Guess who's back with Season 6?! I was super excited to write this chapter, and I'm actually surprised I got it out so fast! But here you guys go...back with the first episode of the season. There's an upside and a downside to me uploading so quickly after an episode airs; the upside is that you get the chapter faster but the downside is that you have to wait longer for an episode because, even though I was able to write this episode right after the premiere this week, that may not be the same case for next week. Cliffhangers don't fare well when one's writing an episode based story and doesn't know what the hell is going on.

Anyways, I won't keep you all. Here's 6x01, I hope you guys like it!

Disclaimer: Chapter 1 please :)

I'll Remember

Today was a great day. Summer is over now and…while that might be a hindrance on most people, it's not for me. I mean, after all, it's sophomore year—and finally, I can start taking my education in the direction I want it to take it for my career. Of course, I've always wanted to be a doctor and that's never changed.

So, in the distance future, people in hospitals will inevitably be calling me Dr. Madeline Gilbert.

However, I'm not the only one who chose this path. Elena, who always said she wanted to be a journalist, decided to take her education in a different direction. Unfortunately, that direction happened to also be medicine.

"So…pop quiz," Dr. Jo Robles began as she looked up at the rest of us interns. Elena and I glanced at each other from our sides, but didn't dare say anything as Dr. Robles continued. "Mr. Weatherly complains of chest pains and shortness of breath. Tell me what tests we run."

In the front, one of the other interns—Liam—hesitantly held up his hand to answer the question. I did so as well, higher than him. This was my field of expertise, not his, but I didn't dare speak out in front of Dr. Robles. She was the kind of woman that you didn't dare disrespect.

Unfortunately, Dr. Robles looked beyond Liam and me and turned to Elena. "Gilbert—the other one."

Liam and I both frowned instantaneously as Elena looked up at the doctor with stricken eyes. She looked around, her eyes glazing over me for help with the answer. But I, however, wanted to watch her answer it on her own. I'd already told her the answer when I was talking with her about it—now it was up to her.

"Um…pulmonary angiogram provides a clear picture of the blood flow in the arteries of the lungs, which is what we look for in a pulmonary embolism, a condition in which Mr. Weatherly's symptoms are common."

"Good. Someone's read ahead," Dr. Robles nodded to her in approval. Her eyes glanced over at me and I knew she knew that Elena wasn't the one who read ahead. "Or…someone's able to use their resources within the family. One of the two."

Elena and I looked at each other again, caught.

I'm not going to deny that it was a little stressful that we were both in the same internship at the same hospital studying the same field. However, I also know that it's a common symptom within younger sisters to want to follow in their elder sister's footsteps.

Plus, she wanted to keep close to me after what happened. I think she sees it as an opportunity to…bond.

Dr. Robles glanced around the group. "You'll need to know that in three years." She turned around and grabbed something from a cart before handing said item to Elena, whose smile dropped seeing the bedpan. "Here's the bedpan you'll need to know about today." Elena took the item in her hand reluctantly. "Moving on."

Dr. Robles turned on her heel and the rest of the interns followed. I nudged Elena in the shoulder.

"You were great, Elena," I praised her, trying to act sisterly for once. Elena sighed and eyed the bedpan in her hand with distaste.

Liam turned around at both of us, his eyes focused on Elena. "I was impressed."

Elena scoffed. "Thanks."

Okay…so we're not doctors yet. But our advantage at the hospital gives us unlimited access to blood bags, which I now need. And, not only do I need it, but…well, I think you can figure out that one for yourself.

When I walked into the Occult Studies classroom that I had signed up for, I found my senses overwhelmed by the smell of blood as soon as I stepped foot into the classroom. Immediately, I turned my head and found Alaric pouring a blood bag into a coffee mug. My feet halted the rest of my body, and I just stared at it.

"Want some?" Alaric asked politely. I looked up at him and down at the blood, and I could feel the craving in the back of my throat begging for the room-temperature liquid. Instead, I collected myself together before that shining nuisance of red crossed my eyes again as it did every time I felt hungry. Unlike normal vampires, the veins weren't my only problem when I was turned on by the scent of blood. I was stuck with the lucky burden of my eyes flashing red every single time I even thought about it.

"Nope." I shook my head tightly. "I…err…had some before I came here." I sighed heavily. I'll never get used to saying that.

"Hey, Ric," Elena interrupted us as she entered the classroom with her book in hand and her bag on her shoulder. Alaric looked at her while I walked to my seat to prepare for the class. Elena was about to join me when she stopped in her footsteps and turned around, pursing her lips. "You know, this will never not be weird."

"What? That some ancient witch turned me into a vampire or that four months ago, I rose from the dead?"

"That…you're our college professor," Elena rectified, waving her Occult Studies book in front of her for him to see. Alaric smiled, drank the blood in his mug, and Elena joined me at our seats.

You know, it's not really his fault, though. I mean…I bet he'd want to, but he couldn't just compel himself a job as the History teacher at our high school. Because Mystic Falls is off-limits to anyone with fangs—even me, the weird one with red eyes.

But, luckily for the good humans of Mystic Falls, the death rate is hazardously coming towards…well, zero percent. Although, I'm not sure Matt quite comprehends that. I've seen him a couple times, and I can say that being the one of the only humans in Mystic Falls suits him pretty well. I've never seen anyone bench-press that hard except for Jeremy when he was a Hunter.

Speaking of Jeremy…you know what, Jeremy's a little off the rails right now. I don't really want to talk—let alone know—about what he's been doing. Instead, why don't we talk about Stefan?

Elena told me that he's chasing some lead to a witch that can contact the dead. Stefan and I…we haven't spoken in months. I'm convinced his search for answers is just…so all-consuming that he doesn't have time to pick up a phone and call. At least, that's what I hope his reason is for not speaking with me. Otherwise, we're gonna have a serious problem.

Honestly, though, I can't really say much about the matter. It's Audrey who's really having a tough time about it—or, at least, I imagine she is. She doesn't really talk about it that often, but I know what happened. We all did.

