"Talbi? It's you, isn't it?"
The friendly nickname, derived from the Quarren word for "bird" because of her singing voice, made Tal Celes' eyes sting with tears. "Marla?"
Ensign Marla Gilmore, whose station had been right next to hers at the power plant, slipped into the opposite chair. The mess hall was almost empty, the lights lowered, as most of Voyager was either already in bed or working the gamma shift. Only Celes, practiced insomniac, had been staring at a padd containing tomorrow's sensor analysis, and getting nowhere. Billy would have known what to do. She sobbed.
A gentle hand on her shoulder made her jump and wipe her eyes.
"I'm sorry," said Marla. "I couldn't help overhearing what happened earlier. I don't mean to interfere, it's just … I miss Quarra too."
"Y-you do?"
Marla nodded, her pale, thin face illuminating in a smile. "Remember when a bunch of us went down to the bar after work, and Umali tested her new cocktails out on us?"
"Oh, Prophets, those were good. Like iced chocolate with raspberry. It probably was chocolate, too, or something close to it anyway - "
" – or T'Vora wouldn't have started dancing on the table!"
"We had to drag her home with an arm around each of us - "
" – and the next morning, we were so tired we could hardly read our consoles, and there she was, grinning like a Cheshire cat and talking about how Humans and Bajorans can't hold their liquor."
They cracked up laughing, quietly at first out of consideration for the few crewmen still scattered around the mess hall, then louder, until Neelix waved his dish towel from behind the counter in a how-sweet-of-you-but-please-be-quiet gesture that made them fall guiltily silent.
Marla cupped her hands around her teacup in exactly the same way as she had held her cocktail glass that night. Her light blue eyes took on that faded look, as if she had bleached the color out of them by crying. "She lives on my deck, T'Vora, I mean. But she hasn't looked me in the eye even once since we got our memories back."
"Don't you think … maybe she's just embarrassed? Now that she remembers being Vulcan again?"
"Maybe." Marla sighed. "Or maybe not. I … I miss having a clean conscience."
Of course. Marla was from the Equinox.
"They erased that?"
"Apparently they didn't want their workers with too much baggage."
Celes didn't know the details, but she knew that the Equinox crew had tortured aliens for fuel trying to get home faster. She also knew that Marla had been the one to lead the mutiny against her corrupt commanders. Celes had wanted to speak to her for the entire past year, but hung back, afraid of saying something tactless as she all-too-often did.
How disturbing to realize that, if not for being mind-controlled by unscrupulous scientists, she would have missed out on having this woman as a friend.
Celes put a hand on Marla's arm. "You won't know anything for sure until you talk to T'Vora. You can't just assume the worst. All relationships take work, don't they? Friendships too. Who knows? Maybe she's been waiting for you to reach out to her."
Marla patted Celes's hand, removed it gently, and gave her a wise, motherly smile that made her look much older than her thirty-odd years. "Who knows? Maybe you're right."
"I am?"
"I'll follow your advice, but only if you will. Don't give up on that young man of yours."
Celes cringed. Consoling Marla had been a much-needed distraction, but now all the painful memories came rushing back. How nice for you to forget all about me … I can manage perfectly on my own, and I'll sleep alone too!
"I wish I could sometimes," she blurted out, before she could stop herself. "It's just … it's just exhausting, you know? I love him, but I don't know how to help him. I'm not a counselor! But it also works the other way around, I know. I need him as much as he needs me. He's … out here, he's all I have."
She remembered the first time they had met, in their first year at Starfleet Academy. She had been sobbingin the student lounge at oh-two-hundred hours, scrambling to rewrite an essay on Prime Directive ethics that her instructor had labeled childish, disorganized and lazy. A slim, brown-eyed Human boy had shyly offered her a handkerchief – "I carry them everywhere, allergies, you know" – picked up her padd, made simple suggestions like ordering her ideas by paragraph, and told hair-raising stories about growing up on a Galaxy-class starship that not only made her laugh, but fit into her essay like a hand into a glove. She'd finished it ten minutes before the oh-six-hundred deadline, and promptly fallen asleep on his shoulder. He hadn't moved a muscle, cutting his own first class of the morning, until she woke up – warmer and more contented than she'd ever been since leaving home.
How did we get here?
"He's not all you have, Talbi," said Marla, with the deliberate patience of someone stating the obvious. It was a tone Celes inspired often in her shipmates, but rarely with such kindness in the mix. "I'm right here."
"Oh, Marla … "
"It sounds like you two need a break," said the older woman. "Not a break-up, mind you, just a break. When my sister had her baby, it was the same. Romance holos tell us we only need that one special person to be happy, but it's not true. We need a network – like … like the gel packs I've been trying to fix all day."
"How flattering," Celes teased, and they shared a companionable smile.
"Speaking of work, by the way, d'you need some help with this?" Marla tapped the padd which lay forgotten on the table in front of them.
"Oh yes, please! I was just about to toss the whole thing in the recycler."
It was a deeply grateful Celes who hitched her chair closer so she could see the numbers Marla pointed out. Billy had tried several times to explain the same processes to her, but a fresh voice made a surprisingly great difference. It also helped that Marla, who still remembered babysitting her small nephew back on Earth, had an almost limitless patience – enough to sit back and wait for Celes to reach certain conclusions by herself.
They were all but finished when a quiet, throat-clearing noise made them both look up.
"Excuse me," said Billy, standing with his hands behind his back, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "Celes, do you have a minute?"