Note: This chapter has been revised. Nothing's new, it's just better writing.
Disclaimer: Chapter 1 please :)
For Whom the Bell Tolls
Trying to get the horrible memory-dream out of my head as it replayed over and over again seemingly on a loop, I rubbed my face intently and desperately sought refuge from the images that flashed beyond my vision. I could hear it, I could see it...I could feel it.
What the hell was happening to me?
I could handle being in this dream world. Hell, I could handle my sister dating my ex-boyfriend! But what I couldn't handle were these painful memories that made me realize how real all this was...or, rather, how real Damon was. His gaze still cut into me like he was standing right in the bedroom I'd woken up in three times now. My own fear still rippled through me as if I was really afraid at that exact moment. And I hated feeling that kind of pain...that kind of loss, really. As horrifying as it was, I think I understood why Damon fed me the blood in the first place. What I didn't understand was how someone could go from acting like that to sleeping with his girlfriend's sister.
Recognizing that I was in that bedroom I'd woken up in about three times now, I realized that I hadn't passed out here. I passed out...at Tessa's cabin, after Stefan fed on me. But I was still alive! More or less, anyway. The house was as quiet as it would be on Christmas Eve, and that was odd. Elena wasn't standing at my window to wake me up. Instead, I had woken up on my own.
Strange.
Deciding that I needed a change of venue—a drink, really—I concluded that I would get up to see if there was a kitchen in the Salvatore's mansion. A normal human would think that there would be, but then again...Damon and Stefan weren't normal humans, were they? When I went out into the hallway of the Salvatore mansion and down the stairs, I realized that it was oddly dark and super quiet. The silence was unnerving, actually. I had no idea where my legs were carrying me, but I just went with whatever my body felt like doing. After all, I was too busy wondering where everyone was to really care when I surprisingly ended up in a kitchen. Relieved, I walked over to the refrigerator and opened it to find a full six-pack of Coca-Cola sitting right on the top shelf, as if made for me. Without hesitation, my eyes lit up and my hand reached out to grab it.
"One more."
The sound scared me so much that I jumped—literally jumped—ten feet into the air and found that I also stumbled back into the fridge in the process. It shook at the sudden disruption in calmness, but what was in front of me was much more frightening than just another person's voice.
It was my voice.
Granted...she was not...me, if that made any sense at all. For starters, she didn't have the blue streak in her hair like I did and she was a little younger than I was—greener, I think, was the correct term. The other version of me—for purposes of confusion of my own, I decided to call her the "other Madeline"—was standing next to a sink that was definitely not a part of the Salvatore's lavish décor talking to a younger, much more devilish-looking Damon.
"Another one?" The other Madeline sighed as she reached out for the glass. Damon extended the breakable material to her, but it seemed to slip through her hands. The other Madeline and I both braced for the crash of the glass, but when there was no sound, we both opened our eyes slowly to find Damon straightening with the glass in the palm of his hand. For a second, I had to blink once or twice to try and comprehend it, but then I realized.
Right. Vampire. Duh.
The other Madeline looked up at Damon. "Nice save, Superman," she teased him with a skeptical laugh as she grabbed the glass firmly this time, which was left without a scratch. Superman?
"I like you." Damon pointed a finger at her, and I raised my own eyebrow. The other Madeline's head turned to watch as he crossed her path. "You know how to laugh. And you know, your sister makes my brother smile. Something I haven't seen in a long time."
"What makes you say that?" I rubbed my head watching the other Madeline turn around and put the glass in the sink. It was confusing watching...myself. What kind of freaky memory-dream was this? I swore I was awake.
Damon tilted his head. "Elena didn't tell you? Stefan's ex-girlfriend died a couple years ago. Katherine," he explained. Katherine? Elena's look-alike? What did she have to do with any of this?
The other Madeline stared at him for a while before picking up a plate in the sink and bringing it over to the open dishwasher. "If you don't mind me asking, how did she die?"
Without asking, he grabbed the plate from her hand and straightened after putting it in the machine. "A fire. Tragic fire."
"What was she like?" I shook my head in refusal. But Katherine didn't die! She was there, with me, Damon, and Elena, on that road trip! What was going on here?
"She was...beautiful," Damon admitted without waiting for me to come to a conclusion. The impostor before me hung her head and Damon began again with evil, yet seductive eyes. "A lot like you, might I add."
The other Madeline looked up at him, and a moment of uninterrupted silence passed. I felt myself seethe on the inside, for reasons I'm not sure of. "Come on!" I shouted at the other Madeline, who waited like a frozen idiot. "You can't be serious! This guy is ridiculous with the...eyes and stuff! Get a grip!"
It was useless; neither Damon nor the other Madeline could hear me. In fact, they ignored me...like I wasn't present to them at all. Damon continued without a single hesitation to accommodate me, "But, she was also very complicated and selfish, and at times, not very kind. But she was sexy and seductive."
The other Madeline scoffed. "It sounds like she was more than just a friend to you." Smart girl, I praised as I watched her eye Damon, waiting for confirmation. After putting the can of Coke down on the center island in the kitchen, I waited for this to pan out. I was oddly...engrossed.
"Nicely deduced."
"I'm very smart."
"I'm sure you are."
"I am!" the other Madeline exclaimed, taking offense to his sarcasm. Damon laughed.
"I know." With a small, yet distant smile, the other Madeline didn't respond. While Damon closed the dishwasher, she walked over to the middle of the kitchen and began to fold dish towels. Why? I sure as hell didn't know.
Damon came over to her, right beside her so that he was at her ear. As soon as he spoke his words, the other Madeline turned to look at him. "I would punch that teacher in the face if I were you." Damon sat down on the stool at the center island. "You didn't deserve what he did to you."
The other Madeline laughed, but it was forced. "You saw that, huh?"
"Total douchebag," Damon agreed. "Mr. Douche."
Mr. Douche? I closed my eyes and waited for someone to tell me that this right here was just a dream that actually never happened. Unfortunately, no one did.
"He's not the best." Damon looked at the other Madeline with pointed, obvious eyes. Finally, she sighed. "Okay...yeah. You're right. Douchebag."
"Mm. What's his name? Mr...?"
