Alright, wow, lots of strong feelings with the last chapter, well let's see if this next one will be less galvanizing;)

As always thanks to Amonraphoenix for beta reading this chapter. You are awesome!

Any mistakes are because I suck, not her. LOL

Also a big thank you to Name goes here, Bring it, Flamedragon242, Kimmie98 and Sleeping seeker for all of your reviews.

So now, please enjoy:)

Chapter 19

Leonardo looked at Donatello and swallowed down the lump in his throat at the concern and dread he saw in his younger brother's eyes. His brother's question sounded as if it had come from far away, and echoed strangely around in his head.

He was at a loss to answer his brother's stammered question. 'What had he done?' He had used his fists, and his beloved blades against their brother; drawn blood, inflicted pain both physical and emotional, and then disowned and banished him from his only family and only home he had ever known; that's what he had done.

"Are you hurt? I didn't know you had gone out." Donatello's next words brought him crashing back into his own body. His breathing was unsteady, every sense heightened as his heart slammed a rapid, almost painful rhythm in his chest.

He felt panic begin to ride through his body like a stampeding throng, crushing the breath from his lungs and tearing his heart to shreds.

Leonardo looked down at his blood stained hands, clothing and weapons before he mentally checked himself over for injuries, and found none. Not a single punch, kick or angry slash of deadly weapon had managed to strike him.

"I'm...I'm not hurt," he mumbled as he looked at the blood again. "T-the blood isn't mine," he stammered out in a shaky whisper, trying to push back his horror.

Why hadn't Raphael managed to land one single blow? Raphael, even in his mindless rage was usually able to land at least one good blow, usually several. Had Raphael taken my beating as a punishment he knew he deserved? he wondered in the back of his mind.

"Leo, whose blood is it?" Donatello asked a second time, the first time his brother's question had barely even registered.

Leonardo looked down at his katanas again, studying the movement of a single drop of blood that fell to the floor.

"This sucks!" Michelangelo's voice exclaimed in irritation his voice coming from the entrance of the lair as he stalked into the hallway. "Holly bailed on me!"

Michelangelo drew to a halt, looking back and forth between Leonardo and Donatello, his eyes finally falling upon the bloodied blades.

"What's going on?" Michelangelo's voice was strained and drawn out, his eyes madly searching back and forth between his two older siblings. "Wh-whose blood is that? Y-you didn't kill anyone...did you?" he asked, voice slow and shaking.

Leonardo looked back and forth between his siblings as Michelangelo's eyes widened in realization. "Leo, please tell me that blood isn't Raph's." His voice rose and shook in disbelief.

Leonardo gathered himself together, fortifying every wall he had ever constructed to keep his emotions in check. He had done what was necessary; though there was a large part of him that felt ashamed at what he had done. The thought of never seeing Raphael again hurt him deeply, his heart breaking in two. He also wasn't sure how badly he had hurt his hotheaded sibling, and had to reassure himself that he had maintained enough control to not have inflicted any serious or life threatening injuries. Of course this wouldn't be the first time he and Raphael had come to blows where their fight had gotten out of control, tempers were lost and blood had been spilled, but this was the first time that things had gotten so bad. Leonardo felt the heavy thick and merciless guilt flow through him, trying to suffocate him.

Donatello's face paled as his eyes flew to Leonardo's face, his eyes asking him to deny their baby brother's observation. But his silence only confirmed their deepest fears.

He took a deep breath, his two younger siblings staring at him in wide-eyed confusion and horrified terror. He exhaled, not quite knowing how to break the news to his brothers about his actions or to Donatello about their brother's dishonourable betrayal.

Needing time to gather himself, he turned and walked into the dojo, Michelangelo and Donatello following close on his heels.

Leonardo's eyes fell upon the stone floor, smeared with dark crimson; evidence of the violence that had occurred within the dojo's four walls and felt his knees nearly give way beneath him at the sight. Bile rose up in his throat, his stomach rolling as nausea churned thickly in his stomach.

He set his swords down upon a table bracing himself as his vision blurred around the edges and became dark. Needing to focus on something before he fainted he looked around for a rag and some oil to clean the blood from the blades.

Silence fell in the dojo becoming heavy, and oppressive.

