March 1922

"I need to speak with you, Carlisle," I bristled as I walked into his study, closing the door behind me.

The look on his face showed his surprise, but he still smiled that glorious smile. "What is it, my love?"

"Do vampires marry?"

I might as well have told him I was a human again for the dumbfounded look that he gave me.

"The reason I ask is because we love each other, and I'm getting calmer, my eyes are changing, I'm getting better and growing more confident being near humans during our walks through town. Eventually I'll want to live with you in town."

He went to speak, but I continued.

"At the same time you continue to be extremely proper with me, which I appreciate and adore you for even if I am frustrated a bit. I'm wondering at what point…" I paused to make sure the words came out how intended. "How much time will it take before you feel you can make physically gestures with me? You touched me more before I told you I loved you than you have after."

His eyes were so serious and I could see he too was measuring his words.

"I wasn't your suitor before. I'm just trying to show the proper respect for you."

"Touching my arm or wrapping an arm around me…I would never lower my opinion of you for any of those things," I said as I approached him as he continued to sit at his desk. "I'm tired of there being a space, a physical space, between us. There's no reason that you should still hesitate to sit beside me on the sofa or to take my hand," I was beside him now and reached out to rest my palm against his face, "or to touch my cheek. If you need my permission, you have it, Carlisle."

"Thank you. I haven't wanted make a move that would upset you."

I knew the cause of his hesitation.

"Because of Charles?"

He nodded.

"There is a world of difference between you, Carlisle Cullen, and that man. The most important being that I love you, and I long for your affection."

"And I love you," he said as he gently reached for my cheek. I placed my hand over his to assure him that I appreciated and loved the gestured. I turned my face slightly to kiss the inside of his palm to return his affection.

"So you want to know about married vampires?" His voice was softer now as he spoke.

I took his hand and led him over to the sofa. I sat him down, and sidled up beside him. He again looked surprised, but I didn't care. I loved him. He placed his arm around my shoulder, and I smiled as I rested my head on my favorite pillow, his shoulder. I looked up at him, enjoying how close I was to him.

"Yes."

"I have met actual married vampires – during my time in Italy. Two of the Volturi, Caius and my friend Aro have wives. They took vows with their mates. I know Aro presided over Caius and Athenodora's wedding. As for Aro and Sulpicia, I suspect Marcus may have done the honors. They believe in the legitimacy of their unions, and both marriages have lasted more than a couple thousand years. They remain just as true to their mates as ever."

"You have met so many, but only know of two couples?"

"I didn't say that. I said I know of only two that have legitimized their relationship and took vows to each other. I have met many couples that would consider themselves mated."

"Mated?"

I could feel his discomfort. His body became rigid and he swallowed nervously. I stared up his face, but he wasn't meeting my eye.

"If it is easier, talk to me as if I were a patient," I said, trying to calm him.

He laughed now, and looked down at me his hand once again resting against my cheek. "That would be impossible with you this close." I went to pull away, but he gently held me to him and I wasn't going to fight him off. He continued.

"For some vampire couples it is about safety and security. For some it is actual love, and for some it is a stronger friendship or attachment. It has been my experience that there is usually a strong pull or desire between the pair."

"Desire? Each other?"

"Yes."

I could still feel his discomfort. I wouldn't press him too much this evening but I needed to know.

"Do they act up these desires?"

"Many do."

I nodded. I wanted to ask him so much more. I wanted to know what he wanted with me. Did he desire me? Did he want to marry me? Did he just want a mate? Did he want to be with me forever or was this just for now?

I squeezed his hand.

"Think about what you want."

I stood up and walked out of the room.

Hopefully I had planted a thought in his mind.

March 1922

"I finished Jane Eyre."

His optimism and cheerfulness did not match my mood as I practically spat out.

"It took you long enough."

I was irritable. It was early spring, and while the animals were coming out of hibernation so we could hunt closer to home, alas they were weak and thin and not very satisfying.

"We can discuss it at another time if you are not amiable at the moment, Esme."

"You may be use to the winter diet, Carlisle, but your protégés are not," Edward grumbled behind us, feeling my same hunger.

As Edward came up beside me, I put my arm around him. "Maybe we should go south again," I gently suggested.

"I have to work in a few hours," Carlisle stated.