"Tanner," she filled in for him. With a smile, the other Madeline added, "Also known as Mr. Douche."
A smirk appeared on Damon's full lips. "You'll get through it." Something about the way he said it made chills shoot down my spine. The reassurance was damning. I watched as the other me straightened, almost as if she was having the same reaction. Damon's voice was lower now, much more like him than before, "And if he does it again, I'll kick his ass."
Both of the parties in the kitchen laughed until the other Madeline looked up at Damon, who caught her gaze. "I might just have to take you up on that sometime."
And, just like that, they faded before me.
It wasn't long before I decided that standing around the center island of the Salvatore kitchen wouldn't do me any good. No, what I found to be "more productive" was taking a nice trip upstairs with my Coke to go back to bed. As I took a lingering sip out of my red can, I stopped, frozen in my tracks. Oh, no. If I went to bed, I would have to face another memory-dream, wouldn't I?
I just couldn't win here!
Frustrated, I marched up the stairs trying to think of all the reasons I loved sleep. It was relaxing. It provided me with a reason to not talk to anyone. It gave me time to think to myself. But all of that was obsolete if I had to endure an entire memory-dream about a man who slept two doors down in the same bed as my sister. By the time I got up to the top of the stairs and turned to go back into my room, I realized that it was a lose-lose situation for me. I was literally damned if I did and damned if I didn't.
As I turned the corner into my room, I realized something strange. I was no longer staring at wooden, oak-colored walls. Instead, I was looking at plan white walls with an intricate molding around the threshold. There was a loud, echoing applause, and when I turned around, I found that I was in the middle of another dream I didn't want to be into. I let out a heavy sigh.
Kill me now.
I walked over to the railing that used to be a wooden color and was now as black as railing paint could ever get. Over the railing, I saw a crowd of people standing at the bottom, clapping for a blonde in a green dress. I didn't see her face, but I could've sworn it looked like Caroline.
"Miss Elena Gilbert, escorted by Stefan Salvatore!" exclaimed someone enthusiastically, causing the crowd to erupt again. I looked to the side and found Elena at the top of the stairs, taking in a deep, unwanted breath. She was wearing a floor-length satin blue dress—almost the color of my highlights. I frowned. So she's a boyfriend stealer and a favorite color stealer? What's next, did she steal my toys in the sandbox, too?
Elena threw a longing glance beside her, and for a moment, I thought it was to me. But it was like she was looking through me. With a faltering smile, Elena finally began her descent down the long, winding staircase. Confused, I looked beside me to see if Elena was really looking at me or if she was looking at someone else, and I soon realized: she was looking at me.
But it wasn't me. It was the other me.
"Jesus," I hissed under my breath as I surveyed the other Madeline in front of me. I circled her as she switched positions with me to lean over the railing, probably to watch Elena as she went down into the pit of people. She looked nervous, but she looked...good. I looked good. Like Elena, the other Madeline was wearing a floor-length satin burgundy dress. It was almost exactly the color of Elena's highlights. I straightened in approval. Good.
Elena was met by a boy at the bottom of the stairs, but it was definitely not Stefan, unless Stefan happened to have a facial reconstruction since this took place. With that same faltering smile, she took the boy's hand and he lead her out of the building, going underneath the railing so that I couldn't see where they went.
"And, finally, Miss Madeline Gilbert, escorted by Matt Donovan."
I turned back to the girl in the burgundy dress. Matt Donovan? Was I supposed to know who that was? Fingers crossed he was a human.
With a sigh of annoyance and possible irritation, the impostor in the beautiful dress walked forward and began to walk down the winding staircase like her sister before her. Knowing myself, I knew that the other Madeline was trying her very hardest not to trip over the own material in her dress, even though it was two feet off the ground after she picked it up. Since it was me, anything was possible.
I followed the other Madeline down the stairs, kind of curious as to where all the people went where I couldn't see. I looked around as I walked down the staircase a few steps away from her, but when I looked back to the line of escorts that had dwindled down, I became utterly confused.
This "Matt Donovan" character was...Damon?
He was dressed elegantly—and by that, I was referring to the universal black and white suit that was worn to elegant events. I had to admit, Damon could clean up really nice if he was forced to...and this was an incident that struck me as one of those moments. But even though my own confusion was burning through my memory at hyper speed, I saw the flash of confusion on the other Madeline's face. The conclusion came to me as quickly as expected: Matt Donovan was a real person. Damon escorting her from the staircase was a complete surprise.
"Where's Stefan?" the other Madeline hissed to Damon as they joined hands and, through a tight, teeth-clenching smile, walked around the stairs. I finally saw where they were going—a patio out in the warm daylight. Two lines stood face-to-face, the girls on one side and the boys on the other. A crowd surrounded them, as well.
"I have no idea," Damon whispered back in a low tone.
"And Matt?"
An infamous smirk appeared on Damon's lips. "I compelled him to preoccupy his time with something else." I could tell that the fancier Madeline was trying her hardest not to laugh in front of the crowd, but I could also tell that she was trying to be angry at him.
Eventually, she settled on whisper-hissing, "You're terrible." But nothing could stop that half-laugh that escaped her lips by no fault of her own.
"I know." Damon and the other Madeline split from each other to stare from across the space that was between the two gender-opposite lines. As I watched through squinted eyes, I heard something in my ear that caught my attention.
"Why is she with Damon?" Turning my head, I saw a light-haired, twenty-something woman as she whispered to a guy in a clean, crisp suit with bronze hair. The bronze-haired man just shrugged and shook his head, confused as well.
"I have no idea."
"I think they look good together." Audrey voiced next to the twenty-something woman. Audrey, too, was staring at the other Madeline and Damon as they stood across from each other and waited for something unknown to me. "She's been different with him, somehow."
The bronze-haired man just sighed heavily, as if the statement carried unwanted irony. "'Different' could turn into something worse at any second, Audrey. Remember that."
They stopped talking when the music started to come on in the background, and after a few starting beats, the two lines of well-dressed teenagers stepped forward to each other. The girls curtsied; the boys bowed.