Michelangelo finally broke the silence as Leonardo sheathed his blades, determined to give them a more thorough cleaning later.

"Leo?" his baby brother asked.

"Donny-" Leonardo began with a sigh.

"Where is he?" Donatello's voice shook with fearful anxiety.

"Gone." Leonardo stated, voice breaking with emotion. He didn't add 'for good' needing to explain to Donatello what had happened. "Donny, listen to me." Leonardo turned to face his brothers.

"Leo, how badly did you hurt him?" Donatello's voice insisted, ignoring Leonardo's attempts to tell him the awful truth about Raphael.

"Katherine was having an affair with Raph," he said in a rush of words.

"W-what?" Donatello asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

"I am so sorry, Donny," Leonardo whispered miserably as he placed both of his hands on Donatello's shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze before removing them.

"I told you to talk with Raph, not kill him!" Michelangelo burst out angrily, anguish thick in his voice.

"I know what I saw, Mikey!" Leonardo shot back, stomping down his rising guilt. "And there was no talking to Raph. He didn't even deny that he was having sex with her! He didn't even feel guilty about going behind Donny's back!"

Donatello's hands suddenly gripped Leonardo's shoulders. "Leo. What. Did. You. Do?" Each word was punctuated with horror and terror.

"What I had to, Donny" Leonardo ground out. "He was-"

"With Katherine." Donatello interjected quickly, a catch in his voice which spoke of deep pain.

Leonardo blinked in shock and shook his head back and forth in disbelief, anger spiking through him. "Then he did seduce Katherine back!" he whispered his anger beating back the guilt he felt at the treatment of Raphael. "I knew it! I knew this was going to happen!" he growled as he began to pace back and forth in angry agitation, Raphael's crime of seduction just as unbearable as the infidelity he had thought his brother had performed.

"You don't understand," Donatello informed them miserably.

"There's nothing to understand!" Leonardo bit out angrily using his renewed anger to justify his brutal and horrific actions against his red masked brother. "Raph used your absence as a way to worm himself back into Katherine's heart!"

"No!" Donatello shouted, his eyes blazing with anger. "I gave Katherine back!"

Leonardo and Michelangelo shared a look of disbelief before turning their attention back to Donatello.

"You...you did what?!" Leonardo stammered in confusion.

"I-I gave her back." Donatello repeated softly.

"Katherine isn't...she isn't just...just a-a thing." Leonardo stammered in disbelieving shock.

"Don't you think I don't already know that!?" Donatello shouted furiously, his anger seemingly equally distributed between himself and Leonardo. "But it didn't stop me. I gave her no choice," Donatello stated brutally. "I broke up with her, shattered her heart and then forced her to be with Raph." Donatello's voice was harsh, biting and filled with bitter disgust.

Leonardo stared at Donatello, not knowing what to say. Donatello was never hurtful, cruel or unkind. What Donatello was saying didn't make any sense, none of it did.

"Donny," Leonardo began gently. "Whatever you did, I'm sure it wasn't how you are saying it was."

Donatello looked at Leonardo, his chocolate brown eyes filled with bone crushing guilt, regret and self loathing. "It was, Leo," Donatello whispered wretchedly.

"Donny, you would never-" Leonardo began until Donatello angrily interrupted.

"Do anything and everything in my power to save Raph's life?"

Leonardo shared another look with Michelangelo who was pale and seemed at a loss for words.

Donatello clenched his fists together angrily. "You two weren't there. You guys weren't there as Raph lay on his death bed. I was powerless to do anything, but make his last moments as comfortable as I could."

"Donny-" Leonardo gave a quick glance at Michelangelo before placing a comforting hand on Donatello's shoulder.

"Don't!" Donatello slapped Leonardo's hand away angrily. "There was one last thing I could try."

Michelangelo spoke then. "Katherine," he whispered.

"Raph was never trying to get her back, and he would NEVER, EVER go behind my back. But I didn't believe that he wouldn't. I accused him of sneaking around and accused Katherine too. We were trying to work things out, but then Raph just took a turn for the worse and it was all we could do to keep him alive." Donatello's voice broke with anguish. He swallowed before continuing. "I realized that...the only one Raph would fight to live for, was Katherine. So I told her...I told her that if she could be with Raph again...then she should be with him, because the prospect of being with her may be the only thing that could save Raph's life. Then I broke up with her, told her things weren't working out between us anyway, and left her to deal with the heavy crushing burden of sitting back and watching Raphael die, or offering herself up like a lamb to slaughter and being with Raph again. And Katherine being Katherine wasn't about to just sit back and watch Raph die."

