Title: Splintered (5/5)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to have any rights to the characters or plots of DQMW. The following is purely for entertainment value and of no monetary value whatsoever
Summary: He pressed his face to his knees and wondered how everything could have gone so wrong, so quickly.
/
Note: Having painted myself into a corner, I dithered over this chapter as I tried to imagine how Michaela would go about "courting" Sully. I hope it doesn't disappoint.
Chapter Five
Michaela tossed and turned that night, her conversation with Dorothy and Grace running through her head nonstop. Exhausted, she eventually drifted off to sleep and awoke a few hours later groggy, nervous – and determined.
She downed two cups of coffee before joining the children in the wagon for the ride into town. Bidding farewell to Colleen and Brian before they set off for the schoolhouse, she returned Matthew's parting wave as he clucked at the horses and drove off.
She bustled through her day, the handful of patients flowing through her door keeping her busy and her mind occupied. But each lull between appointments found her peeping through the window or leaning against the open door, eyes scanning the street for some sign of Sully until mid-afternoon when her diligence was rewarded. He ambled into view, his ever-present companion at his side.
Catching sight of Michaela, Wolf veered away from Sully and trotted toward her, chuffing out a sound of greeting and pushing his snout into the fabric of her skirt. She crouched down, burying her fingers into the animal's thick fur.
"Hey, boy," she whispered, running her thumbs over the backs of his ears. She smiled at the low growl of pleasure which vibrated from the wolf's throat. "You like that, don't you?" The wolf dropped onto his hindquarters and closed his eyes in response.
A shadow fell over them and she looked up at Sully, a pleased grin still wreathing her lips.
"I cannot believe I was ever afraid of him," she quipped. "Such a ferocious creature," she murmured to the animal in a sing-song voice. She ruffled his fur one more time before pushing to her feet.
"Hello, Sully," she said softly.
"Michaela."
One hand still tangled in Wolf's fur, her gaze roved over Sully's face. Though his eyes retained the wary look she had come to know from their last few encounters, his expression was softened, a barely noticeable smile still tipping one corner of his mouth as he took in the reunion between woman and beast.
She took a step toward him, closing the distance between them. "I've missed you."
He nodded and swallowed heavily and though he said nothing in response, she knew that he missed her too; that he missed them and she felt hope surge through her.
"I know that we can't just go back to the way things were before." She drew in a deep breath and stared deeply into his eyes. "But I don't want to give up on us. Do you?" Her teeth gnawed on her lower lip and her fingers tightened on the wolf's fur as she waited for a response.
"No." Sully's voice was thick and rough as it pushed past the heavy lump in his throat. "I don't wanna give up, but I don't know what… I don't know to get back…"
She thought back to her conversation with Dorothy and Grace and their insistence that she be the one to court him this time. The worry of how she could go about doing that had niggled through her brain all night, keeping her awake long after the children had gone to bed. There wasn't much in the way of entertainment in Colorado Springs. No restaurants – other than the café – no concert halls or theaters. They couldn't go courting in the ways familiar to her from her Boston upbringing – and even if they could – she knew those ways wouldn't necessarily appeal to Sully.
But, she thought, the important thing was for them to spend time together, to learn to enjoy one another's company again and to rebuild the trust between them. She believed – she had to believe – that the foundation of their love was strong enough to see them through. Dorothy and Grace professed to see something special between them and she was relying on that – and her own instincts – to help her to repair the rift she had allowed to form between them.
"Would you join me for breakfast tomorrow?"
"Ah… sure. I guess. What time'll you be in town?"
Clasping her hands loosely together against her skirt, she shook her head.
"I don't have any appointments until mid-morning. I thought Matthew could bring the children into town and perhaps you could come to the homestead?" she asked hopefully.
"Uh, yeah." He cleared his throat and nodded. "Eight o'clock work?"
She dropped to her haunches again and pressed her nose against Wolf's snout, hiding her sigh of relief against his fur.
"Perfect," she murmured as she stroked her thumbs over the animal's brows.
"See ya, then." He stepped off the wooden walkway and onto the dirt street. "C'mon, Wolf." He patted his thigh and with an almost human-like sigh, the animal rose and trotted easily to Sully's side.