Stefan just…left, without any warning at all, and it killed her. She was trying to help him get through his grief, but he didn't want her help, I guess. And, somehow, he just gave up on her. He gave up on them. She's been spending most of her summer in Mystic Falls with Matt, but now that she's a freshman at Whitmore, I imagine that'll change.

"I dropped out of Whitmore," Caroline complained over the phone. I walked across the Whitmore campus as I listened to her. "Why would I support their stupid football team?"

"You know, I'm still a little pissed off that you up and decided to quit on me," I said bitterly towards her, frowning to myself. "We were supposed to be doing this together. Remember our college dreams? Well…my college dreams. You just wanted the popularity. You know what, Caroline? Just come home!"

"I am home," Caroline retorted pointedly. "I just signed the lease to my new apartment."

I huffed. "On the border of the town that will literally kill you if you decide to step into its bounds. That's not home, Caroline, it's sad."

"You don't even like football!"

"Of course I don't! But don't you have school spirit? Come on, you were the one who instilled that into me!"

"Give me that." I looked to the side to find Audrey holding her hand out for the phone, so I gave it to her as we walked side-by-side on the busy streets of the opening campus. Audrey put the phone to her ear and sighed. "Listen, sis…I'm finally at college and so help me God, if you don't come tonight, I will never, ever, ever let you live it down!"

I could hear Caroline's whining response through the phone with my new heightened senses. "I told you not to go to college! I asked you to help me fix Mystic Falls! You made your own choice!"

"Caroline, you're coming," someone else said, and I looked to the other side to find Tyler leaning over me, trying to speak into the phone with Audrey. She pulled it back and pressed it on speaker so that we all could hear the Caroline.

"Tyler, don't act like you've got any ground to stand on. You skipped an entire year."

"And you hounded me for an entire year!" As Tyler spoke, I caught sight of Luke Parker behind him, reaching into his bag as he locked eyes with me and pulled out an orange packet. My eyes widened as I worriedly thought Audrey was going to see, but I gave him a slight shake of my head to indicate it for later. I could somewhat vaguely hear Tyler's threat, but when he was done, I just sighed.

"You know what, Caroline? You don't have a choice in this. I'm picking you up at your house at six p.m. sharp so you better be ready with that charming Caroline Forbes natural school spirit that I know and love. Got it? Okay. Bye." I didn't even wait for her to respond, I just ended the call and left it at that.

After Tyler left us to go off on his own, I attempted actual conversation with Audrey—something we haven't done in months.

"So…did you try calling Stefan again?" I asked hesitantly, surveying her to see her reaction. Surprisingly, Audrey's face remained unmoving—but not in despair—as she shrugged her shoulders carelessly.

"Nope. I stopped."

I paused. "That's…that's it?" She nodded. "You just…you stopped?"

Audrey's gaze moved up to capture mine and she nodded again. "Yep. I stopped. Hey, do you think I can take that Applied Microbiology class you, Caroline, and Elena took last year or do you think I should just wait until I have it as an option—?"

"Audrey, seriously." I stopped us both in the middle of the walkway and touched her arm lightly. "How are you doing with it? You've barely said one word to me about it all summer. Well, actually, you've barely said a word to me all summer. You've been spending all your time with Matt."

"I'm perfectly fine, Madeline. Matt's great company, you know? Mystic Falls being vampire-free is like…a dream or something. I wish you…" She cut herself short, not wanting to depress either of us. My new vampirism wasn't something that deserved a celebration. "What about you?"

I scoffed. "What about me?"

"Well…you grieved over Bonnie for…months," Audrey spoke slowly, as if trying to jog my memory. But I remembered it well—losing one of my best friends was devastating. To be honest, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get over it. "And…whenever I ask you about Damon, you kind of just…shut down."

I could see her eyes drift to my left hand, and I knew she was staring at the engagement ring that I kept on as a reminder of my dead fiancé. However, I didn't let her question—or her tone—get to me. Rather, I smiled.

"I'm fine, Audrey." I began to back away quickly, not really in the mood to talk about it with her. I needed to find Luke as fast as possible. "But…I've got to go. I'll see you later?"

I don't think any of us want to let go, if I'm being quite honest here. Caroline doesn't, Audrey doesn't. The things that changed…none of us want to accept the fact that it happened. I certainly don't want to think that anything's changed, that I have to start completely fresh.

That the worst two things that could ever happen to me actually did happen.

I smiled to myself. "But I guess I don't have to." Slowly, I turned my head and exhaled. "Anyways, that was my boring day. What about yours?"

A smile played at Damon's lips as he wrinkled his eyebrows playfully. "Can we go back to the part where Ric came back to life to be a college professor?"

I laughed wholeheartedly, always amused at Damon's jokes. "Trust me, Damon, I don't think he planned it, either."

But I still laughed, as happy as I could be. Here I was, sitting with Damon, who was dead, gone, but still here. Damon pulled his arm up and wrapped it around my shoulders, and I eased into his chest as he pulled me closer.

He felt so real, even though I knew he wasn't.

"'Occult'. The word in its literal translation means hidden. Therefore, the study of the Occult…" Alaric paused at his place in the front of the classroom, his eyes glazing over me. I shifted and coughed, and I knew that he could see the red that was flaring across my eyes. I didn't want it to happen—I didn't mean for it to, but it just did. I tried to focus on something else, whether it was the fact that Elena was practically sleeping beside me or that the girl in front of me was jotting down notes at a vigorous pace, and I managed to retract the flashes of red. Clearing his own throat, Alaric continued, "Therefore the study of the Occult is the study of hidden knowledge. Today we are going to discuss it as it relates to resurrection."

From behind me, I could hear someone laugh. It was Liv Parker, the witch who had failed at the one task we'd blackmailed her into.

"Is there something funny, Liv?" Alaric asked pointedly.

Liv hesitated. "Um, more like…ironic, but okay."

Alaric scoffed to himself, but before he could retort, there was a loud bang at the entrance to the classroom and we all looked over to see Tyler rushing into the class, sweating like a maniac trying to get to his seat.

