A/N: A special nod of thanks to JustSterling, who allowed me to steal some of her Thomas Barrow back story from "Semantic Satiation" and use it in this story. If you've never read that fic, LOOK IT UP. It's amazingly funny, touching, and mysterious.
Thank you to brenna-louise for her lightning-fast read through and continued support as I near the end of this little AU. xx
"You Are the Best Part of Me" - Neil Diamond - On my Spotify. Username: ChelsieSouloftheAbbey, Playlist: Chelsie Potpourri (you know how I roll by now, surely?)
There was a time I wanted out on my own
I even thought that I'd be ok alone
But oh, baby
I know, baby
That I'd be walkin'
Away from the best part of me.
You, baby, you're the best part of me
The best that I am
Or ever will be
You're the part that allows me
To open my heart
And let love inside
I want you to know
What I've always known
You're the best part of me.
The day of his wedding dawned bright and cold, but Charles Carson felt only a burning fire coming from within. He felt totally unable to contain the whole of his emotions, was trying valiantly to convince them to remain inside, and feeling as though he would only fail in the attempt.
The knock on his pantry door startled him, and he stopped his pacing to call out a tremulous "Come in."
He'd expected her to show up for weeks and had almost given up on her. Throughout everything that had happened with Elsie and Daisy she'd been keeping her distance from him, and he wasn't altogether sure he was in her favor anymore.
As she entered the room he stood tall, removed a miniscule piece of lint from his coat, and tugged gently on the fabric. Her brightly-shining smile encouraged him to speak, and he uttered the first words that passed through his mind.
"Will I do, Milady?" he asked, a twinkle in his eye, the ghost of the memory still haunting his heart, even after all this time.
"Oh, yes, Carson," Lady Mary replied. "You'll do just fine." She noticed the flowers on the table, and reached for one. "May I?" she asked, holding up his boutonniere.
"Please," he replied, a smile on his face.
"I wanted to apologize," she said quietly, centering the flowers on his lapel, "for any trouble I've caused you. I know I've kept my distance since it all fell about, and I regret that now. I've squandered my last chances to steal away to your pantry in the late hours of the night, I feel."
"There's no need to feel badly, Milady. You tried to be my champion, tried to do things as you thought I would want them. You seemed to think I was deserving of something grand, and I can assure you that I took it as the highest compliment. I am grateful, Milady, for all your efforts, but …" His voice trailed off, unsure of how to say what he needed to say without hurting this young woman for whom he had such great affection and admiration.
" … but the Carson I was championing doesn't exist anymore, not really, does he?"
She finished pinning the rose and heather, then backed away from him slightly and cast her eyes downward. Charles reached for her hand and gave it a brief squeeze, and waited until she met his gaze again.
"I am still here, Milady, and will always be your champion. But I have other priorities now, a proper family of my own, and so that's the way it needs to be."
"Yes," she said with as sad chuckle, "your actual daughter. I wondered … well, it doesn't matter now. Daisy seems quite the bright young thing, and I am happy for you and for Mrs. Hughes - truly."
Charles smiled and tilted his head in acceptance of her sentiment. "Thank you, Milady."
"I should be going. The car will be ready in a few minutes, so no dawdling," Lady Mary said, a note of sadness still in her voice despite her attempt at a cheerful smile. "I'll see you soon, Carson. I do wish you all the very best, you know," she added, placing a kiss to his cheek.
"Thank you for that, Milady. It means a lot to me."
He watched her back as she walked out of the room, and took a deep, cleansing breath. He reached into his pocket and checked that the ring was still there, safe and sound next to his heart.
He wasn't sure he could get to the church fast enough - he couldn't wait to finally, finally, make Elsie Hughes his wife.
oOoOoOoOoOo
Despite the amount of people seated in the pews, the slight tremor in her voice, and the breathlessness that she felt, Elsie's voice carried most of her vows quite clearly to everyone's ears. Charles was lost in her gaze, the words echoing in his mind despite his inability to truly focus on them. He found himself so lost in the power of the moment and in the beauty of the woman before him that anything else simply faded away to the background. Details, he thought. Just details.