"Oh, and Sully…" Still crouched on her heels, Michaela pressed an elbow to her knee and propped her chin on her hand, peering at him through the sweep of her lashes. "Bring your friend."
Startled by the tiny flirtatious smile curving her lips, he couldn't help the answering grin that flashed across his face.
"We'll be there."
/
Breakfast went well, she thought later. Though she wasn't yet an accomplished cook, she had become proficient at the basics. Wolf dozed on a cool piece of slate near the darkened hearth as they ate. Conversation between them was at first awkward but over plates of fluffy scrambled eggs and crispy bacon, they slowly relaxed and things flowed a bit easier between them as they both silently agreed to set aside troubling topics, at least for that morning.
They cleaned up in companionable silence and her spirits were buoyed when he offered to accompany her into town.
He swung down from the back of his horse and offered a solicitous hand to her as she dismounted. Her feet touched the ground and she turned to face him. Caught between her horse and Sully, she took a tiny step forward to close the slight distance between them. She heard him suck in a startled gasp as the tips of her breasts lightly brushed against his shirt and saw the heavy throb of his pulse in the artery just below his jaw when she chanced laying a hand on his forearm.
He took a hasty step back and she forced herself not to let her disappointment show, instead counting it as a positive sign that he stayed within touching distance. Her tongue darted out to moisten suddenly dry lips and she stared hard at a button on his shirt, casting about desperately for something to say to break the awkward silence which had sprung up between them.
"I had a nice morning," she finally offered. Biting her lips, she chanced a glance upward.
"Hmmm?"
His gaze was fixed on her mouth, staring at the small white teeth worrying the plump flesh. He shook his head as if to clear it and dragged his gaze up to meet hers.
"I… um. Yeah. Me too."
She had worried that his deliberate absences were indicative of a growing coolness for her, but now felt a tiny niggle of joy soar through her as it became clear that he was anything but indifferent.
She saw his cheeks flush slightly, embarrassed to have been caught staring and she spoke hastily before he could hurry away.
"Has there been any word from Cloud Dancing and Snowbird?"
He shook his head, a pensive look on his face.
"It's a long journey," she murmured soothingly. "And he did say he had no idea of when they would be back."
"If they'll come back." He sighed and gazed over her shoulder as if he could see clear to the Black Hills.
"I haven't been to the reservation lately," she said, dancing around the reasons for her recent distractions. "I think I'll go this week. With Cloud Dancing gone, they may need my help more than usual."
"Would, um…" He scraped his hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. "I could go with ya if you'd like."
"I'd love that," she smiled happily.
He nodded, returning her smile with a small one of his own. "Lemme know when you wanna go." He touched the tips of his fingers to her arm and took a few steps back. "Thanks for breakfast."
She watched him stroll out of town and saw him exchange a few words with Dorothy as he passed Loren's store. Michaela wiggled her fingers in a silent farewell when he glanced over his shoulder toward her and as he disappeared from sight she met Dorothy's encouraging smile with a tiny nod of her head.
/
"Brian was wondering when you would come to the homestead for dinner again." Michaela shifted on the hard seat of the wagon, moving infinitesimally closer to Sully. She injected a casual tone into her words and pretended that she was not holding her breath as she awaited his response.
Sully shrugged and made a quiet clicking noise with his tongue, capable hands making a minute adjustment to the reins as they rounded a curve leading away from the reservation. Thankfully there had only been minor injuries requiring her attention and though her Cheyenne was improving, Sully had stayed close and acted as interpreter whenever she stumbled over a word. They had worked well together and with that came a sense of ease between them.
"I could probably come over Friday night."
"Perfect!" She exclaimed. "Brian will love that. It's his favorite night of the week."
"Why's that?"
"Two days ahead of him without school!"
He glanced toward her and grinned. "I thought Brian liked school."
"Oh, he does." She brushed a stray hair away from her face and readjusted her hat. "But he likes being away from it even more. He's been practicing riding the velocipede every chance he gets. I know he'll want to show you."
"How 'bout I go fishing that day? Trout've been bitin' lately."
