandom that she is poising for an –admittedly better- one. I'm sorry, but you know it to be true. Harry Potter is nowhere near Star fu*king Wars.
"Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" Wait, so you're telling me that Voldemort broke into Hogwarts...
To kill a emo kid's friends- ONE OF THEM IS HARRY YES GIVE US SOME AWESOME ACTION!
"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.
"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling. That can't be it... You know what, fu*k this author.
I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.
"No!" I screamed sexily. Not in that sentence. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.
"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice. Hopefully no.
"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up. Damn.
"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.
"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" Mind... melting... Must finish... terrible... story.
"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though." Wait, who?
"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went. Rather rude.
Chapter 24.
AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!
Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions. Wow, an actual good idea! I'd never have considered this story capable of it!
"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it. I can feel my IQ slipping away.
"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"
"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?" After class, seeing as how she is apparently teaching Professor Trevolry's lesson.
"Ho about now?" she asked.
"OK." I said.
"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3." What the heck just happened?
"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.
Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.
"What do you c?" she asked.
"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." It means that you're a Devil worshipping slut. Burn her. Burn her in a very painful way.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.
"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Sinister.
"Bye bitch." I said waving.
I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. Ok, that's pretty weird. Not just that paragraph, the chapter. And everything beforehand.
Chapter 25.
AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1 The day people do what you say is the day I kill you. That's right. In an alternate universe/dimension thing where an easily exploitable loop hole allows me to kill you!
I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.
"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. Imagine that, or try to. It's very difficult, and not just because of the pure stupid.
"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. That's not healthy at all you idiot. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.
"And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. I see that Draco had no pants on before. I think that is something any author would feel worth mentioning. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. Not this ****ing sh*t again!
"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. Is it over? I can't tell y eues are c;psed!
Translation: Is it over? I can't tell because my eyes are closed. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. You know, I could easily make a joke out of this. However, I think anyone who would make a joke about a person savagely murdering someone else is a monster.
Note* Whilst I don't agree with any sought of murder, that was a joke. Please laugh.
"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.
"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.
"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.
I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111 SIRIUS AND LUPIN NOT YOU TO-wait Lupin? Am I reading that wrong and that actually means Lucius?