June 1921

I could not find quiet. Would I ever find quiet again?

Four days. It had been just four days since my new eyes opened. Four days of wonderment. Four days of an education unlike any other. Four days and more than 130 miles between humanity and vampirarity…vampiraity? I just invented a new word. And seven days, one week, since I jumped.

It has been raining non-stop. I was lying on the ground. It was muddy, but I didn't care. What did it matter? I was a mess. Always a mess. I might as well run around naked since it didn't seem to make a difference what I wore, every few hours I destroyed it.

Only four days in and I was completely and utterly frustrated with everything. They were trying. I knew that, but I needed this moment. I needed to lie on the ground, stare up at the rain and not see those eyes watching me.

Within 24 hours of waking, I was running out of Wisconsin and into Minnesota. Staying off the road and away from humans had been the goal. Edward would go back for their automobile and their things later. Carlisle wasn't beginning his new job for several weeks; so for the moment, we were invisible.

Every few hours, I experienced death. I needed it like nothing I had ever needed in my life. For a brief moment in this eternal existence, I felt sated, but it never lasted long. My appetite for destruction seemed incapable of waning. And a brief scent made me realize how tempting what I really craved was.

I remembered the scent invading my nostrils, and my throat immediately turned from flames in a hearth to a raging forest fire. All other thoughts emptied my mind as only one thought dominated it – I had to drown myself, my throat, in that scent. Only it could save me. As immediate as the thought entered my mind, Edward had tackled me to the muddy ground, gripping my waist like a vice. I snarled at him but Carlisle grabbed my head, forcing my jaw closed, squeezing my nostrils shut, making every effort to keep that fragrance out of my nose, my brain, my throat…but it was too late and now, even if I didn't realize it in the moment, I now knew what it was that drove our kind.

I fought against them both but even with my strength, it was two against one and they had the upper hand. Edward held on as I thrashed against him. Carlisle spoke to me, attempting to talk me down, as I tried twisting my head away, longing to breathe it in again – to know where it was coming from so as soon as they let go, I could go find it.

For nearly an hour I fought them, but they wouldn't relent. My mind starting coming back as the time between the aroma's invasion and the battle began. My movements slowed and finally I stopped. Neither loosened their grip.

"I'm not letting go yet, Esme. There is still a lot happening in your head. We're not letting go until Edward feels you are ready," Carlisle said sternly.

I was furious. I elbowed Edward in the ribs but he held on. How dare you determine when I'm ready to get up. I'm fine. Let me go!

But all these thoughts did nothing. It was another 15 minutes before Edward addressed Carlisle. "I think she is in the clear, but she will need blood quickly."

Carlisle let go first. I stretched my jaw and looked for the scent, but it was gone. My mind mourned it, but no matter, my throat needed to be quenched. Edward pulled me to my feet with him and kept a hand wrapped around my arm.

"I'm fine," I growled at him, still angry at him for keeping me from hunting.

"Esme, you just got your first whiff of human. Now, would you have rather me tackle you or let you kill a person?"

I froze. Not for a second had I thought what it was. All I knew was that it smelled better than anything I had ever dreamed of. The draw had been so intense and now that I knew what the scent came from, it was frightening.

"I would have gone after it," I whispered, my hands were shaking.

"That's why we stopped you," Edward said gently.

"That is what I have to resist?" I gasped. How would that ever be possible?

"It is not going to happen instantly. It will take time, and that was the first time you have come in contact with a human."

"How much time?"

"Years. I've only been able to spend any length of time among humans in the last year, and even then, I have to be careful. No one ever said it would be easy, Esme."

"I never said I would expect it to be easy, Edward," I said dismissively.

A herd of deer was nearby and we took off after it, but it was too late. As I sank my teeth into a doe, it tasted like mud in comparison to what had addled my brain earlier. Nothing would ever smell or taste the same after that. We trudged…no, I trudged, they just followed, back to the house. I told them to go inside. They both paused.