"That sounds wonderful." She hesitated, then brushed her fingers lightly over his sleeve. "Perhaps I could… that is, if you wouldn't mind, maybe I could come with you?"
He swung his head toward her, a look of surprise on his face. "You wanna go fishing?" he asked suspiciously.
"Well, it's just that I've never really been before." She primly smoothed her hands over her striped skirt and shrugged. "But if you'd rather go alone, I–"
"No!"
Embarrassed, he hunched his head between his shoulders when his emphatic shout startled the horse. "That is… you can come if you wanna." He pulled back on the reins and set the brake when they came to a halt at the homestead. Jumping to the ground, he held out a hand to assist Michaela down and then reached onto the floorboard of the wagon for her medical bag.
"What time should I be ready on Friday?" She clutched the black bag against her breast and raised an inquiring brow.
"Mornin's best for fishin', but you usually have patients."
She squeezed her eyes closed, mentally going over her appointment calendar. "Would eleven be too late?" she asked hesitantly.
"It'll work." He lounged against the side of the wagon and crossed his arms over his chest. "Pick you up at the clinic?"
She nodded eagerly and rose onto her toes to brush her lips over his cheek. She felt his eyes on her as she climbed the steps and tossed him a smile over her shoulder. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against the solid wood and closed her eyes. Tossing her bag onto the bed, she hugged her arms around herself for a long minute and then pushing away from the door, she hummed happily as she sat down to snap beans for dinner.
/
He shook out a blanket and spread it on the grass near the stream and Michaela sank down onto it with a grateful smile, demurely straightening her skirt as it billowed around her legs.
"Now what?" Shielding her eyes from the sun, she tipped her head back to look up at him. He settled beside her and handed her a rod.
"Now we bait the hook." He fished a worm out of a tin pail and held it toward her. She gingerly took it between thumb and forefinger, scrunching her nose as the small creature wiggled about.
Sully burst out laughing. Startled – for she couldn't remember the last time she had truly heard him laugh – she glanced toward him.
"What's so funny?"
"I've seen you up to your wrists in somebody's insides," he snickered. "Blood everywhere and you don't flinch. But if you could see yer face now." Relaxed, he chortled and took the worm back, deftly fastening it to the hook at the end of her line.
"Yes, well… worms have a particularly disgusting and… slimy quality." She sniffed and tipped her chin up haughtily before breaking down into giggles. She took a deep breath as if to compose herself and then looked to him for instruction.
"Now what do I do?"
"Just plunk it out there in the water and wait for a bite."
Birds twittered overhead and the cool breeze coming off the stream tempered the warmth of the sun. Their lines bobbing in the water, they sat quietly, and for the first time in weeks, the silence between them was welcome and comfortable. He smiled at the excitement that flashed over her features when she felt a tug on her line, the smile expanding into a grin that threatened to split his face at the moue of disappointment which followed when she yanked a fish no bigger than the palm of her hand from the water.
After a lunch of cold ham, slices of juicy tomato and biscuits left over from breakfast, Michaela abandoned any pretense of fishing. Unlacing her boots, she cast them aside and wandered barefoot through the high grass, plucking wildflowers. Gathering up her skirt in one hand, she waded into the stream, sighing happily as the cool water gurgled across her feet and ankles. She glanced over her shoulder to find Sully staring at her, fishing rod lying limply against his legs. Though unnerved by the intensity of his gaze, she was drawn back to his side and when he laid a warm hand on her cool ankle and touched his mouth to hers in a chaste kiss, it seemed the most natural thing in the world.
/
Michaela eased the door to the recovery room closed and hurried down the stairs.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting for so long." She untied her apron and tugged it over her head. "Mrs. Rogers was worried about the amount of discomfort Sally is still feeling this morning."
Sully was sitting in her chair, moccasined feet propped on the desk. He looked up from the book he had been reading while he waited for her. "She okay?"
"Oh, yes." She hung the apron on a peg on the wall and reached up to tug out the pins holding her hair in a loose chignon at the nape of her neck. The heavy chestnut mane tumbled loose and she brushed it carelessly behind her shoulders. "I reassured them both that the discomfort was normal after a tonsillectomy and would lessen a bit each day. She'll stay here one more night and then she can go home. Her mother promised to make her blancmange which should be a soothing treat."