"… for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, until death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance, ..." Her voice trailed off at the end as she struggled to maintain her composure, and she squeezed his hand encouragingly. Your turn, her smile said.
His deep baritone was muted today, hushed, as though he were trying to say his vows only to his beloved and not to the congregation at large. Elsie didn't take her eyes off of his face the entire time, but Daisy's sniffle registered in her mind, and the knowledge that Daisy was there as their daughter and not merely as their guest was comforting to her. The fact that Becky was also in attendance, seated silently beside Daisy, was the final piece in this most perfect puzzle. Finally, as Elsie felt the ring slide over her finger – the metal warm from being held in her husband's pocket and then in his hand – the overwhelming feeling she'd had since setting foot down the aisle disappeared, and a veil of peace descended upon her.
Vows completed, the newly-wed Mr. and Mrs. Charles Carson turned to face their guests. Through teary eyes they managed to smile – him at the Crawley family and guests, her at their friends, their own family, and their colleagues – and they made their way down the aisle to the lilting sounds coming from the piper who was standing just outside the chapel doors.
Their kiss was sweet and quite proper, yet enthusiastic, full of the promise of loving days and nights to come. As they made their way down the church steps, Elsie reached her hand out for Daisy, who took it and pulled her Mam into a tight embrace. Charles looked on with unbridled joy before finding Beryl and Bill in the crowd. The rounding out of our family, he thought. Bill nodded in greeting, but it was Beryl's face that Charles focused on. Full of love for them all and pride in their girl, she gave her oldest friend the most brilliant of smiles, which he returned in kind before offering his elbow to his wife. With Becky and Daisy in tow, and Beryl and Bill following immediately behind, they led the procession to the schoolhouse.
No other words were needed; the six of them were a family unto themselves, each with a role that complemented and supported the others, each sharing a love that shone brilliantly to all those with eyes to see it.
oOoOoOoOoOo
"Mr. Carson?" Thomas Barrow approached the butler, his hand extended. "My most sincere congratulations, Sir."
Charles raised his eyebrows, but smiled at his under butler as he grasped his hand. "Thank you, Mr. Barrow. I must say, I actually believe your sincerity." Thomas nodded, a silent reply that could have meant anything.
Charles licked his lips, a bit unsure of how to phrase the rest of what he wanted to say. "Mr. Barrow, please, I wish to thank you for your discreet handling of our … situation with Daisy. I suspect that for some time that you saw something amiss, and yet you said nothing - neither to myself, nor to Daisy, nor even the family."
Thomas smirked, but nodded respectfully at his superior. "Not everything needs to be made a public scandal, Mr. Carson. Even I will admit that there are … exceptions."
"Yes, but I know you harbor no good will toward myself, so …" And then the penny dropped. "Of course. You did so out of respect for Mrs. Carson."
Thomas turned his gaze out toward the dance floor and saw the object of the butler's affection make her way toward the punch table.
"Many years ago, Mr. Carson, I came to Downton a broken young man. I did not come willingly, but eventually I saw my arrival here as a way to escape the rough hand that life had dealt me. While I admit that, in many ways, I've done a poor job of climbing above my past, your wife has never held any of it against me. Not the things that matter, anyhow." He looked back at Charles and saw the look of confusion on his face. "She's never told you my story, has she?" he asked quietly.
"No, she has not," Charles answered. "And I would never have asked her to even if I'd known she could."
Thomas smiled sadly. "Your wife saved my life the day I first showed up at the Abbey, Mr. Carson. I'm not sure if anyone has been as kind to me in my life as she has … not since my own mother was alive, anyhow. It would have been a poor way to repay her for it if I'd turned you all in."
"I see," Charles answered softly, looking over to where his wife stood. He caught her eye and smiled, and then noticed her nod slightly toward Lord and Lady Grantham. She had already done so at the church, but he knew she wanted him to thank them personally. As if I would forget, he thought with an inward smirk.
"You know, Mr. Barrow, I've learned quite a lot his past year about people. Sometimes, who we truly are never shows until we're put to a most difficult decision." He looked the younger man in the eyes. "And we all have something to learn about one another sometimes, don't we?"