Donatello looked away from them, disgust at his actions lining every feature of his face. "She managed to pull Raph back from the brink of death. And she was the one who noticed that the sac around Raph's heart was filling with blood. I would have just sat back and watched him die, because I was too filled with grief and horror, guilt and heartbreak to even think straight." Donatello looked back at them.

"Donny, why didn't you say anything? Why didn't Raph say anything," Michelangelo whispered quietly as Leonardo's head spun, his younger brother's words sinking in as a cold, sinking dread crept along his skin and burrowed beneath it.

"Because no one would believe that Raph didn't steal her back!" Donatello snarled angrily. "We always think the worst of Raph. We...we always think he's going to act like a complete and total ass! We never let him explain himself, just jump to the worst possible conclusion and go with it. He wanted to wait and see if Katherine was even still going to be in his life or if she was going to leave him before he told you guys that they were together; more than together, they've been engaged since before the tsunami hit the island."

Leonardo's gaze fell upon the blood splattered ground, and the bloodied rag that he had used to wipe his brother's blood from his swords. Leonardo wavered slightly on his feet. "Oh, God." His hand shot out managing to catch himself before he fell.

"Katherine is the only one who ever really believed in Raph." Donatello ran a frustrated hand down his face. "Even when he was at his worst she always stood up to him or for him. She never stopped loving him, and agreed to marry him, but I knew she still loved me. And because I knew she still had feelings for me, I confused her, tried to break her and used her because I was selfish and needed her. And because of my actions Katherine is leaving Raph because she can't deal with the guilt and having her heart torn in two."

Donatello's words left Leonardo stunned. Raphael's attitude now made perfect sense. Raphael's words, his confusion, everything was now explained. And Leonardo realized that it was his fault that Raphael hadn't explained everything because Leonardo had said horrible, cruel, biting things to Raphael, stinging his pride and hurting his feelings, which only resulted in Raphael lashing out instead of explaining the situation.

Leonardo closed his eyes in culpable misery. His world swam and it took every ounce of willpower he possessed to not lose what little contents he possessed in his stomach. He recalled every ugly, vile, hateful thing he hand said to Raphael and felt as if a knife was now lodged painfully in his heart, twisting cruelly.

Leonardo's eyes snapped open as Donatello's last words permeated his skull. "Donny...y-you didn't," he whispered in disbelief, his voice shaking slightly.

Donatello winced and turned his head away, but not before Leonardo saw the guilty, regretful look in his brother's chocolate brown eyes.

"Donny, how...how could you?" Michelangelo asked in a dismayed whisper.

"She just came to say goodbye, but as soon as I saw her I...I couldn't control myself. Everything just came rushing back; the earthquake, the tsunami, her lying dead on the floor. I just needed to…to believe that she was alive." Donatello was looking down at his hands as if they had betrayed him, as if they were not even his own. "She tried to stop me, but...I needed her so badly it hurt."

"Donny, did you…did you… force yourself on her?" Leonardo asked, voice shaking with revulsion at the thought of Donatello doing something so horrendous as rape.

Donatello blanched and shook his head 'no'. "I tried to seduce her and I didn't care that she was engaged to Raph. I felt as if my very sanity and life depended on making love to her, but Katherine managed to stop me before we went any further. But by then the damage was already done. She realized that she couldn't keep loving us both. I tried to stop her, tried to convince her to stay with Raph, but she wouldn't listen." Donatello shook his head wildly back and forth. "I tried to figure out a way to fix it, but I couldn't. I was going to talk with Raph, try to explain what happened, but... if Raph was with Katherine in the garage maybe Katherine changed her mind, or maybe she couldn't break up with Raph just then, I don't know... " Donatello looked at the swords that lay on the table, face paling. "Leo, what did you do?" he asked, voice shaking.