"Oh, Mr. Lockwood!" Alaric bellowed. "How generous of the practice squad to lend you to us."

"Sorry I'm late."

Tyler sat down in his seat, and after he apologized, Alaric continued, "Now, typically, not all Occult groups held consensus on the topic…."

I shifted again; feeling so uncomfortable that my heart was pounding inside of my head. My eyes flashed again, and I couldn't get it to go away this time. The heaviness proceeded on my eyes, pushing and pulling in a game of tug-o-war that I had no control over. I tried desperately to put an end to the complexity of the red coming in and out over my real, normal eye color, but nothing would give.

Then, I heard Alaric's voice after he cut himself off in his own lesson and whispered so low that only vampires could hear.

"Madeline, are you okay?" he whispered. I gritted my teeth so hard, I felt like they were about to fall off. "Relax. Just relax."

I breathed slowly and tried hard not to let anything get into my head at the moment. It was just like dealing with Evil Madeline—I had to clear my head of any thoughts and remove all emotions of anger and anxiety to get rid of the color. Eventually, I could feel that push-and-pull effect slowly leave me, and I felt entirely relaxed.

"Yeah," I responded lowly, leaning back in my chair with a sigh. "I-I'm good. Thanks…sorry about that."

I didn't know why I was apologizing, but I did. I felt like I apologized a lot for my nature now, but it was more for my own benefit.

After class was over, I rushed out of the room to go find Luke to ask about what's been happening to me as an effect of the herbs he provides me to see Damon. It's a simple ritual, really—something that he taught me so that I could see my dead fiancé as long as I needed to. Mix the herbs, drink it, and blow a candle—there you have it.

"Luke!" I shouted, finding him wandering the halls of the building. He turned around at me as I rushed up to him.

"Hey…I've got to run, actually—" I stopped him from leaving, making us both halt in the middle of the campus hallway.

"No, no, I'll be quick." I looked around. "I just wanted to ask…um, I've been…sort of blacking out lately. Sometimes, it's for minutes…sometimes, it's for hours. And the thing that happens with my eyes—you know…the red—it always spins out of control before I black out. Do you think it's because of the—?"

Everything I told him was true; I was blacking out ever so often. There were holes in my mind that I couldn't remember where I'd been or what I was doing. One second, I would be on my way to the dorm and the next, an hour would've gone by and I was still standing in the place that I was on my way, waiting for seemingly no reason. And, before any of this ever happened, my eyes were incontrollable.

Luke snorted. "Wait, are you asking me if there are side effects to the ancient psychotropic herbs I've been giving you? Because…there haven't exactly been clinical trials."

I snickered. "Obviously not, I'm not an idiot, you know. I was just hoping that you could…fix it or something. Add something to the next batch so I don't black out because, I'm not gonna lie, it's kind of a pain."

Luke glanced around cautiously. "You know…maybe there shouldn't be a next batch, Mads."

The two of us stared at each other for a long time, and I searched his eyes for any kind of sign that he was joking. Instead, his expression remained serious, and I grimaced at him.

"It was your idea that I see him again, Luke. Remember that?" Luke hung his head shamefully. "You were all 'Mads, I'm so sorry that I wronged you. I'm so sorry that I'm the reason your fiancé is dead'! Do you have memory loss or…?"

"I know…and I am. I'm sorry," the twin apologized again. "Something that I made clear when I made Alaric's daylight bracelet and your own daylight ring because you asked." He pointed at the lapis lazuli ring on my index finger on my right hand. The ring was something that I wasn't quite fond of, but was forced to wear. It had two crescent moons on either side of the stone, the same metallic color as the silver band.

"I know, but—"

"And when I went against my coven's rules to get these herbs, because you asked."

"I get that—"

"But," continued Luke, stopping me again. I felt an anger rise within me, but I pulled myself back from the heightened emotions. "It's time to return to reality."

I smiled at him graciously. "Come on, Luke. I'm fine. I am in reality, okay? I promise. Now, you can come by the dorm at 5 when Elena has a class."

"Mads—"

"You're the best, Luke!" I lied as I skipped away, leaving him no other choice. I think Luke wanted to believe that I was his friend, but how could I be friends with the person that was solely responsible for what happened to Damon?

Audrey walked into the quaint little diner just outside of Mystic Falls carrying the load of books her sister had piled onto her to bring back to Alaric when they met up for lunch. Caroline was too busy looking through all the other books that Alaric had given her so she could find a solution to the Traveler's anti-magic spell. Audrey had to give Caroline props—she was one determined vampire. She was in a good mood…until she saw Alaric hang up his phone.

She knew exactly who was on the other line. She didn't need vampire hearing to infer.

The books slammed down on the table as Audrey sighed and hesitantly sat down. Alaric eyed her carefully.

"Caroline already read…all of that?"

"Cover to cover," Audrey agreed bitterly. Alaric gave an impressed look. "She said there's no mention of what we can do to remove the spell on Mystic Falls. She also said, and I quote, 'If I'm going to single-handedly take back our town, I'm gonna need a little bit more to go on'."

The resurrected vampire before her just stared, unsurprised by the words Caroline had spoken that he was being informed of. Alaric coughed. "Got it. All right, well, I brought 'Ancient Witchcraft' Volume Two."

Audrey held up a finger towards Alaric and pulled out a slip of paper from her pocket with a list of book titles on it. She scanned the list for the name and, when she spotted it on the lines, she looked up at Alaric and shook her head.

"Nope. Caroline's already read that one."

He reached over and grabbed another book. "How about…'The Art of Hexing and Elements of Magic'?"

Audrey scanned the list again and, when she came out clean, she reached forward. "Thank you. I'll get it back to Caroline as soon as I can."

"Remind me, again, why she couldn't be here herself?"

"She's too busy reading the other thousand books she checked out from the library," Audrey deadpanned, unimpressed. Alaric could sense the bitterness in her tone.

