'Sup Pitcheees? God I have this fucking killer headache the whole day now, I could barely concentrate on writing, so ignore the mistakes. Have mercy. I hope you like how I wrote it and how this whole 'talk' worked out, if not, it's just the beginning! Thanks again for everything and enjoy that chapter!
Chapter Five
She couldn't believe it, she just couldn't. What had gotten into her? What did happened that she would react like this? Finally she catches up. "Chloe! Chloe wait!", she called, out of breath. The red head walked straight back to her dorm after her encounter with the tiny brunette.
Chloe swirled around, facing the blonde. "What?", she spat. Aubrey took a step back, seeing the hurt in her best friends eyes Chloe sighed. "I'm sorry." "What happened? Why were you acting like that?", Aubrey asked confused.
She just saw how Beca dragged the red head over to a tree and asked her what that all was about and then calling behind her that maybe she should grow up.
"I don't really want to have that discussion now Bree", Chloe sighed, turning back around. "Don't you dare to turn away from me Beale! Tell me what happened. You're not good with keeping feelings to yourself, you know that", Aubrey said in a stern voice, crossed arms, but still her features were soft, "Please talk to me Chlo."
Chloe huffed, looking away. "Fine. But not here, okay? Can we at least go back to our room?" "Of course we can."
A few minutes after they found themselves back in their room. "So?", the blonde asked.
"I actually thought you would drop it."
"Never ever darling."
"Okay fine, I'll tell you", Chloe sighed, "Well after the thing with the wine I tried to test her differently."
"Chloe what did you do?", Aubrey asked, actually a bit scared.
"First I sent Stacie over to her, saying that they had to go through the other entrance, the one where the High Notes always are", Chloe said and Aubrey shot her a disapproving look, but the red head continued, "Then I danced with some chick, not far away from her. I guess then it made click."
"Are you serious? This is really mean, you know that, right?"
"What was I supposed to do, huh?! I needed the clarity! You said it by yourself!", Chloe tried to defend herself, shaking the shame she felt inside off.
"Yeah, but not like that Chloe! Seriously, what have gotten into you? One night, you're crying because you miss her. Then you're crying because you're mad at her. Then you're crying because you need her, which I always understood, well I tried to understand because you are my best friend, but now? You cry again! You don't even have a reason tonight! Why are you crying?!", Aubrey shouted.
"BECAUSE I'M ASHAMED OKAY?! I'm ashamed of what I did tonight! Ashamed because I felt so vulnerable after she left and cried over her like a kid! Ashamed because she poured her heart out for me and I felt nothing but anger! RIGHT NOW I'M FUCKING ASHAMED TO BE MYSELF!", Chloe cried out. Tears dropping the floor. She buried her face deep into her hands. Now she felt ashamed for crying over nothing. Tonight she showed herself in the most worse way ever.
The blonde girl stood in front of her, trying to ignore the urge to go over to her friend and hug her. "You two need to talk. Now. I'm tired of this and this isn't even lasting that long. Get your sorry ass out of here and talk to her. Decide if you want her or not, but this playing isn't fair. To neither of you."
Chloe nodded, wiped her tears and walked out. She didn't even knew if Beca was at her dorm room, she just hoped she was. What if she see's the young brunette and get rejected?
Her feet carried her across the campus, over to Beca's dorm door. She knocked softly, burying her hands into her pockets.
"No one is at home", a voice shouted from the other side. Chloe smiled slightly at that.
"Beca please open the door", she called. Nothing. "Beca?" Still nothing.
Sighing Chloe turned around to leave, but now she knew she had to face her problems just like Beca did. If the brunette could do that, she could too. So she turned back to the door and explained.
"I'm sorry for tonight. I'm sorry for my games. Actually I don't have a clue what has gotten into me, I guess I just wanted clarity that you really did change. But nothing I'll say will excuse what I did tonight. I'm so sorry and-" Chloe got cut off because the door opened. Beca stood there with a mix of sadness and anger on her face. "I'm getting into trouble if keep talking so loud", the brunette said and dragging the other girl inside her room.
