James Potter was freaking out. What else was he meant to do? Lily Evans had just told him she had feelings for him! For months! Not only that, but they had kissed! He, James Potter had kissed Lily Evans- and multiple times no less.

And what a kiss it had been…

His head spun just thinking about it.

But he couldn't. He wasn't allowed to. He had Jess now. Wonderful, sexy, sweet Jess. He wasn't that creepy obsessive fifth year anymore.

That's what he told himself at least.

In reality, he felt very much like that fifth year. All the feelings he'd been convinced were gone were rushing back. That scared him very much.

And he actually knew Lily now. They'd had all those long, deep conversations, a lot of them in the early hours of the morning after patrols. They had more inside jokes than he could keep track of, they'd become a killer team at that muggle money game with the little green and red buildings. She knew him like the back of her hand, and vice versa.

When she had admitted her feelings, he had wanted nothing more than to say he felt the same. It had been his first instinct.

But Jess... He couldn't just ditch her because he'd found someone else. Could he? No. He wasn't that guy anymore, he refused to be. And he didn't want to hurt her.

But he didn't want to hurt Lily either!

"Bollocks! Fucking! Shitting fuck!" James mumbled in frustration, teeth gritted, resisting the urge to kick the wall.

Not willing to face the party again, he made his way up to the head's dormitory.

The next day, James completely avoided Lily. And in the weeks that followed, he kept contact to a minimum. He didn't know what he was doing, and he knew it wasn't the right way to go about things, but he didn't know what else to do, so he just kept going.

It was horrible. Sometimes he had to actually remind himself to not give her a knowing glance, or casually throw his arm around her shoulders. He avoided eye contact like it stung.

He only allowed himself to look at her, really look at her, when he knew she wouldn't notice. He found himself staring at her in the library, when she was caught up in her studies, or from his seat behind her in Charms, or in his weaker moments from across the common room as she chatted with her friends.

When James walked into breakfast the day after the incident with Jess tucked into his side, Lily had felt it like a physical blow to her stomach.

'He's chosen her. He's chosen her.'

The taunting filled her head, as she excused herself and rushed from the Great Hall.

He'd probably never even considered her over Jess. Why would he? He'd moved on from her two years ago. Of course he didn't have those sorts of feelings for her!

If only she hadn't blurted everything out. Then everything would still be fine! They could have written it off as alcohol and hormones, and continued on as normal.

'Stupid Evans', she reprimanded herself.

It would be okay. Maybe they could still go back to how everything was! Yes! That would be fine! Her ruddy feelings would go away eventually, and then she and James could be mates again and everything would be fine.

Lily was prepared for this.

What she wasn't prepared for were the weeks of cold shouldering from James.

He seemed to hate her! There was nothing of their easy friendship left. He never spoke to her, unless he absolutely had to. He refused to make eye contact. He hadn't even hugged her since the incident! (She'd grown, really very fond of his hugs.)

Lily was distraught. She'd ruined everything by admitting her feelings for James.

Lots of people had noticed the change in the head students' relationship, but only Sirius knew the reason.

James had told him in potions a few days after it happened.

Ordinarily, Sirius would support his best friend pretty much unconditionally, but he was finding it rather hard this time round. He couldn't help but think that James was making a mistake.

Plus, he could see the effect it was having on Lily. How she shrank a little bit every time James brushed her off. How much his rejection hurt her.

Once, on the way to class, he had found her in an empty stairwell, crying.

"What's wrong, flower?" he'd asked, sitting down next to her and placing an arm over her shoulders.

"It's- it's nothing."

"I wasn't aware that James had changed his name to Nothing. Can't believe he didn't tell me!"

"So he told you then," Lily sighed.

"Yeah."

"He hates me Siri! I've messed everything up! He won't even look at me!"

"We both know he doesn't hate you Evans."

"Well he's doing a bloody good job of acting like it."

"Yeah, he's being a prat."

"I still miss him though. I just wish we could be friends again, nevermind..."

"You have feelings for him though."

Lily hesitated for a second, and then nodded.

"Not that it matters. He chose her, and he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"He didn't choose her, his innate loyalty and inbred sense of duty and what is right chose her. Stupid Gryffindor. And, trust me Evans, ignoring you is just as hard on him as it is on you."

"Yeah, well no one is forcing him to do it."

"Yeah, I don't know what he thinks he's accomplishing with that bollocks."

"At least it's almost holidays. Maybe a bit of time at home will help," Lily continued.

"Maybe," Sirius replied. "Do you want me to talk to him about it?"

"No! I think that might just make it worse. No offense."

"Okay. Come on then, we've gotta get to Transfiguration."

"Sirius Black making me to go to class! What a momentous day!" she joked, but her eyes were still glistening with the ghosts of her past.

"Shut up Evans," he said with a smirk.

That evening, after dinner, Sirius pulled James away from the rest of the Marauders.

"Can we talk mate?"

"Yeah, sure."

They left the common room and ambled down the corridor.

"What's up?" James asked.

"You need to stop treating Evans like that. It's not right."

"Pads-"

"It's not good for you and you're hurting her Prongs! I found her crying in a stairwell this morning because she think's she's ruined everything and you hate her!"

"She was crying?"

"Yes," Sirius snarled.

"I don't want to hurt her."

"Well, you are, and you need to stop," Sirius informed him coldly, and began to stomp away. Thoroughly pissed.

"I don't know what to do," James pleaded. Sirius stopped, but didn't turn to face him. "No matter what I do, someone I care about gets hurt, and I'm in the wrong."

"Look I know it's hard. But you can't just ignore Lily and act like nothing happened. That's not doing either of you any good."

"I know. I feel like shit about it. I don't know what else to do though."

"Yeah, well you should feel like shit. You're being a prat. And I'll tell you what you need to do; you need to decide who you want. Lily or Jess."

"It's not that simple."

"Isn't it though? Look, this is on you. I'll support your decision, whatever it is. You know I will. But you need to make your mind up quickly, or people will just end up getting hurt even more."