"Well then let us go alone. We need more than what we can find here." I heard a plea in my tone that I didn't like. I didn't want to have to beg for this. I was in control.

Edward reached over and squeezed my hand in solidarity. I could see Carlisle struggling with wanting to appease us both but worried about our 'safety.'

"We'll take care of each other." I tried to reassure him. "There are times when we are going to be separated. It will happen. All we can do is watch out for each other."

He nodded. "Alright. Stay away from the towns. Take the route we have been taking."

"We know, Carlisle," Edward said.

He looked back and forth between our faces, looking as if he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. All he said was, "Be safe," before turning and leaving us to go find his meal locally.

I felt guilty – pain even – to send him off on his own. I felt as if I had dismissed him.

"He'll be fine, Esme," Edward said as he took my hand and we started to run. "He's just worried, but he knows he has to let us go."

"He's not hurt?"

"No. The only thoughts I see are ones of worry."

"I don't want him to worry! We'll be fine."

"He loves you, Esme. He wants to protect you, but he knows I'll protect you, too."

"And I'll protect you."

He smirked, but didn't say a word. We ran for hundreds of miles finally reaching the area that had been our hunting grounds all winter. It wasn't long before we both were sated, and in a much better frame of mind than we had been a few hours earlier.

It was overcast, and I wasn't in a hurry to get back and took to a slower pace than the one we arrived at. Carlisle would be at the hospital for hours.

Edward laughed. "What if I wanted to get back?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm just teasing you, Esme. I'm not in any hurry."

He reached out a hand toward mine and I took it.

"You've changed," he said.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"I know you have been reflecting a lot on yourself and yes, you have changed in the last few months, but it isn't a bad thing."

"How?"

I could hear the levity in his tone as he said, "You think now. You're less impulsive, although not totally without sudden whims. You have thoughts that you act on. You are more concerned about our reactions to you. You were concerned before, but you acted anyway and the concern came afterward."

"Am I upsetting you? Is our relationship upsetting you?"

"It certainly had changed the dynamics in the house."

"And that's a bad thing?" I didn't want him to feel excluded or pushed away. He meant so much to me.

"No! Not at all. I want you two to be happy." I could sense hesitation.

"What is it then?"

"I feel at times like I'm intruding."

"But you're not!"

"Let me finish, Esme." I listened. "I know you give permission to be there. You mentally do. I appreciate that you want to be so open with me. Early on though, I was in the room. We were a trio. Now it's a duo and a solo, and it needs to be that way for now. I don't want to intrude on your courtship. There will be a time when things circle back around. I believe that. You two will continue to get closer, but eventually I'll be folded back in."

I was greatly concerned.

"I don't like that you feel left out now."

"He's been alone for more than two centuries. In a matter of five years he has gained two companions that he cares for more than he could have ever imagined. I had my duo time with him. We had several years to get to know each other. When you came along…he changed. Not in a bad way, but he's different. He loves me. I know that. But you…you have altered him. He looks at the world through different eyes. I don't know that he has ever experienced love like this. He's finding himself…with you."

"I love him."

"I know. And he loves you," he assured me before adding, " I just question where I fit into this equation."

"You belong with us. You said yourself, you had several years to get to know him. You and I have the nights to chat and get to know each other. For the longest time I knew more about you than I did about him. We have moments like this. The only time I have with him is when he isn't at work."

Please don't make me feel bad about this.

"That's not my intention, Esme. I just know your thoughts. You look at our dynamics and go over them in your head wondering how the pieces fit together. I'm just letting you in on what's going in my head."

"I don't want you distanced."

"And I'm not."

"Or to feel that way." My voice cracked. I cared so much for Edward, and it pained me that I cause him any discomfort.

"Esme, the quiet calm that is starting to rule you as the newborn retreats…you're not a different person…it's just…there is so much more to know…to see…to learn about you. Carlisle is seeing it. He craves every new bit of information that comes with a movement or a word. I do, too. Your heart, your mind, you are so open with him…with us. I predict that one day, you'll be watching over us instead of the other way around."