"What are we going to do? We have to find Stefan." I heard the other Madeline whisper to Damon through her teeth. Her eyes drifted to Elena, who was too far away to hear or say anything, but was aware of the problem at hand. Apparently, Stefan was missing. That, I understood.
"Let's just get through this. We'll figure the rest out later." Damon stepped away after whispering this, and the two nodded at each other reassuringly. I, for one, was just puzzled. What were high school students (and a twenty-four year old vampire) doing in pageant-style dresses and formal suits? It felt like they all stepped out of a prom campaign.
I wanted to believe it was a dream—hell, I could've convinced myself in seconds that it was a dream. Instead, there was something deep inside of me that churned, letting me know that this was real. With all the freaky shit that had been happening to me, I didn't find it so hard to believe that this was "real". That didn't change the fact that I wanted out.
There was an intense, brutal stare between Damon and the copy of myself that I probably would've laughed at if it had been on television or something cheesy like that. Instead, as they stepped around each other—their gaze locked, their hands almost touched, and their bodies just the right amount apart—I found that it actually wasn't funny. It was almost...painful. An unsettling feeling rose in my stomach, and I continued to watch as the process repeated twice more; once with the right hand, once with both hands. Then, at last, the two joined each other without breaking eye contact.
The other Madeline looked as if she was confused, or maybe even charmed, and Damon looked at her with a smirk that didn't insinuate a tease, but rather an understanding. A mutual one. The chemistry burned, as much as I hated to admit it. Hell, my own heart beat faster and faster watching as Damon took her across the dance floor and kept her upright. There was no doubt in my mind that the other Madeline wouldn't be able to sustain her own balance if it weren't for Damon's grip on her. They both knew that, too, I think.
When the two pulled apart and stared at each other with new smiles, I felt repulsed for an odd reason. The thought of Damon and Elena kissing just kept replaying in my head over and over again. Watching this just made it hurt, so I masked that pain with sickness. However, I refused to throw up again. Getting sick in this world was probably worse than the one I came from.
Thankfully, the vision faded before me, and I found myself in the Salvatore parlor, all alone. Silent, I walked back up the stairs and into my room, where I laid down on the pillow and closed my eyes.
Founder's Day was one of my favorite holidays. The parade, the fireworks, the people...it was all very united. That said, this Founder's Day absolutely sucked. I was worn out from kicking and screaming at Bonnie to help Stefan get Damon out of the burning building and I wasn't excited to face John, who was responsible for the whole mess. I still didn't like to talk to him...seeing as he's my sister's biological father and also happens to be my own father's brother. It was just wrong on so many levels.
But as I walked onto the porch of my humble abode, I watched as the front door opened and out stepped Damon with a solemn expression on his face. I finished stepping up the last step onto the porch as Damon turned around at me and stiffened.
"Uh...hey, Damon," I said slowly. In all reality, I didn't think I'd see him tonight—not after what happened with John. "W-What are you doing here?"
"Failed at a feeble attempt at doing the right thing," Damon answered with a tight nod. I nodded back, but didn't look him directly in the eye. I saved his life tonight, and it was something I hoped he didn't know. I think he caught on to the fact that I was avoiding his gaze, and eventually, I heard him speak. "You gonna look at me, Madeline?" I crossed my arms and let my eyes flicker up to meet his. A knowing expression crossed his face, and I cursed to myself. Damn it. My poker face was shit. After much hesitation, Damon finally inhaled. "You know, I came to this town wanting to destroy it; but tonight, I found myself wanting to protect it. How does that happen?"
I shrugged and gave him a light smile while I placed my hands into my pockets awkwardly. "Things change sometimes, you know?"
Damon held my gaze, and I found it impossible to look away. I should've. I probably should've slapped him in the face, too, but I was too rational for that. When Damon began again, his voice was quiet and serious. "I'm not a hero, Madeline. I don't do good. It's not...in me."
I licked my lips. "Well, you're a vampire, Damon." It was an obvious statement that needed to be said. "Do you honestly think people expect you to be a hero?"
The dark-haired vampire before me just stared for a long time before saying softly, "Do you?"
I thought about telling him the truth, but instead, I couldn't find it in me. The terrible liar inside of me came out instantly, and I puckered my lips as I tried to move towards the door with the keys swinging on my index finger. "Um...no. No, of course not. Why would I?"
"Madeline." Damon placed his hand on my arm and stopped me from entering the key into the lock. I sighed and circled him so that we were standing opposite of the positions we were before. "You suck at lying. Tell me the truth."
Damn it. I needed to work on that. I thought about my answer for the longest time before I finally gave him what he was looking for—honesty. My lips curved into a tight, painful smile. "Damon, I think it's unfair of me to expect something from you. Before I can expect something from you, you need to expect something from yourself." We both fell silent, and I saw Damon had dropped his gaze. With a sigh, I turned back to the door. "Look, it's not really like my opinion matters, so—"
Damon stopped me again, this time stopping just short of physical contact. "You saved me tonight," he accused, but in the gracious manner.
Instead of accepting that my cover had been blown, I scoffed. "Bonnie saved you tonight. Not me."
"And why do you think Bonnie did it?"
"To help you."
"She hates me."
"Then she was trying to help Stefan." I scrambled for the lie as I avoided his gaze. I didn't think he'd be able to collect my lie if I didn't look at him. "She likes Stefan...to some extent."
Damon swallowed. "You and I both know that she wouldn't have done it if someone didn't back him up first." I finally looked up at him, trying to keep my expression blank, but Damon had already figured it out. "You did it, didn't you? You told her to save me."
Realizing I had been caught, I just swallowed hard and tried to force the shame down. This was the man who told me that I meant absolutely nothing to him after I flat-out accused him of being in love with me like Isobel said. He knew how hard it was for me to ask for help when it came to love, and he just threw it back in my face like none of it mattered. I had to admit, it hurt like hell.
"You were going to die, Damon. Stefan wasn't going to let that happen. All I did was ask her to help Stefan."
Damon shook his head. "She did it for you, not him." He stepped closer, causing me to tense. "Which means that, despite what I've done to you, you decided that I was worth saving. And I wanted to thank you...for that." Damon choked down the apology like it was bile, and I tried to resist the urge of my head from tilting. Damon Salvatore...thanking someone? How odd.