"You don't want vampires in Mystic Falls again?" he asked intuitively, eyeing her. The red-haired Forbes looked up at him, caught in her own selfish desires. The two stayed silent for a long time until Audrey let out a sigh and leaned back in her chair.

"It's…nothing against you, Ric. It's just…it's been so nice all summer without the threat of impending doom on our town." Audrey scoffed. "I know it's wrong, but…Mystic Falls is in a great place without vampires." She paused, debating her words before she said them. Alaric eyed her again, waiting for her to ask him what she wanted, and eventually, the human tentatively said, "So…how is he?"

"Stefan?" Alaric clarified. Audrey nodded weakly. "He's okay."

The human girl bit down on her lip. "Do you talk to him often?"

"Once or twice a week," replied the vampire. Audrey didn't move a muscle on her face, but Alaric knew better than to mistake this as carelessness. He leaned forward and sighed. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Is something bothering you, Audrey?"

The girl scoffed. "What? No. No, of course not."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure we both know what's happening here." He looked her over as she avoided his gaze. "He left you."

"He left all of us."

"We're not talking about all of us, we're talking about you. What happened after Bonnie and Damon died? Before he left?" Alaric urged, trying to help out the young, very human teenager. Audrey shifted uncomfortably, but he could tell there was something on her mind. "Aud—"

"He told me he loved me and then he left, okay? He left without…without so much as a note." The words blurted out of the younger Forbes's mouth before she could even bear to stop them. Alaric stayed silent, waiting for her to finish. Audrey laughed bitterly. "You know…I think I convinced myself for the first couple weeks that I was actually doing the right thing. That he needed to do this on his own and that it was a good thing we have space. But…I don't even get a phone call, Ric. Not even a postcard!"

"I'm sure he doesn't want to bother you with every half-lead he gets," Alaric reasoned.

But the human would take no more. He could see the hurt beyond her eyes; the hurt that she had shielded from mostly everyone else.

"No. No, maybe this was all to just…get me to move on with my life. So that's what I'm gonna do," the girl snapped before angrily sliding out of her chair and leaving Alaric at the table, only left to empathize with her.

Five o'clock approached quickly, but Luke decided that he didn't want to show up. A half an hour after five o'clock rolled on, I left my dorm room. As if I didn't have enough to worry about. Elena was chastising Jeremy earlier on the phone because, apparently, he hasn't been answering his calls and all he does all day is sit around on the couch and do nothing. Elena and I couldn't very well go into Mystic Falls and make him do what needed to be done, but we used Matt as a translator.

I always had problems when it came to my brother. He wasn't as academically or socially driven as Elena and I were. His method of grieving happened to be to turn into a couch potato.

So, with this weight still on my shoulders, I knocked on Luke's door as civilly as I could and respectably waited for him to answer. He did, to my delight, and didn't even bother to give me a smile. He just sighed and nodded.

"Hey."

"Hey," I returned sourly. "So…what happened to coming over at 5?"

Luke gulped. "Look, Mads…I can't help you anymore."

I stood there, mostly in disbelief, and scrambled for a way to fix this problem before I really started to get angry. When I got angry, I couldn't control the red in my eyes. And the thought of it just made me sick.

"Is it because I said that I blacked out? Because I don't really think it means much…I'm probably just zoning out or something, it's pretty normal for me."

"Mads," he said slowly, "you're going through this stuff like crazy."

"I know."

"I'm not a drug pusher."

"No, you're the reason I lost the love of my life," I snapped at him without really knowing what was really coming out of my mouth. Luke looked at me with guilt, but I stormed into his dorm relentlessly. "You're the reason that he got stuck on the Other Side."

"Madeline, don't—"

"Because you decided to stop the spell that was going to bring him back! So now you owe this to me." I ransacked his drawers beside his bed to find the herbs that I knew he was hiding from me.

"I'm a friend who cares about you, Madeline!" he shouted. "And I think you're living in denial."

"You have more, Luke. Where is it?" I grumbled as I dumped out everything I could find frantically. I had to see Damon. I had to see him.

"Mads, stop!"

"Where is it?" I pressed. Luke was silent, but I was growing tired of this game. I repeated the exclamation as I whipped around and used my newfound vampire powers to grip him by the collar of his shirt and throw him up against the dresser beside his bed. Luke cowered in fear of me, and I knew it was mostly because of the eyes. The push-and-pull was back again, showing him something that I could not see. I pulled the shirt tighter around my fingers and hissed through my teeth, "I need to see Damon, Luke. And I'm not asking this time."

My eyes were, no doubt, lined with insanity, but I couldn't care about that right now. Without these herbs, I had nothing—I had no one. Jeremy had his ways of grieving, Elena had hers, and I had mine.

"I think Elena wants to set Alaric up with Dr. Robles from the hospital," I told Damon as I drove towards Mystic Falls to get Caroline for the football game I'd required her to go to. I was feeling much better since Luke so kindly handed over the herbs that he had. "I get it, you know? We both know that he's into the sexy doctor type. Do you think there's a time limit on dating after someone comes back to life?"

"The fact that you can say that with a straight face is one more reason that I love you," Damon commented, giving me a smile from the passenger seat. I paused.

"So…what do you think? Three months?"

"Can I ask why there's not a Bennett witch in the back?" Damon asked abruptly, turning his head from the backseat of my car to me. "I mean…can't Luke whip up a batch of herbs in Bonnie flavor?"

I sighed. "Do you want me to e-mail you the list of people that I've lost, Damon?" I asked him rhetorically, causing him to shrug. I snorted to myself thinking about how sad it was that, yes; I have lost more than the average person has. All of us Gilberts, really. Our family, it seemed, was cursed.

"Or you just know that Bonnie would agree with Luke," the dark-haired vampire reasoned with me, earning my half-smile to drop immediately upon his words. "The last thing you need to do is conjure up someone who's gonna tell you the truth."

I was silent for a long time before I shook my head and laughed nervously. "You know what, let's…let's not talk about this, okay?"

"Talk about what? The fact that I'm dead?" Damon reached out to poke me in the arm. "'Cause I am."

