I have such great fans. I wasn't going to put them together again. I had a direction I wanted to take but I need to make my audience as happy as the comments make me. To the guest who said the last chapter was a downer and why continue reading, please continue reading.

Chapter 15

6 months later

Alex POV

My doctor put me on anti-depressants after I returned from Africa. I went back to therapy. I returned to work and tried hard to pretend that I wasn't dying inside. Upon my return, I found the box of things I had left in Liv's apartment. I wanted to believe she would've thrown the box against the wall or emptied the contents on the floor. She didn't. Everything was nicely folded and smelled of her laundry detergent.

Work was awful. Initially I wasn't assigned to Special Victims. Casey Novak was and I was just filling in where I was needed. I wasn't happy about that either but it's life. I didn't have the role I wanted at work but I showed up everyday. Some days, I had a hangover but I was still there. I was always prepared. I was just so depressed.

I saw Olivia a month or so after I came back. She was testifying for Casey during some trial. She looked like the same woman who put the picture in my locket. She sounded like the woman who used to say 'I love you' to me so frequently. She even walked like the woman who stomped into my office years ago to demand I get my head out my ass after I treated Stabler like dirt. We were both so young then.

I don't think Olivia even noticed me as I watched her walk out after her testimony. I stayed in my seat until the recess was called. Once the court was in recess, I stumbled out of the courtroom. I wanted fresh air and my reason for attending court was long forgotten. I didn't see her again that day. I just gave her space.

About a three months after I returned, I was assigned to work with Casey. There had been some restructuring around the DA's office and SVU had two prosecutors to cover the caseload. Casey and I worked well together. Initially, I thought this was a mistake but later realized Casey and compliment one another. I was meticulous and Casey was imaginative. I enjoyed brainstorming with her over case strategies.

I didn't see Olivia for the first week of my new assignment. I had avoided the precinct even though I had one of their cases already. Casey was more than happy to cover the search warrants during the first week. At the beginning of the second week, I had to go to the squadroom for Casey. Really, it was my case, Casey was just too busy to go for me.

We had an Italian diplomat accused of rape. All I needed to do was deliver a search warrant. Cragen pulled me into his office and told me about how Stabler was involved in a shooting there at the precinct. I couldn't believe it. He talked about IAB being around and how the unit was under close observation. He, also, told me a new detective would join them soon. He told me things had changed recently and Olivia was suffering.

I didn't see her during that trip. The next day, I returned and found Olivia staring at Stabler's desk. She was the only still person in the room. I walked over to her desk and stood for a moment. I didn't speak but she did look up at me. The small smile she gave me showed strain and frustration.

"Hello, Counselor. I guess you've heard about my partner." Not a question, a statement.

I nodded and said, "it's a shame too. He's a good detective."

"I'm sure he will be cleared and come back soon. I'm probably worrying for no reason."

She told me they were waiting to see if the DNA matched the diplomat and if it did, she would have enough for a warrant. Apparently, nothing was gained from his questioning. Any diplomat being involved in a case warranted kid gloves. Any missteps and our case was over.

Over the next few days, we worked together frequently. I was even present for some questioning during the investigation. I managed to hunt down a second victim in another country. We flew her into the country for her testimony but immediately she was labelled a prostitute. Everything we did with this case became a mess. We almost lost our suspect on an overseas flight. Our rape shield laws didn't protect our new witness from her alleged prostitution. Nothing went the way I wanted.

During the course of the case, I realized Olivia wasn't fighting with her normal tenacity. To me, the case was a throw away. We couldn't win on the rape. It was just one of those things. It happens sometimes and it happened then. I knew Liv was struggling with her partner gone. She seemed to struggle with the new detective, Rollins. She seemed to struggle with everything. But she did talk to me.

"Olivia, I just need to know what you believe here," I asked her. "You are more experienced at finding deception. Do you believe she was raped?"

"Alex, I don't know what happened. I can't be sure of who is telling the truth. Everything I've learned is telling me I'm being lied to now. I just don't know where the facts end and lies begin. I do believe something terrible happened in that room."

"That's all I needed to hear," I said and left her. I couldn't fight a case without my detectives belief in the victim. I couldn't win anything without their conviction. Since Liv believed, I would fight. And fight I did. We managed to get his immunity knocked out when he paid for the hotel room himself. We were also able to convince the jury that the injuries sustained during the rape were not consistent with consensual rough sex. We just didn't get the rape conviction. Our perp was only given a year at Riker's.

