Chapter 4 –

"Oh come ON Bill, that was funny! Admit it! I don't care what century you grew up in, watching a vampire girl stick her boobs in a stuffy British guy's face is freakin' funny!"

"Hmmpf," he replied.

"What? Good grief, what!"

"She didn't even try to glamour him. You call that seduction? And the fangs are so . . . unrealistic. As is her pallor. And her accent, if you want an honest assessment."

Boy, was I glad I'd taken another few swigs out of the booze bottle while he was out on a food run, otherwise I'd have lost patience with him a half and hour ago. The guy just needed to loosen the fuck up! Seriously, I'd sat through all sorts of ridiculous movies with him . . .

"Hey Bill, remember when we watched Pitch Black?"

"How could I forget? You seemed rather taken with the lead actor, Vin Diesel."

"Yeah, and you were rather taken with those ugly flying aliens, right?"

"Yes."

"So, I recall telling you that the special effects were pretty cheesy." I'd also had to explain what cheesy meant in modern times, but that was another issue.

"And I told you that you should try and suspend your disbelief. I get it, Sookie, I do. And I am trying very hard to do as you wish and laugh with you."

"But?"

"But you have to understand, living as a Vampire and watching a movie like this, that makes light of our situation, no matter how funny it may seem to you, is very difficult for me."

I heaved a sigh. So far, so good. I'd worn him down with the film. Now if I could just get him interested in . . . other things. Don't get me wrong; I was serious when I said I wanted to laugh with him more, to hear him laugh. Only, that's not what I wanted right at that moment. What I wanted was red-hot Vampire Bill sex all night long.

Hey, I'd learned to be devious, too.

He turned to face me, gracing me with his intense, undivided, unadulterated interest. Oh boy, drunk or not, it touched my heart as well as tingled my loins. When Bill focused on me, he really, really focused. I always did love that about him, too.

Eighty-five percent of the time.

When he focused on giving me what I wanted.

"Sookie, please, I am trying. Perhaps another film? I think Young Frankenstein might work better. Shall I fetch it?"

"How about a game?" I asked, all chirpy and perky. I knew how to fake like I was having a great time. Years and years of practice. Fuck a duck, I was gonna need more alcohol!

"I do not recall laughing while playing Scrabble, but I am willing to do what is necessary to please you."

If only! "Nah, I had something different in mind. You might even like it, since you seem so hell bent on talking all night. I mean, whatever happened to the strong-and-silent guy I used to know?"

"I thought you wanted me to be open with you, to communicate. Isn't that what led to the end of us?"

Yeah, that and you leaving me to go back to your maker, and lying about why you came here, and a whole lot of other stuff, but who's counting?

I don't know how he managed, but he looked triumphant and sad as hell all at the same time. Shit! Can he read minds?

"You are still angry about many things, as you have every right to be." He added the last part double quick before I could snap at him. "I wish very much to quell your anger and heal the hurt beneath it, Sookie. That is why I wish to talk tonight."

"Fine! Here's your chance!" I chimed in, still in super-freaky perky mode. "Truth or Dare, Bill?"

"Excuse me?"

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" I yelled, exasperation fueled by alcohol fueled by unquenched sexual desire of Biblical proportions filling me (instead of Bill).

The source of my exasperation sat calm and quiet, waiting for me to explain.

"Okay," I said, switching effortlessly back into super perky mode. "Here's the CNN version. Pay attention, because I don't think I'll be able to get through this again. You have a choice. Truth means I ask you any question I like, and you must answer honestly. Dare means you have to do whatever I ask, no matter how silly or outrageous, or else you're a complete and total pussy and you lose. Understand?"

"I fail to see the point of such an exercise, but I agreed to do what you wish to make you feel better."

"You get your turn, too."

He seemed to be chewing on some thought or another before his face lit up and he gave me a big, fangy smile. Oh, yes, Big Boy! Come to Mama! Fangy meant excited, and excited meant Sookie might finally get some Vampire lovin' from the most exasperating, infuriating, stubborn, sexy, overprotective, devoted, deceptive, lost, desperate, dependable, and desirable male she'd ever known.

"Who's first?" He asked.

"Me. Truth or dare, Bill?"

Now, knowing how much he loved to talk these days, I thought for certain he'd go for truth. But nooooooooooooooo! Mister unpredictable had to go and choose dare. Well, I was horny, so you'd think I'd go for something like 'Hey Bill, I dare you to rip off your clothes and mine and fuck me until I faint.' But I was in a quite a mood by then. And really, how often would I get the opportunity to mess around with the guy?

Plus, he could make me laugh.

And maybe after we'd done that, we could finally get around to the fucking.

So I gave him my dare. I threw down the gauntlet, I gave him the proverbial white-gloved slap across the face I-challenge-you-to-a-duel treatment, and then I sat on his sofa and waited for him to make his preparations and man-up-or-shut-up. I wondered if he'd actually do it. I mean, if he did, would I kill any chance of getting laid and if so, would it be worth it? I didn't even bring a video camera!

Oh hell! Don't over-think it, Sookie, just go with it! Besides, if he actually did go through with it, it would be his turn next and he'd have his chance at paybacks. Hey, it would put his "Ah am a true South'n gentlemahn" schtick to the test.

He appeared, then. Oh. My. God. I had never seen anything so freakin' hilarious and sexy and just downright silly in my entire life! Clad in his boxers, top hat, and nothing else, he bowed low, tipped his hat, and even grabbed a walking stick and started to sing.

Hello! ma baby

Hello! ma honey

Hello! ma ragtime gal

Send me a kiss by wire

Baby, ma heart's on fire!

If you refuse me

Honey, you'll lose me

Then you'll be left alone

Oh, baby, telephone

And tell me I'm your own!

And then I laughed. And so did he. We both laughed until we (O.K. until I) couldn't breathe and then we laughed some more. I mean, he actually did it! And by golly, he could actually sing! And boy, Oh, boy, did he look fine in those boxers!

"Oh Bill!" I cried, clapping and giggling and actually squealing with delight. "That was AWESOME! You are such a great sport! And it is so great to see you cut loose and laugh!"

"Sookie?" He asked, once he'd come back to his senses.

"Yes, Bill?"

"Truth or dare?"

A/N – Thanks to all of you fabulous reviewers out there for taking this crazy ride with me. I almost died laughing with visions of sexy Bill dancing like the Michigan J. Frog of Looney Tunes/Warner Bros. fame!

For those of you younglings out there in Cyberspace, look it up! You'll thank Auntie D later for contributing to your Pop Culture Education. Call it my sense of civic duty. I do what I can.

Damn it, Bill! Get with the program and get naked already!