Temari - Totally Insane

I will never understand Konoha nin. You kick them around, they want to be your friends afterward. You try to destroy your village – albeit under false pretenses – and they don't hesitate to forgive you. You try to kill them, they try to save you.

It had to be something in the water. No sane people would ever act like this on their own. And whatever had infected them had slowly been infecting Sunagakure as well. Before, people here were content to glower at you and leave you be. But now...

"Good morning, Temari-san! I just finished baking some sweet rolls, would you like to try one?" the baker asked happily.

Now, this place was starting to feel more and more like Konoha everyday. I took the roll, just to be polite, and walked away and into a cacophony of morning greetings. The market had grown again and I noted that the stalls were edging past the boundaries we had approved only three months ago. Suna was not just happier, it was more prosperous. And they have my brother to thank.

"Yo! Tem! Hold up!"

No, not that one. That one is an idiot.

I turned on my heel and watched Kankuro jog over to me. He had a few things in his hands. "What do you want?" I asked.

"Good morning to you too, sunshine," he replied. "No reason to be nasty, just wanted to say hi to the most wonderful sister in the world."

"Only sister," I corrected him. "And how much?"

He feigned being hurt, but only for a second. "Just a few ryo..."

I glanced at the collection of things in his hands. A rather nice looking hair piece, a silk shawl, and some other trinkets. I sighed. "You have a death wish," I told him, patting my pockets for my purse.

"Aw, that's not true. I just wanted to make our Konoha guests feel welcome."

"While pissing off at least one of them," I finished for him, opening the purse to see how much I had. "And I'm not scraping you off the walls when they finally catch up with you."

He smiled a big toothy grin. "All in good fun, Tem," he replied.

"You are sadistic idiot."

"And that's why you love me."

I should have seen it coming. I've known him since the beginning and I should have known that he wasn't actually coming in for a hug. But by the time I had mustered my perfect 'touch me and die' face for him, he had darted in, snatched my purse and then taken a huge bite out of my sweet roll.

"Thanks, sis! I owe you!" he called, running back into the market.

Forget the Konoha nin, I was going to get to him before they could.

"Temari-sama."

I sighed in defeat, not just for losing the chance to beat on my brother but for having to deal with this again. "I've said it a million times, I'm not Kazekage, I don't need that honorific."

"Of course not, Temari-sama," the nin said with a bow. "The Kazekage wants to see you when you are free."

"Fine, I'm on my way." The nin disappeared in a swirl of sand and I turned to head in that direction only to find my way blocked.

"I'm here to challenge you to..." Tenten started.

"Can't."

Her look of triumph turned into a pout. "But it was a really good one too," she complained.

"Later then. I have to go talk to the Kazekage."

"I'll walk with you," she replied, falling into step next to me as I began to walk.

I looked over at her, noting how easily she returned the greetings of the shopkeepers who waved at us. The smile that never ceased, the happy twinkle in her eye despite the fact that it was already ninety degrees in the shade... yes, it was definitely insanity that the Konoha nin had fallen victim to. That and...

"You know he's an idiot," I said. She blinked and looked over at me with confusion. "My brother. He's an idiot, impossible to deal with most of the time, a slob who can't even pick up a dish let alone his laundry."

She laughed. "Yeah, I know. I do listen when you complain about him," she said.

I was confused. While I didn't think Tenten was the type to lead a guy on, this was my brother we're talking about. And no matter how much he annoys me, if anyone tried to hurt him I'd break them in two. "So what's the deal then? Why are you leading him on?"

She shook her head. "I'm not leading him on, he's in on it." That did little to clear up the situation so I made sure she understood that based on my expression. "You remember the race back to Suna?" she asked.

"The one you lost because you cheated," I answered

She rolled her eyes but continued none the less. "The reason I won was because I promised him a date with Ino if we got to the gate first."

I was silent for a bit while I tried to process this. "So you're trying to make her jealous?"

"No, something much worse. I'm screwing with her 'plan'." She smiled, a bit of evil in the look. "So eventually, she'll come to the conclusion that the only solution is to let him take her out instead."

Certifiable, I decided. "I don't understand but it sounds very devious," I replied.

"Oh, it is."

"And you're a good actress," I continued. "I mean, if I bought it, everyone else did too."

She frowned a bit. "Well, it's not like I ever got flowers before."

Ah, certifiable with a bit of bitterness thrown in. The Kazekage Tower was approaching so I had to say goodbye with a promise to meet later for whatever challenge she had concocted this time. The guard there let me in wordlessly and I had to restrain myself when he called me Temari-sama once more.

I found Gaara in the same place I always do, sitting on a chair that's still too big for him and surrounded by mountains of paperwork. He was reading a document and I waited for him to finish. "Hello, Temari," he said evenly.

"Hi, Gaara," I smiled. He didn't return it, but emotions are still hard for him to show. He instead regarded me with a flat look and started to look for something on his desk.