"Biologically speaking, you were dead when I first met you," I retorted.

"Good point!" Damon exclaimed, but the sound was so bitterly said that it made my insides churn. "Now…I'm just gone. Poof!"

"Damon," I warned him, shaking my head. "D-Don't say that. Don't say that."

He barreled on regardless. "And this conversation is pretty much the smart, level-headed you talking to the irrational, possible drug-addict you." I scoffed at him. "Which is clear evidence of your insanity."

I reached forward and turned up the stereo music in the car. Damon looked over at me, as if he'd won, but I looked at him with a pointed glare. "I'm not a drug addict."

As we approached Mystic Falls, I found my throat aching for something to drink—something human to drink. Remembering the blood bags Elena insisted I put in our car in case we ever needed them, I removed one hand from the steering wheel and reached behind me to blindly look for the blood bags.

"What are you looking for?" he asked me as I struggled trying to grab the blood bag that I knew was at my fingertips.

"Well, I put some blood in the car earlier this week…" My hands found one of the blood bags and I pulled it forward so I could see, but the blood bag was completely drained of all its contents, rendering it useless. With a heavy exhale, I chucked it to the backseat of the car. "Okay…never mind, then."

Damon stayed silent, surveying me as I looked forward and found a faded red car pulled off to the side of the road. A girl stood at the hood, holding her cell phone up in the air as if to get cell reception out on the road. Little did she know that Mystic Falls wasn't the best at putting up reception towers everywhere.

"Wait a second…" I trailed off as the car approached the human by her car. I stopped the vehicle, thinking that I could help this poor, human girl. I put the car in park and rolled down the window.

"Hey," I spoke to her cautiously. My throat was still burning, but I didn't pull over to harm her, I pulled over to help her. "Are you okay?"

"Depends…am I still in the Western Hemisphere?" The human laughed nervously, obviously lost.

"Hold on. I'll help you."

After unbuckling my seatbelt, I climbed out of the car and shut my door. I walked around the nose of my car and met the human at hers. She threw her hands up in the air frustratedly.

"I'm sorry…I'm from New York and we're big on cell phone reception," she commented snidely. I chuckled and crossed my arms over my chest as I came to stand in front of her.

"Where are you headed?" I asked, but there was a sudden crash of that push-and-pull feeling on my eyes again. The human was too busy to notice as she looked around exhaustedly, but I knew it wouldn't be long until she realized what was going on.

Get yourself under control, Mads, get yourself under—

The girl sighed. "Mystic Falls. My GPS died and then I started second-guessing myself and—"

The human cut herself off once she saw the kind girl close her eyes and reopen them. It took her by complete surprise when the girl's eyes reopened to reveal a solid, bloodthirsty color that shone in her pupils.

"What the—"

Without hesitation, Madeline lunged forward before the girl could move away or do anything to get out of her grasp. She tipped her head back and extended her fangs so the sharp teeth pierced the girl's skin while the human screamed. A thick stream of blood fell down the human's neck and dripped onto her clothes, staining the fabric.

"Easy," Damon warned behind Madeline. "This is when you wipe her slate and let her go." Madeline didn't respond, she just kept feeding harder and harder, clutching the human body like it would deflate against her. "You're gonna kill her. Just like you almost killed the last one and the one before that and the one before that…"

The angry Madeline pulled away, blood staining the corners of her mouth. A euphoric expression overcame her face as she laughed. "I haven't killed one of them yet, now have I? I've been good."

Damon shrugged. "Debatable."

Madeline groaned. "Shut up," she snapped before pulling her teeth back into the human's neck. At this point, the screams in her ear became a nuisance, and she barely even heard it through the delightful taste of blood on her mouth when someone screamed behind her.

"Oh, my God!"

Madeline pulled her head away from the neck and the red ring in her eyes slowly faded.

I pulled away slowly from the bleeding neck beneath my touch, for which I had no idea how it had gotten ripped open. For a moment there, I forgot I was a vampire. But I didn't remember attacking this girl—I blacked out again. I released the girl from my grasp and hesitantly turned around to find Caroline staring at me in disgust and disbelief.

"What are you—?" Caroline asked me breathlessly. I looked back at her and shook my head.

"C-Caroline…"

Suddenly, Caroline's mouth dropped and we both turned around to find the girl I'd presumably attacked running like hell towards Mystic Falls. When I saw her run, it sank in that I hadn't compelled her—or, at least, I didn't think I did.

"No!" I shouted and flashed forward to catch the running girl. Unfortunately, I was forced to come to a halt at the barrier between Mystic Falls and the rest of the world when my daylight ring crapped out on me and my skin started to burn. I was only left to watch as the screaming girl ran like hell towards Mystic Falls and I was on the other side of an invisible force field, wondering what the hell I'd done.

When I returned to Caroline, she was waiting for me with an abundance of questions. I paced back and forth, realizing just how bad the blackouts had become.

"What did you do?" Caroline snapped at me as she stood in one place, watching as I walked back and forth in one straight line.

"I don't know, Caroline!"

"Why the hell are you feeding on people?"

"I don't know!" I shouted, turning around to her sharply. Caroline was staring at me with an open jaw.

"What the hell do you mean, you don't know?"

I sighed at her, but didn't meet her judgmental gaze. "It's been…happening a lot, okay? I've been…blacking out every so often. Little things. I would go to sleep and wake up with dirt in my hair or…or even blood on my lips, I just…I paid no attention to it. I thought it was harmless."

"Wait a minute!" Caroline exclaimed, holding up her hands. "Are you…are you the border lurker? "

I spun around, surprised. "The 'border lurker'? What's that?"

"My mom's been out looking for a vampire prowler! The vampire doesn't use compulsion, so I have to compel them. The victims normally say it was a girl with red eyes," Caroline explained to me in a high-pitched voice. I sighed and rubbed my forehead, trying to recall anything that would give me an alibi. But a girl with red eyes? How many more of those could be around? "I thought it was some…I don't know, new Big Bad or something!"

