Chapter 10
"Mackenzie what are you saying, dear? You're getting engaged?" her mother questions, her words coming thick and fast "That's lovely…what a surprise! Who's the lucky fellow? You haven't told us about any new boyfriends lately darling. And do you have a date in mind? Is there a rush?"
"Woah! Slow down mum. There is no new boyfriend. It's Will." Mac replies as she perches on her desk swinging her right foot in the air.
"Will at work? Will McAvoy...that Will ?" her mother asks puzzled
"Yeah, the very same"
"Oh darling, are you sure that's a good idea, after, well, everything? It's a big step. Come home and we can talk it through properly" her mother suggests desperately, "or we can fly over at the weekend…It can wait till then, surely?"
"Too late mum, already happened and I'm quite sure….I'm ecstatic" Mac says firmly "Sorry it's such a surprise. I can completely understand your reaction. I was totally flabbergasted when Will proposed but I'm happier than I've ever been. And we're planning the wedding for October. I thought four months would be enough time to put on a small do and get you guys over here en masse."
"Hi Mackie" Sir Robert cuts in across his wife "Congratulations in order I'd say…Hope you'll be very happy"
"Thanks dad, you don't sound shocked. You're good with this?"
"Oh more than, Mackie. I've always liked Will and I'm even fonder of him since his phone call half an hour since, reminding me of a chat about your future he had with me five years ago. He assures me that he's more than capable of supporting you and your shoe addiction and that you might soon have news for us that he hoped we would be pleased to receive"
"You couldn't have told mum about it?" Mac snarked
"Negative, Mackie…I was out with the dogs when Will phoned, just got back this minute…but I'll fill her in…she'll be fine. You know she adored Will when you two were .er..before"
"I've got work now, must get on" Mac ends the call with "Speak to you soon" the reminder of Will with her family for Christmas all those years ago giving her goose bumps.
Mac's first day back proves a whirl of activity. Only a quarter of a year has passed but there are several new systems to follow and a few recently appointed people to meet. Mac has little time to talk with Will but she works tirelessly to put him on the air with the very best support she can provide.
Will, for his part, helps as much as he can; writing his script early; offering ideas and personally delivering salad and coffee when lunchtime arrives. He savoures her presence. He's hated how empty the office had felt when Mac was with Fox. Everything had actually seemed duller when she was gone. So this first day sees him staring out of the glass wall in his office with a soppy smile, just watching Mac move effortlessly round the room talking, checking facts and advising her staff.
He's watching for something else too. Mac's face as she finds his tiny heart shaped notes: reminders of his sincere love, that he's placed in books, stuck to her highlighters, under her coffee cup and stapled to the back of her rundown papers. Will has hidden his "I love you's" all around her office for only her to notice, each with different adverbs ….fifty descriptions to remind her of his commitment and devotion. Each time she comes across one she lifts her head, look towards Will's office and smiles at him!
The show is noticeably sharper that night and Charlie fairly glows with pride as he enters the studio as the credits roll "Great show kiddo, you guys just did the news"
"Simply serving the greater good Charlie" Will grins in reply
"Serving Mackenzie seems a more accurate description of what goes on down here. But I'm not ungrateful, I'll take what I can get" Charlie smiles. His channel is showing real news; he's content.
"Charlie" Mac says as she bursts into the room "You'll agree Will needed to move his hand an inch to the right when he interviewed the banker from Bloomberg" she states
"There's nothing wrong here Mac" Will jumps in firmly "nobody will notice if they can see my cuff"
"I notice and I want you to look the very best and give the news its true importance –no distractions" Mac's voice rises a little louder
"But to the inch Mac? We're inlaying rulers into the desk now? And annotating the teleprompter with measurements for my finger positions?" Will shouts
"Arggghhh!" Mac responds flailing her hands in the air
"I see you two are just getting settled in" Charlie announces as he walks out the studio beaming "Good Show Mac"
The next few weeks follow the same pattern…Will appreciating Mac often and openly while Mac continues to show her feelings for Will through her perfection in everything as she always has. They were a force to be reckoned with when they acted as a team.
With NewsNight back in her life, Mac finds the 'small wedding' she and Will had spoken about is not the task of a few minutes to arrange. Appalled at how much work it requires, Will talks Mac into using his agent to help with all the practicalities. He and Mac choose a venue and a theme and specify what is wanted and the firm do the leg work and bring them the options. Mac's parents are built into the equation so her mother can have an input. It seems a wedding can be achieved in the time even though the guest list has somehow expanded to 620.
"Really, Mackenzie we need your second cousin and her stepsons? I'll have to take on voice over sessions to pay the caterers" Will teases for it is actually him who encourages Mac to invite the world and his wife to share their nuptials. He is just so damn proud of getting to this….Habib is coming of course and Lonny his ex-body guard and all the staff and other anchors and journalists and Leona and Reece with Charlie and Nancy and their grandchildren.