Feeling awkward, I nodded carefully. "Um...you're welcome, I guess."
"Listen," Damon started again, closing his eyes. "I know how much I hurt you when I said that you mean nothing to me." I sighed heavily. Shit. "But, Madeline, you have to know...I didn't mean it."
"Damon, can we please—?"
"You mean something to me, Madeline. You mean...a whole lot more than I ever thought you would've," Damon interrupted me, forcing me back into silence. Our eyes connected, and I felt a shudder vibrate through me from the look he projected. By now, he was a lot closer to me than before—inches away, actually. I could hear the thumping beat that practically banged against my chest, and I knew he could hear it, too. Frankly, it was embarrassing, but for some reason, Damon thought it was adorable. His lips curved up into an all-too-Damon-like smirk. "Your heart's beating. Fast," he added.
If I wasn't trying to hear him over the pounding noise in my ears, I think I might've actually yelled at him for making me feel uncomfortable. Instead, I was too light-headed to come up with an argument. I was breaking. "Well...that's because I'm waiting."
Damon scoffed gently, and his eyes drifted to mine. "For what?"
For what? I repeated in my mind, thinking the question over. I could back out—now was the time to do it if I so desired. There was something inside of me that told me to take that way out—to tell him that I was waiting to go inside or something, and I knew I had to make a decision...fast. The pounding noise became something of a metronome, and I blurted out words without even knowing they came from me.
"Kiss me."
Damon, who'd been looking down at my lips as if waiting for confirmation, looked up at me with sheer surprise, as if he needed to check his ears or something. Instead of backing out or doing something that I was sure the old Madeline would've done, I just nodded to him as an extra confirmation, and Damon wasted no more time. He complied willingly, leaning forward to touch his lips to mine. The instant he hit me, I felt a spark jolt through me like we were electric. So this was what it felt like to kiss someone you actually cared about? It was exhilarating, if I was being truthful. The word "vampire" repeated through my mind over and over again, but I shoved it out; it was an unwanted term. I didn't think of Damon as a vampire anymore, even though that was what he was. He was something new in my life, someone that was able to kick down the walls and break every barrier I had.
I could feel him step away, almost cautious as to if I wanted to keep going, but when I just moved with him, Damon realized quickly that moving away wasn't what I wanted. His warm hand moved up to cup my face in the midst of our feverish kissing, and I felt flushed against him. He kept it soft and something that didn't lead to anything more, but it's not like it would since we were out in the middle of the dark, moon-lit night on my front porch. It wasn't like I hadn't been kissed before, but I hadn't been kissed like this. As I predicted, Damon dominated the kiss like he dominated everything else in his entire life. After all, I was just a human to him, wasn't I? There was probably a rapid beating sound in his ears twice the sound of the one in mine. It should've bothered me, but I didn't care. His movements took everything away from me—all of my rationalities, theories, and beliefs about what idiot women in the world believed to be the power of love just...drifted away.
But in an instant, a gush of wind from the side of the front door interrupted us, and Damon and I pulled away immediately to face a confused Elena standing at the threshold of the front door.
I woke up finally, back in that same bed. My stomach was winding, churning, and twisting, dissatisfied with how it felt to be ripped away from Damon's lips. I let out a frustrated groan against the pillow and sat up, pulling my legs to my chest to think. The sound of my low breathing and my rapid heart was all that could be heard in the silent room. I was still confused to why it was so silent in the boarding house, but I decided that it wasn't worth my time. I already had enough going on.
These dreams were killing me. It was a slow and painful death.
I threw the covers off of my body and walked over to the connecting bathroom to wash my face and get a grip on things. This wasn't making things very easy. Every single dream I'd had was about Damon. Why did they all have to be about Damon? He couldn't have been that important to me, right? I think I wanted to believe that I wasn't, but I knew—deep down—that I was. I washed my face in the sink, making sure to get my lips to rid the stains of Damon's taste, but that's when I heard something else.
"Nice PJs."
I looked up slowly to look into my own eyes in the reflection of the mirror, and I slightly growled to myself. Sure enough, when I looked to the side, I could see Damon sitting on a window seat with a smirk on his face. The other Madeline was walking out of the bathroom I was in that had completely transformed, and she gasped at the startle. I grabbed a hand towel from a ring on the wall and I wiped my face before going into the room to start it all over again.
"Damon..." the other Madeline sighed heavily and just crossed her arms abrasively. "I've had a really long day. Just make it quick."
Well. I guess things didn't pan out well after that kiss. My heart sank.
Damon got off of the window seat and walked over to her. In his hand, he displayed a locket, and I immediately recognized it. No. The locket he was holding was the exact one on my neck—the silver one that wouldn't open with the intricate designs. My hand flew to my chest, and I gripped at it as if I wanted to keep it safe. The other Madeline was surprised to see it, too, but probably for different reasons.
"Oh, God! I thought that was gone!" A small smile appeared on her lips. "Thanks, Damon." She reached out to grab it, but instead, Damon pulled the necklace back out of her reach. The smile on her face dropped instantly. "That's not funny. Give it back, please."
Now she looked genuinely afraid, and she watched with careful eyes as Damon stepped closer. She stepped back, as if afraid to be within a certain distance of him. He opened his mouth, but then closed it. "I just have to say one thing first."
"First, give me the necklace. Then we can talk."
"I can't do that."
Her eyes widened. "And why not?"
"Because, what I'm about to say is..." Damon trailed off, and I saw him swallow hard; he tried to choke it out to the best of his ability, and I could see the clear struggle on his face, "...probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."
Something about the way he said it made my heart give a small squeeze, primarily out of pain. The other Madeline stared at him in fear and confusion. "What is it, Damon?" she whispered.
"I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it." The other Madeline didn't have time to move back before Damon was less than two feet away from her. She looked at him and waited while Damon just sighed and gave her an understanding look. "I screwed things up before, I know that. I do it a lot, Madeline, I do. But it doesn't change how I feel about you, Madeline, I promise." The other Madeline tensed and swallowed, and I waited for Damon's big confession. He finally nodded, as if reassuring himself and her before his next words came out. "I love you, Madeline."