Leonardo swallowed roughly. "We fought, I said-" Leonardo broke off as he gathered himself, trying to wrap his head around the fact that as far as Raphael had known, he was only having a quick moment with his fiancé, completely unaware of what Donatello had... His eyes widened in horror. "I told Raph," he said in a hollow voice filled with dread.

Donatello looked at him, his face paling. "You told Raph...what?" he asked fearful of what his answer was going to be.

"I thought that Raph and Katherine were fooling around behind your back," he began his voice barely above a whisper. "I saw Katherine leaving you room and I told Raph that you and Katherine had just had sex and I asked him how he felt about having to wait around for sloppy seconds." Leonardo was amazed he had been able to get the words out. He could believe he had said those words to Raphael. Even if Raphael had been having an affair with Katherine, those hateful, cruel, and malicious words should never have left his mouth.

If it was possible Donatello paled even more, his eyes going wide with terror.

Michelangelo's mouth fell open in shock. "Leo, you didn't," Michelangelo gasped in disbelief, his features filled with revulsion.

Leonardo winced at the accusation but nodded with culpable misery.

Donatello wavered slightly as Michelangelo caught him. "So you...and then he, and you said and then..." Donatello shook himself as if realizing he wasn't making any sense whatsoever and tried again. "You insulted him, obviously beat the hell out of him, told him that his fiancé had just cheated on him and-"

"-disowned him, kicked him out, and told him that if he ever came back, I would kill him," Leonardo finished in a barely audible voice.

"Oh, God." Donatello sagged against Michelangelo who struggled to hold their distraught brother upright.

"Donny, I-" he began, trying to dredge up any amount of anger that he could possibly hold towards Donatello at what he had done to Raphael, but found he couldn't find even one small part of him that held any sort of anger or resentment for him, instead all he could feel was the anger and resentment he felt towards himself at what he had unjustly done to Raphael.

All of Donatello and Michelangelo's accusations were true. He treated Raphael unfairly because he was the brother that he clashed wills with the most. He judged Raphael based solely upon past actions and a temperament that didn't even exist anymore. Rather than try to work things out with his brother, he had instead jumped to erroneous conclusions, and instead of listening to Raphael's explanations, had come to the worst possible conclusion and acted as jury, judge and executioner.

"Don't say anything," Donatello hissed, shaking himself and straightening. "I messed up, I know that, and there is nothing I can say to Raph to ever make up for what I tried to do, and what I did to him, and to Katherine. But I can't bear to think that Raph is out there somewhere thinking that I betrayed him, or that Katherine betrayed him. As for what you did," Donatello shook his head. "I don't even have the words. I..." Donatello waved his hand. "I can't even deal with what you did right now, we need to find Raph."

"But where would he go?" Michelangelo asked worriedly. "He's hurt, Leo just disowned him, kicked him out and he thinks Katherine cheated on him..."

He flinched at Michelangelo's words. Leonardo had taken away everything that Raphael held dear to him. Even though Donatello had been the one who had acted dishonourably in regards to Katherine, Leonardo's betrayal had been far worse. He couldn't even imagine what his red masked brother was feeling at the moment.

"Leo, how badly did you hurt him?" Donatello asked anxiously, pulling Leonardo's mind away from his self flagellation and self loathing.

Leonardo looked at Donatello but his eyes could not meet his genius brother's gaze. "Bad enough," he admitted grimly.

"So he needs immediate medical attention?" Donatello asked insistently.

Leonardo only nodded, unable to answer the question with words, because there was a hard lump of regret and guilt lodged in his throat.

"Then he'd go to April and Casey's," Donatello said with a firm nod.

Michelangelo was already pulling out his phone and dialling their friends' number.

They waited, hanging on Michelangelo's every word as he began to talk to April. They crowded in close so they could hear their conversation.

"Raph's not there? Are you sure?" Michelangelo asked his voice thick with worry.

"Okay, but…no, nothing's wrong," Michelangelo lied. "Just...if he shows up, call us, it's important."

Michelangelo shook his head in anxious disappointment. "Where else would he go?"

"Somewhere dark and dangerous?" Donatello offered apprehensively.

"It's the middle of the day," Leonardo commented softly.

"Maybe he'll just drive around till he cools off?" Michelangelo asked hopefully.

