November 1927
"Esme! Slow down!"
We had left Rochester several days ago at a sprint and never looked back. We had flown through the plains, and up through the mountains then had turned northwest over the border into Canada. Once on an escape route, I didn't want to stop.
We barely spoke as we were both lost in our thoughts. We just ran. We ignored the weather, and the human populations. We were supposed to be leaving our pain behind, but we carried it with us, and our minds were weighed down by it.
I was startled to hear Carlisle call out to me.
I slowed to a stop. He came to rest behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders.
"Esme Cullen, where are you going?" he whispered in my ear. "You keep running ahead without pause or direction. I've let you stew for three days, but I need to hear your voice."
I leaned back against him and looked up through the trees toward the darkening sky.
"I could have done so much differently." My voice wavered as I spoke.
"As could I, but I don't know that it would have changed the outcome. Esme, as much as it pains me to say it, I believe this was a long time coming. He was unhappy for quite some time."
"But there must have been something I could have done differently," I moaned. Carlisle wrapped his arms around my waist and held me against him.
"It wasn't you that caused him to leave. It was me. This is in no way your fault." I couldn't let Carlisle bear all the guilt. I knew he was trying to take the blame and relieve me of my pain, but it was shared.
"I fought with him," I argued.
"You disagreed with him, but you gave him everything you could. I was the one who couldn't meet his expectations." He sounded so calm and rational – like it made perfect sense that he couldn't meet some standard either he or Edward set. I turned around to face him. I caressed his smooth cheek and as his eyes met mine they betrayed his reason. I tried to assure him.
"My love, you are who you are. You are compassionate and loving and want to see the best in people. You have chosen to live your way. It's not easy, but your moral compass wouldn't have you act any different way. He saw what was happening up there," I said, patting his temple. "He knows that you are not trying to deny him anything. You are just choosing to do things the right way instead of the easy way."
"Who's to say my way is right? I know what I believe in, but what if Edward is right?"
I didn't like that he was doubting himself when it was clear to me as it always was that his way was the right way and the only way.
"The value of a human life is priceless and if we can avoid destroying it, we should."
"I should have told him everything." His eyes fell from mine as he lowered his head. I kissed his hair and tried to sooth him.
"You've had more than two hundred and sixty years of experience and so many memories and events in your head. Edward has had barely a decade. It's not unreasonable that you haven't told us things because they haven't come up."
He sighed deeply and buried his face in my hair. "How did we go from me attempting to comfort you to you doing it for me instead?"
"That's what we do, love. In sickness and in health. Right now, we're both hurting."
"And the pain won't fade easily."
"Our son, for all intents and purposes, just walked out on us. He abandoned us, and told us that he didn't believe in us."
"In me," he said bitterly. I pulled away so I could take his face in my hands again. He had to see how much I loved him in my eyes.
"In us. I stand by you and your choices and not just because I'm your wife, but because I believe it is what is right. I'm worried more than anything that he has lost the sense of right and wrong."
"That's my failing too."
I wouldn't wallow in pity anymore and I wouldn't let him either. I was desperate for him to see reason.
"It's not. You have done everything you could for him."
"But it wasn't enough." His sorrow was too deep. I paused and softened my voice as I spoke again.
"Was there anything we could have done that would have been enough? As you said a moment ago, this was a long time coming."
"Maybe. The only one who has the answer is gone."
"And we are going to grieve for him and keep looking for answers as to what we could have done."
"Undoubtedly, we are going to keep going in circles as we have just done." I finally saw some semblance of understanding reflected in his eyes.
"We need to turn to each other, not put up these walls as we have been doing."
"I've missed you," he said softly taking my cheeks in between his fingers. His demeanor had changed. There was still sadness, but it was redirected from our missing son to me.
"I've been right here," I said and was met with a doubtful look. "I'm not a mind reader. What do you want to say that you are not saying?"
"You've always run to me when you are upset. When your instinct says turn away, you've pulled me close. I don't know why this time you stayed away."
"I'm sorry." My intention had never been to hurt him, but two people sharing pain seem to unwillingly inflict it on each other by their action or inaction.
"You don't need to apologize. I just kept wondering when you were going to land in my arms," he said as he moved his hands to my waist. "If I hadn't just made you stop and pulled you in, you would still be staying away."
"I've run to you because I needed comfort, and you were my rock. This time I was distraught and you were distraught. How could I burden you when you were carrying your own burden?"
He thought about the question before speaking – his voice seemed at least temporarily relieved of his grief and replaced with his esteem for me.
"Esme, my darling, I guess it is a testament to how happy we have been that we haven't both been in need of comfort at the same time, or there was a third party present to help shoulder the load. My worries were added to by you staying away. I thought your anger was geared toward me so I stayed away until you were ready, but I just couldn't take it anymore."