"Step parenting is a difficult business Will. It's an opportunity to include these children in their wider family" Mac retorts with a serious expression on her face her lower lip clamped between her teeth
"Using our wedding to address their family bonding issues is taking multi-tasking too far" Will mutters
"But Beth's struggling with the older boy and seeing her with her family might …"
"Mac , Mac, it's ok I was joking of course I'm dying to meet your cousin and her wayward little boys"
"Not so young" Mac mutters under her breath as she says a silent prayer to St Jude that these over active teenagers won't cause catastrophic destruction at her most important event.
So the weeks turn to months and Autumn's chill winds arrive. The show is back firmly under Mac's influence and things between her and Will are the best they have ever been, even before the thing that caused their 5 year rift.
On a Saturday morning in late September the affianced pair head into ACN for a meeting about staffing levels and responsibilities with Charlie and Leona. They ride the elevator holding hands, standing closely together. Mac has never been happier in her entire life. She seems positively glowing as they exit the cart and stride towards the conference room .
"You two lovebirds ready for the Big Day?" Leona demands- or it feels like she does- as they enter the board room and take their seats
"Never readier" Will says with a smile
"Nowhere near" answers Mac at the same time
They turn to face each other and smile widely
"No" says Will, trying again
"Yes" says Mackenzie at the same instant. They fall about laughing
"Juries out on that one then" Will grins at Leona who smirks back
"It's all about the frock McMac. Good frock great wedding" Lea's expression changes to suggest she's miles away at that moment. "Wait…I remember a fantastic wedding without a frock at all….."
"But there was weed right?" Will cuts in "And maybe no actual pastor or service?"
"I'm not too sure of the details right now. A bit hazy" Leona continues appearing not to have heard Will's smart ass comment.
"Well my dress is pretty much ready so I should be good to go as soon as." Mac joined
"That's the spirit" Charlie winks at Mac "let's get to business so we can all get outta here"
The meeting involves Hodge from HR and is heated but thankfully brief. Reece is in DC and can't free himself from another commitment so some details have to be tabled for his input.
Next, Mac has arranged a fitting session for Will with wardrobe on the tenth floor. They have a new consignment of Hugo Boss suits to prepare for Will, which require alterations to fit his Neanderthal ( Jennifer's description) dimensions.
"Come with me Mac" he wheedles, whispering into her ear "See how sexy I look in the right clothes" and he waggles his eyebrows
"Come on now Will…..I have a wedding to arrange and only a couple of free weekend days left. I'll see you at home this afternoon" and she brushes his cheek with her lips and swings her hips as she walks briskly from the room and towards the elevators.
Will's eyes follow her. He is so lucky, how did he get to here with this beautiful, talented, gorgeous woman. He never deserved this much happiness. He is going to be a husband, really soon and he's determined to be the best ever spouse. Will sets off for the tenth floor with a spring in his step and a face splitting grin.
But unfortunately, the seamstress who had been booked to meet with him to adjust the suits had been taken ill in the night. She only phoned in ten minutes before he was due, so Will arrives to a very apologetic junior who explains politely that he'll have to reschedule.
Will doesn't mind one jot, he hates these sort of sessions anyway. They're just a tedious part of the territory that has to be endured. And in his current mood he fairly bounces out of the department doors and swings down the corridor towards the bank of elevators when, in the distance, he sees Mac stepping into the open doors of the elevator cab holding tightly to non-other than Brian Brenner. Her arm is tucked around Brenner's waist and she is leaning in close to him. Brian's arm encircles her too and he is dropping kisses onto her cheek as the doors slide shut.
Will freezes. He cannot believe his eyes. There must be an explanation, Time travel? He can feel his chest tightening and his breathing getting shallow. He could not believe that Mac would two time him again. Not Mackenzie! Never! But, deep down, is the memory that she is capable of this action of caring for this man…had done it before.
He forces his immobilised limbs to obey his mind and rushes to catch the next elevator. Springing out impatiently as the doors glide open on the ground floor, he half-runs through the building entrance and onto the busy sidewalk to be rewarded by the sight of Mac's leg disappearing into a cab several yards down the street, closely followed by all of Brian Brenner.
Shit
Staring at the cab as it pulls out into traffic, with the shadow of two heads tilted close towards each other in the back seat, Will feels anger and disappointment well-up into a painful lump in his throat. He grows hot and starts sweating and the tension in his neck muscles makes his head begin to ache. He recognises this miserable mood, this despair, as the precursor to the familiar weight of engulfing depression.
And at the same instant he recognises his misery, comes an overwhelming need for Mackenzie's arms to wrap around him and her fingers to run through his hair. When he needs comfort, she is the one who can sooth him. She is his safe harbour in any storm. And she is no longer an option.
Will swings round, his legs shaking, and walks to a nearby bar. He orders a scotch and quickly replaces it with another, all the time going over reasons why Mac might have gone off with Brian. After his third drink, he grabs a cab to his apartment with the aim of checking that Mac isn't somehow magically there. Just in case…there's always hope. But his dejection increases when his place is silently empty of her presence. And then his anger stars to set in with a vengeance.
Will sits on the terrace until the icy wind that's been gusting all this late September day delivers a sprinkle of rain.