"And then what?" Leonardo asked angrily, furious not with Michelangelo but with himself and the situation he had created. "He believes that almost everyone that he loves has betrayed him in some form or another." Leonardo gestured in frustration. "We need to look for him." Leonardo tried to take control, needed to do something to fix what he had done. "Mikey, Donny you two take the north side, I'll take the south. We'll meet at April and Casey's apartment and grab them if we need to, then we will cover the east and west."

Michelangelo quickly hit another button on his phone, dialing another number. "Hey, Holly. No. I know. Listen this is important, is Kitten there with you?"

Michelangelo paled slightly. "Okay. Yeah, no. I'll call you later." Michelangelo looked at them. "Katherine's gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Donatello asked, his voice incredulous.

"She left the penthouse with her things. Holly said that she left this morning and was supposed to have lunch with her mom, but suddenly backed out, which is why Holly had to cancel on me. Holly said that Katherine was headed back to her uncle's," Michelangelo answered.

"Well at least we know she's out of the city and out of Raph's way," Leonardo mumbled concerned that Raphael may be angry enough to confront Katherine.

"Leo, Raph would never hurt Katherine." Donatello snapped fiercely pulling Leonardo's shoulder back and spinning him around to face him.

"You sure about that, Donny?" Leonardo asked worriedly, even though guilt surged through him at his own thoughts and words because he was again thinking the worst of his hot-headed brother.

"Yeah, Leo I am." Donatello growled, stepping closer to Leonardo, which only made him feel defensive. Donatello was just as culpable in this whole disaster, in more ways than one.

Leonardo narrowed his eyes and studied his younger brother whose eyes contained a trace of fear; which belied Donatello's own words in defense for Raphael.

"Are you sure, Donny, because I was pretty sure that you wouldn't do something as dishonorable as trying to seduce your brother's fiancé either."

Donatello flinched, hanging his head in shame and dropping his hand from Leonardo's shoulder to his side before taking a step back. "Raph won't hurt Katherine." Donatello maintained his voice soft.

Leonardo shared one last look with Donatello, and they both silently promised each other that they would make things right with Raphael, however they could, because in the end, they were both guilty of hurting him. "We need to find Raph, before he does something stupid." Leonardo murmured softly.

"I'll take one of the bikes," Donatello offered. "Leo, you can take the other and Mikey, you can take the truck, maybe pick April and Casey up while I check the north side, maybe Raph will have made it to April's and we can call off the search."

Leonardo nodded at the change in plans. Michelangelo stood for a moment his face serious. Lightning fast Michelangelo moved. His fist connected with Donatello's jaw sending their brother spinning in the air to land hard on the stone floor. At that same moment Michelangelo spun, his foot smashing into the side of Leonardo's head sending him crashing to the ground.

Bright lights surrounded by darkness danced before Leonardo's eyes as he looked up at Michelangelo in shock.

"I swear to you if anything happens to either Raph or Katherine because of this, I will never forgive either of you. You both messed up, and I am pissed off at both of you right now." Michelangelo snarled. "I get it, Donny, you love Kitten, but there are some boundaries that you just don't cross, and you crossed them with the way you treated her and Raph. Don't get me wrong, I get it. You saved Raph's life, but lost the woman you loved, and I know you were obviously anxious about her after everything that happened on the island, but still, that is no excuse for what you tried to do, and you owe Raph an explanation. And Leo," Michelangelo rounded on him. "I told you to talk with Raph! Instead you went off all half-cocked like you always do whenever Raph is involved. I have no idea what you said, or what you did, but if what you told us is even half as bad as the rest of it was, then you have to be prepared for Raphael never being able to forgive you; either of you." Michelangelo's angry eyes were still trained upon Leonardo. "We thought Raph was dead, and had lost him forever. But he's alive, and thanks to you -both of you- we may have just lost him anyway," Michelangelo ground out, looking at both of them in disgust before turned on his heel and striding towards the garage.

Leonardo pulled himself up off the floor, dusting himself off and avoiding Donatello's eyes. They were both grim and silent as the followed their baby brother towards the garage. Leonardo's heart was heavy, and it shamed him that Michelangelo was so very right...about everything.

Sometimes I love Michelangelo so very much;)