"Have you spoken to any of our guests today?" he asked, still searching.

"Just Tenten-san," I replied.

"There are no complaints?" I shook my head. "Good."

This only makes me smile more because I know Gaara has been trying very hard to make sure our Konoha guests feel comfortable here. It's partly because as a Kage he knows the importance of putting a good face forward for foreign guests. But I think, too, when Naruto and his friends are around, Gaara is a bit happier, even relaxed. So he asks about their condition but doesn't know that most of us are working extra hard to make sure they never have a reason to leave on bad terms.

"The half that went on the delivery mission are late," he continued, pulling out a scroll and handing it over to me. "I would not worry but reconnaissance has tracked movement from some of the bandit tribes to the south."

I frowned a bit. A few bandits wouldn't be a problem for shinobi but if a few tribes got together... well then there could be problems. "I'll take a team out to investigate."

"Sakura-san would be a good addition, as well as Hinata-san."

I thought about it for a second and realized he's right. Hinata would be able to track them down quickly. And if things went poorly, having Sakura around would increase survivability. "I'll let them know."

"And I will ask Kankuro to make sure the remaining two are taken care of."

I bit my tongue a bit and tried not to laugh. If he only knew how well our brother was taking care of those two. Still, I managed to maintain my composure and left the office soon after that, barking a few orders to get some of our best shinobi at the gates while I tracked down the girls.

I found Hinata and Sakura with Ino at a small restaurant near their hotel. Just as I was within earshot, Ino stood up and threw her hands in the air, storming off. I'm not sure who looked more confused when I finally get there. Them or me.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Ino-san... um..." Hinata tried, but her look said it all. She didn't understand anymore then I did.

"She's going to ask out your brother," Sakura said. "I don't really understand why but apparently it's all our fault for not helping her with her secret plan that she can't tell us about."

"Ah," I stated. "So things are going exactly as planned."

Now they were definitely more confused than I was. I smiled to myself and then quickly explained why I was there. Before I was even halfway through, Sakura stood up with a defeated sigh. "Naruto probably jumped in thinking it would be an easy fight. I'll go get a medical kit and meet you at the gate."

I walked with Hinata, who was fiddling nervously next to me. I thought about saying something comforting, seeing as her cousin and teammate were both possibly in danger. The urge to do so was stronger when I realized she was mumbling to herself. But just before I could, she turned to me and with a serious look asked, "Do you have spare scarf?"

That was not at all what I was expecting but I pulled a purple one off my fan and handed it to her. She promptly wrapped it over her face and nodded with satisfaction. "Perfect," she said.

Yes, just perfect. Here I was, sister to the Kazekage, walking down the main thoroughfare of the village with a girl who had just covered her entire face in a scarf. These Konoha nin... well I think we've established they're crazy. We got a number of odd stares and I was going to ask her exactly what she was doing when the wind picked up suddenly. I squinted my eyes instinctively and then understood. The wind here was laced with sand and for a kunoichi who relied on her eyes...

So maybe they weren't all crazy. Sakura showed up a second later looking like she had folded up an entire hospital room and put it on her back. "Let's move out!" she said firmly.

"Do you need... help?" one of the Suna nin asked.

"She's got it," I replied quickly, knowing full well the extent of Sakura's physical strength as well as her short temper. I didn't want her to think anyone questioned her skills here.

The three nin with us looked at her, then at Hinata and then at me. I didn't really like that look, the strange arch of the eyebrows mixed in with confusion. But before I could say anything, Sakura started walking out the gates with Hinata behind her. We made good time, mainly because Hinata could pick up the tiniest disturbance in the sand from so far away.

It looked like Sakura was right. After a while we started to come across the unconscious bodies of bandits. "Those are definitely Naruto's sandals," Sakura frowned, pointing to about five dozen imprints on the ground. "And he's using clones which means he's probably already out of chakra." She put her hands on her hips. "The idiot."

"Actually, he seems to be doing quite well," Hinata noted, looking off into the south. I squinted and tried to make out details but could only see what appeared to be a small sand storm. "They have narrowed the enemies down to about three dozen men."

"Just enough to still have a bit of fun," I stated, pulling the fan off my back. A few hand signals to my sand nin and they sank into the sand, disappearing from view. Sakura dropped the pack in the sand and cracked a shoulder while Hinata adjusted the scarf.

Sand dunes are a lot of fun on the way down. The three of us didn't have to do much more then push some chakra into our feet and surf down the slope. Running up was a bit harder and with the fight going on nearly a quarter mile away, it was a lot of work. We reached the peak of one dune and Sakura stopped us, holding up a hand as she caught her breath.

"It's taking too long," she stated. "Temari, think you can use your fan to just toss us that way?" Without chakra sickles embedded in it, the wind from my fan would be more then enough force to get her there. I nodded firmly. "Me first, then wait about ten seconds and send over Hinata."

