I'm... I'm okay now, I'm calm, just need to keep breathing, this doesn't get any easier.

I didn't know what to do, Asgore and Toriel were inconsolable, and I stood by, watching as Asgore declared war in a thoughtless rage, that it was time to break the barrier and that we'd wipe out humanity. There was a twinge that ran through me, but I had long since stopped associating myself as one of them, I was ready to give him my full support in this.

It was a time of change, change that I didn't like.

We built New Home, to be close to the barrier when that day of prophecy came. Still, I stayed for a while at Asgore's request to make sure that the monsters that wanted to do so would move out of Home safely.

Try to keep a handle on the time that passes here, Frisk, the six human souls didn't fall in all at once or even within a short time of each other, so I'll be skipping multiple years.

Two years later, the first of the six fell. Light Blue.

Poor kid, they had never moved from where they fell, I'm not sure if they were injured or just too scared, but the monsters eager to escape had gotten to them before I could. I felt helpless at it, all I could do was take their SOUL to New Home, and then...

Toriel ripped into Asgore over his plan, for reasons you probably know by now, she couldn't stand by and just watch children die when Asgore was now perfectly capable of crossing the barrier and getting more SOULs. I was tempted to agree, but bit my tongue.

She left him broken and in tears and then disappeared, I should have guessed she was hiding in the ruins, even if you broke off the main paths into the forests, or the far end of the caves where errant Boss Monsters still hid in solitude, it was the only place you couldn't get inside and the only place in the underground I knew of with holes a human could fall through.

Here I was, stuck, an onlooker between two paths I didn't want to take. Did I do the right thing and help Toriel keep the children safe, even at the cost of everyone's freedom and betraying Asgore? Or did I keep my obligation to my adopted brother, the last family I had in the world, even though we both knew his plan was going to destroy him?

I tried to take both options, and it failed horribly.

The next year, number two fell down, a headstrong kid who trusted in his fists. Orange.

I tried to guide them, I really did, but I don't think they trusted Toriel when they stormed out of the ruins, and they didn't trust me either, I tried again and again to guide them but they just wouldn't listen, wouldn't stop running.

"Hey kid, you need to slow down and listen." I said to them as I ran beside them, just barely keeping up, they ignored me and ran faster.

"You don't understand how things work down here do you? You need to stop and listen or you're going to DIE!" He just kept rushing ahead, never turning to face me. Eventually he darted into the woods and I lost track of him, I knew that he wouldn't survive, but he refused all forms of help.

They didn't make it past Snowdin. I took the second SOUL, the sting of failure hurting my spirit.

Next year... number three came, the dancer. Dark Blue.

I went to go help, only to find something that took me a minute to register as human. They had left a wake of shattered SOULs and were so covered in dust that it had stained the tutu they wore.

Their EXP and LOVE were higher than I had ever felt, I couldn't guide this one. I wasn't a fighter, I had never killed anyone, but I had no choice.

I stepped forward determined, determined to stop them.

I realized too late that the determination was burning at my body, I wasn't able to handle what my SOUL was making.

It started at my hand, the melting, that is. I think they saw it and thought it was a weakness, they kicked my arm so hard I felt my form destabilizing from their LOVE, another hit and I'd be through.

I actually may owe them for that, the sudden fear of death at realizing how much damage they did shattered my determination and caused the melting to slow down, I wasn't determined anymore, but despite the pain and panic I told myself I wasn't going to die, for Asgore's sake.

I quickly brought my other arm around and struck back at full strength, that was all I needed to end that fight.

My left arm was half-melted and crippled though, and while the melting slowed, it wouldn't stop, it was crawling up me like an infection.

I didn't know what was happening and I was scared out of my mind, my life flashed before my eyes and I felt something tug on my SOUL as I let my claws heat up with the hottest fire I'd ever made, then took a vicious strike at my other side.

I lost my left arm but the melting had stopped, I was seriously wounded and going into shock. I whited out from the pain thinking "This is it, this is how I die." footsteps in the shallow water behind me was the last thing I heard before I faded completely.

It would be a few more years before Alphys had learned the exact nature of determination, and not until you came along that she shared with us the ultimate fate of monsters who had too much determination, I count my lucky stars that I didn't melt down like the Amalgamates. These days I try to temper my determination, too afraid of it happening again and not being able to come back from the brink.

I still don't know who saved me, or how they did it, I should have died there on that day but a miracle in physical form granted me a stay of execution. Unfortunately they couldn't save my arm, it had stopped melting but its severance had made it turn into dust.

I returned their SOUL to the throne room, eyes glazed and covered in blood and ashes, events as they had played out had left me a hollowed shell. When Asgore saw me he panicked, he looked more remorseful than I'd ever seen when I told him what happened, he hugged me and I just sat there in silence.

I wasn't a killer, but they had to be stopped before they could reach New Home and treat the entire city as free EXP. Even still, I couldn't rationalize taking a child's life no matter how wicked they were, and I realized how awful this situation was.

I wasn't recovered from the trauma, or adjusted to the loss of my arm in time for number four to arrive a few months later. Purple.