At the end of the case, we found out Stabler had been cleared and then retired. I was fairly depressed before that case. Working with SVU again helped restore some of my mental health. I wasn't with Olivia but I felt better when I worked near her. It gave me some hope. I did feel awful for her, though. I couldn't imagine how she felt. Stabler was the one thing that never changed. He was there for her everyday and she had just lost that. For years, she told me he was the only family she had. I know she felt the same for Munch and Fin but Stabler was like the brother she never had.

I found her in the bar later that evening. She had her phone in front of her and just stared at the screen. She was at the bar and I sat in the stool next to her. I ordered a drink when the bartender approached. I didn't look at her. I didn't want to stare at her if she lost her composure. My bourbon arrived and I sipped from the glass. Finally, Liv shifted and I realized she was looking at me.

"Alex, this isn't the time to be hashing out our past."

"I'm not here to talk about us. I'm here because I thought you may need a friend."

"What I need is my partner, Alex. I don't understand what's going on. He won't talk to me, Alex. He won't answer my calls. He doesn't text back. I just dont get it."

"I'm sure he has his reasons, Liv. Those reasons aren't for us to understand. If he tried to explain why he was leaving right now, what would you say to him."

A strange expression came over her face and she said, "Honestly, I would say 'don't leave.' I guess I would say, 'I can't do this without you. Please don't go.'"

I asked her, "Is that all?"

"I don't know, Alex. I would say it was a good shoot. He had no choice. That girl killed Sister Peg. She killed the one person who stood for good. The one person who fought everyday to make this world a better place. She wasn't finished shooting either. She could've shot me or him or anybody else around. There was no other choice."

I give her a sad smile and say, "what else, Liv?"

"What else is there to say? I need him. I can't do the work I do without Elliot."

"You can, Liv. You are an amazing person. The things you said about Sister Peg, about her fighting to make the world a better place, she was like you. You stand for good and you make the world a better place. I know you love Elliot. You don't need him, though."

"I do need him. He was the one who taught me how to be a detective. He taught me more in the first year of working together than I had probably learned in my lifetime."

"I know, Liv," I said. "Everybody in the world has had a teacher at some point. The one person who influenced each part of our lives. Elliot was that person for you. It was just time for him to move on to a new chapter in his life. I'm sure he will contact you once he feels better about his decision."

She takes a gulp from her drink and says, "Everybody leaves me. What is so wrong with me to cause everybody I care about to go?"

I took some tissues from my purse when I saw her tears begin. I handed them to her and let her cry. I sat next to her and rubbed her back as she grieved. I know she was crying over the loss of her partner but I believe she was crying for more reasons. Maybe she cried for the loss of Calvin or Sister Peg. Maybe it was partially about Sonya. Some of it may have been about how I had left her.

I couldn't find any words to say to make her feel better. I don't think the English language had adequate words to console her during that moment. I do believe that during those moments, we recaptured our friendship. If I had went home that night, I don't believe the next few months would have gone so well.

Olivia POV

I couldn't remember ever feeling so lost. No partner, no girlfriend, no child. I was lost. I couldn't imagine life without the one man who meant everything to me. It was a devastating loss for me. During those days before the resignation, I had hope. After he resigned, I was completely hopeless.

I hated to feel like I did. I never meant to get so attached to him but our partnership had deepened over the years. Elliot was the person I called when I was a little upset. When I had troubles with Alex, he knew and gave advice. He was there for me when my mother died. He was even there when I thought Alex was dead. I had gotten too close to him for a little bit, confusing my love of him for some sort of romantic love. I knew I was a lesbian but that whole time kept me more confused so I left and did some work in computer crimes.

I couldn't believe he would leave without even telling me. Who does that? Alex found me drowning my sorrows. I didn't want her to find me but I was hoping maybe El would be in his favorite cop bar. I thought maybe he would go there just to remember what being a cop felt like. He didn't go but Alex did. She sat with me, talked to me, and then called me a cab when I was too drunk to walk home.

Alex rode with me in the cab but didn't try to come into my apartment. To be honest, I would have let her. It's not that I forgave her or was ready to kiss and make up. I just wanted something that felt normal. Alex in my home seemed normal. She didn't offer to accompany me and, now, I'm grateful that I didn't invite her into my apartment. If I had invited her in, we would have had sex. That was a complication I didn't want or need.

Life did keep going though. I didn't like our new additions to the team. I don't know why I disliked Rollins so much. She was eager and tried. Those aren't necessarily bad qualities. She just drove me insane. She needed guidance and I wasn't the one to give it to her.

