Thank you for your patience! It's been a very busy summer! I hope you won't have to wait so long again. Enjoy!

November 1927
Denali, Alaska Territory

"Ah, Esme, I'm so happy to finally get you all to myself!" Carmen said as I sat down beside her in the great room.

We had been in Denali for several days. The sisters, Carmen and Eleazar had listened enraptured as Carlisle told them of his life since that day in 1911 and how Edward came into his life, then me, and everything that has occurred in between. Hearing our story through his recollection was remarkable. While living it had been amazing, hearing his telling of it and his emotions made me feel so completely loved. He was animated and emotional as he told our story of love and most recent loss.

They stopped him to ask us questions, and after several days of discussions I felt like they knew so much about us, but I knew so little about them. The sisters had left a little while ago. They needed to hunt both for food and for men as they had been preparing to leave when we had arrived and distracted them from their departure. Carlisle and Eleazar had headed out as well, but not before we took a moment to ourselves outside.

I had moved in close to Carlisle in the shadow of the house and kissed him. Our lips lingered close to each others' as he said, "I think it will be good for you to spend some time alone with Carmen."

"Why?" I asked.

"She's a good woman and has been mated in this life for a long time."

"So?" What did that have to do with anything?

"I think you will like her a lot," he said with an encouraging tone as he brushed his hand over my cheek.

"I like her already," I assured him, but I felt like there was more toward this meeting. "What are you not saying?"

"I'm saying that there may be issues and challenges that you feel as a woman that I can't help you with, but she is a good person to answer your questions."

"So you don't want me talking to Tanya?" I cautiously asked.

"No, it's not that. It's just that the sisters are a bit more…" he was searching for the right word before saying, "liberal with their choices, and I think Carmen is a bit of a better match for your disposition."

I chuckled. "Go have your manly bonding time with Eleazar and let me be a hen with Carmen."

"That's not what I-" I cut him off with a kiss.

"Go, love. I'll be just fine with Carmen."

Eleazar was waiting by the door as we entered the house. He grabbed Carlisle's arm before he could get more than two steps in and disappeared with a, "Ladies," for acknowledgement.

And so I found myself alone with Carmen, confused by her statement. "Why is that?" I asked her. Her hair was dark and her skin was a pale olive that hailed from her Spanish roots. She was slightly shorter than me. Her voice was warm and her English was impeccable.

"While I love those three women dearly, there are certain things about my choices and my life that they render impossible to have a decent discussion about. Our views on men as you can quite imagine are different. Although truth be told, we have spent so much time learning about you, and I don't know what Carlisle has told you about us."

"He's told me some, but I'm sure there is so much more to learn."

"I'm sure there is too," she said with a smile. "But Carlisle did so much of the talking that I want to hear your voice. You are someone very special."

"Oh? Why is that?" A few days ago I would have agreed with that, but having spent the last few days in the presence of these four stunning women, I was feeling a bit lost about what my attraction could be.

"To have won the heart and hand of the saintly Dr. Carlisle Cullen! My dear, do you have any idea how many women over the centuries would have gladly taken him to their home and their bed?"

I felt immediately on edge and stifled a growl. I subdued the urge to run out after him. Carmen noticed my reaction, and she tried to calm me with her words.

"You won't find anyone who will challenge your claim here, Mrs. Cullen," she said to reassure me. "I can tell you know about Irina, but whatever her feelings are she wouldn't dare make a move toward Carlisle. They may be harlots, but they are good girls and they do respect boundaries. I've never had to worry about them making any overtures toward Eleazar. One, they just won't because he's mine, and two, if one of them did they know I would rip her head off."

I stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say, but she patted my hand and assured me, "They won't threaten you and your relationship with your mate in anyway."

"They seem nice." There was an uneasiness in my tone.

"They are nice, they just have a fixation on men and sex," she said plainly. "They have found a way to make it work with little harm and much enjoyment for them and the men whom they enjoy."

I felt embarrassed. This didn't seem like proper conversation, but she said, "Don't be embarrassed, my dear. If you spend any amount of time with mated vampires you'll find that intimacy is hardly discretionary."

"Why not?"

"We cohabitate, my dear Esme. I wasn't about to give up my intimate relationship with my mate because of the ladies. Haven't you run into this issue with your Edward living with you?"

I flinched as I remembered how often we sent Edward running out the door. "He can read minds so yes, it was complicated at times."

