A/N: Disturbing elements, comme d'habitude. Also: not my characters and plot.
Chapter 13: Ich Will
I just sit there, paralyzed, blinking.
Did he just..?
"Did you hear me, Hermione?" he mocks in that cruel little voice of his. Hands entwined behind his back. Standing straight.
He just did.
Like a reflex, my body presses back into the chair, like it is trying to get away from him.
He laughs then.
"Don't fret dearest. I meant it in its most literal sense."
That confuses me and my head twitches to the side. Then, in one breath, I am able to collect enough energy to get up. And as I rise, my courage does so as well.
"You mean..?" I begin, "..to sleep with me?"
He just regards me, amused and looking completely out of his mind at the same time.
"To sleep with you. Only sleep. My room or your room doesn't really matter."
I let out an hysterical laugh.
"It does to me!" I scream, waving my arms about. Tears of anger, sadness and frustration rolling down my cheeks.
"Hermione.."
"DON'T! Don't throw my name around in that familiar manner of yours. I want you OUT. I WANT YOU OUT NOW."
As I advance on him he has the decency to look surprised, or maybe he really is surprised. I am able to get my fingers around his throat and so I squeeze. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. "GET OUT!"
For a shocked second he allows the assault upon his person. Then he is awake. He pulls me away from him as I fight him harder, kicking, biting, clawing and trying to do as much damage as possible. Like a wild animal let out of its cage.
"Stop it!" he shouts, trying to get a hold of my arms that are tearing at his face. "STOP IT I SAID!" and in one violent maneuver he has taken hold of both my arms and drawn me down onto the ground. His torso hovering over mine, his legs entwined with mine.
"You hurt me," I say, not looking at him, looking past him. At the nothingness that is up there. "You hurt me," I repeat, like in a daze, a weak voice on the horizon.
Tom is struggling to catch his breath. Breathing unevenly into my hair. He smells of toothpaste, of mint.
"I know," he whispers. Bringing one hand up to stroke the brown curls that is displayed like an uneven hand fan over the carpet.
"You hurt me."
"I know," he brings his nose to my hair, placing it next to his hand.
We stay like that for a while, with Tom caressing my hair, my tear stricken cheeks, my neck and chin.
Ultimately, I calm down, feeling oddly numb.
"Did you mean to kill me?" He then asks and his voice sounds so small.
I let out a humourless laugh.
"Maybe."
Then I am biting my lip and it is not so funny anymore.
And silence prevails.
"I.." He exhales, frustrated I believe, as if trying to find the right words. "I don't want Abraxas near you," he then conjures.
The words are disturbing and amusing all at once. Like he was the problem to begin with.
Abraxas.
Ha. I've forgotten him.
I do not make an answer to Tom's statement. That sort of stupidity is not worthy of a response.
But then again. Tom never expected one.
"I'll have him killed if you do. You know, if you do go near him."
And his voice is not hostile, it barely holds any emotion at all, except a hint of confusion perhaps. The eloquent words do not fall so easily from his pretty mouth now.
Gracefully, I wriggle my arms out from under him, putting them on his shoulders to then glide up, weighing the texture of his dark hair.
"Is that so," I sigh, turning his head to make him meet my eye.
And so I take a firm hold of the thick strands of his hair, lifting him up. It must hurt for he gasps. His eyes widen.
Again, he lets me do it, but only for a second. For a second I am able to shock him yet again, then he rips my hands away from his head.
Again, there is a dark light, brightening the grey irises of his eyes, and I can tell that the action only succeded in fueling his anger.
He is breathing unevenly again.
"You shouldn't have done that," he hisses, lifting himself off me.
I pull myself up from the ground, straightening my pajama shirt while I do so. I do not even remember putting on a pajama. To my horror, I realise that it is Tom's old one. When..
"I don't blame you though. You're upset. You always do these things when you're upset," he mutters loud enough for me to hear.
I narrow my eyes at him.
He then takes a step forward, like he means to touch me again, but halfway through the movement he changes his mind.
"Remember my words," he says.
Then he leaves the room and I hear the door to his room slam shut.
Quickly I lock my own door, recalling him having the key, I also barricade it with my chair, hoping it will hold.
The set-up is pointless though and remains untouched throughout the night.
It was only when I heard the front door open and my parents childish laughter echoing in the hallway, that I was able to fall asleep.
Next day is Saturday, which thankfully means no school and thus, no Tom.
At 7 am, while the house is still sleeping, I take a walk to the nearby park, placing down my rucksack and myself on a bench where I have an overview of the coming and going people. There are not that many. Two joggers and a few tired dog owners. The chill of the air bites at my fingers as I try to focus on the letters in my book.
At 10 am, I call Ginny, feeling that that is the earliest reasonable hour when you can call a person during the weekends, especielly if it is Ginny. Still, I manage to wake her. I fake small talk for a while before I ask the real question; can I sleep at your place tonight?
She happily agrees, then descriptively begins to tell me of just how Harry took a hold of her hand during their walk home.
And so the weekend passes by, with me at Ginny's house.
I like her house, it is always filled to the brim with life. Her parents and six brothers are enough to go around, soundwise. And her older brother Ron is really funny. I suspect that he might like me, for the tips of his ears turns red whenever I catch him looking at me. He is sort of cute, but I never really thought that much about it, seeing as Ginny is my best friend and I do not want to complicate my life even further.
Besides, I have Abraxas now – at least I think I do.
Tom's words let their presence in my head be known.
But, at the Weasley's lively house, it is almost too easy to wave off the problems.
So that is what I do.
I wave them off.
For now at least.
Monday always returns.
When Ginny, Harry, Parvati and I are about to enter the cafeteria, Abraxas catches up with me. In trail he has Bella, clutching her Tom in a vice-like grip by the arm.
"So this is where you've been hiding then," he exclaims, leaning over to press a quick kiss onto my lips. His face is smiling, like the sun at its zenith.
It is enough to make me melt.
I look pointedly at Tom and take a hold of Abraxas' hand, ignoring the shocked look of my friends. Ginny looks slightly betrayed though so I mouth an
I'll explain later, upon which she seems to calm down at least a little bit. She rolls her eyes and pulls her mouth to the side, letting me know that it is not totally unexpected, but that she will hold it against me for some time. Then Harry says something that catches her attention and I am forgotten yet again.
"No, I've had classes," I say in response to Abraxas statement. I can not bring myself to use any term of endearment with him, so the lovable "silly" remains unspoken at the tip of my tongue.
He squeezes my hand. Smiles.
I quickly look over my shoulder then, not so much to make a point this time as to regard the person in charge of that stare that prickles my neck.
Bella is laughing at something.
Tom's eyes flickers to her and then turns back to me.
He gives me a small nod.
It is not one of approval.
A/N: Ich Will by Rammstein. Lyrics were fitting (I want ..you to hear/see/understand/trust me). Also I've been listening to it all day as Rammstein is a great cure for anger. Nothing serious though. Just everyday-frustration that comes with being a human. Hope you people are doing more awesome!
And yay on Bella entering the story! She will become much more present in it I'm afraid. "I'm afraid" because, If truth be told, I never really liked Bellatrix much. I think it has to do with the fact that she killed Sirius, which was last reminder of what Harry had that even resembled a family. I remember reading that when I was eleven and being like "you dick".