"What?" I nearly yelled, my nerves still on edge. "I'm not going to run off and attack a human. I just need a moment alone."

They looked between each other – two statues, silent, unmoving, gazes never wavering – until Edward nodded and they disappeared into the rear of our temporary home. It was pouring, but I didn't care. I lay down on the wet ground at the edge of the clearing behind the house.

I was trying to feel grounded, connected to this world literally and figuratively. I'm sure they were watching me from the window, Edward monitoring my every thought.

I wished I had more control. They must think I am a raving lunatic. Only four days old and that is how I felt. My emotions and my reactions were that of a child, but I couldn't get it under control. When your days were no longer counted by sleep, it felt like things should happen faster. I should be ready to take on the world; but it was obvious by the ripped clothing, the broken furniture, and Edward's second broken rib, that this would take much longer than a simple math lesson.

I didn't like me. I didn't feel like me. The moment of clarity, where I kept my wit about me and listened to a bit of Carlisle's long history, was just a flash. I hadn't been so clear since. My thirst, my hunger, was winning over any clear thought.

I folded my hands on my silent stomach. There was no movement. All of my organs were quiet and dead – forever frozen like fossils in my body – useless now. Carlisle had explained the physiology to me – the lack of connections now. There is no blood in my system, so my heart doesn't pump; oxygen isn't needed, so my lungs don't work; food as I knew it isn't accepted, so my stomach doesn't process it and my kidneys and liver aren't necessary. The blood that I now live on does go down my throat and into my stomach, but it is absorbed more or less into my body and there is no waste, so there is no need to visit the toilet. Since none of my organs function, my brain has forgotten that the connections once existed. It doesn't tell me to breathe, because I don't need to.

I focused on this one human thing – just breathe. Too fast. Slow down. In through your nose. Let it expand. You are not dead. Parts of you may not work but you are not dead. Your mind is working. Just slow it down. Air in. Air out. Air in. Air out. Repeat. Slow down. I felt it in my head, in my ears. It was completely unnecessary, but I was breathing. How else could I be human? I had to act human. Fit in. Not forget who was. How could I give my senses over to destruction if I was me? Forces in my past had tried to destroy me, and in the end, did destroy me, but destruction could not be my lot. That smell would not win. Breathe in the rain, the mud, the trees. Just breathe.

The rain was easing, but I didn't move from where I lay. I needed this.

I knew they were talking to each other as they pinned me to the ground earlier, protecting me from myself. I heard what they said, but I couldn't absorb their conversation at the time. I now focused on their words in my memory…

"Esme, no!" Edward had yelled as he tackled me. "Carlisle! Help me!"

"Who is it?" Carlisle asked, as his hands wrapped around my head. He was trying to keep the scent out and trying to keep me from biting him.

"A hunter." Edward was tense. "He's at more than a mile away, but he's young. His blood is pumping, his heart is racing and the wind is blowing this way."

"Is he moving on?"

"He's tracking, so he's going at a slow pace, but he is anxious."

"Shhh, Esme, calm down," Carlisle said soothingly, as a doctor would speak to his patient. "You'll be furious with yourself if we let you go."

"She's pretty furious right now."

"Does she even hear me?"

"Nothing is registering. She only has one thought in her head."

"Esme, focus. Look at me."

He was trying to get me to focus on his face – on his eyes but I wasn't seeing any of it. The only sense that I felt was the pain in my throat begging to be quenched and the raging desire to go after the one thing I felt could stop it.

"It is pointless, Carlisle. She doesn't hear you." Edward sounded agitated.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle was worried.

Edward's bitterness was obvious. "It is hard being in her head. Seeing and feeling this frenzy as she does."

"I can try to hold her on my own if you need to go."

"No, she's too strong and I'm strong enough. You're right. She may be angry at us right now but not as upset as if she killed someone."

