Ellie drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she waited in the queue of cars to pick up Tom. She slowly inched along the schools drive. Fred was starting to fuss in his seat in the back. Joe used to put him down for his nap at around this time. They had been living close enough to the school for Tom walk home, usually with Danny before his murder. But now they lived just inside the boundary of where the school would offer a bus so Ellie had to drop off and pick up Tom, meaning Fred would need to be put on a new nap schedule. Ellie wandered how she would manage this new routine once she returned to work the coming week. She was still trying to find a daycare for Fred.

Without even realizing it she had made it to the front of the queue. Tom opened the back door threw in his rucksack before slamming the door shut as hard as he could and jumping into the front seat. He did up his belt and looked resolutely out the window. He didn't even acknowledge his mother.

"I take it from your sullen state that your day wasn't good." Ellie said. She turned back onto the street and headed for home.

"I hate being the new kid"

"Do you-"

"No!" Tom cut Ellie off. He crossed his arms and turned his blank stare out the window into an angry glare.

The entire way home Ellie kept shooting glances at Tom. She was worried about him. After the initial crying and shock of finding out his father had stolen then killed his best friend Tom had kept to himself. Ellie would find him caught in the grip of a night mare on most nights and yet he never talked to her about them. No matter what she did or said she just couldn't reach her son. Maybe she shouldn't return to work quite yet her leave was paid after all. And the superintendent would most definitely understand if she needed more time to settle down and be with her boys while they adjusted to the knowledge of what their father had done.

Ellie hadn't even turned off the car engine before Tom jumped out and ran into the house. Ellie sighed and unbuckled her seat belt before reaching into the back to do the same for Fred. On the seat beside her toddler sat Tom's rucksack. Ellie grabbed it before locking the car and going into the house. Maybe she should think about hiring a councillor for Tom.

Ellie found Tom in the kitchen staring at the tea cups she and Alec had been using earlier. Judging from the bag of crisps in his hand he had been in the middle of grabbing an after school snack.

"You had someone over." Tom said.

"Yeah. DI…Mr. Hardy came by to see how we were settling into the new house." Ellie said.

Tom scrunched up his face.

"You don't like him?" Ellie asked. "I'll admit he is rather grumpy most of the time."

Ellie wondered if perhaps she should throw all notions of seeing if Alec had been serious about babysitting out the door. As much as she appreciated the offer especially as it meant she didn't have find a stranger to entrust her children to and then pay them, she didn't want to have Tom be uncomfortable with his minder.

"I don't know. He… he caught Danny's killer but… but he took da…. he took Jo…him away." Tom explained.

Ellie's didn't think her heart could shatter anymore than it already had during these past few weeks but seeing her son struggle with what call his father proved her wrong. Counselling was really looking like a good idea. If Tom didn't open up to her or any other adult in their now very small circle of trust then she would look into it. Setting down the boys' rucksack she wrapped her arm around him and pulled him to her. She placed a kiss on the crown of his head.

"You can still call him dad if want." Ellie told Tom.

"I hate him." Toms' voice was muffled against her jumper. "I hate him."

Tom pulled away from his mother and quickly wiped a hand across his eyes. He turned and bolted from the room. Ellie stood where she was, listening as he climbed the stairs and slammed his bedroom door. Fred started to cry and squirm. He really needed his nap. Ellie followed her eldest son at a far more sedate pace. She put Fred into his crib and made sure he had his favourite toy. Ellie stopped outside Toms' door on her way back down the hall. She could hear him crying.

Once back in the kitchen Ellie sat at the island staring at her mobile. She had picked it up and started dialling Olly's number three times now. She was torn between two wants; the want to be here for her son should he decide he wanted open up and the want to talk to Alec. She really didn't know what to do. On one hand she thought maybe Olly could connect better with Tom than she because he had lived through having a shit dad too. If he came, she could leave and see Alec at the traders and have a good vent session. Who knows maybe without her present Tom might feel more willing to open up. For all she knew he blamed her for ever loving Joe in the first place. On the other hand she wanted to be the one Tom opened up to, the one he felt comfortable enough with to confide in. Ellie buried her face in her hands. What was she going to do? Suddenly finding herself a single mother was hard enough without all this emotional baggage Joe had given them.