I laughed. "I doubt it. I have the incredible mix of damsel in distress and…"

"Strength." His eyes were serious as he looked over at me. "You have strength. And I don't see distress – not anymore. You crave love. You have it and you give it just as much, if not more than you receive it. You are strong. You have been through so much and yet are so strong. What I think you need is comfort and safety. I can only give you so much and I swear I will be here for you whenever you need me. He can give you so much more of what you need. "

"What do you need, Edward?"

He was thoughtful. "Companionship. Friendship. Guidance. Love."

"You have that." the eagerness obvious as I said, "As long as it is mine to give. Companionship, friendship and love. The guidance I'm still getting from you."

"For now but again, I think that will change with just a little more time."

"Why?"

"It's the big sister in you. The teacher in you. The mother in you." He tried to keep his tone light but I knew he meant the words he spoke.

"I was barely a mother," I said in disagreement.

"But it is part of who you are and it always will be."

I shook my head. I failed him.

"It was beyond your control. You did everything you could have done for him." He squeezed my hand, trying to reassure me through his action.

It wasn't enough.

"There is not one great mother out there who ever feels like they do enough. Look at my mother."

I couldn't argue with that. She did everything she could for Edward. She even gave him willingly to the one person who could save him.

He continued, "She forwent her own care and health to try to take care of me. She was a religious woman who knew her own death was imminent, but wanted me to live here rather than with her on the next plain of existence. I'm sure she died wondering if it was enough."

"Was it?" Was he happy in this life?

"She did what she thought was right at the time," he said with a shrug.

"But was it enough?"

"Time will tell. I'm still here which is what she wanted for me."

I squeezed his hand this time.

"Thank you for being here. As much as I need Carlisle, I don't know how I would have survived the last nine months without you."

"You're welcome."

We walked on in silence before Edward finally spoke up with a bit of mischief in his voice.

"So Carlisle's not here. Let's see how your speed is waning. I'll race you home."

I smirked. "I'm still pretty fast."

"We shall see."

"On three…"

I beat him, but not by much.

April 1922

"I find it hard to believe that the only thing you dreamed about was your education, Miss Esme," Carlisle said.

It was slightly overcast this morning, and Carlisle had asked me to accompany him on a walk. Edward deserved some time at home alone. He shouldn't always be the one who has to leave the house to escape our thoughts. We would let him be this time.

"No, no of course not. There were many things that I wanted."

"Such as?"

"I wanted to travel. See the world," I said longingly.

"Really?"

"I've never seen New York City or even the ocean. I went to Massachusetts once when I was thirteen to visit my father's kinfolk, but that's it."

"Where else do you want to go?" He was eager for my answer.

"Anywhere! Everywhere!" I said with a laugh, but again the yearning was there as I continued. "I want to see the art in Paris and Florence, the canals of Venice, the green hills of Ireland, Bavaria, Madrid, Rome, the pyramids, the Aztec ruins, and Athens. And I want to see the Orient, I want to climb the Alps, and I want to see where you grew up in London. Am I being foolish?"

"You shall sojourn at Paris, Rome, and Naples, at Florence, Venice, and Vienna, all the ground I have wandered over shall be re-trodden by you. Wherever I stamped my hoof, your sylph's foot shall step also."

I laughed at the line I knew so well from my favorite book. "You are mocking me, Mr. Rochester."

"No, not at all. If you want to see the world you will see it. I will take you anywhere you want to go."

"But wouldn't it be boring for you? To revisit these places that you have already trodden?"

"Do you doubt me?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in question.

"No, it's not that…"

"Esme, I was quite alone when I traveled the world before. To see it once again while accompanied and through your eyes, I can't think of anything I would enjoy more."

"How could I bear it though? The travel to get to these places?" How could I ever handle my thirst on a ship for days?

"We don't have to travel to Europe or Asia tomorrow, my dear. Those places are not going anywhere. We have forever and with time, as your resistance builds and you become able to endure more time among humans, you will be able to stand the journey. I know it."

I appreciated his confidence in me. It was more than I had in myself.

"I look forward to that day. I look forward to seeing the world with you beside me."

I reached for his hand and he gently took it as we continued our walk.

"So Jane Eyre…I so rudely interrupted you when you tried to discuss it with me. What were your thoughts?" I asked.

"I do have a new appreciation for Rochester."

"I thought you might," I said smugly.

"I see some Jane in you though, love," he said, surprising me.