"Does she even know that is what she wants?"

"Always curious, Carlisle," Edward chuckled. "No, she just knows that it smells better than anything she has ever smelled and that she has desired nothing more than whatever it is out there."

And then the one sided conversation began as Carlisle spoke with his mind and Edward vocalized his answers.

"It will take her time just as it took me time, but she has two of us to wrestle her to the ground."

"Yes, she is a woman, but she is also a vampire. I think that trumps woman in this situation. Besides, she thinks we are very gentlemanly even for vampires."

"Alright, I'll give you that."

"She is only a few days old and confused, everything is impulsive. Why do I even have to remind you of this? For a vampire that has been through so much and seen so much, you seem to be forgetting yourself. This isn't who she is."

"Ah, I see. You need to give her time, old man. She is bright enough and in just enough control to censor herself. We need to give her time."

He laughed, "Yes, and space. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I wish at times that I could just shut it off. It would make things easier on everyone including me."

They then sat in silence for a long time as I continued to struggle in their arms. Every few minutes or so, Carlisle would look down into my eyes searching for recognition but I didn't see...

The rain was barely a mist now and the sky was getting lighter. A familiar scent flowed over me. I looked for the other one, but it wasn't there. He was alone. I didn't move as he silently sat down on the ground next to me. I was still "breathing."

"You are still a little fast, but Edward said you kept going even when your thoughts were on something else. That is great progress."

"I can't ever be alone, can I?" I contemplated.

"It will take time." I could hear the warmth and care in Carlisle's voice. "You will learn to manage your instinct. We'll expose you slowly to humans, starting from a distance and for a quick amount of time, and then slowly getting closer and the time longer. I did it. Edward did it. I know it feels impossible right now, but I promise you that you will eventually be able to walk through a town without difficulty."

"I can't believe that. Not based on how I reacted. How can I not feel that?"

"You will still feel it, but you'll learn to control how you react to it."

I tried sighing, but it was just a quick and loud gulp of unnecessary air. I couldn't help but giggle and close my eyes as I shook my head, causing it to burrow deeper into the mud.

"What is it?" he asked, with a mixture of amusement and concern. Could I hear so many emotions before, or had my perception for inflection changed as well?

I groaned. "That wasn't even the 'alone' I was speaking of."

His golden eyes stared down into mine. I could see my red ones reflecting back and looked away. "I meant I'll always have Edward watching my thoughts. I can't be alone in my head."

"He can't help it. It is his gift."

"And a curse."

"I don't think so and I don't believe he does either. It is unwieldy at times for him, but it has been a great service to him and to us. He is still working on honing it, but he is improving his focus all the time. It is because of it that we were able to help you earlier. If you had caught that scent and taken off, chances are, as fast as you are right now, we would not have been able to catch you before it was too late."

I closed my eyes again as a vision of what 'too late' would have meant filled my mind.

I changed the subject. "You keep calling it a gift. Why can he read minds and you and I can't?"

"No one really knows for sure. I have a theory that we bring some of our stronger human traits into this life and then manifest into something more intense. Some vampires' gifts are more tangible than others."

"So, I'm guessing you were very controlled and restrained in your human life?"

He chuckled lightly. "I didn't hunt down innocent people in the name of God like my father. I was very calculating and thoughtful in my human life. The word measured comes to mind. But with Edward, he has told me that he was always able to finish others' thoughts and was very good at reading people. I believe those traits manifested into his mind reading ability. "

"And you have seen a trend of this among the others like us that you have met?"

"I have met vampires that have no supernatural gift, but it may be an emotional or physical trait that is enhanced. There are those that have gifts that I would compare to Edward's as being something beyond the norm, or as I said, supernatural in nature. These are gifts that live in the mind. I lived with a group of vampires in Italy for a while who had an exceptionally high number of these gifted creatures."

"What could they do?"

