THANK YOU for the incredible reviews for the last several chapters. I've been so touched by the outpouring of love for my interpretation of these events and characters. Also, thank you for the five Avant Garde Award nominations!

This is by far the shortest chapter in The Vampire Years to date, but it's an important moment for Esme that I felt needed to be told.

August 1925
Rochester, Minnesota

I looked across the living room at my Edward. His head was hanging low. He didn't want me to see his face. He didn't want me to look in his eyes. If he would just lift them and look at mine he would know I held no blame.

"I know you will always deny me being guilty of anything, Esme. I don't need to look in your eyes to see that, but it doesn't change anything." His scarlet eyes met my own. "I'm still a killer."

"You made a mistake," I insisted.

"I knew what I was doing," he said flatly.

"But you couldn't help yourself," I maintained.

"I could have, but I didn't want to. He deserved it and I wanted it." There was hostility and arrogance in his voice that I didn't care for at all.

"Edward! Don't say that. You don't even sound like yourself."

"He was going to hurt someone. He had done it before and was going to do it again. I saw it in his mind."

"We can't judge."

"Why not?" His voice rose as he spit out, "I can! I saw how vile that man was! I rid the world of him!"

"That is not our decision," I argued.

"Who's is it? God's?" he said with a snicker. "You believe less in that deity than I do. A higher being wasn't going to stop that man. I did. Maybe we are gods."

"Edward! Stop it!"

"Carlisle thinks of you as a goddess."

I gasped at the term of endearment that Carlisle only used with me when we were alone. "Edward! How dare you!"

He had gone too far and he knew it. He shrunk back against the seat of the sofa, and muttered an apology.

"Who are you?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated soberly. "That was uncalled for."

"It was," I said as I composed my thoughts. "What can I do to help you?"

We had moved to Rochester, Minnesota four months ago. Carlisle had secured a position with the Mayo Institute of Experimental Medicine. It was fairly new and was giving him an opportunity to use his particular talents in ways that he never imagined, which made him extremely happy. He came home from work each morning eager to share with us what new research he was working on.

Almost three years into our marriage, we had worked hard to control our desires for each other. It was still always beneath the surface, but we were much more in command of our senses. For nearly the first year we truly struggled. We couldn't go a day without mating. Often the need for each other was so all consuming that clothes continued to be torn, and after destroying a bed for the fourth time, we gave up on utilizing a bed until we could control ourselves.

Edward was frustrated, but also incredibly accommodating. Carlisle stepped in immediately to explain to him, as he had to me, what we were going through. It was a conversation that I was not privy to. After that, there were many silent conversations resulting in Edward excusing himself suddenly or Carlisle excusing us. We developed a routine though and tried our best to stick with it. On Carlisle's nights off, we would retreat to the lodge to be alone. When he would return home from work in the mornings, we would have our time. The afternoons were family time. It didn't always work out that way, but we tried.

We also had to deal with being part of society. In Virginia, Dr. Cullen's wife was expected to be seen and involved in the community. While there was some sympathy to my husband's night shift and our newlywed life, I still was expected to be a hostess and a gracious guest. It wasn't always an easy feat. After all, we were still vampires. Edward and I kept ourselves well fed in an effort to ward off temptation, but having humans parade through our home en masse at times was trying. I did my best to keep gatherings small.

No, it wasn't easy, but the payoff was worth it. We were living a relatively normal life, or at least as normal as it could be for vampires pretending to be humans. We had adapted well to life in Virginia, but Rochester was a different story.

Whether it was the closer proximity, just the sheer volume of the human population or maybe just change in general, Edward had been struggling with city life, but he refused to tell us why. He, instead, was sullen with no explanation and now, he had done something so completely out of his nature.

"It's not out of my nature, Esme," Edward snapped at me. "It's what every other vampire on this earth does except you, me and him."

"That's not true. There are others who live this way," I calmly insisted.

"Supposedly," he said with a sneer.

"Supposedly?" I was becoming slightly annoyed. " Are you saying Carlisle is making it up? What purpose would it serve?"

"Keeping us under control. Make us believe that there are others out there like us so it doesn't seem so strange."

"Edward, you are talking nonsense. Carlisle wouldn't lie to us. He loves us no matter what and you see and know that more than I do."

Those words seemed to silence him. I thought back over the events of the evening. I had a bad feeling when we left the house to hunt. I should have taken it as a premonition and suggested we stay home. I didn't.

We were making our way, side by side, silently through the nearly empty streets of Rochester a bit after 1 A.M. If I've learned anything about life as a vampire, it's that when things go wrong it happens very quickly.

The scent of human blood filled my nose and scorched my throat. I stopped breathing. Edward shot forward. I took off after him, but he was faster than me. I called his name as loudly as I dared. I knew he could hear me, but he was ignoring me. He was increasing the distance, and was soon a block ahead of me. He disappeared around a corner, and when I entered the alley, I slammed my heels to a stop.

I had seen Edward and Carlisle bent over their prey before. At times there was something morbidly beautiful about what laid before me. It often reminded me how powerful we were, but how delicate and fragile the other creatures on this earth were.