Thomas nodded in agreement, finding nothing he could say that would possibly match what was in his heart. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but not unwelcome. It spoke of home, of respect … and, in a way, of family.
oOoOoOoOoOo
The atmosphere in the schoolhouse was lively and bright, everything that Elsie had wanted it to be. She needed a break from the dancing and found a quiet spot off to the side of the room, her eyes finding Charles and seeing him chatting with, of all people, Mr. Barrow. She caught her husband's eye, smiled, and nodded imperceptibly (to anyone but him) toward the Crawleys, making sure he remembered to thank them for all they'd done to support the wedding and reception.
"Mrs. Carson?"
Elsie turned to see Isobel Crawley standing before her. "Mrs. Crawley, hello." She smiled warmly, appreciating the mutual regard in which they had always held one another.
"I wish to congratulate you once again, Mrs. Carson. You are positively beaming with delight, and it suits you very well. What a lovely affair," she said, looking out over the crowd.
"Thank you very much. I am so glad that everyone was able to attend, and they do seem to be having a nice time."
They spent a few minutes looking out at the guests, a comfortable silence between the two women. Elsie was grateful for a moment to catch her breath, knowing that most of the guests would keep their distance for a few minutes if they saw her chatting with Mrs. Crawley.
Eventually, Isobel reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope, which she handed to Elsie. "I received this in the mail last week, enclosed in his regular correspondence to me. I thought it a bit odd, but was asked to pass it along to you. I can only assume that, for whatever reason, he didn't wish to send it through Mary."
Elsie's brow furrowed as she reached for the envelope, which she tore open in order to extract the note from within. As she did so, she sensed her husband's approach and felt his hand brush her shoulder.
"Mrs. Crawley," he said, nodding to her in acknowledgement.
"I just wanted to give you both my best wishes for a lifetime of happiness," Isobel said, "although it appears you've been on the right path for a while." And, with that, she squeezed Elsie's arm briefly and made her way over toward the family.
"Elsie? What is it?" Charles asked, seeing the look that passed over his wife's face. "Are you alright?"
"Never better," she smiled tearfully, holding the note up to him. "Read this."
Charles took the note from her and held it out to see the handwriting:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Carson,
My best wishes and heartiest congratulations on this, your blessed wedding day. I am sorry to miss the event, but promise to deliver my congratulations in person when I return for the Christmas season. But for now, if you'll allow me, I wish to share some personal feelings of mine with you, for the joining of two souls such as yours - of two people who have spent a lifetime caring for others in so very many capacities - touches my heart.
I'm sure I've never said, and I doubt she did either, but Sybil always used to try to convince me that there was something a bit, well, more familiar than usual between the two of you. I confess I never saw it until she pointed it out but, as you well know, she could be particularly convincing when she wanted to be! Well, I have seen it ever since. You look upon one another with the utmost respect and admiration, and I feel blessed to have witnessed that during my time at Downton, and fortunate to have had the chance to know each of you in some small way. I've learned so much from both of you, much more than you could possibly imagine.
A true marriage between two people who love one another powerfully is a gift for which one can never be sufficiently grateful. Please accept my blessing for many wonderful, happy, healthy years ahead.
With fondness and admiration (and, as requested, a kiss from Sybbie),
Tom Branson
Charles reached over and wiped the tear from the corner of his wife's eye as he murmured in her ear.
"I do love you powerfully, Mrs. Carson."
She reached up and wrapped her fingers behind his neck, pulling him down for a rather long, passionate kiss in front of all and sundry. She wondered fleetingly if she'd regret that, but the thought flew out of her mind as soon as his lips parted over hers.
Breaking away amidst the applause and a couple of wolf whistles (from Beryl and Thomas Barrow, in that order), she smiled at him lovingly.
"And I you, Mr. Carson. And I think it's time for us to leave this party behind, don't you?"
"I thought you'd never ask, my dear," he said with a wink.
She didn't admonish him for it at all.
Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
So ... the Epilogue will make an even 30 chapters. Whatever shall we do with Chapter 29? Do drop me a little note if you're in for two more chapters - you know I love to hear your thoughts. They really have kept this story going and have helped it blossom into something SO MUCH MORE than I'd ever planned.