"I don't know what I'm doing," I muttered, pacing again. "It's gotta be the herbs Luke's been giving me, they're screwing with my head." As if I hadn't already had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Frustratedly, I turned and put my hands on my head, trying to work it out in my brain. Behind me, Caroline stopped me from continuing my self-reliance.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What herbs?"

I halted, deciding whether or not to tell her. I could lie, like I'd been lying to everyone else, but what would the point of that be? I'd been feeding on people so recklessly without my own knowledge. It was time to get help. I wasn't thinking straight.

So, softly, I blurted out, "They make me see Damon." When I spun around, I saw Caroline staring at me with a jaw wide open and no sound coming out of her mouth—a first for her. I smiled. "I can talk to him, Caroline. And I can be with him—"

"God," Caroline breathed out, disappointed. I stayed silent. "Is this what you've been doing this whole time? Hallucinating your dead boyfriend?"

"Dead fiancé, Caroline. Fiancé," I corrected her while brushing my own thumb across the engagement ring on my left hand unconsciously. Caroline just sighed, but I wasn't going to let her judge me on this. "You don't understand…I tried to grieve him. I spent every day just…just waiting until that point where I would move on, but I couldn't. And trust me, I know about grief. All of us do. But every single time I think that I'm never gonna see him again, I just…I feel like I'm going to fall apart."

Caroline stepped forward. "Madeline, your emotions are heightened right now. You're not thinking straight—"

"That's the problem!" I retorted, stepping away from her. I was on the verge of tears now being forced to talk about my problems. "When have you ever known me not to think straight, huh? Being a vampire doesn't change that ability of mine, it is my strength. Not my weakness. I can't think straight because I can't grieve Damon and if I can't grieve Damon…"

I trailed off again, not wanting to say what I thought. If I couldn't grieve Damon, what would it be like for the rest of eternity? I always knew there was a possibility of me becoming a vampire, but even though the thought sickened me, there was one upside: loving someone forever. What did I have if I didn't even have that?

"I know," Caroline said softly as she placed both hands on my shoulders. "I get it, okay? I do. But…there are better ways to get through this."

"We're all getting through it," I told her, stepping out of her grasp. I didn't want to be touched right now—I didn't want to be comforted at this moment. "And this is me getting through it, Caroline. Okay?"

She hesitated. "Yeah, but you're not getting through it, Mads. You're just pressing pause." At this, I had no response. Caroline sighed, as tired of the conversation as I was. However, I knew it wasn't completely over. Not just yet. "Look, I'll call my mom and she can fix all of this. But you need to get out of here. Go hide, okay? So just…go."

With this dismissal, I walked around Caroline tentatively and towards my car. I opened the driver's side and climbed inside, dazed and confused. It was the first time that I had ever spoken about Damon for more than three seconds with someone, and it hurt like hell.

But as I sat in the car and didn't move a muscle, Caroline's words started to sink in, and I realized quickly how right she was. There was just a part of me, the more prominent part, that didn't want to admit it.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself aloud, knowing that this wasn't the real me. The levelheaded Madeline, the rational one, would not have spent so much time in denial. Then again, the rational Madeline didn't exist any longer; and she had Damon to thank for that.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Damon sitting in the passenger seat, staring at me with sympathetic eyes. He moved his hand to rest on top of mine, and I found so much comfort in the hold that I didn't want to let go. Not one bit.

Voicemail.

Twice.

I sat in my car, parked a little ways away from where Caroline confronted me about dealing with Damon's death. I was determined to get a hold of Stefan, even if I had to call him fifty times in a row until he got so fed up that he answered the call. I needed him right now—I needed my friend. It hurt me that he didn't even bother to say goodbye. I felt like, if we had been together this summer, I would've been okay. In some sense, Stefan was truly my brother, even if I hadn't married Damon before his death.

The third time was, fortunately, the charm. Stefan answered on the second ring, hesitating a moment before he sighed, "Hello?"

I sat up straight in the driver's seat. "Stefan? I…I know we haven't really spoken all that much since…"

"Mads. Hey, what's going on?" But his voice was uninterested, like he didn't want to talk to me. I understood him, from a certain standpoint. All I did was remind him of his brother. It was the same way for me.

I let out a nervous breath. "Have you found something yet? A witch…a guy who knows a witch…who knows anything?" Stefan was silent, so I continued. My sweaty hand held the phone up to my ear tightly and my heart felt like a bunch of bricks. "I need you to give me hope and tell me that you're gonna find Damon and Bonnie and bring them back."

"Not yet."

I hung my head, disappointed. But, really, what did I expect? "Then…how do you do it? How do you go on in your day without…without falling to pieces? I need you to help me, Stefan. I need you to tell me what to do because I'm doing everything wrong right now."

Stefan waited for a moment before answering, "There's no right or wrong way, Mads."

"No, there's only forever," I told him, holding back tears that I had vowed never to shed again. Clearly, I broke that promise. "And I don't know how I can spend the rest of my eternity…without him, Stefan. Please tell me something. Anything."

"I can't," expressed a somber Stefan on the other side of the phone. "I gave up."

Suddenly, I felt my entire heart shatter into pieces while I processed this information. "What do you mean you…you gave up?"

"I looked for him, but then I realized that it was pointless and that I needed to move on with my life. I stopped."

"Stefan," I complained, straightening. I sucked in the tears that threatened to come out. "Why? Why did you stop?"

"I said goodbye, Madeline. I moved on. Damon is gone. And as much as I would've loved to be your brother, I can't be now, and I'm sorry." I leaned my head back against the headrest in the car. "But it's time for you to say goodbye too."

I shook my head in disbelief, but the phone line disconnected, showcasing Stefan's patience with the conversation. I felt like the entire world was slipping away; I felt like I was literally falling to pieces all over again.

And then my first tear shed—the first one I'd had since the day Damon died.

"Where are you?" Tyler asked Caroline over the phone as he made his way through the Whitmore crowd of rowdy, enthusiastic college students. "The game's gonna start in, like, fifteen minutes."