"Many different things. When it comes to what I have witnessed so far, it seems that no two gifts ever are exactly the same. There were many gifts though. One could sense relationships and another could break them. Another was a shield."

"A shield?"

"If someone were trying to attack her, or someone she was protecting, they would be unable to do so. If they were running at her to attack, they would suddenly be running away from her."

"But why would any vampire need that gift? Even if she was attacked, surly she could defend herself."

"Unless it was another vampire attacking."

"Oh. Does that happen often?"

"She had a need for protection with the group we were living with."

"Were you in danger?"

"Not personally. One day I will tell you all about that time of my life and particularly that coven of vampires, but not today."

He picked my hand up out of the mud and tried in vain to wipe away some of the mud of with his fingers.

"Stop. You'll get all dirty." I nearly pouted. It was bad enough that he was sitting in it.

"It is nothing compared to how filthy you are at the moment. It is going to take hours to scrub out all the mud caked in your hair." He sounded younger when he said this.

"I'll just cut it off," I mumbled.

"I don't know if you would want to do that Esme. It won't grow back." The seriousness was back.

"No, of course not." I found myself laughing.

"What is so funny?"

"I guess it is good I didn't bob it. I was thinking about it."

"Bob it?"

"Cut it short. It is the latest style. Cutting it to about chin length. I'm sure it won't last. Woman will have it long and pinned up again before we know it."

He tilted his head slightly in a very human expression as he looked down at me. "I can't imagine you with short hair."

"Me neither. That's why I was too afraid to cut it. So, you haven't had a haircut in since 1666?"

"No, it was longer and I kept it long for more than 150 years but then the style changed and men started wearing it shorter. Even tied back, it was no longer appropriate for the workplace. So I cut it short a century ago. I figured if it styles change back to long, I can always don a wig."

"You talk of centuries so nonchalantly."

"I'm in my fourth such era. Even if I sound nonchalant, please don't think that I am not in awe of what I have seen, experienced and what is yet to come."

"I can't imagine you with long hair," I said as I tried to picture him looking different.

"There are pictures. One day when I get them out of storage, you'll see."

"What do you mean pictures and where do you store things?"

"There are a few paintings that I have in my possession that you can see me, and my hair, in. I am storing quite a few things at Edward's home in Chicago for now."

"Edward's house?"

"The home he grew up in. He still owns it, although he rarely has been in it since his parents passed."

"Why didn't you bring everything to Ashland?"

He paused for a moment. I knew he was thinking about how to respond before he spoke again. "With young vampires, such as Edward and now you, incidents can occur and sometimes it can force you to have to move quickly. So, at least for now, we are traveling lighter – only moving with things that we could live without if we had to leave with nothing."

I understood his meaning. "So, if Edward or I killed someone publically, you could easily flee?"

He nodded.

"Oh. I guess it is good that I have nothing of value."

"Hopefully, we will never have a reason to suddenly flee. It is just a precaution."

"Do you have much of value?"

"My values have changed of recent. There are paintings, books, some trinkets of my human life that mean much to me, and they are safely tucked away in Chicago. But truly the most valuable thing in my life is in that house behind us."

"Edward?" I couldn't help but smile at what I already knew was there.

"You know?"

"My mind may be unwieldy and uncontrollable, but there are some things that it can still comprehend. You two care for each other very much. It is in your eyes and your tone of voice when you speak to him and of him."

"I thought for years that I would always be alone, and then this light came into my life."

"The 'inside my head thing' is getting old and I know it will continue to be frustrating for me, but I know he cares."

"He does. He is worried about you. He may tease, but the things you are experiencing are still so new to him as well. He feels protective of you."

"But he just met me."

"And he is going to know you for a long time."

"And you? Do you feel protective?"

"Of course, and responsible for you, which is why I am wondering why you have chosen to bury yourself in the mud."

"Escaping into the ground without the box," I said flatly.