I did just like she asked, watching as Sakura headed there first. When she landed, it was like the entire desert reached up and tried to swallow them all. By the time I sent Hinata after her, I could see the crater from Sakura's impact. I rode my fan the rest of the way, landing just a few feet away from the edge of the battle.

Konoha nin, for all their insanity, are some of the best fighters I've known. Sakura had probably taken out at least four men just on the landing alone. She was making sure any that came within in her range met the wrong end of her fist. Hinata had gotten close to her cousin and the two Hyuuga were quickly reduced to blue and white blurs as they danced around their opponents, rendering them unconscious in a matter of minutes. I couldn't tell Kiba and his dog apart anymore, they both moved with the savageness of an animal but attacked with the intelligence of a human.

I had to duck as two bandits came spiraling at me, not doubt the result of Naruto's Rasengan attack. The blond looked up at me and smiled broadly. "Hey, Temari! Come to join the fun?"

I was about to reply but I suddenly ducked, most definitely not of my own volition. When I could right myself again, I glared over at the final member of their team. Shikamaru just pointed to the sword that had just missed me. I frowned and put my hands on my hips. I had seen it coming.

The fight was over before I broke a sweat. My sand nin had done as ordered and sought out the leaders, rising up from the sand and rendering them unconscious. Once the leaders were knocked out, the remaining bandits folded quickly, some running off, others just surrendering on the spot. Suna nin are not cruel, we don't kill people who have given up. So I had to call for more backup to help with transporting them back to jail.

"And exactly how was taking on nearly a hundred men a good idea?" Sakura screamed.

"They were just normal bandits," Naruto pouted. "It's not like we couldn't have handled... OW! LET GO OF MY EAR!"

She marched him all the way back to where her pack was and even that far away we could hear her yelling. No one was really that injured, just a scratch here or there.

"Not normal bandits," Shikamaru stated, taking a seat next to me to wait. "There were a lot of them."

I followed suit and knelt down in the sand. "You knew this was coming?"

He shrugged. "I heard some rumors, figured it was better safe then sorry."

I nodded. "I should have seen it too," I added, somewhat annoyed. "They've been getting more restless."

"It's because Sunagakure is doing too well," he sighed, lying back and looking up at the sky. "The more prosperous you become, the more the people who aren't there are going to want to take it from you."

"I suppose so." I paused, looking up at the cloudless sky. "What exactly were you transporting anyway?"

He put a finger to his lips and that was all I was going to get out of him today. Whatever it was, it was a secret to Konoha. Asking about it – well, asking about anything at this point, was going to yield no answer. Having dealt with him on several occasions, I knew that when Shikamaru started staring at the sky, you might as well be talking to a brick wall.

We got back just as the sky turned black. The temperature had taken a dramatic turn downward and when Naruto complained that he was cold, Sakura didn't even bother to chastise him for whining.

"I'm starving," Naruto complained the second we had found refuge under some patio heaters. Sakura rolled her eyes and was about to retort when her stomach grumbled. She turned pink at the noise.

"There are a few restaurants still open," I said.

"Che, just give us a convenience store," Shikamaru yawned.

"No," I replied firmly. "You're Sunagakure's guests and you will eat well while you're here. No freeze-dried ramen."

Naruto looked ready to say something but Shikamaru waved me off. "We don't need fancy food."

"I know you don't," I snapped back. "Because every time we have to go for dinner in Konoha, we go to the same fast food place. But the rest of your team might actually have wanted something that doesn't taste like cardboard."

"Why are you being so troublesome? You never complained."

"I assumed you would eventually get the hint."

"Why do women always assume things? I'm not Ino, I can't read your mind." He didn't looked annoyed, just bored. The rest of the Konoha nin had started to congregate under a heater a few feet away from us.

"So when I said 'Let's try someplace else next time', that wasn't enough of a hint?"

"We went someplace else."

"It was the same chain just in another place!" I yelled, getting frustrated. Forget when he's staring at the sky. Talking to him was always like talking to a wall!

He sighed. "Then what exactly would you want?"

"Dinner at restaurant, one that doesn't serve your food on a tray." I crossed my arms. "And flowers." Because damnit, I had never gotten them either.

He looked at me and chuckled a bit. "You're out of your mind."

I started to say something and realized he was right. That's what my sand nin had been thinking before we left. I was insane. Konohagakure and it's nin had finally gotten to me. I was had joined their ranks as one of the crazy, the psychotic, the type that would accept stupid challenges from a girl who should hate me. The type that would actually ask for, no, demand, a decent dinner from the idiot that I was not ready to admit I might like beyond just a friend. The type that would care about their welfare not just for my brother's sake but for my own.

He had a look on his face that he usually got just before winning a Shogi game. I started to think of a smart reply but at the moment there was an explosion followed by an all too familiar scream.

I sighed. "Just go ahead without me," I said, pointing to a restaurant down the road. "I've got to go scrape my brother off a wall."