I chuckled. "Really? Me as Jane?"

"Why do you find that so hard to believe?"

"The poor little impish and plain orphan who doesn't know love. When she finds it lets it toy with her, betray her, and then comes back to him only when he has suffered so completely and is so utterly broken-"

"I thought you loved Rochester?"

I had confused him so I clarified.

"I respect and understand Rochester's motivations. In some twisted way, I admire him for it. As a woman though, I find it difficult to except that Jane would let him toy with her emotions so much."

"He's a Byronic character and in many ways she is, too."

"What do you see of her in me?" I had to know.

He spoke with marked understanding.

"You see your story running parallels to Rochester. You feel you were mislead into marrying a man you did not love who was not who you thought he was. You searched for happiness, but in doing so you became the orphan with no kinship. No family. You were alone and had no home."

"I had friends and a home." Helen and Thomas and then Ida…they took care of me.

"So weren't you like Jane after she left Thornfield and wandered the moors before landing on what turned out to eventually be her cousins' doorstep?"

"I never truly wandered. I had places to go and people to go to." They made sure there was a roof over my head and food in my stomach.

"She wanted independence. To be her own self," he pressed on.

"I always was my own self. But complete independence was a necessity that was born of oppression – the oppression of a man not of faith. I craved love and happiness and family, but at the same time wanted to have my own thoughts, not ones that a man insisted I have. What woman, regardless of Jane Eyre, wouldn't want that?" I argued.

"You are a romantic, Esme. Many women would and have settled for less."

"Then they're fools." I practically spat out the words. Wasn't I a fool then?

"Maybe, but didn't Jane break free from the oppression of men too? Wouldn't Mr. Brocklehurst or St. John have oppressed her want of an original, a vigorous, andexpanded mind?She broke free of them." His thumb rubbed gently, soothingly, over the back of my hand. "Wouldn't it have been easier to stay with Rochester even after finding out about Bertha? He was a wealthy man who loved her and wanted to provide for her and she loved him."

"It was against her morals. She had to leave." I was adamant.

"Would you have left?" he asked quietly.

"If I were Jane Eyre, yes, I would have left. She had always been on her own. She was an orphan. She owed no one anything. The only person she was ever truly responsible for was Jane. Her independence was secure from the moment she was installed at Lowood."

"If you were Esme would you have left?"

He was so serious now. Was he testing me?

"I see." I pursed my lips together. "Are you questioning my faith or my morale code, Carlisle Cullen?"

"Are they not mutually exclusive?"

"I don't believe Jane's were. Her faith was one of God but not necessarily of a particular faith but her moral code was born of a mixture of a faith and personal beliefs."

"And yours?"

We had stopped walking. I had barely noticed. He was searching for answers from me. I had nothing but honesty to give to him.

"I was raised to believe in God and that there is a heaven and a hell. If you did your best to uphold goodness, your place would be secure in the kingdom of Heaven, but if you lived a life marred with wickedness and lack of charity to your fellow man, then you would spend eternity in a pit full of fire. I believed in this, so much so that my last words in my human life were to pray to God that he forgive me for not being strong enough to stay on this earth any longer. I begged him to let me come home to him to see my child and my grandmother. As you can see, he either doesn't listen or he doesn't exist…I'm leaning toward the latter."

"You no longer believe in an afterlife," he affirmed.

He sounded almost disappointed with me, but I stood my ground.

"Carlisle, am I not in my afterlife? My human life is complete. Although my heart still feels it has stopped beating."

"But your soul -"

"What is a soul?" I argued, my voice rising. "Something granted by God…breathed into us to give us life? A human life? Is it not worthless now?"

"You must believe in something?" Rare agitation was in his voice.

"Why? Why must I believe in anything?"

"Because why would being good matter to you then?"

"Who says that it does?"

"Esme, now you are just being wicked for wicked's sake."

He scolded me but I lashed back.

"No, explain to me Carlisle. Why am I good?"

"Because you care and you love." He defended me to me. "You have standards you hold yourself to. If you didn't believe in some sort of good and evil and that you would be judged, you could slaughter a whole town without a second thought. You would have no one to answer to."

"I would have you to answer to."

"I'm not God."

"But your opinion of me matters most."

"You wouldn't have mourned the death of that boy just for me."