I heard air catch in his throat. I swallowed and squeezed my eyes closed. I didn't want to upset him, especially when our conversation was progressing so well. He was trying. He had wanted more for me and I was being completely ungrateful. I was a brat.

"I'm sorry. I'm just feeling like such a child. I guess I needed to play in the mud." I sighed. "I just wish I could go to sleep and dream it all away for a while." I pressed my head further into the earth. It was practically up to my ears. I squeezed it between the fingers of my left hand, still resting on the ground.

"Esme," he said with authority again. The youth was gone. "One week and 36 minutes ago, three intoxicated fishermen brought a dead woman in to the morgue at Ashland Hospital. Twelve minutes later, I carried you out the door. Three minutes later, I could see the house as I was running with you, my head screaming for Edward to get out of the house for I feared that your blood would overwhelm him. A minute and 27 seconds later, I bit you. A lot has happened to you, not of your making, in a very short amount of time. You have every right to be frustrated and angry with me."

I sat up then, dragging the mud filling my hair and covering the back of my clothes with me. "I'm not angry with you. I'm frustrated by my own weaknesses."

"But you are not weak."

"I am. I gave in to a scent."

"A scent our kind was meant to give into. It is not without effort that we overcome it. We are predators, but we are not animals. We have the ability to think and reason and that is the key. It can be done and it will be done." He reached over and tilted my chin up to look in his eyes. "I promise you. You will get there."

I stared a moment longer than I felt I should. He looked at me as if he cared so much – perhaps like a father protecting a child more than a doctor and his patient. In that instant, one of those silly impulses over took me as I lopped the mud in my left hand at his chest. My mouth gaped open as it slid down his shirt. He looked down at it with the most peculiar look and then back up at me with one of his perfect eyebrows raised. He spoke slowly, "Are you saying you don't believe me?"

The laughter burst out of me before I could make any effort to contain it and I couldn't stop laughing. He stared at me, trying to maintain his composure; but the more I laughed, the more I could see it slipping, until a goofy grin broke through on his face.

"I'm sorry," I finally breathed out when the laughter had dispersed to giggles. "I don't know why I did that!" I giggled some more. "I guess I really do need to work on my reasoning skills."

He grinned at me, and just shook his head. He thinks I'm a fool but I can't blame him, I'm acting like one.

I looked away from him, up toward the sky. The rain had stopped and it looked like clouds finally might dissipate.

"Are you ready to get up out of the muck because I am," he said as he climbed to his feet and held a hand out to me, which I gratefully took. In vain, I tried to wipe some of mud off of me. Lying down in it had seemed like such a good idea at the time. I looked up at Carlisle expectantly, realizing that I couldn't deny the venom pooling in my mouth. I needed to hunt.

With just my look he knew and took my hand as we raced into the forest.

After I was fed, we stopped at a stream, which was more like a river today after all the days of rain.

I ran into it and just lay back into the swift moving water, hoping the current would help rid my hair of the caked on mud.

"Esme, be careful," Carlisle called out from nearer the bank.

I planted my feet in the riverbed and looked over at him incredulously. "Because I'm going to be swept away? Hardly."

I leaned forward, dipping my face below the surface, wiping my hands against my face, removing the mixture of blood and dirt from my mouth and cheeks. I turned my head to one side and then the next, to rub the mud from my ears.

I went back to work on my hair. It was a mess. I bent my knees so I could easily dunk it into the water. I tried running my fingers through it but now knowing that this hair was forever, I was trying not to damage it – after all the only thing that could hurt a vampire is a vampire.

I heard him wading closer to me. Perhaps he saw my frustration or sensed my hesitation. He stopped behind me. "Do you need help?"

I turned to look at him once again. He was slightly closer than I thought he was, looking down at me with that same concern in his eyes, eyes that were bright topaz from all his recent hunting activities. His skin tone reflected the grey early morning light and he must have run some water through his hair as it was darker than usual. He really was a dream come to life, but he seemed to be viewing me as a child.

