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Coping: Chapter 3- Roger That

Lily splashed a generous amount of cool water on her face as she tried to calm herself down. She'd had the shift from hell; two patients, her only two patients, had both been in a car accident. As if that wasn't bad enough, the first one had to go up to surgery because of a tear in their aorta, and the second died of a serious brain injury. It shocked Lily to the core to think that one car accident caused a similar thing to happen to the car accident she was involved in. She just prayed with all her might that she could get a patient broken leg next. Preferably a patient that didn't talk much as well.

She splashed her face with cool water again, before pulling out the plug and watching the water swirl away. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to wash her dread away. She was stuck with that. Lily grabbed her glasses from the side and slipped them on. She rested her hands against the basin and stared at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, she looked worn out. Lily wouldn't let that show, though, so added a bit of bronzer to her face making he took a little less pale. She slipped the emergency make-up back into her scrub top and smiled at how it worked.

Lily turned around reluctantly and faced the door. She almost considered hiding for another ten minutes. No one would miss her presence, surely. There were many doctors out there who could help with anything. She could just stay in the bathroom for a couple more minutes.

What would Mrs Beauchamp say, Lily? She wondered angrily to herself. She wished she hadn't cast her mind back to the dead Clinical Lead; and frankly excellent doctor, but she asked the question, and Lily had to answer it.

She would say I should stop slacking. Lily responded in her head. That was the problem. She always had to ask herself that. Mrs Beauchamp was still there inside of Lily's head. Lily still had the ambition to be like her- and the young doctor fully intended to carry that out.

Lily took a deep breath in and walked towards the door. She wanted to tell her legs to stop, she wanted to run into a toilet cubicle and cry, but somehow, her body wouldn't co-operate. She screwed her eyes shut and took a few deep breaths before opening her eyes and leaving the bathroom. She walked confidently away from them, still wanting to run back in and hide.

No, Dr Chao. If you want to become a good doctor, you have to face the bad things. Connie's voice said encouragingly to her. Lily pushed it down. It wasn't a real voice, and so she didn't have to listen to it.

But Lily's feet were already by the emergency department doors; awaiting the next emergency. She just hoped it wouldn't be from a-

"-car accident." Jeff announced, breaking through her thoughts and saying the words that were like hell to her at the minute. "Austin, the driver here, was swerved off the road by a coach driver. Luckily, the coach was emp-" Jeff stopped short. Lily was still stood at the entrance, but her eyes had followed the trolley. "You coming, Princess?" The paramedic asked worriedly.

Lily snapped back into it, trying to forget about the crash and everything else. Her mind should be on the job in hand, and the job in hand only. Speaking of which... did Jeff just call her princess? "My name is Dr Chao." She said sternly, catching up with the trolley. She noticed Jeff smile sadly. Lily wondered why.

You've been through a lot. He's just sympathising with you. Connie said. Lily groaned internally.

Would you just leave me alone for now?! The younger doctor told imaginary Connie.

Fine. Dr Chao. The voice responded, emphasising her name. Anger bubbled away inside of Lily, but she reminded herself that it was not real; it was just in her head.

"Lily!" Robyn said loudly. "Come on!" Lily glanced around. Jeff, Dixie, Robyn and Lofty were stood staring at her. She definitely had to remember to push down Connie's voice, or else she wouldn't be able to carry out her job.

Lily hurriedly followed them into Recus, taking in all the useful information about the patient. She knew it didn't look good for him. His car got swiped and it fell onto the drivers side... just like it happened in the crash where Conn-

Don't go there, Lily. Connie warned. Just focus on the patient, and the patient only. Worry about the circumstances later.

She's right. Just focus on his injuries and worry about how it happened afterwards. Lily smiled to herself. She'd never really thought about the owner of that voice being dead. She supposed he kind of was, now. At least she could have Ethan's voice in her head. They're looking at you again. Ethan mentioned, chuckling. Lily missed that chuckle, but resumed her work, trying not to get side-tracked by her own thoughts.

Lily carried out all the usual tests and examinations, but didn't seem to find anything that linked to his still very serious condition. He was unconcious, he was barely breathing, his muscles kept periodically spasming... the list goes on. She couldn't put her finger on it, and it annoyed her to a huge extent.

Medication, Lily. What have you given him? Ethan reminded her. Lily ran through the list in her head, but he wasn't allergic to it, and it helped the pain. She noticed Connie inside her head sigh.

There is a such thing as side-effects. The dead Clinical Lead reminded her tiredly.

"Yes! Yes! Thank you!" It was only when Lily noticed people around her staring strangely at her when she realised what she just said aloud. Lily coughed timidly. "... sorry... about that... I had a sudden... brain wave..." She noticed Robyn snort as she tried to contain her laughter. For once, Lily didn't mind. She could understand was was funny about what just happened.

"Care to share that brainwave?" Lofty asked after a few moments silence. Lily nodded, like she'd momentarily forgotten about the patient.

"Sorry, yes. I think he's having serious side effects to the morphine we have administered." Lofty smiled encouragingly and they all continued to treat Austin successfully. Finally, Lily saw Austin being taken up in a lift and out of sight.

See? You would never have guessed you were so recently involved in a car accident. Ethan said innocently. Lily's good mood was dampened considerably. She'd almost forgotten entirely about that; she was caught up in the moment with her patient. Wh-what did I say?

Don't worry, Ethan. Lily brushed off, making sure she said it in her head this time. You just concentrate on waking up, for all our sakes.

Roger that! Ethan said happily.

Connie and Lily simultaneously groaned.