In the end Ellie decided that Tom should be the one to decide whether she went to out tonight or not. Ellie climbed back up the stairs. She pressed an ear to Toms' door and couldn't hear anything. She knocked.

"Tom? Can I come in?" Ellie asked.

Silence was her reply; More likely than not Tom was ignoring her. She had no doubts that should she open the door she would find him lying face down on his bed pretending to sleep. Sure enough when a second attempt to get a reply from her son was met with silence Ellie opened the door and found him laying on top of the covers his face buried in his pillow. Ellie silently walked into the room. She stood above him for a minute watching him breathe. That was his tell. Try though he might Tom had never been able to slow his breathing enough to realistically pretend that he was sleep. After a minute Ellie sat on his bed and rubbed his back.

"I know you don't want to talk to me but you have to talk to someone. I know it's hard, you think no one could possibly understand how you're feeling. I feel that way sometimes but talking to Mr. Hardy has helped me. He doesn't really understand and he doesn't say the things I want to say but he listens and that helps. Getting those thoughts off my chest and out my head helps. Tom if you won't talk to me, will you talk to Olly?" Ellie said.

Tom didn't show any sign that he had heard a word she had said.

"Maybe you don't have to talk, maybe you can just listen. Olly could tell you what he felt when his dad left. I don't know I haven't asked him yet but would you at least try. I hate seeing you so sad like this. I just want to help you. If Olly comes over I don't have to be here and I won't ask Olly what you said to him."

Still nothing. Ellie sighed and began to card her fingers through Toms' hair.

"I'll admit I am being somewhat selfish in this request. I.. I feel the need to talk to someone too. I was thinking of going into Broadchurch tonight and talking to Mr. Hardy. That's why I was going to invite Olly over but if you don't me to go I'll stay. You have a few hours until dinner so let me know alright? I'll be downstairs in the kitchen."

With that Ellie stood up. At the door she turned back to look at beautiful little boy.

"I love you Tom." Ellie said. "No matter what I will always love you and I'll be here for you when you're finally ready to talk."

Ellie closed the door behind her and leaned back against it. She so desperately wished that she could help her son. Inside the room she heard the rustling sound of Tom sitting up. It was up to him now to decide if he wanted to talk whether it was to her or Olly, whether she was present or out seeking comfort of her own. She checked on Fred who was sleeping soundly his little fist in his mouth before she went back to the kitchen.

Ellie had just started preparing dinner when Tom slowly crept into the kitchen. Her back was towards the entrance so she didn't see him for a few moments. But when she turned around to retrieve a dish from the other side of the kitchen she gave a start. Tom was looking at the floor about between doorway and the fridge. He still looked undecided. Ellie waited patiently for him to speak. Finally he looked up but he couldn't look her in the eye instead he looked at the cabinet just behind her.

"You can ask Olly to come over tonight if you want. You can stay or leave too... it doesn't really matter to me." Tom said.

"Will you talk to Olly?" Ellie asked.

Tom shrugged.

"I don't want you to think I don't want to be here. Regardless of whether Olly comes over or not I'll stay if you want me to." Ellie explained.

"I do want you to stay but... but how can you help me when you're hurting too?"

Tom lower lip started to waiver. In an instant Ellie had her arms wrapped around her son. She could feel Tom fighting the urge to cry, more likely than not feeling the pressure of social standards that said the male half of their species wasn't supposed to cry. Ellie pressed kisses into his hair and rubbed his back.

"You're so brave and mature, sweetheart." Ellie whispered. "So brave but you have to remember that you're the child even though right now you might feel like your childhood has been ruined. If you truly want me to stay I will. I can always to talk to Alec another day or ring him up after you've gone bed."

"I know but... but" Tom shook his head. "You asked if I would talk to Olly because of his dad, didn't you?"

"Yeah. He hasn't been through something like this but he knows how rough it can with the other kids and having the adults whisper about his dad behind his back. So that's something he can help you with should the people here figure out who we are."

Ellie pulled away from Tom and carded her fingers through his hair. Then she placed a hand on his cheek and rubbed her thumb against it.

With a small smile she said. "Why don't you go wash and peel the potatoes while I ring Olly?"

The ends of Toms' lips lifted in a small smile and he nodded his head. "Okay."