A long moment passed, and I watched as the two stared at each other in complete and utter silence, studying the other's reaction. The other Madeline didn't move until she finally connected the dots. Avoiding his gaze, she shook her head violently. "No. No, Damon. Don't do this. Please don't do this. You didn't tell me just to take it away—"
"You don't understand." Damon stepped forward again and secured my clone by wrapping a hand on her cheek. "I can't let you know this, Madeline. I don't deserve you."
"This isn't about you! This is about me. Me! You're telling me this; you love me," she rambled angrily, her eyes avoiding Damon's at all costs in fear of his compulsion. "And you don't reserve the right to take it away from me. I want to remember this! You might not want me to, but I want to."
Damon eyed her carefully, and watched as her eyes unconsciously drifted up to meet his. I swallowed this time, my throat thick. "Why?" he whispered. "You know what kind of person I am. That I'm a vampire."
She didn't give another excuse but: "I need to know this. Whoever that guy was tonight, he's not going to be the only one out for Elena. Stefan told me that you said Katherine told you Elena's danger. This isn't the end. And if we're going to have to fend off other vampires and I somehow get caught in the middle of it, I don't want to go down without...without knowing this."
Damon scoffed. "I won't let anything happen to you."
The other Madeline stared at him coldly. "You know that's not enough. You can't guarantee that nothing will ever happen to me. You know that." They remained still until her eyes drifted across his face and she reached up to touch his hand. "I'm asking you now, Damon. Please don't take this from me. It's not fair to either of us, so don't do it."
I could see Damon debate it—he battled with his inner demons that argued for or against listening to the clone of me. Eventually, he stepped forward just a fraction of an inch until his lips were at the other Madeline's forehead. She closed her eyes as he kissed it, and I saw her wait with anticipation. Damon slipped his hands underneath her hair and finally stepped back, brushing out the long brown locks. When the other Madeline opened her eyes, she looked down in relief to find the necklace right on her collarbone. Her eyes drifted up to Damon's.
"Thank you."
Damon nodded, and within seconds, he was gone.
The next dream came a while after the other one faded away—I decided not to return to sleep so that I wouldn't have to automatically activate one of the memory-dreams. It sucked that every time I fell asleep, I would have to dream about...him. Ever since his earlier confession that I watched, I felt a stabbing pain at my heart. I didn't understand, before, why everyone looked at me like a broken toy, but I was starting to get the gist of it now. Damon was...my everything. I think—I can't be sure, of course—that I was his, too.
I was staring out the window when I realized that the scenery had changed. Instead of a dark room at night, it was now a room full of sunshine and early-morning brightness. I stood up from the window and turned to find that I was no longer in the Salvatore room again, I was back in that same room that Damon had confessed his love to me in. This time, instead of seeing a struggling almost-couple, I saw an actual, happy couple lying in a queen-sized bed in the middle of the room. Damon was awake, and he was staring at her with some look of fondness in his eyes. I sat down at the foot of the bed to observe, finally accepting my fate that I was being forced to watch these things.
The other Madeline woke slowly to find Damon's electric eyes, and I watched as she gave an early-mornign sigh. Damon smiled and whispered, "Morning."
She smiled, too, as well as she could for it being so early in the morning. "Morning." Damon leaned forward and tilted her chin up so that their lips met in a chaste, morning kiss. For a second, I immediately thought of a burning question that I hadn't given much thought to before: was I still a virgin in this world? I didn't...feel different, so I had to be, right? But if this dream was telling me anything, I felt like I was utterly wrong. The two pulled away until Damon's phone beeped on the side table, and he leaned over to check it.
He groaned. "I have to go take Andie to work. Apparently, she's having car troubles or...something." He set his phone back on the table and I cocked an eyebrow. Andie? It better be a guy, or else I had a serious problem with letting my boyfriends cheat on me.
The other Madeline scowled. "Could you do me a favor and at least...attempt to not mention your other girlfriend to me?"
Other girlfriend? What kind of a person was I in this place? I began to panic, thinking that—somehow—this was normal to these people, but more of the story unfolded as Damon chuckled. "She's not my girlfriend, and you know that. If anything, you're my girlfriend...but you don't have sex with me," Damon pointed out.
I sighed in relief. I'm still a virgin. The other Madeline turned her head at Damon and rolled her eyes. "God, you're such a guy. You would think, a vampire would have some sort of cool restraint ability or something but...you're oddly...human in that aspect."
Damon frowned as he swung himself out of the bed. He was still wearing jeans, but had kicked off his shoes and shirt so that they were lying on the ground. In the bed, the other Madeline sat up and let the sheet fall to her waist since she was wearing an over-sized nightshirt. Not Damon's, obviously, but an overnight shirt, nonetheless. "If I'm so...human, what's your problem, then? We...sleep together every single night. It's boring."
Instead of getting angry, which was something that I thought the other Madeline would do, she just...laughed. Damon slipped on his shirt and stood up from the bed. "Are you really that obsessed with having sex? I told you, not right now."
Damon just looked at her pointedly. "Yes, I'm that obsessed with sex because I have to turn elsewhere to get it...which was your idea, by the way." The other Madeline shrugged. "Why are you so opposed to having sex with me, anyway? It's not like I'm going to hurt you. You know that." He practically scoffed.
She turned her eyes at him softly. "Damon, of course I know you won't hurt me. It's just..."
Damon rolled his eyes. "Right. I'm a vampire. You're a human. Different species...blah, blah, blah—"
The other Madeline shook her head. "That's not it." Damon cocked an eyebrow, but the other Madeline just ran a hand through her hair frustratedly. I started to put the pieces of the puzzle together—Damon didn't know we—I—was a virgin. I gasped, actually surprised. It seemed like something Damon would've guessed. "Don't...don't you have to go pick up your girlfriend? We can talk about this later."
"Tell me," Damon demanded, his eyes curious. "Now, Madeline."
"But..."
"Remember, you're a terrible liar. You lie, I'll know," Damon pointed out. Her eyes cut to him, irritated. "Tell me."