I was silent and so was he for a moment as he looked inside for the right words.

"It is easy to lose faith in this life. I've met those that have. They are never satisfied. They wander this world unsettled and cruel, and often end up doing something to set the Volturi upon them. They fate their own destruction. I can't see you becoming like that. You care too much."

"I do," I whispered, my lip quivered. "But I can't see God now. Maybe one day something will restore my faith. In a strange way, I hope it does, but for now, my divine providence is with you – the one who has truly saved me and brought me out of despair and I hold most dearly in my heart. You have faith where I cannot, and I hope you can understand my reasons for my lost beliefs. I hope you don't think less of me for it."

"I could never think less of you when my fondness for you only grows with each passing moment. I understand Rochester's desire and want of a woman who is intellectual, faithful and loving."

"But I lack faith." A faith that may never be restored.

"You have your own faith whether that is in God or in yourself, or sadly misplaced in me, you believe."

"Intellectual?"

"You long for education and exploration – to expand your mind and your experiences. I rarely have met a woman who can challenge me in the ways that you have and surely will continue to do so."

"I'm afraid I will bore you."

"Bore me? Quite the contrary. To quote your dear Rochester, 'but to the clear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break, at once supple and stable, tractable and consistent, I am ever tender and true. I never met your likeness. Esme, you please me, and you master me - you seem to submit, and I like the sense of pliancy you impart, and, while I am twining the soft, silken skein round my finger, it sends a thrill up my arm to my heart. I am influenced, conquered, and the influence is sweeter than I can express, and the conquest I undergo has a witchery beyond any triumph I can win.'"

The words he spoke touched me to my very core. His finger was entwined around a strand of my hair as I looked up into his eyes. "Esme Platt, you have bewitched me and have cast a spell much more powerful than anything Rochester's impish elf ever cast over him. Jane and Edward, Elizabeth and Darcy, Emma and Knightly, Cinderella and her prince, all those love stories that you admire, none were perfect. They all had flaws either in their character or their situation and usually both. We are not perfect but I like to think we have the potential of rivaling them all."

"What are you saying?" I could scarcely speak. Was this his intention when we set out upon this walk?

"I'm saying I wandered this earth alone for more than two centuries. I witnessed life and death, comfort and sorrow, hate and love. I never dreamed of permanent companionship and someone to witness with me, but then I was gifted Edward, and although our relationship was a struggle at first, and at moments still is, I had never been happier and never thought I could be happier…and then I found you. You have changed me in ways I never knew I could be changed, and made me feel things I never felt before. Now that you are here, I can't imagine living one day without you. I need you like I have never needed anything before – not my work or blood or God help me, even Edward. I want to give you everything you desire. Show you the world! Ensure your education! Anything! But I ask in return that you give me the one thing I desire of you?"

"Anything."

He fell to his knee before me, and now looked up at me with a look that was so unnecessarily pleading.

"Be my wife. Esme, I love you with every fiber of my being, and as I will never be happy in this life again without you. Please, marry me."

The past ten months had been a dream. It had to have been. This couldn't be real. Fairy tales aren't real. Dreams don't come true. But as I looked into his golden eyes, and felt his hand pressed upon mine, I knew my fate.

"As Thomas put me on the train in Milwaukee last March, he wished that I find happiness with a man. I told him, no, that it was only my child, and I moving forward and I would never let a man rule over me. What he said to me next is one of the memories that I'm grateful stayed as it was very powerful at the time. He said, 'When a marriage is what it should be there is an equality to it; it is a partnership not a dictatorship. It is based on mutual respect and love. There are good men out there and my greatest wish for you is that one finds you and makes you whole again; that your new life will include a new family and love, passion and respect, for you deserve it all. Let love into your heart because it is what makes you complete. Your ability to love is your gift and too many have tried to destroy it. Forget them. Forget us. Open your heart to someone new.' I agreed that if it was ever meant to be, I would remain open to it.

"I never could have imagined that day, that the man of my dreams would be on bended knee before me, being everything that he described and more. I'm honored that of all the women you have encountered I would be the one that you would ask this of."

"I have encountered many, but I have only ever seen you."

I shivered slightly. "As I see you. As I have seen you as a dream since I was 16, but the reality is beyond what human dreams could conjure. One thing I do believe in now is fate."