"That's good," he murmured distractedly as his eyes fell again to the book in his hands.
"Speaking of food, I do believe you promised me lunch." She moved to stand before him, hands primly folded against her skirt. She glanced at the clock on the wall. "If we go now we'll still have plenty of time to relax and eat before I have to be back for my next appointment."
"'Course." He dropped his feet to the floor with a light thud and stood. He tucked the book back onto the shelf behind her desk and ran his finger over the spine with an odd expression on his face.
"A little light reading?" she quipped as her gaze skimmed over the title.
"Hmm?"
"The Cyclopaedia of Practical Medicine." She nodded toward the bookshelf. "You just felt like something fun to read while you waited?"
"Yeah," he frowned. "Somethin' like that." He schooled his features into a more pleasant expression and laid a hand on the small of her back. "Let's go. I'm starvin'."
They ordered the special and despite Sully's claim to being famished, he picked at the meal and was unusually silent. Which, Michaela thought wryly, was saying something when one considered Sully's natural quietness. Dabbing at her lips with a napkin, she watched him mindlessly trace two fingers around and around the outline of a whorl in the wooden surface of the table, a grimace drawing his brows together.
"What is it, Sully?" She laid a gentle hand over his wrist, stilling the agitated movement of his fingers. "Something is bothering you. Won't you tell me what is troubling you?"
"It's silly." He shrugged away her concern.
"Nothing that bothers you could be silly to me." She stroked a soothing thumb over his knuckles and waited patiently for him to speak.
"It's just… that book. The Cyclo.. cyclo –"
"The Cyclopaedia of Practical Medicine?" Genuine confusion colored her voice. "What about it?"
"See? That's it. I can't even pronounce the title! It might as well be written in a foreign language for all the sense it made to me!" He thumped a frustrated fist against the top of the table, rattling the plates and utensils.
"I never considered myself a stupid man–" He raked his fingers through his hair and stared blindly toward the ground, unwilling to meet her gaze. "But that book…"
"Why were you reading it?" she asked in bewilderment. "Did you have a question? Do you feel unwell? Were you looking for something specific? Are your headaches back?"
"No." He sighed at the barrage of questions and leaned back against his chair, closing his eyes wearily. "I just got to thinkin'. Medicine's important to you. And I know you miss being able to talk about it with someone."
She flushed at his oblique reference to her attraction to David and to Dr. Burke.
"And I just… I just thought that maybe I'd read some of your books and then maybe I could… I don't know." Embarrassed misery darkened the clear blue of his eyes to navy. "I told ya. It's silly."
She shifted closer and ducked her head to meet his downcast gaze.
"I don't think it's silly." Love shone in her eyes and she thought her heart would burst from her chest. "I don't think it's silly at all. It means the world to me that you would even consider such a thing." She knuckled a tear away from the corner of her eye and bit her lower lip to still its trembling.
"I ain't ever gonna understand half of what it is you do, Michaela."
"That's alright. It's not important."
"Of course it is!" he protested. "How can you say that? Bein' a doctor. That's who you are, Michaela. And I just ain't ever gonna be able…"
His voice trailed off on a lingering sigh and he looked away, shamefaced.
"If you want, you could learn." Her fingers tightened around his wrist at the sharply negative shake of his head. "I could teach you." She touched a finger to his chin and smiled encouragingly when he met her gaze with his own.
"You're sweet." He threaded his fingers through hers and shook his head again. "But…" He gazed toward the livery, a faraway look in his eyes. "I liked school," he confessed abruptly. "But I didn't even get through the third grade."
"Will you tell me, Sully? Please. There's so much you never speak of."
"When my pa died, my ma went to work as a washer woman. And me 'n my brother took on odd jobs. We needed the money so we went to school when we could, but not regular."
