A/N – More laughs and (eventually) a serious turn – but mostly more laughs for now. I'm going to have fun screwing with these two before I let them screw. Did I mention that I'm on that long road to maturity?

Enjoy!

Chapter 2 –

I still had a healthy buzz going, but I wasn't so drunk as to go walking through the graveyard separating my house from Bill's in the dark and nearly naked. I was also responsible enough not to drive drunk, unlike my dumbass brother. So I compromised and put on some underwear, my nightie, and Aunt Edwina's holey shawl. I figured I could always strip off everything but the shawl once I made it to Bill's front stoop.

I was just about to head out the door when my phone rang. Hmm, a little anxious, are we? Well, well, well . . .

"I said I'd see you in a sec. Miss me that much?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. But I do believe you were expecting someone else - one of your vampire lovers, no doubt. Really, you are wasted on those creatures. Why don't you give the Fae a try?"

"Oh! Hi Bellenos. You're right, I was expecting someone else, not that it's any of your business. What can I do for you?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Well pardon the hell out of me, but after your last visit I got the impression that you weren't all that into humans. You asked me to cover up, remember?"

"You're not entirely human, but for a hybrid I must confess that you are quite fetching. I found your skin to be rather . . . distracting. Forgive me if I came across as brusque. Claude has tutored me in how to be more sensitive to your kind."

Talk about the blind leading the blind! "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that. Did you have any other reason for calling, or did you simply want to proposition me?"

I could hear his breathy, odd laughter over the phone. It sounded funny, but a little too much like one of those heavy breather phone calls for me. I was glad when he started talking again. "I am restless. I very much enjoyed the visit to your home, especially the hunting. I was hoping for another reason to visit. Have you had any more intruders?"

"Well, you missed some excitement with a shifter, a were, and a bitch who wanted me dead. At the moment, though, I think I'm Okay."

"Are you sure? You sound rather . . . restless, too."

You can tell that over the phone? "Right, well I'm actually just on my way out the door, so I'm sorry I won't be able to help you. Maybe some other time?"

"Promise?"

He sounded so hopeful, I went ahead and told him yes (against my better judgment). It must suck, being stuck in the same building in Monroe all day and all night. Plus he had to spend a lot of time with Claude, my manners-challenged Fae cousin. Not that it mattered to an elf, mind you.

I ran for the door and high-tailed it out before any more phone calls could interrupt mission screw (with?) Bill Compton. I'd stumbled halfway through the graveyard when Bubba popped out from behind my Gran's headstone and scared the Bejesus out of me.

"Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea, Bubba! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry Miss Sookie! I was just lookin' out for Mr. Bill, making sure no one was snooping around."

King de Castro probably had some spies in the area, and he's surely want to interrogate anyone involved with our recent Area 5 shakeup that culminated with the end of Victor Madden. If Bill sent Bubba out, he must be on edge. He'd probably need something to help him relax. Miss Sookie's a bad, bad girl for wanting to help out.

"Did Bill ask you to look after my place, too?"

Bubba beamed, his crooked smile marred only by the fangs. "He sure did, Miss Sookie!"

"Thanks Bubba," I said, "I'll go thank Bill myself."

"Okay, goodnight Miss Sookie!"

"Oh, hey Bubba? Are you planning on sleeping at Mr. Bill's in the morning?"

"Nah, I think I'll just sleep out in the woods tonight. Mr. Bill said he needed some time to himself," Bubba said. Then, realization seemed to dawn on him and he broke out into an even larger fangy smile. "Then again, I reckon maybe he was hoping you'd stop by."

I started having second thoughts then, and I sorely wished that I had brought some more booze with me. Bubba kept right on smiling, and then he became pretty agitated. I was just about to go into back-away-slowly-and-hope-for-the-best mode when he said, "Hold on a second! I've got just the thing for y'all! I'll be right back!"

He disappeared at vampire speed and then reappeared just as quickly. He held out a bottle of amber liquid and I took it. Holy shit! Courvoisier? Seriously? I almost snorted, thinking about those funny Tim Meadows 'Ladies Man' sketches from SNL. Laughing at a gift would be rude, though. Laughing at a vampire gift could be deadly.

"Thanks," I whispered, trying desperately to keep it together.

"Aw now, Miss Sookie, don't cry! I always liked this stuff back in the day . . ." he trailed off. Remembering his past got pretty dicey, so I thanked him again and excused myself so I could go and see Bill.

When I made it closer to the Compton house, I could see Bill standing on his front porch looking agitated. Shit! I hid behind a tree, hoping he wouldn't surprise me once he caught my scent, and stripped as quickly as I could. After I wrapped the blanket back around my body, I picked up my clothes and booze, and walked on toward the house.

"Sookie! What took you so long? I was worried." Bill said as he zoomed toward me.

No reaction to my state of undress? Jeez, was I losing my touch? "I had a phone call, and then I had a run in with Bubba."

I waited. He just stood there staring at me with his great big brown eyes. At least his fangs were poking out a bit, not to mention the bulge in his pants. Other than that, though, he didn't give any outward sign that he appreciated the view.

"Well," I said, getting a little more pissy and a little less tipsy, "I brought your shawl back."

"So I see," he said, looking me up and down with greedy eyes. That's more like it! "Would you like to come inside? You really aren't dressed for the great outdoors."

"What's wrong with au natural? You sure didn't complain the last time."