Chloe stumbled into Beca's room, quietly observing the sight. It looked a lot like Beca's old teenage room. While she looked around she noticed a frame on the night stand, the picture showed two girls: One of them were Beca and the other was... Chloe? Her head shot up. She remembered that picture.
"You still have that?", she asked in disbelief. Beca nodded. "Helped me through a lot and keeps reminding me why I am doing of all this", the brunette explained, gesturing at her room. Taking a deep breath Chloe decided something she should have done before she tried to test the brunette in such a stupid way.
"I guess we should finally talk, right?" Beca nodded again.
Both of them sat down on Beca's bed and stared at each other for a second. Chloe studied Beca's face and noticed that the brunette had to be crying too. Her eyes were red and teary. She saw also a rush of emotions. Anger, sadness, hope and doubt, but still there was something else... "What are thinking about?", the brunette asked, shaking Chloe out of her thoughts. "The emotions in your eyes. There's something I can't put my finger on."
Beca shook that statement off and coughed. "Do we, should we start?" "Yeah, I guess." Beca meant to start, but she just couldn't. She was never good with words and that never changed. So she sent Chloe a pleading look, which the red head immediately understood.
"When we had that fight, outside the police station, I was so mad at you. But also so worried. I was almost 100% sure, if it would keep going like that, I would lose you, so I had to do something. It was a moment where I had to decide. Would I start to protect myself from getting more hurt, or would I stuck with you until the end?
Even when it hurt the whole time, I don't regret that I was selfish back then. I couldn't live like that anymore. Being scared of where you are, I knew you would never cheat on me or hurt me intentionally, but you did it with hurting yourself. I mean, there were points where I was scared that you kill yourself or get killed. No one should fearing that and back then I was too young to do something how I could help myself and you. I'm sorry that I let you down back then, I'm sorry that I didn't helped ya how I should have, but you woke up, so I'm not feeling so bad like I maybe should", Chloe confessed, surprisingly calm.
She expected herself to cry or something. Beca did. A few tears rolled down her cheeks and it broke Chloe's heart.
"You don't have to be sorry. I am sorry. I'm sorry that you felt that way, that you had to feel so much pain. The pain I caused. I should have been there for you, taking care that you never ever have to feel pain like this. Everything just caught be off guard. You're right we were far too young. I didn't knew how to handle everything and in the moment my parents told me that they want to have a divorce, my live broke down. I know you tried to get me talking to anyone, but I was just too scared. I knew that I would at least see one of them never again and that woke the panic in me that we could turn out like that.
Chloe I loved you like nothing else in this world, I would have chosen you over everything and I guess that's the reason for my behavior. I guess back then I thought that, how I acted, were the best way to get you out of my life so at least one of us had a great live. It was wrong, I know that now, but I can't change the past and I don't want to. Because now I'm the person I should be."
The red head wanted to be brave for once and took Beca's hand in hers. She loved that feeling. She felt immediately safer than before.
"I guess we both made mistakes?"
"Yes", Beca whispered, her voice cracking.
"We should have a new start, I guess... We shouldn't date instantly but I guess being friends sounds good for now?", she suggested.
After all she didn't knew if Beca still felt the same for her. If she would agree to being friends, then she had clarity. The clarity she desired so much.
"Okay, being friends sounds good. Perfect even."
Chloe's heart broke into a million pieces, her face dropped, but she quickly recovered the small smile from earlier. The disappointment on her face didn't went unnoticed by the tiny brunette, even when it lasted only a short moment. She hugged the ginger softly and then let go. Far too early for both of them.
Still Chloe got up and said she should leave now. They would see each other at practice. Beca nodded and lead her outside, she wanted to wait until she couldn't see Chloe anymore. Suddenly a thought rushed through her mind.
"Chloe!", she called and then the red head turned around she smiled slightly, "The emotion from earlier, the one you couldn't put your finger on, it is love."
Yeah, is. She chooses is, because she still felt that way.
Beca Mitchell still loves Chloe Beale.
And? Excited for Chloe's reaction? ;)
Don't forget to review weirdos :)
SO MUCH LOVE TO YA ALL
xx badkid