He rubbed a thumb over his temple where a tension headache was beginning to bloom. "After my brother was killed, my ma… well, she didn't leave the house. Truth is, she barely ever got outta bed. She just laid there, staring at the walls. Staring through me. Talkin' to ghosts. I stopped goin' to school, worked as many jobs as I could to scrape up enough money to pay the rent, stole whatever food I could." Lost in his memories, his voice was barely a whisper and she touched her forehead to his shoulder as she strained to hear his words.
"And then she… she… I came home one day 'n a neighbor lady was waiting for me. My ma… She just… she missed them so much, I think she couldn't bear bein' in this world without them, ya know?" There was a desperate quality to his words as he tried to make her understand the choices his mother had made, but the unspoken misery in his expression wondered why he had not been enough to make her want to stay.
He wiped a rough hand over his face and cast a furtive glance around at the other café patrons, but the lunch rush had cleared and the few who remained were focused on their own meals.
"Anyway. I buried her in the paupers' grave where she could be with my pa 'n brother. Packed up a few things and headed west and, well, you know the rest. I never went back to school. Most of what I know 'bout carpentry and other practical stuff, I learned from a couple of bored old gents in the mining camps."
"You've never told me any of this before."
He reached out and collected the tears rolling unchecked down her cheek with a rough swipe of his thumb, pushing damp tendrils of hair away from her face.
"I ain't an educated man, Michaela. I ain't ever gonna make a lot of money and I've been thinking about it a lot over the last coupla weeks – that maybe it ain't fair askin' you to tie yerself to me."
"Not fair to tie myself to the kindest, most loving man I've ever met?" Her words were thick with tears. "You're right, Sully. You aren't a stupid man, so I cannot begin to understand why you would say something so ridiculous," she hissed in a fierce whisper. "You may not have a formal education – but you are wise. Patient. There are so many things you know about life; about the Cheyenne. You have so much knowledge about the land and how to care for it. About people and what makes them tick. And you love to learn. I've seen what you like to read – books of poetry and science and history."
Heedless of others nearby, she threaded her fingers into his hair, silently demanding that he look at her. "It's true. The language of medicine is confusing and foreign until you learn it. So much of it is based in Latin and you may not know the terminology. But that doesn't mean we can't discuss it." A note of wonder entered her voice as she came to the realization that she could share the importance of her life's work with this man – that there was nothing she couldn't share with him.
"What you lack in education, you more than make up for in pure common sense." Pressing her forehead to his, she looked deeply into his eyes and offered up a watery smile. "And that is something that doctors – blinded by a dependence on science – are often sorely lacking," she noted wryly. "Myself included. I've been a fool to believe that I couldn't share this part of myself with you and if I ever did or said anything to make you think that you weren't intelligent enough for me… well, I can only beg you to forgive me and pray that you will."
She grasped his hand between her own and raised it to her mouth, impulsively pressing her lips fervently against his palm in an open-mouthed kiss. His fingers instinctively curled toward her face, the rough pad of his thumb tracing a gentle path over her brow and the silken curve of her cheek.
"So, Mr. Sully," Raising her gaze back to his, her brows drew together in a mock frown. "I'll thank you not to disparage the man I love again."
/
Sully wrapped strong hands around Michaela's waist and helped her down from the wagon.
"Close your eyes," he instructed.
"Close my –"
"Close 'em." He guided her hand up with an expectant look and with a sigh of fond exasperation, she obediently laid her palm over her eyes.
"They're closed. Now what?"
He wrapped one arm around her and slowly guided her a few steps forward.
"May I look?" she asked when they came to a stop.
He encircled her wrist with his fingers and gave her arm a gentle tug. "Now you can."
Michaela gazed about for a long second, vaguely aware of the sound of birds twittering in the trees overhead and of the leaves and tall grasses stirred by the gentle breeze. Her eyes cut to him questioningly.
"This is where we're gonna live," he told her.
"Oh Sully." Her heart beat a wild tattoo against her breastbone. Things had fallen into an easy and natural rhythm between them of late but now that he was talking of a future together… she was terrified to believe it.
"It's so beautiful," she finally breathed.
"Do you really like it?" His gaze roved over the unspoiled beauty of the land before settling anxiously on her. "If you do, then we can put in a claim on it tomorrow."