"Do you know Mads has some sort of witchy drug problem? Yeah, Luke Parker has been feeding her some concoction that allows her to hallucinate Damon!"

"Whoa," Tyler stopped her, still fighting his way through the crowd. "Slow down…what?"

"It makes her black out and she gets all…bloodlusty and confused. She nearly killed a girl today!"

"This makes no sense."

"Yeah, well, neither did the fact that she got over Damon when he died. Now it's crystal clear—she hasn't! Mads is a vampire now…and definitely not a normal one! She's living in a fantasyland."

"Is she okay?"

"She's a mess. And as long as Luke keeps playing witch doctor, she's not gonna get any better."

As Caroline informed Tyler of the situation regarding one of his closest family friends, he scanned the crowd for Luke Parker, who had been so careless as to feed a grieving girlfriend something that could potentially harm her mental health.

"Let me deal with him," Tyler promised and hung up the phone promptly, whereupon he went to go find Luke immediately after, rage bubbling up inside of him.

Hesitantly, I brought the bowl-shaped cup to my lips and drank the special herbs that didn't taste all that fantastic to me. I swallowed it down, though, fighting the urge to throw it up no matter how much my taste buds wanted it. My breathing was slow and breathy, but I could feel it when Damon appeared behind me. I didn't need to turn around to speak. If I did, I was afraid I'd crumble.

"You can't be here," I said to him with my back turned. "You're not real. This is just my subconscious making me see what I want to see, and what I want to see is you."

Damon scoffed. "One call from my brother and you want to throw all this away?"

I shook my head, not amused at his dry humor this time. I couldn't laugh at him or at his jokes. This wasn't funny anymore.

"You know how much I want to see you, Damon." I rocked back and forth on my fists that were holding myself up against the table, and I bit my lip to refrain from crying. "But…this stuff does things to me that I can't explain. It makes me reckless; I hurt people. I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm doing it…"

"So why am I here?" Damon asked me pointedly, bringing up a valid question. I don't know. "Do you want to move on? Move on!"

I found the words echoing through my head over and over again. Move on? Is that what I really want?

The answer was simple: yes.

I turned around, finally able to face him after all this time. Damon was standing there, the same handsome, rugged, twenty-year-old man that I had fallen in love with for the first time at the age of eighteen. How did it get to be this way? If someone knew the old Madeline from three years ago and the Madeline that existed now, they would think they were different people. The seventeen-year-old Madeline definitely would not have been devastated over a loss of someone like Damon.

"I never got to thank you," I whispered, finding my heart shattering as I said the words.

"For what?" Damon asked, waiting for me to choke out the words. I gave him a small smile.

"You saved Stefan…and Alaric and Tyler. You risked your life for everyone, Damon, and I might be…so devastated, but I'm also proud." The Damon of three years ago would not have done such a selfless act. He proved that he expected something from himself, that he was a hero.

Damon sighed. "Madeline—"

"No," I cut him off, stepping forward. "No, I'm…I'm not finished yet."

Damon looked at me with painful eyes, as if seeing right into the despair that I kept inside of me. But when I looked at him, all I saw was the man who had changed my life completely. The man who had given me a reason to live, even as a human.

"I want to thank you for…for showing me how easy it is to open up to someone. I want to thank you for giving me something to live for. For teaching me how to love, for teaching me what it means to be all-consumed by so much passion that it's simply blinding." My eyes glazed over, and I knew that I was eventually going to cry sooner or later. "There's nothing more that I could've asked for…except for it to last forever, but it can't."

Damon shook his head at me, almost in disbelief, but I hung my head and sniffled, trying to subdue my tears. I had to let him go. I had to let him go.

"This is the last time I'm going to see you," I told him brokenly as I stepped forward and wrapped my hand around his cheek. Damon leaned into it carefully, but didn't move an inch. My thumb stroked his cheek as I studied his features. "This has to be goodbye, Damon. I love you, so much more than you will ever know, but…but I have no other choice. I have to let you go."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, even though I knew in the back of my mind that he was only a figment of my imagination. But I was never able to see him when we were in the tomb the first time as he said his own goodbyes, so this was mine. The kiss was bittersweet, more innocent than anything else, and I felt like he was cold. Keeping my eyes closed, however, I pulled back and willed myself to break the tie between us. I couldn't see him anymore, for the sake of the rest of my eternity.

When enough time had passed, I opened my eyes, expecting to see myself holding empty air.

Instead, I found myself still holding Damon. I let go of his face, confounded, but he just tsked at me.

"You're still holding on."

"No," I retorted, shaking my head. "No, I…I said goodbye, Damon."

"I don't blame you." He turned and walked around me, barely brushing my shoulder. "I mean…what could you really expect, huh? A June wedding?"

"Stop," I whispered, about to double over with the pain. I didn't want to feel this way—I didn't want him here. I had to move on.

"I was your first everything, Madeline!" Damon snapped as I turned around to face him while he stopped at the table and looked at the bowl-shaped cup surrounded by melting candles. "I was your first real kiss, your first love, your first time! You can't get rid of me!"

"Please stop," I begged, shaking my head. "Please, Damon. Stop it."

"You know what's waiting for you. How long before you go running back to Luke?" He picked up the cup and waved it in front of himself for emphasis.

I shook my head tightly. "No, I told you. I'm done with this, okay? It's time."

Damon set the bowl down and stared at me with cold eyes. "An eternity of torment, agony, and grief and you'll feel it all," he informed.

I brought my hands up to my forehead and tried to rub the pain away. "Stop…stop, stop it, Damon, no! You're getting in my head about this, I can't. I can't do that to myself—I won't."

"Why don't you just turn it off?"

"Don't do this, please."

"You're gonna feel it forever," he warned, but I was done listening to him. If I listened to him any longer, I would do what he asked, I just knew it.

"No!" I shouted and picked up one of the candles in front of me and threw it at him.