"You're going to hate me," the other Madeline warned, her eyes narrowing. "Or...or maybe you suspect it already or something. Or maybe you'll just think it's weird and you'll never want to be with me again, but..." She lifted her shoulders up and down and sighed heavily before finally gasping out, "I'm a virgin, Damon."
I expected Damon to know...after all, it was Damon. From everything I'd noticed, he seemed to know a lot of things he shouldn't. But, instead, his eyes narrowed into slits and he just shook his head. "N-No. You told me—"
"I know what I said." She waved her hand at him dismissively. "But there are times, Damon, when I'm actually a good liar. And when I said I slept with Matt, I was succeeding at lying...for once."
"And you never said anything about this...why?" Damon challenged, but he wasn't angry. More...confused than anything. The girl on the bed threw up her hands in exasperation.
"You were the one who said I didn't want to sleep with you because you were a vampire! I just didn't...disagree!" she exclaimed, defending herself. Damon climbed back onto the bed, his eyes wide.
"You could've just told me! What did you think I would do? Laugh at you?" The other Madeline gave him a pointed stare, and Damon shrugged. "All right, I can see where you're coming from, but Madeline..." He reached out and brushed a strand of her hair out of her eyes. "I don't care. I love you, and you know that."
"I do." She nodded as she reached up and grabbed his hand. "And I love you too. But with Stefan gone, Elena searching day and night...now's just not a good time to go changing...everything." She bit down on her lip at the end, as if debating whether or not the statement would piss Damon off. Instead of doing that, she found that he nodded.
"Fine." I could see Damon was struggling with his inner libido, and I wanted to roll my eyes. God, this guy was a pig sometimes. "Fine, I can...manage that," he said through clenched teeth. The other Madeline seemed to have the same response as I did. "So you want me to call things off with Andie?"
"Oh, so now that I told you that I'm a virgin, you're going to go ahead and treat me like a sixteen-year-old girl, right?"
Damon grimaced. "I was trying to be considerate, Madeline. It's early, don't jump down my throat just yet." I could see her bite her tongue. "So is that a yes or a no?"
"I don't want sex to be the reason that we don't work out, so do whatever it is you want to do with Andie...just don't tell me about it, okay?" She leaned forward and kissed him before pulling away. "But I don't mind, if that's what you're asking."
"You're not just saying that so I feel guilty and stop seeing Andie?" Again, she rolled her eyes and finally threw her covers off of her body before climbing out of the bed. Damon watched as she walked over to the connecting bathroom without a word. As she shut the door, Damon shouted, "I'm taking that as a no!"
The next one came when I was sitting on the foot of my bed, waiting for it with a sigh. I was starting to fall asleep, but I kept waking myself up to make sure I didn't slip into any unwanted memory-dreams. Eventually, I heard my name being spoken, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that I wasn't in the bedroom. Instead, I was sitting on a grand staircase in the middle of what looked like a ballroom.
"Madeline." The other Madeline stopped hearing her name, and I stood from the stairs to watch as she came to a slow seeing Damon cross her path with her jacket in his hand. I was wearing a ball gown this time, not just some regular old floor-length dress. Nonetheless, it was still odd. "Did you get what you wanted?" an angry Damon spat.
The girl nodded. "Actually, I did."
"Good. Tell me on the ride home. We're leaving." Damon grabbed hold of her arm and gripped down on it so hard, I think I saw the skin turn purple. He tried to pull her inconspicuously, but my clone put up a fight with him, refusing to go. I saw a violent side of Damon that I didn't really like—he looked at her like he was so pissed off, he could break a wall. The human girl fought against him, ignoring his hints of an inconspicuous exit.
"Damon! Stop it! Let go!" she barked through her teeth. Seeing as his girlfriend caused a scene, Damon released her from his grasp and looked somewhere else presumably so that he didn't combust. With a swallow, the other Madeline continued, "Look, I'm sorry that Elena, Stefan, and I cut you out of the plan, but it worked, Damon! We're fine, okay?"
"There shouldn't have been a plan in the first place!" Damon snapped, causing the other Madeline to cringe. Through his teeth, he growled, "You shouldn't be here."
"Well, I am!" the other Madeline shouted at an equal volume. A silence passed as the two stared at each other with fury in their eyes. "Damon, I absolutely hate going behind your back, but you have to understand how difficult you're making this. If Elena hadn't asked Stefan to help us, you would've ruined it all."
"I'm sorry for trying to keep you alive, Madeline," Damon snarled with sarcasm tracing his voice. "Clearly, neither Stefan nor Elena give a crap about that anymore!"
"Elena and Stefan have nothing to do with this! Being mad at me because of their actions—"
"I'm not mad at you because of them, Madeline, I'm mad at you because I love you!"
"And that's the problem here!" the other Madeline blurted out, and I could tell she wanted to take the words back as soon as she'd said them. Regret filled her eyes as realization crossed Damon's. "Oh...no, Damon, I—"
"I get it, Madeline." Damon laughed bitterly—it was something...cynical, almost. "I care too much. I'm a liability. How ironic is that?" Damon trailed off, staring at the floor, his eyes wide as he mumbled his addition. The other Madeline sighed heavily and looked as if she wanted to rewind time or something. I began to instantly feel bad when it came to the whole situation, but before anyone could do anything—including the other Madeline and her dressed-up companion—there was another voice.
"Have you guys seen Matt?" Caroline interrupted, looking between the two of them.
And that's when it ended. I returned back into the Salvatore bedroom, and I just sat back down on the bench at the foot at the bed with a sigh as I waited for my next dream. It shouldn't take too long...the time it took between dreams was getting longer, but it was only about five minutes, tops. But just as I thought that I would get another dream, I ended up feeling my body jolt with tiny little tingles, and then there was a sharp, piercing voice in my head.
"Madeline!"
"Madeline!" My eyes snapped open to pour into Damon's electric blue gaze as he looked me over with sheer concern. I stood still, but I knew—for some reason—that I was coming out of slumber. How...odd. I'd just had dreams...within dreams...within dreams. It was practically Inception, Madeline Gilbert style. "Madeline, are you okay?"
"Huh?" I asked as Damon released me, and watched as I rose to a sitting position. He kept his eyes on me, and I waited for him to repeat the question.