"No, that wasn't it at all," I disputed.
He pressed on. "If you are upset, love, I will always be here for you. No matter what I am feeling your welfare is paramount. You must talk to me."
"But you must do the same."
"It took us five years to have a moment of such discord. That's a pretty good track record," he said as he kissed my forehead with a slightly self deprecating laugh. "Never be afraid to talk to me. Never hold back what you are feeling."
"You must agree to do the same, Dr. Cullen," I said again as I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and kissed his jaw. His hands slid down over my back, awakening something I hadn't felt in too long – desire.
"I agree," he said as he nuzzled my wild hair. "I've missed you," he said quietly again, but with new meaning in his tone.
"Maybe we should find a place to stay for a little while," I said, my voice rising slightly. We had never been anywhere near this long without being intimate, but all desire seemed to be doused by our separated mourning. We hadn't made love since the day before Edward left, which was two weeks ago. Now that we were reconnected verbally and mentally, we both needed to reconnect intimately.
"I could build a fire and pull out a blanket," he said rather quickly.
"I meant shelter, like an inn," I clarified.
"Esme, we're in the middle of nowhere. We can continue on another half a day or more until we come across civilization and perhaps an inn if that is really your wish," he said before placing kisses on my temple and trailing down my cheek. "Or we could stay out here."
"It could snow." I was the one trying to be rational for once, but the opposition continued.
"It's unseasonably warm at the moment. It won't go below forty this evening," he purred into my ear.
"We're outside." My resistance was waning as his lips continued down my neck.
"We're one with nature."
I laughed at my husband. "Are you really that anxious?"
He pressed his body against me and I could feel his erection straining against his clothes through my own. "Yes, yes, yes."
I dramatically sighed as I gave in. "Fine."
He moved at a rapid pace as he set about creating a small camp, with a fire and shelter, in a clearing nearby. As soon as it was ready, I was swept off my feet and laid down on the blanket on top of an earthen bed.
His kisses began at my lips and slowly trailed down my body as he removed my clothing. Every touch was exquisite and heightened after too much time apart. He was taking his time as he removed each layer, and planted a kiss on every bit of skin as it became exposed. When I was down to just my bloomers, he must have felt the need to catch up because he paused his stripping of me to strip off his own clothing.
I was flat on my back as I stared up at him, watching him quickly take off each piece. "Are you in a hurry?" I teased.
"Only in a hurry to get back to worshiping you."
I giggled and he beamed down at me. "What?" I asked at his grin.
"It's good to hear you laugh and see your captivating smile. The world is a dark place without it."
"You make me happy," I said as he finished undressing and sat down at my feet.
"Remember that in the bad times," he said as if it was an edict, but it was one that I would do my best to obey so I nodded in agreement.
His lips made their way to my stomach and the waistband of my bloomers. He slid them down noticeably slow. I was aroused and wet and deeply desiring him. When he removed them completely, he began his slow ascent back up my body by kissing my ankle, then my calves, his tongue lingering over my bent kneecaps, then slowly started up the inside of my thigh. When he started to move a little too close to my nether region, I pushed myself up on one arm and placed the palm from my other hand on his forehead.
"Where do you think you are going?"
He whimpered and from the priceless expression on his face, I think his reaction surprised him. He paused and composed himself before continuing calmly. "Would I ever harm you?"
"No."
"If I've done something you don't like, have I always stopped?"
"Yes."
"Esme, my love, I haven't broached this one in a very long time, but at the moment I want to taste you. Every bit of your skin has been so soothing to me. The taste of your skin on my tongue is revitalizing me. I understand your fear because it's something you never enjoyed giving, but maybe you'll like receiving it. If you don't I'll stop immediately. One word and I'll back away," he said punctuating it with a swab of his tongue very high on my inner thigh before meeting my eyes with a dark look of desire. I felt another rush of warm aching heat and nodded my consent.
He smiled and said, "If you're not happy, tell me. If you don't like it, tell me. I only want your pleasure."
I nodded and took a deep breath of air to steady myself.
"You'll know if I'm not happy, and I apologize now if you hit any trees when I toss you," I breathed out.
He slid a finger over the moisture already pooling and licked it clean. I moaned as he returned his lips to my stomach before slowly making their way down to my wetness. He was tentative and controlled and probably fighting some urge to dive right in. I appreciated that. His tongue touched my aroused bud and I practically jumped in the air as all the air rushed out of my chest. He stifled a chuckle and looked up at me. "I'm okay," I breathlessly said.
"Are you sure?"