She took another look around. Close enough to town that it would be an easy ride to the clinic and her patients, yet far enough away to afford Sully the peace and solitude he needed, it was perfect and with a wobbly smile curving her lips, she told him as much.
"I can't imagine any place on earth more beautiful than this."
"Come on." A relieved grin flashed over his handsome features and he pulled her by the hand toward a natural clearing between two large stands of trees.
"This is what I was planning on building for our house." He tugged a sheaf of papers from his back pocket and showed her a couple of rough sketches of his ideas for a new home. "If I start now, I should be done by spring and we can get married like we planned."
"Married." Her lips trembled and she pressed her fingers against her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes.
"Yeah." He grasped her free hand in his and raised her knuckles to his mouth. "It's what I've always wanted," he murmured against her skin. "How 'bout you?"
She nodded mutely, swallowing past the thick slide of unshed tears clogging her throat.
"Yes," she finally choked out. "I'll marry you, Sully."
A brilliant smile broke over his face and she could see the tension and anxiety he had carried for the last month slide away. He laughed out loud and sliding one strong arm beneath her legs, he swept her from her feet.
"Sully! What are you doing?" She giggled and flung her arms around his neck.
"I'm carrying you over the threshold."
She sighed happily and rested her head against his shoulder and they felt a mutual sense of peace and tranquility as they allowed the moment to wash over them. At last he set her down and began to describe his plans for their home.
"This'll be our living room. Fireplace right over there," he pointed. "This'll be the kitchen. Stove over there." He flung his hands upward. "Staircase up to the four bedrooms."
His enthusiasm was infectious and she could see it all so easily through his eyes. Their home. Their lives. Just as she had dreamed and hoped.
"We'll have Brian's room. Colleen's room." He continued pointing toward the sky. "A little bedroom right here." He paused, looking down at her and seemed to hold his breath for just a second before looking up again.
"This will be our room."
The air between them was thick with anticipation. She glanced away, trying to imagine sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing herself so intimately with him, and felt nervous excitement ripple through her.
"Our room," she echoed and looking up, she met his tender gaze and felt a sense of bliss settle over her.
"And the little room over there." A saucy smiled tipped up one corner of her mouth. "Who is that for?"
His answering chuckle was both eager and shy. "It's for who…whoever might come along."
"I've thought about it a few times," she admitted with a little chuckle and he joined her with a wry grin of his own. "I've thought about it a thousand times," she confessed. "I just wasn't sure if you had."
He nodded fervently and his chest rose and fell on a deep breath.
"Sure I have."
"What would you like?" She felt happiness mushrooming within her as she let her own fears fall away and allowed herself to dream again of a future with this man. "A boy or a girl?"
He took one step forward, eliminating the small gap between them and lifted her hands into his own. "I think I would like a little girl." He confessed one of his own long-held dreams and the moment was ripe with their hopes and expectations. "But only if she has your eyes."
"Well she might have, but you realize if she does, she'll probably have my stubbornness too."
"That's the way I like 'em." He drew her into his arms and buried his face in her hair. Her own arms crept around his waist and for a long moment they stood there, swaying with the late summer breeze.
After a while, he threw his head back toward the sun and his laughter rang out. Unable to contain the joy burgeoning inside him, he took her hand into his and ran across the grass of their future home. She stumbled after him, giddy with love and her own laughter burbled out jubilantly, as he stopped and pulled her flush against his long, lean frame.
Cupping her cheeks between his palms, he touched his lips to her face – pressing kisses to the tip of her nose, rolling his mouth over the curve of her cheeks and the smooth expanse of her forehead, tasting her mouth over and over again – each kiss a benediction and a promise of their future.
Together.
/
End Notes: I wanted to end this by leaping ahead to where Michaela and Sully were at the beginning of the next season and so the very end of my story combines and somewhat reimagines two scenes from the episode "The Train" (though leaving out the discord between them from that ep).
I feel a great sense of relief in completing this story, getting it out of my head and not leaving it indefinitely and permanently incomplete for those who were reading it. To all of you who have continued to read it and to those who have been so gracious as to leave comments and feedback, I thank you and hope you have enjoyed it.