"I wasn't conscious the last time."

"You know what I mean!"

"Yes, I do," he drawled. He leaned against one of the stately columns adorning his antebellum mansion, a pose that put his lean, hard-muscled frame in a flattering light. Bill didn't often pose, but he clearly knew how. Seemed as though he wanted me to appreciate the view, too. But the mixed signals were starting to get old.

"Well, are we going to stand out here and have a Mexican stand-off all night, or are we going to go inside and . . . talk?"

Bill made a small bow and extended his arm toward the door. When I walked up the steps, he offered me his other hand. It felt cool as ever, but the effect on me was blazing hot. Once inside, I felt emboldened enough to drop my clothes and the bottle of booze (luckily it didn't break – Bill was pretty house proud and would be ticked off if I stained his antique rug), press him to the door once he'd turned around to face me. I pinned his arms against the aged cypress and pushed my body against his. That got me more fang from above and more bulge from below.

"What are you doing, Sookie?" he growled.

I started laughing. I just couldn't help it. I mean, seriously? Ask a stupid question . . . I had to press my face into his chest (boy, oh boy did that feel nice) to stifle my giggles. I felt his arms go around me and lift me from the ground. I snuggled closer into the crook of his neck and sighed.

"I believe you are still drunk, Miss Stackhouse."

"Well hell, Sherlock! You sure are swift on the uptake!"

I burst into giggles and felt heady when I heard and felt the rumble of his chuckle. God, I'd missed his laugh. Would I have admitted that if sober? Maybe not. But I still knew it to be true. If it took a few glasses of bourbon to realize that, well so be it.

I felt my heart start racing when he placed me on his large, four-poster bed. Oh goody, goody, goody! I was going to get to have some really good sex now from a guy who knew how to do it. Bill and I had had our problems, but this wasn't one of them. I felt kind of guilty comparing it to what I'd experienced with Eric, but hey, comparisons are inevitable, right? Eric was all rough and tumble, raw energy and a big finale. Bill could do that, too, but Bill could also do smooth, soft, and slow burn. We'd never had that cock-off that I'd daydreamed about, but really there was no use in comparing. They both had skill, stamina, and a whole lot of experience.

I decided that I definitely wanted slow-burn Bill tonight, at least for starters. We could always go for monkey sex later if we wanted to. I wondered if I'd have to spell it out for him. Nah, Bill could read my body pretty well, as I recalled.

He smiled down at me and pulled some pretty scarves out of his top drawer. With a look of pure lust, he asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Oh hell yeah!" I said. This was new! I'd never played tie-me-up-tie-me-down before.

"May I?" he asked as he wound one of my wrists in silk.

"Yes," I breathed. I wondered when he was planning on unwinding my shawl. Maybe he'd make a big show of opening his early Christmas gift.

He proceeded to tie each wrist with a separate scarf, loose enough to be comfortable but tight enough to hold, and then secured them to the corresponding bedpost. He then sat next to me on the bed and looked longingly at my body. His face showed a tinge of regret. Oh hell, just stop thinking and kiss me, idiot!

"Close your eyes," he whispered, his voice shivery.

I did, and then asked, "What are you going to do to me?"

"Something I've wanted to do for a long time," he answered.

That's when I felt him shove the scarf into my mouth. What the hell? This was NOT what I'd bargained for when I walked my drunk ass over to his house. I opened my eyes, gave him my very best 'fuck you' look, and started to thrash around. It was no use. Apparently, old boy scout Bill had earned a merit badge in knot-tying sometime in the past couple of centuries, because I could not free my hands. I was also unable to spit out the scarf.

"It will be easier to breathe if you stop fighting," Bill said calmly.

I kept thrashing and tried to yell.

"Yes, Sweetheart, I'm well aware that you aren't happy with me right now. You came over to my house with a specific goal in mind, and as much as I would like to accommodate you, we need to talk first."

"Ahh cnt tk fff hss n mhh mfff."

"I know, and I promise I'll take it out soon. But first, I need you to do something for me. Something that is exceedingly difficult for you to do."

"Whhf?"

"I need you to listen."

Oh great! I'm still horny as a Billy goat and mister party pooper wants to have a serious conversation. I was lucid enough to realize that we probably should talk before I did something I might regret, but I wasn't about to tell him that! Maybe I could just tune him out, like all those invading voices in my head? I looked at him and envisioned how he might sound in my mind as I did that – kinda like the teacher's voice in those Charlie Brown cartoons. Whaha whaha wha ha wha . . .

That made me start chuckling again. Bill looked exasperated. I had to admit, I liked him that way. It took a lot to rattle the guy's cage. Of course, it probably wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"Sookie, this is serious. If you can't pay attention to what I'm going to say, I'm going to have to leave tied up here in the naughty corner."

That did it. I laughed until tears started rolling down my face.

"Damn it, Sookie! This is serious! Do you want a spanking?"

More tears and near hyperventilation followed. This was better than high school, American Pie, and The Hangover all rolled into one!

"Oh, that didn't come out right either!" he groaned. He must have seen me turning purple, because he just shook his head and yanked the scarf out of my mouth.

"I'm not going to win this, am I?" he asked.

"Why do you want to win?" I asked, taking on a serious turn so fast it made my head spin.

"Because the stakes are too high for me," he replied, running his finger down my tear-stained cheek.