I rapidly nodded, and he winked at me before making his next move. He didn't stop when I gasped again as his tongue began rolling over the same spot and my hips jumped. His hands moved to massage over my hips serving two purposes: holding me down and arousing me more. I couldn't stop the groans and gasps even if I tried. I touched a hand to his golden hair to encourage him. He added his lips to the mix as he sucked at my sensitive flesh resulting in me throwing my head back against the ground as I cried out. I felt his lips against my opening and one hand moved off my hip so his fingers could probe me, too. I couldn't take much more. Two weeks without him and now something so completely new was too much to take and he knew it.
I could hear him emitting noises of satisfaction. Any fears that he wouldn't like this or that it would make him turn away from me, were eradicated. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I was too.
I was so close to my release and with a mumbled "Essence of Esme," a well placed finger, and a movement with his mouth that had to be sinful, I was powerfully erupting. He continued to lap at my opening and catch any "Essence of Esme" that he could with his tongue. When my shaking had stopped and his appetite for my essence was abated, at least temporarily, he looked up at me with devilish eyes, wetness still on his chin.
"I enjoyed that very much, Mrs. Cullen, as I always suspected I would. How are you?"
I beckoned him to come closer to me with one finger. Like a cat, he slinked up over me until his face was close to mine and his body dangled over me, his erection grazing my stomach. I licked his lips, tasting myself mixed with his venom. "I should have let you do that sooner." The Cheshire Cat grin took over his face.
"Does that mean that I'll be able to do it again?"
"Definitely."
I felt his length twitch against me. I hadn't touched him at all since he removed my clothes, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that foreplay wasn't necessary at the moment. I repositioned my hips and took his in my hands and a moment later we were joined.
After two weeks without this, we found ourselves in the position of making up for lost time. We made love over and over again. We needed to enjoy our intimacy and for a few hours – or fourteen – forget about our troubles and focus on each other.
The skies were grey as we lay wrapped in each others' arms. We were satisfied for the moment and were just enjoying the post coital bliss. His hands still wandered ever so lightly over my frame as he pressed his forehead against mine, our eyes staring into each others'.
I finally spoke, "So, where are we going?"
"We could just stay here forever," Carlisle said leaning in to kiss me for a moment.
"Tempting, very tempting," I said against his lips.
"I was thinking that it might be good for you to meet some others of our kind."
"Are you speaking of your friends in Alaska?"
He nodded. "I am. I think it will be good for you to have some other people to speak to."
"You're all I need," I said while attempting to pull him closer.
"I know, but there may be times when you need someone to confide in other than me. Edward was your confidant and now that he's gone, you should have someone else."
"But they're in Alaska."
"Maybe we'll stay with them for a while," he said pleasantly, but I had my doubts.
"I don't want to be an intruder."
"You won't be. We won't be. They'll be happy to have us."
"When was the last time you saw them?"
"1905."
I was worried. While I did want to meet Carlisle's friends, the idea of my first meeting including Carlisle's former love interest was not particularly appealing even if he hadn't seen her since I was ten.
"What if they don't like me?"
"Esme, how could anyone not love you?" He tried to reassure me.
"I'm being serious."
"And so am I. I promise, my love, they will adore you."
"It should be right over that hill," Carlisle said as we trekked through the snow. His spirits were definitely rising.
He squeezed my hand as we reached the crest. As we stepped up to the top, we were not alone.
A man with dark hair stood ten yards away in the snow. He was slightly shorter than Carlisle, and there was an olive tone to his fair skin, but his eyes were our own.
His guarded look melted as his eyes moved from my unfamiliar face to Carlisle's and a smile replaced his scowl.
"Carlisle!" he called out jovially and was in front of us a moment later embracing my husband. "It's been too long!"
Carlisle was beaming. He was just as thrilled to see his friend. "I agree, Eleazar, but you are the one who chooses to live in this frozen tundra."
"And you are the one who chooses to live among humans instead of with your own kind, but it looks like that may have changed," he said lithely as his eyes turned toward me. Unlike Carlisle who tucked his English accent away, Eleazar's Spanish roots were obvious in his voice.
Pride ruled my husband's face as he presented me to his friend. "Eleazar, I would like to introduce you to my wife, Esme."
Eleazar's eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly recovered and took my hand to kiss it. "It is a pleasure to meet you, SeñoraCullen," he said with respect and a grin.
"Please, call me Esme, and it is a pleasure meeting you as well. You are the first of Carlisle's," I paused for just a moment to find the right phrasing, "long time friends I have met."
He chuckled. "Well there are four more at the house that I am sure will be tickled to meet you, Esme. Hopefully they won't be too overbearing," he said with a wink at Carlisle who rolled his eyes in response. "Let's head down there as it is obvious we have a lot to catch up on, Dr. Cullen."
Eleazar offered me his arm and I took it with my free one. I was trying to get a grasp on my emotions. Eleazar was the first vampire I had seen other than Carlisle and Edward, and like them his features were stunning. What would these women look like?