"But even if he couldn't read your naughty thoughts, he would hear you. We hear everything. As Eleazar told you, we hear for miles around here."

A new level of embarrassment was added to my concerns about Edward. It was never an easy or comfortable situation when it came to Edward where our intimate moments were concerned. Visions breaking into his mind were bad enough, but the thought of him listening to us added to my mortification. I was sure I looked ill.

"I guess I never really thought about it because as you say, the bigger concern was that he could hear our thoughts."

"I see. Yes, well that is understandable," Carmen said as if it was a natural concern. The next question I believe was her attempt to steer our discussion in another direction. "So, how is our dear doctor as a lover?"

I'd had enough and rose to my feet. I was already feeling humiliated and the last thing I wanted was to talk about Carlisle's prowess in the bedroom. "I'm not going to discuss my relationships with you! I hardly know you."

"Esme, please calm down," she said with a cherry disposition, trying to keep the conversation light, but I was having none of it.

"I will not calm down. You may be comfortable discussing your intimate relationships freely among you and the women you live with, but I'm not. What happens between Carlisle and I is personal and certainly none of your business."

Her smile had faded and she endeavored to rationalize her behavior. "I'm sorry. I thought spending all that time among two male vampires that you may want a woman's ear, but I also forget that you two are still newlyweds."

"We've been married for five years. We're hardly newlyweds," I spat out at her.

She retorted, "Try fifty and maybe then we'll consider you past the honeymoon phase. For relationships truly bound forever, five years is barely five human minutes."

"Now you are insulting our marriage." I was becoming furious. How dare she treat my marriage with such disregard.

She sighed deeply and looked slightly defeated as she tried to calm me down. "No, Esme, please. I'm sorry. We're getting off on the wrong foot. I want to be your friend, and, if needed, your confidant. You haven't had any woman of our kind in your life, and I know Carlisle well enough that he brought you here at this time for a reason. From what I deduced, you were very close with Edward, and I'm sure you confided in him quite often, but there were certain things you couldn't talk about with him. You only have your husband now, which I know feels like enough, but there will be times when you may need someone to talk to. If you have questions or curiosities I want to help you."

"Thank you, Carmen," I said flatly. I wanted to trust her. Carlisle wanted me to be friends with her and thought highly of her. I sat back down as she continued.

"Your husband is admired greatly among our kind, but then there are others who see him as an oddity, a freak of a nature in our already unnatural existence."

"He's the best of our kind," I stated emphatically.

She pressed her lips together and was very direct in her tone as she went on, "Esme, I'm not trying to start a debate. I agree that Carlisle is extraordinary for a multitude of reasons. His inability to take human life, and, more impressively, his ability and desire to save it is beyond reproach. I was honestly quite shocked when Carlisle said that he was the one to change you and that he had changed another. I would never doubt his control and ability to retreat before he drained a human allowing for the change, but the ethical decision to bring anyone into this life would seem on the surface something that Carlisle would never even consider."

"He told you his reasons."

"Yes," she agreed. "He explained himself very thoroughly, and it still is very surprising, but I know what it means."

"What does it mean?"

Her face relaxed and a hint of a smile reappeared. "It means that you and Edward are very special in a way that must be very close to on par with Carlisle and for that you will face challenges. The Volturi were amused by Carlisle and never thought of him as a threat. He was an eccentric and they often tried to entice him to try human blood to see how he would react. Of course Carlisle would not be tempted. 'Stregoni Benefici' was their nickname for him. It was easy for them to let him go, although Aro did enjoy his rigorous mind and was sad for that loss. He was only one vampire though. He did make some of the guard uncomfortable and we've met other vampires along our journeys that also feel discomfort."

"Why? We are no threat to them."

"It's not a matter of being threatened necessarily," explained Carmen. "It could be that they feel inadequate because if Carlisle was able to overcome his desire for human blood and on top of that deal with open wounds without even batting an eye, why can't they be like that, too? Those are the vampires that usually admire him because they know he is so pure in his thoughts and beliefs. Some think he is a fool for not just giving into his desire and doing what they see as the natural way of vampires. Your husband is well known among our kind. He's a legend of sorts. I just thought you should know that. Most who have met him can't help but respect him, but there are some who do not think as highly of him as they should."

"Why are you telling me this?" I didn't know whether to be baffled or suspicious.

"Because you have not met others of our kind. I think it is good for you to understand how others perceive him and us non-human-killing vampires. They will question him for his choice to change you. I'm sure Eleazar is drilling him." So many of her answers she stated as if they were a natural response. I felt slightly talked down to, but I held my emotions in check.