Amarro was our newest addition. He made me think of Elliot at times. He was hot headed and quick to anger. He didn't identify with victims at all. I usually felt like he believed our victims lied more often than not. He got better over time. I resented him being assigned as my partner. He must have hated me in the beginning.

Over the next few months, my pain at losing my partner lessened. I still had an ache when I thought of him. I hadn't called his number since I sat with Alex that night. I never heard from him and his house was sold soon after he put in his papers. I don't know where he went. I didn't look for him through any searches online. I did look for him during cases. On more than on occasion, I called Amarro by the wrong name. He was a good sport about it though.

I found myself getting used to working with Casey and Alex. I even found myself smiling at Alex when she would walk into the squadroom. She amazed me at times. This woman worked tirelessly despite the friction on our side of every case. Our new members fought with one another and with her. Alex picked up a lot of our slack where Casey put her foot down to our antics.

A few months after Elliot left and Alex had returned, I went to the prosecutor's office to get a warrant signed. Casey wasn't in her office and I found myself walking toward Alex's office. Normally, I would just wait but this was important. Fin and Rollins were waiting outside a storage unit for this warrant. I stopped outside her closed door and paused to give my clothing a once over. I knocked and waited her to answer.

"It's open," I heard her call. I walked into her office and she was still looking down at some papers in front of her. I stopped next to an chair and lowered myself into it. A few moments passed before she looked up at me. She didn't smile or even look remotely happy to see me but I was stunned at her appearance. Alex looked tired. I can't ever remember seeing her when she didn't look her best. This is a woman who makes the flu look attractive.

"Detective, what can I help you with?"

"I was looking for Casey to get a warrant pushed through and she isn't in. Could you get this signed for me?" I pass her the warrant and she reads over it and nods.

"How soon do you need it?"

"As soon as possible. We are more than ready to begin searching right now," I said optimistically.

"Ok, I can run a judge down but it will probably take twenty minutes to find an available judge and then another 15 to get it back to you."

"I could just follow you, Counselor. If you don't mind."

She nodded and stood. We walked out of her office together and went on a search for a judge. While walking through the courthouse, I asked, "Alex, are you alright?"

"Of course, Detective. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just didn't seem like yourself when I came to your office," I answered.

"I've just been working on something and it keeps me preoccupied," she answered vaguely.

"Oh," I said. "Just thought I'd check."

Before long, I was headed out of the courthouse with a signed warrant. I gave the go ahead call to Fin and headed to their location to help with the search. As I drove, I wondered about Alex. We rarely spoke unless it was about a case. I felt a pang of sadness as I thought about how our relationship went from good to nonexistent with little or no effort.

That evening, I received a call from Alex. I figured she was going to vent about me keeping her from her work to get a warrant that yielded nothing but she wasn't in that type of mood. She seemed a little hesitant to explain why she was calling and finally managed to say she wanted me to come to her office. I shut off my computer and gathered my belongings.

"Detective," she said nervously. "I know you were probably busy but I needed your help."

"It's fine. What do you need me to do?"

"Could you, if you don't mind, walk through the hallways and check the other offices? I keep hearing something or somebody but I haven't seen any lights in any of the offices. I feel like I'm being senseless but the noises are making me a little nervous."

I nodded and left her office. I walked through the office checking doorknobs and looking for any signs of life throughout the building. I found none so I returned to Alex's office to report my findings. She was sitting at her desk and then I saw that she did look a little unnerved.

"Alex, I didn't find another soul in the other offices. I didn't even see the cleaning crew. What exactly did you hear?"

"I just kept hearing a really quiet voice. I'm pretty sure I heard a couple doors close at one point. I got up and closed my door and then I'm pretty sure I heard somebody say, 'Shit.'"

"How much longer do you need to work tonight?"

"I could go home right now. I just didn't want to walk out there if some stranger person was just lurking outside of my office," she said quietly.

"Ok," I told her, "grab your things and I will walk you to your car."

"Thanks, Liv. Maybe it was nothing but I'm sure I heard something."

She picked up her briefcase and walked around her desk. I walked through the door and she followed. We left the building in silence. I walked her to the parking garage and went straight to her parking spot. Parking garages tend to be creepier at night and I noticed her shudder as we walked past the empty spots. Once at her car, I turned to leave and thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned but saw nothing. It appeared we were alone but I began to feel like I was being watched. Alex saw me look and offered to take me to my car. I accepted the offer and she dropped me off on the street next to my car.

I went home from there but I couldn't lost the eery feeling for the rest of the night.