"Are you okay?" he asked again as he slid down on the side of the bed and watched as I situated myself. "I mean...didn't you wake up at all while we were gone?"
I thought I did. "I thought I did," I said aloud, shaking my head. Damon cocked an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation, but I just looked up at him and realized that I couldn't give him one. Based on what I've seen, if Damon knew that I didn't remember him and was only starting to realize the layers that covered our relationship, he wouldn't just let it go, which was what I wanted. He would undoubtedly fight for these memories back. "Um...nothing. Whatever, it was just...a weird dream. How long have I been out?"
"Almost two days," Damon replied. I widened my eyes. "I know. You were breathing, but...you hadn't moved an inch. I was starting to think you were..." He trailed off, leaving me to fill in the blanks. I avoided all gaze with him and simply nodded. Instead, Damon wouldn't take it from me. "Madeline, look at me."
"Damon, I—"
"Look at me," he repeated sternly, and I exhaled angrily before finally glancing up to find his gaze, which made me grit my teeth as my heart stopped. Everything was just so...complicated. But Damon looked at me with something in his eyes that I had never seen before...sadness. "There's something I need to tell you."
I wanted to say that I knew what he was talking about when he was explaining it, but I hadn't gotten to those memories yet. Damon was all I really remembered. But whoever this Bonnie Bennett was, she must've been important to me for Damon to be telling me this bedside, considering our history and our current standing. However, I don't think it was me he was saddened for. Somehow, I think I knew that...deep down, he was sad, too, for this Bonnie girl. I remember her being mentioned by Elena and Caroline, who said that she was going to come back from her trip around Europe soon and we would all be roommates together, but other than that, I didn't know much about her. The one thing I did know for sure, because Damon told me, was that she was dead.
Maybe I should've pulled away when Damon subconsciously pulled me into an embrace to try and make me feel better. In hindsight, I should've slapped him in the face and told him that it wasn't appropriate or something. Instead, I found myself hugging back...burying my face into his neck to try to feel the warmth of someone else. I, Madeline Reichs, was completely...and utterly alone.
To me, that was worse than death.
It was the next day that we held the memorial for our dear friend, Bonnie, and even though I didn't know who she was, I felt like I owed it to everyone—and her—to be there. Not only for myself, but for moral support. I wasn't a part of this world. I didn't belong here. But that didn't mean that I wasn't stuck here with these people, who were grieving over the loss of a loved one. Figments of my imagination or not, they were still...people. To me, they felt real. And, as real people, they had feelings, too.
The only thing that I had gathered about Stefan, who Elena and Damon had brought home from Tessa's cabin, was that he lost his memory of everyone in the town because of Tessa's magic ritual that she did. Apparently, it fried his brain, which erased his memories. This, however, was what made me realize that Stefan and I had something very important in common. I had learned from Caroline that he was staying in a crypt at the cemetery because of some drama that went down with Damon and Elena (no surprise there), so I decided to pay the younger Salvatore a visit.
"Stefan?" I asked as I went into the crypt to confide in Damon's brother. Stefan turned around at me and his eyebrows knotted as if he was trying to remember me, even if I was in a plain black dress for a funeral. I left my hair down, feeling lazy to do something intricate with it, and the blue streak glimmered in the daylight. I pursed my lips at Stefan and watched him strain himself to recall my name. "You don't...remember me, do you?"
Stefan opened his mouth for a moment before finally saying, "Damon showed me pictures. M...Madeline, right? Elena's sister?" I nodded. "Good. Sorry, but I don't...actually remember you."
"It's okay," I said with a sigh, and Stefan watched as I struggled to get the words out that I'd been dying to tell to someone. "Because...well...I don't remember you, either."
After I finished confiding my story to Stefan, he sat down on the bench in the crypt, as if he was afraid he was going to fall over from the information I'd told him. "So...you're from some sort of...alternate dimension?"
"I guess." I shrugged. "I'm not really sure. I can't make a line between what's real and what's not real anymore. I'm so confused." I walked over to the bench and sat down beside him with a sigh. "And, well, I can't tell Elena, I can't tell Caroline, I can't find my best friend, and I definitely cannot tell Damon." I scoffed.
Stefan cocked an eyebrow. "Why not?"
"Because our relationship is complicated," I said slowly, trying to form the right words. Stefan stared at me, trying to decipher what I was coming out to say. "And...from all the information I have...telling Damon would just cause him to fight for me or something."
"Isn't that a good thing? To be fought for, I mean," Stefan suggested. I glanced over at him.
"When your ex-boyfriend is dating your younger sister?" The vampire stayed silent. "Right. I think it's better that Damon not know. If he knew, I'd be putting us both in a position neither of us want to be in. He's moved on, and I think that's where he needs to stay."
Stefan nodded wordlessly, and the two of us sat in silence for a while until Stefan inhaled sharply. "I-I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but...why are you telling me this, again?"
I turned to him. "Well, Stefan, for starters, we're the only ones in this town who can't remember a single thing about it." Stefan shrugged in agreement. "And, secondly, I think we were...friends...or something before the summer started and all this happened. And since I had no one to confide in...well, who better than someone who doesn't know what's going on, himself?"
Stefan smiled at me, but just shook his head. "Madeline, I think you should tell Damon. It's different with me; they all know I don't remember them. You're lying to all of them, pretending that you're still the same person when you're clearly not. Damon might actually be able to help you."
I shook my head and laughed breathlessly, "If I tell Damon, I'm going to lose my mind, Stefan." He stared at me, waiting for a further clarification. "Maybe if I didn't have the memories, I wouldn't feel this way, but...but it's become a part of me now. Something I can't put off."
"You love him," Stefan stated. I bit down on my cheek, trying to think of whether or not that was true.
"I feel something for him that I've never felt for anyone in my entire life," I rectified, trying to explain it in the simplest terms I could. Stefan, thankfully, understood what I was getting at. "And seeking answers won't help me, it'll hurt me."
"You don't want to remember?"
"I don't really seem to have a choice," I commented. Stefan sighed.
