The NES Series:

Wild Gunman

"Man, that was a long flight."

"Really, Olimar?" Villager said. "That's what you're thinking about right now?"

"Well, it was," Olimar replied. "It felt like it was about six months."

"Hey, enough chattin' or we're gonna pump you both full o' lead right here!" a gruff cowboy with a thick beard growled. He and his four companions circled Villager and Olimar, their hands twitching over their holsters.

"Well, somebody's grumpy," Olimar said. "What did we ever do to you guys?"

"Olimar," Villager said, "you called them props."

"They are. Props for a dog no less."

"Still, how would you like it if someone called your Pikmin props?"

"That's different. My Pikmin are living sentient creatures."

"And these guys aren't?"

"To be honest, they look more like cardboard cutouts than actual people."

"Yer treadin' on thin ice there, vegetable boy," one of the gunmen said.

"Could you please stop talking," Villager whispered to Olimar.

"Don't worry, kid, I got this." Olimar spread his hands and approached the gunmen carefully. The gunmen stopped circling and their hands shot to the butt of their guns. "Look," Olimar said, "I may have been a little insensitive before. How about we make it up to you by putting you down on the list for Smash Five."

The five gunmen looked at each other. "We're listening," the leader said.

"Um, Olimar," Villager said.

"You guys let us go now," Olimar continued, "We'll put you on the list, put in a good word with Mario for you, and who knows, you guys could be the big announcement for E3 2019."

The gunmen glanced at each other again. "You two stay right here," the leader said. He and his thugs huddled together a short distance away.

"Um, Olimar," Villager whispered. "I don't think we're going to be able to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because," Villager said, his eyes on the ground. "They're . . . ."

"They're what?" Olimar said. "Spit it out."

"I can't."

"You can't? Why not?"

"Not here."

"Come on, why can't we put them on the list?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because their props, okay? Duck Hunt's props!"

"Excuse me?" Villager and Olimar looked up to see that the gunmen had come out of their huddle and were now glaring at them with newly ignited fury.

"Dude," Olimar said to Villager, "Insensitive, much?"

Villager's mouth hung open. "I am so sorry," he said. "I didn't mean-"

"I think we've just about heard enough outta you two," the leader said. "Get 'em, boys!"

The other four gunmen grinned hungrily and advanced on the Smash Fighters. "Um," Olimar said, "stay back. We don't want to hurt anybody."

The gunmen laughed and drew their guns. A digital crosshairs appeared on the leader's forehead.

BANG!

The leader's hat flew off his head, his eyes flew open wide, and he fell over on the ground. Four more shots were fired, some blowing off gunmen's hats, others striking belts and causing pants to fall. Soon, Villager and Olimar stood alone, surrounded by five unconscious men. A small brown dog with a duck on his back popped up from behind a shrub.

The dog chuckled merrily.

Olimar and Villager stared at the dog. "Oh, great," Olimar said. "Does this mean-"

"Yep," Villager said. "Duck Hunt's next."