"But he already explained it," I insisted.

"Yes, but Eleazar will want Carlisle to search deeper into his being than he ever has before. The answer may not change."

"Carlisle is so open and honest, why would Eleazar even question his story?" If he was his friend, surely his word was golden.

"Because he cares much for your husband as we all do. We want to make sure he's alright."

"He's perfect," I said adamantly.

"I'm sure he is. I'm sure his intentions were honorable." Her smile had returned and she leaned over and patted my hand in a gesture of assurance. "I'm happy for him that he's no longer alone. He wanted companionship; whether he said it out loud or not, we knew that. When things went south with him and Irina though, combined with us being so removed from anywhere he could practice his craft, he felt he had to leave."

"What do you mean by went south?" I asked cautiously.

"It just wasn't meant to be," Carmen said lightly, but there was a slight strain in her voice. "There was a mutual admiration, but there wasn't enough there for something lasting." She paused and reached over and took my hand again. "He never looked at her the way he looks at you."

"She doesn't like me."

"Give Irina time and she'll come around. She's not use to being bested when it comes to men. Carlisle was a challenge for her and she lost. She's wound up at the moment, but she's gone off to get some of her brand of relaxation. If I know Irina, she'll be better when she comes back. Plus, Kate and Tanya will talk some sense into her. They already love you."

I was surprised by this admission. "They do?"

She nodded. "You won Carlisle's love and affection, and there is nothing in Carlisle's story that leads me to believe you don't love him in return."

"With all of my heart."

We were quite for a moment as we both let those words sink in. I was feeling slightly better about Carmen. She restarted the conversation.

"So let's go in a different direction. What do you want to do with your time, Esme?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think you two are going to stay here forever no matter how well you and Irina get along, so what do you want to do with your eternity when you settle somewhere and Carlisle starts working again?"

I had been in such a fog when he was at work since Edward left that I hadn't thought about moving forward.

"I will work on our new home, wherever that is."

"That will only be for so long and then what?"

I spoke the first thing that entered my mind. "I've always wanted to attend college."

"Ambitious…for a woman." Her expression show signs of being impressed by also a slight hint of doubt. I felt my defenses going back up.

"There's no reason that I can't get the same education as a man. If I'm smart enough and can afford it why not?"

Any doubt she had immediately faded. "I think that sounds wonderful, Esme. Classes and homework would be good for you. It will keep you busy and give you something else to focus on when Carlisle isn't home. What would you study?"

"I don't know. I guess I could get numerous degrees in the future so I'll see what programs are available to me when we settle wherever we end up next."

"So you will go where he wants to go, not where you want to go?" I didn't care for the implication that I just follow Carlisle around. I was happy to be at his side wherever he could best put his skills to work.

"We'll go where his talents are needed. I can adapt to anywhere."

She smiled with some semblance of understanding. "I'm sure you can. Just don't ever forget that you are in this together, forever."

It was my turn to change the conversation. "Am I correct in thinking that you and Eleazar are not married?"

"Officially is there a paper somewhere that has our names on it, no, but we are completely committed to each other. The word vampires use is mated and I'm sure you are familiar with the term already since you have used it. Just as you are attracted to Carlisle and will never want anyone else, I feel the same about Eleazar. He is mine and I am his. I've never felt the attraction that I feel toward him for anyone else and it's not just physical. Our minds, our countenance, were a perfect match for each other. We give each other balance. Long after any piece of paper disintegrates and any words we would have said will be lost to time, we will still be one."

"You think little of marriage then?" I asked quietly.

"It's not that. Marriages are important and sacred, but we just never felt the need for such a ceremony. At the same time, we had no one to commit to each other in front of while you had Edward. Religion, God and faith are all things that Carlisle still values. Marriage and making a vow to you, and promising before God and Edward, who he obviously holds in high regard, his eternal dedication to you, I'm sure was the only way he could move forward with your relationship." I knew the truth of what she said. Carlisle had wanted to do right by me in his mind.

Carmen continued, "We didn't need anyone to validate our commitment, but we also don't fit into society the way that Carlisle does. He straddles the boundaries of the human world and our own in a way that few want to or think about even attempting to do. Neither I nor Eleazar were brand new to this life when we found each other. We had left the human world completely behind. You on the other hand woke up to Carlisle and had only existed for twenty-seven years when you married. A wedding was an appropriate step for you so close to your human life. It was what is natural. Living in sin was not an option, I'm sure. We were beyond such human activities, but I understand the value and need to formally commit in humans and in that way in Carlisle."