"I get it. Especially over this whole thing with your sister..." Stefan trailed off and shook his head, clenching the bench underneath him as if he wanted to rip it apart. I waited and watched as he struggled with words. "Remembering Elena seems like it'd just be more painful. I mean, she almost kissed me yesterday when she's clearly with my brother, and neither one of them said a thing about it."
I laughed. "That's Damon and Elena for you. I don't...I don't really understand it, honestly. It almost seems...forced."
"Forced or not forced," Stefan started as he turned to me and we locked eyes, "they're still together."
"I know," I grumbled. The two of us paused to take it in, but eventually, I didn't feel like wallowing anymore. "You won't tell anyone about me, right?"
Stefan shook his head. "Your secret's safe with me, Madeline." I smiled at him and sprung off from the bench to get up, and when I turned, I extended my hand for Stefan to take to get off the bench with me. The two of us smiled at each other as he grabbed my hand and got off the bench using more of his own effort than mine, and when he finally stood beside me, we were interrupted.
"Madeline? Stefan?"
Stefan and I turned to see Damon at the entrance to the crypt, his eyes centering around our interlocked hands. It wasn't for Damon, but I slowly pulled away from Stefan's hand as Stefan released me from the hold.
"Damon? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Damon cleared his throat and watched as I waited for him to clarify. "Uh, we're about to start and I brought something. I think you forgot it back at the house?"
From behind his back, Damon pulled out a stuffed animal—a teddy bear, actually. For a second, I was confused about what it was, but then I stepped forward and took it from Damon with curious hands. The second my fingertips touched the stuffed animal in my hand, I gasped and watched as a bunch of images flashed beyond my vision. Bonnie and I were in a store when we found only one of the special edition Christmas teddy bears left, and ever since we were six, we switched care of the bear every New Year's. When I returned to my regular vision, I felt water rush into my eyes and I felt the overwhelming sensation of a memory not about Damon.
"Madeline?" Stefan asked me. I turned around at him with glistening eyes. "Are you okay?"
I nodded and bit down on my lip. "Mmhmm. I'm fine. I'm fine." I turned back around and looked down at the teddy bear. Looking up at Damon, I smiled. "Thanks, Damon."
Damon gave me a sufficient nod, and then he lead me out of the crypt. I stared down at the teddy bear in my hands, well aware of Damon's guiding arm around my waist. The memorial was being held at a tree stump, which would serve as Bonnie's grave. Caroline, Elena, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy, and Jeremy were all waiting for me and Damon to join them. Jeremy went first and placed a picture of him and Bonnie on the tree. Caroline went next to set a black and red pom-pom on the tree stump. She then turned away, trying to hold it together for the sake of the group. It was then the blonde boy's turn, and he pulled out a whistle that was significant somehow—the reason was obviously unknown to me, but I was sure the reason was good enough. Elena then went, the only one to physically stumble as she tried to remain together. She was the weakest of us all; she practically broke into pieces while she placed a bowl of feathers across the tree stump grave. She turned around and quickly rushed into the arms of Caroline, who was waiting for her comfort. I looked up at Damon, asking him if he wanted to go next or if it was my turn, but he just nodded down at me. I took that as my cue to step forward, so I placed the teddy bear down on the trees with a broken heart. Something I felt inside glowed like a dim light, and I knew one thing and one thing only: I wasn't going to survive if I remember everything. Not now. Not with all this heartbreak.
When I returned to the original position, Damon went next to place a book down on the tree. He patted it twice and returned back to my side. When he returned, Caroline and Elena were still locked in an embrace, leaving the blonde boy alone since Jeremy was on the other side of the tree stump grave, and in a bold, surprising move, Damon's hand found mine between our bodies. I looked at him from the side, but Damon just stared forward as if he didn't want to acknowledge it. I turned back to Jeremy, who stepped forward and grabbed a bell.
"We ring this bell in honor of Bonnie. In remembrance for her." He did nothing more but rang the bell, and it was symbol enough. Then, he surprised all of us. "I'm...not sure what else to say."
Jeremy was silent, like he was listening to someone. Everyone looked up, confused, and I thanked God that I wasn't the only one who didn't know what was going on. A long moment passed before Jeremy looked over at Elena.
"She says that she's not going anywhere. That she has been here all along. Bonnie has watched you have the summer of your life. She saw you happy. And she knows you think now that you can't have a normal live—that you have to be here for everyone, but you don't. Everyone will find their way. So you are going to repack your things, you're going to go back to college, and you're gonna live it up." Elena broke down again, using Caroline as support.
Jeremy looked at Matt next, who was trying to hold it in for the sake of his masculinity. It wasn't working, though, but no one judged him. "You didn't do anything wrong, Matt. You know, she would've sent you three hundred emails back if she could. She misses you."
He then looked at Caroline, who had a reflection of pain behind her eyes that cut to the core. "Caroline, she watched you decorate that dorm like your life depended on it. And she knows that college isn't everything you expected and that you feel like something's missing, but..." Jeremy trailed off and looked behind Caroline before breathing, "Tyler."
Everyone turned to see a dark-haired boy walk up to Caroline. As soon as he reached her, he pulled her into an embrace that Caroline returned with tears in her eyes. After the embrace, Tyler walked over to the tree stump grave and placed a white rose down on the tree with Caroline by his side. By now, Elena had moved into the arms of Matt, who was just as desperate for comfort as she was. When Tyler and Caroline returned to their original positions, Jeremy caught my attention.
"Mads?" I looked over at him, my eyes glazing over. Jeremy gave me a sad smile. "She says she knows that it's been tough, and that it might not get easier...but she wants you to know that there's a way it'll get better." His eyes flickered between me and Damon. "You''ll find a way to make it better."
I felt like breaking down, just like Elena, except I wanted to rip my hand out of Damon's and storm out. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a five-year-old, I realized very quickly how I didn't know I could love someone so much without knowing them, but it was true. Tears spilled over, and I soon recognized that I wasn't crying for me. I wasn't crying because I had no way to get back to my regular life.
I was crying because I didn't know Bonnie...but I loved her.
Tell me what you thought of the chapter. Sorry if you hated it, I do that a lot. Anyways...more ASAP. I'll try not to make it as long of a wait this time.
Love,
BellaSalvatore1918
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