The whine escaped from my lips, as a result of my continued lack of control, before I could think to stop it. "I'm afraid I'll rip it out."

A brilliant understanding, or was it sympathetic, smile took over his mouth. "Turn around and kneel down. It isn't very deep," he said and I did as he commanded.

His fingertips lightly touched my scalp and delicately began running through it, removing the mess of my own making. I felt a sensation similar to goose bumps on my head where he touched it. Strand by strand, he separated and scrubbed with his fingers.

He spoke up as he continued to work. "You know, my dear, you haven't stopped breathing since I sat down next to you back near the house. Have you been thinking about it?"

I was surprised by this revelation and my excitement was instantly peaked. "No I haven't! I stopped thinking about it when we were still back there."

"It's still slightly fast for a human who hasn't just run a race, but the act itself seems to becoming second nature. That is a huge step in such a short amount of time."

I was beaming for my success and the words coming out of his mouth. There was a slight measure of pride and awe in his tone that I liked and I looked forward to hearing it again.

I giggled. I hated these emotional swings that were running my body but I spoke anyway. "So maybe my gift is that I'm a good breather," I teased.

Carlisle laughed as he pulled at my shoulder slightly to get me to lower my hair under the water for one final raking through. When he pulled me back up, he declared my head mud free and I thanked him as he took my arm and lead me out of the stream.

I wrung out the hems of the clothes I was wearing and my hair and watched him do the same. It kept me from dripping, but I would only be able to get dry when we got back to the house.

We started walking back and I asked him the same question I asked before, "So, I'm guessing from your reaction that breathing is not my gift?"

I glanced over at him to see the smile take over his expression. He should always smile.

"No. That is one that we all get eventually."

"So what do you think my gift is?"

He looked over at me, the smile not quite as wide, as he seemed to study the curiosity that I was sure was marring my face. "I'm not sure yet."

"Not even a guess?"

"Not yet. It can take time for it to be made known. We'll just have to wait and see what element of human Esme manifests itself so spectacularly in vampire Esme."

I didn't want to wait. I wanted to know. Maybe I eventually could share Carlisle's gift and be immune to human blood. It seemed like a good thing to strive for, but it seemed like it could require more strength than I ever could muster.

"My ability to teach or learn?" I asked. "Maybe I'm now the best teacher or best student."

"I've never seen a gift that was that specific, Esme." He glanced at me again. "Just be patient."

Suddenly, he stopped walking and I did the same in response to his action. He was staring straight ahead at something I hadn't seen since I awoke. Sunlight finally had appeared and was streaming through the clearing at the back of the house as we approached through the forest.

I looked over at him and realized he was listening for anything or anyone. Satisfied he turned to me…and was there mischief behind Dr. Cullen's grin? "Finally, there is sunshine and I can answer your question about what the sun does to us."

I nodded and he took my hand as we made our way to the edge of the clearing, our feet stopping within a foot of where the sun was touching the ground. I stared at the brightened wet sod and then over at his face and found him looking at me. I felt anxious.

"You asked me what happened when I went in the sun and I told you I would show you. Watch my hand."

He leaned forward, his fingertips pushing past the invisible barrier into the bright natural light. I watched as more light seemed to be coming off his hand – reflecting the light. Reflecting the light!

It was like his skin was encrusted with a million tiny jewels. Before I knew it, I had rushed the step forward to his hand and unbuttoned his cuff with only minor damage, rolling up his sleeve, and with a slight tug was inspecting his forearm in the sunlight.

"It is beautiful," I whispered as ran my fingers over his bare arm, suddenly realizing my hands were sparkling as well. I stepped back and held out my hands with a squeal. It was amazing. I separated my fingers, turning over my palms to the light and saw that there was no place that I didn't shine. "How is this possible?" I was excited as I turned to Carlisle for the answer.

