Chapter 14

"I'm Will McAvoy. Goodnight!"

Will pulls out his earphone and lets his head drop to his chest for a moment allowing the tension of facing his audience to roll off him and the loneliness of his lifeless life take hold.

She's been gone almost four months and every night he gets through his broadcast by pretending he's talking directly to Mackenzie, and for a little while he feels connected and alive. Then it ends, and he's back to 23 hours of misery that he can't drink away because he is trying to keep up Mac's standards and nurture her people. But it's much harder than it seems or at least than she made it seem.

"Good show Will" Charlie says as he swings through the studio door. "Got a grip of the tea party again"

"Most likely not Charlie, what can I do for you?"

"There's a source that says there are changes coming in the DoJ. Have you heard the same?"

"Not a dickybird Charlie but now you mention sources, have you heard from Mac yet? Will you give me her address?"

"Can't do that Will, she asked me to let her go this time. She wants to have …..oh I don't know what she wants, she just wanted to get away a-sap because she said that was your wish" Charlie says in an exasperated tone. He doesn't want this conversation. He misses Mac too and the show clearly misses her pathological attention to detail. And Will's heart is not in it though he is trying too hard for Charlie to call him on it. The man looks pale and empty except when he's on air and even then…..well!

Charlie is not in contact with Mackenzie, though he knows several of the staff are and he has a suspicion his wife Nancy might have had a chat or two with his favourite EP. But if he did hear from Mac he'd encourage her to take pity on Will. But then, maybe she isn't aware he's pining for her. These two have the worst communication record of anyone he knows -not excluding his 4 year old grandson, Ned.

"Well, I'm for home so I'll see you tomorrow"

Will rises and moves stiffly to the studio doors as Charlie makes for the elevators.

Will ambles to his office where he notices a pink envelope marked 'McAvoy' standing up on his keyboard. He could hardly miss it. He tears open the envelope, and after peering inside, upturns and shakes it.

A single, small rectangle of paper flutters to the floor.

Reaching down, Will retrieves it and reads an address in Alberta, Canada. Printed. No names or signatures. Most intriguing…did one of his long list of ex-lady friends send him a meeting?

He does not remember saying anything to anyone about such a possibility and he hasn't been with any woman since Mackenzie 2.0.

He doesn't want anyone else either. He can't stop thinking about her, going over the events between them that resulted in her total absence from his life….by his request.

Why hadn't he asked her about his suspicions or just trusted her…like it seems everybody else did when they read the article implying Mac was seeing Brian behind his back….even Nina had had her doubts, he shamefully recalls…..Shit.

Will slips the paper into the top pocket of his shirt and changes out of his airtime suit, thoughts of Mackenzie still floating through his head.

He's unable to let this all go and move on. He doesn't want to. He wants Mac and Will again, to be back where they were until his crisis of confidence in the most trustworthy person in the universe- well his universe- blew them apart.

Does she think about him ever he wonders? There have been no emails, or texts or phone calls from her since their parting. He hoped there would be something, anything! He checks his phone constantly and keeps 'sound on' in meetings so he won't miss it if she rings or messages.

Will has no current contact numbers for her since she handed in her laptop and phone to HR on the Friday she officially left the company. There was an automatic message for a month that redirected her mails to Jim and a suggestion that her agent would forward personal messages and letters. Will had not been brave enough to write his deepest feelings out in black and white knowing Matthew Alexander, or perhaps onr of his juniors,would probably screen everything before deciding what to forward to Mackenzie. It could even end up being a tweet.

He had tried Googling her only once. Hundreds of NewsNight, Peabody and embedded articles presented themselves for his inspection together with a host of images of her and him and them and the Nina months…..he had rushed to the bathroom, vowing that he really should allow her to decide the time to contact him.

Will remembers too well how he had ignored the multitude of e-mails, texts and calls Mac had bombarded him with that first time he threw her out. How she'd tried for months to contact him before setting off to embed in a war she nearly didn't return from. How hard he had been on her when she returned and tried to make him a show to be proud of.

Dragging on his coat to ward off the December winds he sets off home alone. The coat is no help. He feels chilled as he descends in the elevator, cold as he travels in AWM's pre-warmed town car and freezing in his Spartan apartment.

He shivers. He can hardly bear to be here with memories of his tantrum and hurling hurtful accusations right in her face. But he daren't relocate. He'll lose what little there is of her left; the good reminders. She might come back. She must be able to find him.

As requested, he'd sent her clothes and belongings to Jim. He included a note with the crates and sent her his keys back too, telling her to collect her jewels anytime she wanted. They'd be right here….ready for her.

That night as he changes for bed after his cheeseburger supper, he pulls off his shirt and tosses it towards the laundry bin when a paper falls from the top pocket. Picking up the address slip he pauses. Who wants him to know this address? Why was it in a pink envelope? Why is there no name or, does someone want him to have this anonymously?

There's only one thing no one will reveal to him….Mac's address. His heart speeds up. He opens his laptop and googles the Canadian city's tv news channels. There at CBC is a nightly news show being produced by one M M MacHale.

"Found you! " Will mutters aloud "Thank God"

Will spends the next few minutes reading about the news show that seems to be Mac's current project. A young news anchor, James Browny, has been making an impression in recent months as an up and coming star on the network. A year ago he had been presenting some radio current affairs programme and working as an associate news producer for a local radio network. Four months ago he was retained by CBS and his career is now rocketing. His show, The Daily Report, has the fastest growing audience for a news programme in Canada right now. Signs of Mac are all over this, she's working her magic. Will recognises stirrings of jealousy thinking about her new anchor whose face stares out at him from the screen. Blonde, good looking and mid to late –thirties, he looks happy, relaxed but really smoothly dressed and, well, sexy.

Will knows his eyes are filling with tears and that he has no right to be upset…he'd pushed her away once too often and she deserves to be happy and successful. He really wants her to be happy but can he help it if he prefers that she's happy with him rather than anyone else? He is desperate to check that she is aware that he still loves her and wants to make up for his idiotic, stupid, hurtful behaviour.

He's finally coming to understand that letting people go is as much a part of loving as keeping them close... but he's not ready to sit back and accept that happening just yet. Granted he'd made a huge mistake, but it was a mistake. He hadn't planned to confuse Mac with Sally and he just has to check that she could definitely never ever forgive him

He picks up his phone and searches flights to Alberta for late Friday night.