It wasn't a long wait. The house blended into the landscape of the valley. The fact that it was white and covered in snow made it even more invisible, but somehow they knew we were approaching because four female figures could plainly be seen standing outside waiting for our approach.
"In a land so quiet, we hear any disturbance that happens within five miles," Eleazar said, answering my unasked question.
As we got closer I observed the women and immediately felt inadequate. The first time I saw myself in the mirror after I was changed I knew I was beautiful. In Carlisle's eyes, I felt like I was the only woman in the world. Standing before us, however, were the four most stunning creatures I had ever seen. They were so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at them.
The one who shared Eleazar's pale olive complexion and dark hair had to be Carmen. The three blonde were beyond reproach. Each one was uniquely exquisite in her own way. The shortest one had bobbed pale hair the curled in at the bottom around her face. The one to her right looked to be my height with similar colored hair, but much longer. Her face was cuter than the angular look of the smaller one. The last one had almost a hint of red to her locks and as beautiful as the others were, she outshone them all. This had to be Irina and I believed my suspicions correct when she stepped forward first to greet us.
"Carlisle Cullen!" Her voice was sugary sweet and alluring. She tossed her hair slightly. I gripped his arm a little harder.
"Hello, Tanya," he responded. I was mistaken.
"Who is this that you brought all the way up here?" she asked as she looked me up and down with a quick glance. We stopped in front of them. Eleazar left my arm to stand next to Carmen, who smiled up at her mate.
"Ladies, it is good to see you. The woman before you is my wife, Esme."
Tanya laughed in amusement and glanced toward the shortest one whose eyes were boring into me. Irina.
"What a surprise! Your wife. I didn't know that you had it in you, Carlisle," Tanya teased and walked toward me to take my hand. "You're a lucky woman, Esme, and must be very special to have captured our dear Carlisle's heart. Others would have liked the privilege."
"I'm the lucky one, Tanya," Carlisle interjected. "That this angel consented to spend eternity with me." He placed a kiss on my cheek.
"An angel? Well, I guess halos weren't straight enough around here for your goodness."
The one who had to be Kate giggled and added, "Or missing all together."
"Enough," Carmen said stepping forward and placing herself in between me and the strawberry blonde. She embraced me. "Welcome, Esme. I'm Carmen. Don't let these harpies get to you. We are thrilled that our dear friend has found his mate."
"No need for name calling, Carmen. Carlisle knows that we tease. I am sorry if I offended you, Mrs. Cullen," Tanya said.
"Please, call me Esme. No offense is taken." Yet.
"I'm Tanya and these are my sisters, Kate and Irina," she said with a gesture toward each beautiful blonde.
"Welcome to our home," Irina finally spoke very stiffly, but stepped forward to shake my hand.
Kate was friendlier as she hugged me as well. "We're not really harpies," she said in a loud whisper. "I'm Kate and any friend, or more than friend, of Carlisle's is a friend of ours."
"I feel the same," I said with a grin. "But I'm his only more than friend."
"Possessive. I like it," Kate said as she took my arm and pulled me away from Carlisle and into the house.
We entered into a large great room with a massive fireplace. I could see a few doors off the room and a staircase went up to a walkway that wrapped around the second level where there were more doors.
Kate escorted me over to one of several couches and sat me down next to her, keeping her grasp on my hand. Carlisle moved in to take the space on the other side of me.
"Mrs. Cullen," Tanya chirped as she sat down across from us. "We are just a bit surprised, Carlisle. We have much to catch up on. You must tell us everything. How has this mating come to be?"
I looked toward Carlisle and found him lovingly gazing at me. He tenderly lifted a tendril of my hair and tucked it behind my ear as he began, "It all began on a hot summer evening in August 1911 when a sixteen-year-old girl fell out a tree and landed in my emergency room."
I hope you enjoyed Carlisle and Esme's first "make up sex."
Next up: Esme gets to know the Denali coven.
Welcome to my new readers! The number of people adding TEC to their favorites and story alerts has been increasing rapidly. Please review and let me know your thoughts about the story.
Last week at Comic Con I met Mrs. Esme Cullen, Elizabeth Reaser! Visit my profile page to see my picture with her!
Also, my stories have been nominated for multiple Hopeless Romantic Awards. Thank you so much for the nominations! The link to the awards is on my profile page. Please vote!
The Esme Chronicles: The Vampire Years nominations
The HR Best Story Award
Best Virginity Loss (Carlisle's)
Best Romance
Best Carlisle
Best Esme
Best Carlisle and Esme
Miracles and Mischief nominations
Best Banner
Best Baby Belly
Best Daddisle
Best Momsme
Just the Way You Are nominations
Best Citrusy Sequence (Canon Pairings)
Best Kiss
C'mon, Mama Bear nominations
Best Title
Best Swinger (Non Canon Pairing)
Best Emmett
Thank you for all of your love and support!
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