"Esme," he pleaded once again. "Please, will you marry me?"

"I can think of no honor greater than becoming Mrs. Cullen. I want to be yours forever. Yes, I will marry you."

He kissed the top of my hand and then touched his lips to the inside of my palm, then my wrist as I looked down at the top of his head. I was going to be his wife now. I was going to claim what was going to be mine forever. I fell to my knees as well to his surprise, placing myself in front of him. I was looking in those eyes again, begging with my own to give me what I wanted. I just had to lean forward slightly before he took the bait and wrapped his arms around me and brought his lips to mine. I held fast to him.

I had never felt anything like it before. The sensations were completely new, and I was sure they were heightened by what we were. The taste of him, his scent, the pull at my heart, the whirl in my head, the thrill and desire at my very depths…I didn't want to let him go ever.

I ran my hand up through his hair. If I could cry, I would be shedding tears of happiness. He pulled away from my lips and took my cheeks gently in his hand and kissed every inch of my face before meeting my eyes again. They were darker than usually, and there was something different about them – a look I hadn't seen before from him – desire. It wasn't like looking at Charles though when he stared at me with lustful eyes. There was so much love radiating from Carlisle, that I knew that his carnal desires would never turn to violence. He would never hurt me. My head knew that but my body didn't. I recoiled for a moment, but I overcame it and threw myself at him, into his embrace. If he saw my reflexes reactions, he didn't say anything. He just held me close.

"Was this your intention when we left the house?" I finally spoke, my head on his shoulder, my eyes turned up so I could see his profile.

He smiled. "I have to confess that no, it was not in my plans to propose to you today."

"Do you regret it?"

"Of course not," he said, his eyes meeting mine. "Just because I was not planning to ask for your hand today, doesn't mean that the thought to do so wasn't already in my head."

"So this wasn't some whim."

"Definitely not. I just wish I had the ring with me."

I sat back so I could look directly at him. His arm stayed wrapped around me. "There's a ring?"

"Yes my love; there's a ring," he said with a grin.

"Where?"

"In my study."

"Does Edward know?" I was sure my worry was obvious.

"He knows I was planning to propose," he reassured me, "but I don't think we are close enough that he knows that I just did."

"And does he approve?" I wanted Edward's contentment as much as I wanted our own.

"He loves you and wants yours and our happiness."

"I worry that I'm taking you from him."

"You're not. You've added to our lives, not taken from them."

"We should go tell him."

His arms held me tight. "He can wait a little longer."

I couldn't help but laugh. "And just think a few months ago I couldn't get you to lay a finger on me."

He kissed the top of my head. "I have to admit, Esme, I did have another purpose for taking you out for this walk."

"Oh? And what was that?"

"I hoped to steal a kiss," he teased but I could hear there was an underlying seriousness.

"You never needed to steal one, Carlisle, but either way, I believe you succeeded in your robbery attempt." I said as he helped me to my feet and pulled me to him again. I loved his lips.

"I should have kissed you sooner," he said as he stepped back and took my hand in his.

"I completely agree," I said with a smile. "Let's go tell Edward."

I leaned into him and he wrapped an arm around me as we walked back toward the house. There would be much to discuss and many details to be worked out, but for the moment it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I had my answer at last – he wanted me and he wanted me by his side for eternity. There was no where else I wanted to spend it.

Sometimes magical things happen when you're writing. Moments come to you that you don't expect, but you have to move forward with them.

When I started writing this chapter, it wasn't my intention that Carlisle was going to propose in it and it wasn't his either, but when the moment came, there was no where to go but forward with it. He was going to wait until she had been a vampire for a year to make sure that she knew her mind and her heart. But he knew already in his heart of hearts that he wanted her as his wife – hence why he has a ring.

I hope you enjoyed it and would love to hear your thoughts on it. Reviews are love.

If you haven't read Jane Eyre, Esme and I both recommend it.

Through Monday, November 29 I'm running a fundraiser for Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation in honor of Peter Facinelli's birthday. It is a raffle and there are great Twilight prizes and autographed items (including items autographed by Peter Facinelli, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz and more). Donate at http:/www(dot)alexslemonade(dot)org/mypage/68221