Edward was crouched just as he would have been over a deer or a bear, but in his arms was a human. The man was bleeding from a wound to his shoulder. His face was twisted in pain, but I did not know if it was from the pain he had already been in, or the pain Edward inflicted.

There was nothing I could do to stop him, and for my own safety I didn't dare approach him.

My throat burned at the sight of the blood. The image alone of the blood on his clothing made me thirsty. I felt guilty, but I also felt the burn of my desire. I looked away.

The pulse stopped and soon after, Edward did too. I looked back toward him as he lifted his head, looking completely satisfied with himself. I knew that feeling. It may have been several years, but I remembered it well. He looked right at me, and I couldn't help but gasp at his appearance. The only vampire I had ever seen with red eyes was my own reflection. The change was startling to say the least.

The smile disappeared from his face and his actions became almost mechanical in nature. He didn't look at the man once, but lifted his lifeless, white body in his arms as he got to his feet. "We have to go, Esme."

I followed him silently and deftly out of town, and then watched as he disposed of the body under the roots of a tree. It would grow over the man and no one would ever know what happened to him. Maybe someone would wonder why he didn't arrive home that night. Maybe no one would notice. His existence was forfeit.

He stared at the tree for a moment before turning to me and stated, "Esme, you need to hunt. If we head west we should be able to find some prey."

"Are we going to talk about this?"

"Not now. Later. Let's take care of your needs first. "

I growled in frustration and took off deeper into the forest wanting to kill quickly so I could get Edward home. Edward was standing 10 feet away from me when I finished the deer.

"Would you like me to dispose of that for you?" he asked contritely.

"I'll take care of it," I said with a sigh.

We ran home in silence and Edward collapsed on the sofa, and I across from him and this conversation began.

I looked at him waiting for him to answer me. I wanted him to tell me how I could help him.

"There's nothing you can do," he stated adamantly. "I'm sorry that I'm not as contrite as you believe I should be, but he was not a good man, and by eliminating him from this earth I most likely saved others from pain at his hands."

"He was still a human being. You must value human life, Edward," I reminded him. "Someone somewhere loved him. He was a child once."

He hung his head low again.

"I know you mean well, Esme. Part of me wishes that I felt worse about it." I could hear the struggle in his voice. I walked over and sat down next to him and took his hand in mine.

"I love you no matter what. I know what the temptation feels like, but I can't read minds. I don't know what you saw in that man's head, and you need to feel what you need to feel. I hope that in some way you will mourn for the loss of life. I may be disappointed in you for not feeling any regret, but I will never love you any less."

He didn't say anything as he laid his head in my lap. I stroked his hair and we sat in silence. My heart hurt for him. I wanted to take away any pain. I wanted to turn back time and stop him. I wanted to read his mind as easily as he saw what was happening in mine.

"No, you don't," he mumbled.

We sat there like that until Carlisle appeared in the doorway several hours later. The smile that he almost always brought home to us disappeared, and was immediately replaced with a look of alarm when he saw us. Edward lifted his head and when their eyes met the alarm was replaced with concern.

"Are you alright?" he asked hastily his eyes moving from Edward to mine and back to his.

I gripped Edward's hand and said, "We're fine. The body's been disposed of. It was very late and no one else was around."

"Edward?" Carlisle asked.

He wasn't angry. He never would be. He understood.

Edward sat up and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"I know. Go talk with Carlisle. He can give you guidance in ways that I can't."

"I love you, too." He kissed me again.

Edward got up and walked past Carlisle through the entranceway. My husband looked at me with a confused expression. I waved him off with one hand to follow our…

I stopped the word before it formed. Carlisle turned and followed him. I heard them slip out the back door.

I was still as a statue in mind and in body for several minutes until I knew they were out of range. I relaxed back against the sofa and finally let the thought in. Our son. I had told Edward on our wedding day that I would be whatever he needed when he needed it. I always thought of him as our Edward, but with no definitive definition beyond that. To the outside world he was my brother, and he was always my friend. But just as calling him Cullen has come naturally to my lips a few years back, and fit him so well, son now did, too. Of course I would never declare such a thing. He had a mother who adored him so much that she gave him to Carlisle. I couldn't assume that position of my own accord. But my heart ached differently for him, and since I identified what that difference felt like, I couldn't deny it. It was a mother feeling for her son.

I would have to tread lightly with Edward. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, especially during such an emotionally heightened time. It would be his choice to come to me, and just as I had promised him three years ago, I'll be whatever you need me to be, Edward, whether it's a sister, a mother, or just a friend.

Only in my heart had our relationship been defined, and in my heart, not my head, it would stay.

Saturday, June 4 is the last day to vote for Round 1 of the Avant Garde Awards! The link is in my profile. The Esme Chronicles: The Vampire Years is nominated for Best Love Story, Best Canon Pairing, Best Edward, Best Carlisle, and Best Esme! Please vote!

Also, Just the Way You Are and To My Dearest Mother are both nominated for Best One-Shot!

Thank you for your nominations and your votes!

My betas are Sweetishbubble, Batgirl8968, and MelissaMargaret. They totally rock!