Tom used to help his dad make dinner. The few nights he hadn't helped had been when he was over at a friends' house or had more homework than usual to do. It had been a special father-son bonding time for them. Fred would be otherwise occupied in his highchair or playpen with a colouring book. It was when they talked about how their days had gone and what was going to happen on the morrow. Tom hadn't helped with dinner since Joe was arrested. Ellie hoped that by getting back into the habit of doing so and creating new memories with her that it would help ease the pain of his now tarnished memories of his father.

Ellie watched her son run to the sink and grab the scrub brush from beside the faucet and pick up one the potatoes that was already sink. Seeing that he was getting along good she walked into the front room where a little stand table stood with a cordless phone and a notepad for taking messages on it. Ellie picked up the phone and dialled Olly's mobile. Hopefully he would be able to make it out. Maggie had been pretty lenient about letting him take off at whatever time of the day when he was needed by Ellie but he liked to make that time up by working in the evenings. After 2 rings Olly picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi Olly."

"Aunt Ellie? Is everything alright?" Olly asked.

"Yeah everything is fine. Listen you're not busy right now are you? At work or making dinner?" Ellie asked.

"Ah no. Just left work actually. I'm on my way to pick up some fish n' chips for dinner but that's it. Why?"

"Could you, could maybe come over tonight. I've talked with Tom and he seems more open to the idea of talking to you than me. He hasn't promised he'll talk but maybe if you could tell him about what you went through with your dad then maybe he'll finally crack." Ellie said.

There was a pause. Ellie knew it was hard for to Olly to talk about his experiences with his dad.

"Okay. I'll come over. I can't promise that I'll be able to say much I don't like thinking about him let talking but if it'll help Tom I'll try." Olly said.

"Oh thank you so much Olly. I'll owe you one." Ellie said.

"You seem to have racked up quite a bit of debt with me as of late." Olly laughed. "Will you be there?"

"No. Tom would prefer that I wouldn't be. I'll be heading into Broadchurch and meeting up with Hardy. I mean I still have to ring him and make sure he's available he said he some stuff to take care of earlier but if that doesn't work I guess I could just take a long walk around the neighbourhood." Ellie said.

"I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time with D.I. Hardy." Olly said.

"Ah he's been my rock. Even though what happened to him was completely different a lot of the emotions are the same. Sort of like what I'm hoping will happen with you and Tom. Your dad may not have murdered anyone but that didn't make him any less of a shit." Ellie said.

"Mmhmm" Olly hummed. "What time do want me over there?"

"There's no hurry. It's only five and we've only just started preparing dinner. Perhaps at seven? Will that give you enough time to eat and drive over?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah that works. What are the boys' bed times?" Olly asked. "Unless you're going to bring Fred with you."

"No I won't be brining Fred. Fred is to be in bed by no later than eight but Tom can go to bed at 9:30." Ellie said.

"Okay great. See you in a bit Aunt El" Olly said.

"See you in a bit Olly." With that Ellie hung up the phone and just in time too because Tom called from the kitchen.

"Mum I'm done with the potatoes."

"That's great sweetheart. Can you get the peas from the fridge and begin shucking them? I'm just going to go wake Fred from his nap." Ellie called back.

She heard Tom groan and open the fridge door. He really didn't like peas but they were preferable to carrots. Ellie walked up the stairs and to her sparse bedroom. It only had Freds' crib, dresser and a sleeping bag for herself in it. She was still debating whether she should by a couch for the front room or a bed for herself with her next pay check.

Ellie found Fred sitting up in his crib quietly babbling to himself. She stood in the doorway for a moment listening to him every once and while she would catch what sounded like half a sentence. At almost two Fred still enjoyed babbling to talking unless he really wanted something. Then he would name what he wanted followed by the word "want" in varying degrees of shouting. Fred finally caught sight of her and stood up his little arms raised.

"Up!" He demanded.

"I'm going to have to teach you manners soon." Ellie said. "Can't have you thinking you can always demand what you want."

Ellie put Fred on her hip and started back down stairs to help Tom make the rest of dinner because really even at ten he was a better cook than she was.

I've added a link to my profile for those of you who want to see what the first floor of the new Miller House looks like.

Also if any of my readers are from England I would very much like to get into contact with you so I can ask about cultural and dialect differences from Canada. I want to make this story as authentically British as I can get.