He continues his drinking and smoking efforts inside as he rehearses what he is going to say to her over and over in a very calm voice. His anger bubbles and blossoms beneath the surface as his feelings bounce between hurt, confusion and self-pity. Will reviews every interaction of his relationship with Mac searching for reasons why he has been let down, again! Why he is not good enough to keep her loyalty and love. Thanks to his sessions with Habib he actually recalls similar feelings in childhood when he would trust his father's apologies and assurances only to find the happy feelings he'd cling to hopefully would be dashed when the next alcoholic binge made a liar of his dad.
Around five o'clock, he hears Mac's keys as she enters the apartment, calling out "Hi Billy, you ready for a treat?" in a happy, relaxed voice.
Will's sitting on the couch in his lounge, much the worse for alcohol at this point. He sees Mac pass the doorway to hang her coat in the hall closet in what seems to him a furtive manner.
He says nothing.
Seconds later, Mac almost skips into the lounge with a beaming smile, a radiant glow exuding from her. Will's struck by how totally happy she looks. Perhaps the happiest he could ever remember seeing her.
"There you are Billy" she says with a wide smile that makes her eyes crinkle at the corners "I've had a lovely day and made a significant dent in my list of wedding tasks"
Will remains silent, glaring at her. He has been building up to this moment for 6 hours and Mac looks so beautiful; filled with life and energy…in such contrast to how he's feeling right now, furious and touching on suicidal. Somehow that makes him feel even worse
Mac frowns as she sees his expression
"Billy, are you ok? Is something wrong honey?" she asks, her voice filled with concern, her emotional high dissipating rapidly.
As she walks towards him, Will suddenly springs out of his seat and throws up his hands, palms towards her.
"Stop, Mac, just stop" he booms in a loud firm voice and taking a deep breath, contrary to all his plans, he bellows "You slept with Brenner" his tone filled with venom and accusation
Confused and now upset, Mac freezes and locks eyes with Will as she stammers "Yes, yes but you know…."
"How could you?" Will shouts across her response " How could you? How could you do that to me?"
Looking stricken, Mac starts across the room towards him once more, her arms going out to embrace him saying "but…" as Will steps back away from her reach. Dropping his voice he says menacingly "No, Don't come near me. Ever! Not ever! I thought you were the most beautiful woman I've ever known in real life and now you just remind me of betrayal. Deceitful, dishonest, untrustworthy! I will never love you! Get out… right now… I'll get your things boxed and delivered. There is no….. Just Go! . Leave... now"
Completely blindsided, Mac's heart starts pounding, her breaths coming in shallow pants. Her ears ring and her world narrows as she recognises the signs of an impending panic attack. She begins to tremble. She needs totalk to him but she has no ability to say anything in this oxygen compromised state.
So she forces herself to focus on getting out before she collapses in front of Will, this man who once again hates her, can't forgive her for her past transgression with Brian. Thank God she's retained her place is one thought she clings to. She'd imagined he would realise he wanted Nina again at some point and gently turn her away. She never thought he would repeat his rejection of five years ago. She feels far worse than she predicted as she tries to make sense of what has just occurred.
Will has finally understood he still loves Nina and can forgive her and wants out from their marriage commitments is the thought that runs through Mac's mind. He has finally realised that Mac is the one who can't be forgiven and Nina can.
Mac looks hard at Will for two long seconds without speaking, completely defeated, trying to catch her breath, before turning on her heel, scooping up her purse and leaving, coatless. She can feel the struggle for oxygen growing as the lift descends.
The chill wind in Manhattan has dropped and large, fat raindrops are falling from the sky, soaking Mac before she even reaches the kerb. She doesn't notice. She stands in the rain, waiting several minutes for a cab and concentrating on her breathing.
How did I go from the happiest person on the planet to the most miserable human in the world in two minutes? Tears run down her cheeks silently as she whispers her address to the cab driver. Wrapping her arms around herself tightly, she leans back into the seat. She has no idea what she's done to cause Will's outburst….maybe it is just that "They" never can be fixed, not completely and now not at all.
At least Will is able to have meaningful relationships again, as Nina has proved. But I'm not the one for him. I can't do this anymore. I'm finished. I'm the dummy whose been twice dumped by Will McAvoy. Her heart can't take it, won't take it. The drumming in her ears says Run
Ten minutes later, Mac lets herself into her almost bare apartment and quickly searches out a bottle of her anti-anxiety prescription from the bathroom cabinet. Swallowing 2 pills she walks into the bedroom and pulls a blanket and an old t-shirt from a drawer. The kitchen's been cleared of fresh food and there are no chairs so she slips off her skirt and top and pulls on the t-shirt and sits on the bed trying to calm herself, tears streaming down her cheeks. As the meds take effect she curls up on her side, drags the blanket over and eventually sobs herself to sleep.
Two hours later she wakes screaming and sweat soaked, with visions of young military friends dying in front of her, merging with the two piercing eyes of Will McAvoy staring at her coldly, filled with hate.