I don't know what came over me, but so much rage and sorrow built inside of me that I just threw everything onto the ground and rushed up to the window and threw a candle out the glass, my tears rolling down my cheeks. He was right—there were so many emotions that overwhelmed me, I wasn't going to handle it unless I turned it off. I found myself sinking to the ground, desperately seeking the guidance of someone real.

But I was determined not to turn it off—I didn't want to. There was a switch inside of me that enabled me to, but I physically could not. I couldn't hurt anyone, I couldn't become the monster that I'd hated for so long. I wouldn't be another emotionless problem like Elena was, I had to fight this. I had to get through this.

The only problem was that I didn't know how. Damon was right—he was my first everything.

I wasn't going to be able to get rid of him.

And I was even more positive of this when his hand slid onto my shoulder and he sank down beside me without saying a word. I cried harder, trying to get rid of the pit in my stomach that wouldn't go away. Involuntarily, my hand slid up to capture his, and I yearned for that touch.

I didn't want to let go.

I was sitting on the floor when Elena came back to the dorms after the football game. I had wept so hard that my eyes were red and I was afraid that it would never go away. My engagement ring had inevitably fallen to the floor when I had put it away, sick of looking at it all the time. I was hurting so badly that I wasn't able to think clearly, and it was something that was killing me. I hated this weakness, this emotional tax. With Damon not here, there was no point to it anymore.

I looked in the mirror now and I did not see someone I recognized. I saw a completely different person—a broken mess.

"Madeline?" Elena asked me as she came around the beds, following the sounds of my crying. I wanted to stop, but I was so lost. I didn't know what to do or what to say anymore.

It'll never go away.

It'll never go away.

"Oh, God…Madeline…" Elena said slowly after she saw me sitting between the two beds with my knees against my chest and the satin box lying sideways on the floor. I wanted to push her away when she dropped to the floor and pulled me into her arms. Instead, I buried my head in her chest and, despite everything, appreciated the fact that she was here. Elena patted my hair down, trying to soothe me, but she didn't understand what it was like to lose a first love. She'd had so many firsts with people.

Despite the hiccups here and there, I'd only had the one.

Elena stood by a box of Damon's things that she had gathered from Madeline, deciding to finally pack them away and help her sister through this rough time. It was odd, watching her sister go through something so emotional. Normally, Madeline didn't do emotional—especially not with men. But, then again, this was Damon. Elena had been there, she watched the two as they grew closer and closer and she even hated herself for separating them in the first place. She didn't mean to do it, but they'd put it in the past now.

Reaching inside the box, Elena grabbed a picture that she had packed from her own drawers. It was one of her and Damon—probably the only one that existed. She'd forced him, of course, to take the picture with her. Damon wasn't very ecstatic when it came to photos, but she supposed he did it so that he could keep up the charade between them. She wasn't going to lie, it hurt her knowing that Damon was only with her so that he could protect her sister.

But despite what had happened, she knew there were moments when it was real for Damon. Real for her.

"Do you like being a vampire?" Elena whispered to Alaric as the two tip-toed around the dorm room, seeing as Madeline was fast asleep in her bed, dreaming away the drugs in her system.

"Why don't we talk about this in the morning?" Alaric hushed. "It's been a long day. We need to focus on helping Madeline right now."

"Because with all the funerals and the start of the year…we never really talked about how you're dealing with all of this," Elena barreled on, disregarding Alaric's statement.

"You mean, with me coming back to life?" Elena shrugged in agreement. "Well, moving away from Mystic Falls helped. And since my ex-girlfriend is happily married to a pediatrician up in Alaska, I didn't have any awkward reunions to handle."

"I meant the bloodlust," Elena corrected him sheepishly. "The heightened emotions and immortality?"

Alaric sighed. "Honestly, Elena…I hate everything about being a vampire."

"Me, too." Elena let her eyes wander over to Madeline. "I…I can't imagine how she feels about it. She's always hated the idea. Damon talked about it a lot. It was one of the reasons we…we grew so close after I turned. He wanted to be with her forever, but she…she just wanted him. But I think, if she had turned earlier, things would've been different. If Damon didn't die, I think she would be somewhat happy. The one good thing about being a vampire is the promise that love is eternal. But with him gone, I'm worried that she's gonna be miserable for the rest of eternity."

"It'll get easier for her," Alaric promised, nodding. "We'll help her move on."

Elena scoffed. "There's no such thing as moving on. It's a lie."

The two stared at each other for a long while before, eventually, Alaric spoke, confused. "What are you saying, Elena?"

The brunette vampire looked between Alaric and the sleeping Madeline in her bed, and without saying anything, she tapped her lips with her finger and walked out of the dorm room. Alaric followed her as she shut the door and they stood outside, speaking low enough that Madeline couldn't hear them through her unconscious state.

"If she's ever going to fall in love again and make eternity bearable, Ric, you need to do something," Elena hushed.

"What?" he urged.

Elena looked at the door, imagining her broken sell of an older sister inside. She'd never seen Madeline react that way before, and it scared her. She was supposed to be the mature one—sure, she had her moments of dry humor, but at the end of the day, Madeline was rational. She thought things through and she didn't let her emotions get the best of her. But losing Damon was what she needed to send her off the deep end.

Elena wanted to fix that.

"You were created by the Original Vampire spell which means that you can compel other vampires. And since she can't take away her vampirism, I want you to take away Damon," Elena told Ric, who just turned his head as he realized what she was asking him to do. "I want you to compel her to forget that she…that she ever loved him."

The pan sizzled as he cooked the pancakes to perfection and scooped one onto each plate. He dressed up the pancakes and hummed to himself while she sat at the table and poured each of them two cups of coffee with one sugar cube each. He brought the plates over to the feast-ready table and put her plate on the table right in front of her.

Bonnie smiled. "Every day I tell you I hate that," she said through her teeth as she looked down at the pancake that was designed to look like a vampire. Blueberries made up the face and whipped cream showcased the fangs.

"And, every day, I do it anyway." Damon smirked. "Bon appétit."

Bonnie passed Damon the paper that she kept for him as the two ate their breakfast in peace like everything was completely and extremely normal.

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