The look of wonderment on his face was priceless. Was that look for me? I wouldn't know as he began to speak, "When our cells harden they become almost marble like and these cells refract light…"

"And we sparkle!" I didn't know why I was so excited about this but it was so pretty and on him it was beautiful. I reached out and tugged on his arms and he came with me into the sunlight. His stunning face was dazzling. I couldn't stop myself as I lifted my fingers to touch his cheek, my skin shining against him, his light refracting off my own. I couldn't take my eyes away until I finally looked up into his.

Was he amused? Nervous? Was he humoring me? Did he think I was crazy? Or was he fighting the urge to touch my face? Whatever it was, he had enough as he removed my hand from his cheek and held it in his own and now I knew the emotion I saw. It was sadness. "While it may amaze you dear, you can see why we may be a little disconcerting to humans. It is what relegates us to the night. It is only direct sunlight that causes it so we can get away with being outside when it is overcast, but that comes with risk. So, to avoid the risk, we limit our time outside in the daylight."

I closed my eyes as I held my face up toward the sun to feel its warmth. It felt different on my new skin – like the temperature was different – but I had always loved being out in the sunshine and I would enjoy the moment because I knew that it wouldn't last.

I waited for him to take my hand and tell me to come inside, but he silently held onto it. After several minutes, I lowered my face, opening my eyes to look at him. What was he seeing when he looked back in my eyes? He finally spoke. "We should go inside so you can change your clothes."

I nodded and followed him into the house. Edward was sitting in a chair near the door and rose to his feet as we came in. "Welcome home. Are you alright Esme?"

I nodded. "I'm fine. Thank you. I'm going to get changed out of these wet clothes before I need to hunt again."

I squeezed Carlisle's hand in mine before letting go. "Thank you." I wasn't exactly sure what I was thanking him for but I knew I needed to say the words.

"You're welcome."

I glanced back at them as I headed down the hall to my room. I saw them looking directly at each other and I knew they were having a silent conversation.

I closed the door of my sparsely furnished room. Everything about this place was meager, except for the over abundance of antler décor.

I still didn't know how he had managed to secure a hunters lodge 26.7 miles north of Virginia in just a few hours during our last day in Ashland. Of course buying the place sight unseen had its downfall too since the lodge was more like a cabin. It was furnished, but as it was a place for men to recline, everything was utilitarian and basic. The only accents were the prizes of the former owner, which meant antlers and stuffed big game heads.

It was a good place to keep me, they explained. I was away from the population but Carlisle could quickly and easily run to Virginia and its new medical facility once he began working. He also would purchase a home in town for appearances and the hope was eventually, Edward and I would join him there permanently.

I lightly went through my ever diminishing pile of clothes. He had picked up anything that would fit me from the store in Ashland but whatever I wore was usually rags by the time I got back from hunting. Not only was the shirt I was wearing ripped at the left shoulder, the right elbow and across my midriff, it was also stained with blood and mud. The pants weren't much better.

I changed quickly into similar shirt and pants and sat down on the rickety bed to let Edward and Carlisle finish their conversation. Carlisle didn't talk at all and Edward was speaking in hushed tones that I knew were not meant for my ears. If I had focused on it, I could have heard him but I chose not to invade their privacy.

I instead focused on replaying this early morning in my mind. The muddy conversation, the hunt, the clean-up and the glorious sunshine. His fingers on my scalp, his shimmering face, his eyes. He didn't see me. He saw this panicky child. Powerful, but frightened. His eyes pitied me. I wanted him to see me differently. No, I needed him to see me differently.

Thank for the reviews and the feedback. Not only is it great to hear it, but it also motivates and inspires me as well. Please keep the reviews coming. I may not respond immediately, but I do try to personally respond to every review. FYI, if you block private messages, then I cannot reply.

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Thank you to batgirl and ruthperk from Project Team Beta. And as always, thank you to TheCullenPixie.

Next up: Esme gets to know Edward.