Maybe I hadn't given Carmen enough credit. The more she spoke the more I was beginning to see why Carlisle wanted me to befriend her. "It wasn't an option."

"Living in sin?" Carmen asked.

I nodded.

She chuckled and again showed her understanding through her eyes. "I would expect nothing less from Carlisle Cullen. He's an honorable man, and by saying that I'm not saying that Eleazar isn't, but Carlisle's faith is particularly strong for our kind. Some redemption of heaven – if such a place exists – would mean a vow to God before any type of consummation of your relationship could take place. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Esme. It's quite lovely. You are his world now."

"And he's mine."

"And Eleazar is mine. Your Edward has left, but Carlisle will never leave you. He is your husband. He is your mate. You won't find vampires who truly have committed themselves to each other who one day fall out of love. When we find the one, there's no going back."

"I believe that." There would never be an option to fall out of love. Carlisle had been in my heart for so long that he owned it for eternity.

"Because you live it, but you thought your Edward would never leave. He wasn't bound to you. Carlisle is."

My smile faded. Carmen seemed to have a way of making a point. She seemed to know what direction she was heading in from the first unrelated sentence she spoke. She was steering the conversation and from the moment she opened her mouth she knew the destination.

"You think that is my fear?"

"I know that is your fear, but I'm telling you that Carlisle will never under his own power abandon you. You two are connected."

"How do you know this?"

"History. It's the way our kind has always been – one mate forever. So you don't have to worry about Irina."

"Is that what this is all about?" I couldn't help but chuckle. Irina had been far from my mind.

"Not completely, but I felt the need to reiterate it right there. It seemed an appropriate time."

I laughed again. "Oh Carmen, I know my husband well enough that he wouldn't have brought me here if there was any type of threat from Irina – or that if there was, he knew I can handle myself."

"But you were jealous?"

"Cautious," I corrected. "And wouldn't you feel a bit possessive if Eleazar came upon four beautiful vampires whom you never met?"

"Touché."

"Now that you have done a cursory analysis of me, please tell me a bit more about you."

"I'm sorry that I haven't given you a warmer reception, Esme. I must admit my pride got the better of me," said Irina. She was very reserved.

"You don't need to apologize, Irina," I said, trying to make sure I sounded genuine.

"But I do. I was cold to you when you arrived, and as my sisters have pointed out to me, I've been rude."

"It's alright. I understand."

"No, it isn't. It's been uncalled for. You have done nothing wrong. My vanity got the better of me."

I sat silently on the sofa waiting for her to continue. It seemed that every few days I was conveniently left alone with one of the vampires from Denali to have a tête-à-tête with them. Carmen had been first, then Kate, Tanya, Eleazar and finally, Irina. I found myself growing more comfortable with all of them with each passing discussion. I felt the warmth they had toward each other through their words and expressions. They were a family of sorts, just as Carlisle, Edward and I had been. I felt Irina had purposefully been putting off our talk. I was sure of it by her level of discomfort as she searched for the right thing to say.

"Esme," she finally spoke with a dramatic sigh, "I know you know I had feelings for Carlisle and that he somewhat returned them. I cared for him and thought for a fleeting time that maybe he and I could have what Eleazar and Carmen have. He's good, kind, brilliant, compassionate, and beautiful. I opened my heart to him as I never have to another male, not even Eleazar. He listened and seemed interested in me. I enjoyed his company tremendously."

"So what happened?"

"I wasn't you," she spat out, but quickly swallowed and composed herself. "There, I've gone and done it again. I'm sorry. My sisters call me fiery at times. I don't always censor myself when I should. I'm too impulsive. That was probably why it didn't work and wouldn't work."

"What happened?" I asked again, my voice not as soft as before.

"As you know we have a bit of a penchant for men. I wanted our relationship to become intimate. Physical. I think when I pushed for us to take that step, it made him push away. He realized then that his feelings were not at the same place as mine. He left soon after. Although he did visit again on occasion, and we did have warm conversation, there was never a kiss or any romantic gesture made again."

The idea of Carlisle making any sort of romantic gesture toward someone else made me stiffen, but I quickly relaxed. She was speaking of events that happened decades ago, possibly before I even existed. He wasn't going to change his mind so I might as well befriend this woman who was his friend, but never his lover.

"He's different," Irina continued. "I see that. It's in his eyes and his voice. You've changed him. Part of me always thought that maybe he would come around someday – that he would grow weary of being alone and return to me. I see now that I never stood a chance. I wasn't the one. The way he looks at you and speaks of you is true love if such things exist. He exudes happiness."

"He's my other half."

"I know, and I just want you to know that I'm happy for him and for you. Even if I can't have him, I still want him to be happy. Please don't see me as any type of threat. My sisters and I are bold flirts, but if we say anything you deem inappropriate to your husband it's not meant to coerce him in anyway. It's just us being, well, us," she said with a grimace that begged forgiveness.

"I appreciate your honesty, Irina. I've always been a romantic and it became pretty clear rather quickly after I was changed that Carlisle and I were fated. I hope that if what you truly want is a mate that you find him."

"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." She smirked at me. "For now though, I'll find ways to satisfy my desires as I always have."

"Isn't it difficult?" I didn't understand the sisters' behavior. It was a lifestyle that I couldn't comprehend.

"What?" Irina looked a bit confused.

"To just have a physical relationship?"

She relaxed and gave me and incorrigible look. "Are you saying that you don't enjoy your physical relationship?"

"I enjoy it immensely, but the desire is not just physical. It's a level of comfort because I know him so well – because I love him."

She placed a hand up to stop me from continuing and cut me off with a raised voice. "You romanticize sexual desire. That's sweet and for some it can be. For some of us, desire is desire. It can be based completely on physical attraction and we act upon it. We usually get to know something about the men we copulate with beforehand – make sure they're not some miscreant. It's nice to have what you and Carlisle have, but for some of us, that's just not necessary."

"I find that sad." How could they bare themselves and give themselves over so completely without love?

"Don't. I'm happy and so are Tanya and Kate. It's not that we can't experience love like you two have. We can and hopefully someday we each will, but this satisfies other needs for us."

There was no need to debate this and for Carlisle's sake I wanted us to get along. "If it makes you happy then no harm, no foul, right?"

"You don't have to approve, Esme. I'm not asking your approval or your permission. You have your own code of conduct and I'm sure you never would dream of a physical relationship without a ring on your finger."

I should have just taken the blow, but my ego got the best of me.

"No, that was Carlisle. I would have had him in bed much sooner, but he was the one who insisted we wait."

Irina looked dumbfounded.

"Irina, while Carlisle told you much of our time together, he only scratched the surface of my human life. I had a very unhappy marriage that was abusive on every level, especially in the bedroom. I never had the choice that you have always had. At times I suffered anxiety at the thought of mating with Carlisle, but there were moments when I desired him and would have thrown any inhibition aside. I tried, but I respected his wish to wait and I value that he respected me and loved me so much that he wanted us to be married beforehand. He wanted me to be his wife. How could I not respect his wishes? How could I not adore the man who loved me that much?"

She was silent as she pondered this and then a smirk developed on her face and she said, "He is too good. We would have never worked out."

We both burst into a fit of laughter. "Well then if that's the case, I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Irina."

For the first time, I saw a truly friendly expression in her features. "That's what I was hoping for. I don't want the past to hinder the present. I want to be your friend."

"And I accept your offer of friendship," I gladly said.

We spent the rest of our time talking about other subjects. Just as her sisters had before her, she told me about the events of how she came to be and what she knew of her human life. I shared more of my past as well.

By the time the rest of our compatriots returned I felt a bond to Irina just as I felt to the rest of the Denali vampires. They all cared deeply for my husband, which would have ingratiated each one of them to me on its own, but they also had good hearts and were good people. They welcomed me into their home and offered true friendship. While I knew it was only a matter of time before we departed, I was sure that we would see them again soon. This group of vampires was in a way Carlisle's extended family and would always be there when we called upon them. Of that I was certain.

The Esme Chronicles: The Vampire Years won the Hopeless Romantic Award for Best Esme! Thank you for your nominations and your votes!

Thank you as always to my betas, Melissa, Ali and Heather!

I've updated my profile with links to my awards and banners! If you haven't seen the C'mon, Mama Bear and/or Miracles and Mischief banners you should check them out! Miracles and Mischief was recently the Pick of the Week on the TwiFicDataBase. On my profile page you'll find a link to their review as well as a link to an Author Interview with me!

I'm already hard at work on Chapter 19 - just a little teaser, I was crying while working on it - and I'm also working on the expansion of Miracles and Mischief.

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