I remember seeing Gerson come in with the SOUL, he never approved of the plan despite being the last non-immortal veteran of the war, so I wouldn't think he'd have taken the child's life, but I never asked him. He and Asgore got into a war of words, but Asgore insisted it was too late to stop it, we were so close.

I wasn't sure what to do, grief turned to rage and I eventually found enough willpower to go to Asgore and discuss this with him. I wanted out of this plan, and I wanted to bring him out of it too before it killed him.

"Asgore." I called to him as I watched him put the purple SOUL in the container, "This is... I'm sorry, I don't want to leave you to this but... I can't watch you destroy yourself, even if it's for your people."

He looked at me with a grim countenance, "Ral... you've lost so much because of this, you don't have to keep helping me." He said understandingly, it half saddened me, half enraged me that he knew what he was doing was so wrong that he didn't raise any objection to me ceasing support of him.

"You need to stop." I said lowly.

"I can't." He responded, the emotion in his voice was barely hidden.

"You still feel like you should, because you're the king." I muttered under my breath, "Asgore." He turned to me as I lit my hand with fire magic.

"If you won't turn away from this path because it's your obligation as king, then I challenge you for the crown!" I sounded seething, but really I was trying to keep from having a complete breakdown.

…

What was I doing, did I think that would work? No, I knew it wouldn't, but I had to try something to get him to back down. I attacked him.

It wasn't a fight at all. I had trained for centuries but even though I'm far stronger than your average monster, I never stood a chance against Asgore, I wouldn't even stand a chance against Toriel. You only saw them fight with kid gloves, even Asgore held back despite trying to kill you, if he had gone at you with his full power you wouldn't have even had the chance to strike him.

I went at him until I had exhausted myself and couldn't defend, what moves he didn't deflect entirely he dodged with speed that you wouldn't expect for his size. When he saw I had worn myself out, he summoned his weapon and sent me into the wall, one hit with the blunt end was all it took for me to be taken down.

For all his softness, all his kindness, he was the king for a reason and I was reminded of that by the half ton of magical metal that sent me flying.

He had tears on his face as he swung, once again I came to the realization this was hurting him more than anyone else.

He had lost his children, his wife had left him and disappeared into history, he watched his brother lose an arm in his desire to aid him, and he was trapped on this path he didn't want to take because the people had true hope for the first time in millennia, he was broken and alone, and here I was threatening to leave him behind too, or even stand against him as an enemy.

I couldn't do it, I told him I would help those last three children who fell, but I was still going to be there for him, because if I wasn't, who else did he have?

I had recovered enough in time for number five to drop in the next year, the chef. Green.

They were patient, friendly, I took the time to teach them how to cook monster food since they already had the knowledge of human stuff. I defended them for as long as I could but we only needed to be separated for a moment.

I realize in hindsight that my defense meant that they couldn't find their own determination, I was too hands on and that was their downfall, they died through no fault or error of their own.

I brought their SOUL back hating myself again, but Asgore kept me from falling back into that depression.

Five SOULs, only two left.

I admit I spent time debating about my own SOUL, it hadn't changed when my body did, or I wouldn't be able to continue holding Gorel's SOUL in my body, like SOULs can't absorb one another, so the fact his heart still beat alongside mine told me I was still human at the core.

That was why I could produce determination despite that not being something monsters are able to do, and why I couldn't cross the barrier and see to completing Asgore's plan myself, I couldn't absorb a human SOUL.

I debated taking my own life to spare the seventh child, but I disregarded those thoughts, I feel like it would have been more cruel to Asgore than taking a child's life ever could.

It took a few more years for number six to drop, I admit I might have been responsible for the length of time it took. When I left the barrier I would usually stumble upon one or two groups of people who didn't give any credence to Ebott's reputation, I would chase them off with fireballs, send them screaming about will o' the wisps, it was better to send them running through the forest screaming than to risk them falling down.

Finally, number six fell, the gunslinger, yellow.

Who gives a kid that age a loaded revolver anyway? I guess their parents had just enough sympathy to give them a chance to survive abandoned on Mt. Ebott, not enough to not abandon them though.

That kid, they were precise and cunning, I thought they stood a chance of making it to Asgore, but their determination only lasted as long as how many bullets they had left. When they ran out, they were just a helpless kid, one who had gained more EXP and LOVE than I felt comfortable with. They fell in the upper levels of Hotland, jumped by monsters wanting revenge for loved ones callously gunned down.

I took them back to the palace, we had our sixth SOUL and just needed one more.

I came to notice a pattern, each successive child would make it a little bit farther into the underground, I fully believed that the final child would make it to Asgore and the thought of the encounter filled me with dread.

Five more years passed in relative silence.

Within those years the old royal scientist had disappeared and Alphys had replaced him. Toriel had vanished from memory, a lot of monsters knew there was a queen once, but few knew her name, and those of us who did wouldn't say it, it just made Asgore depressed. Undyne, a monster that Asgore had trained since her youth fought her way to the captain of the royal guard, and the bone brothers were running around making trouble, the next generation had come into full swing and I didn't even realize it.

DID SOMEONE SAY MY NAME?!

No Papyrus, in fact you're one of the only names I didn't call out, now if you don't mind, I'm telling Frisk a story.

BUT I WANT TO HEAR THE STORY TOO!

Okay, but only on the condition you be quiet as a sleeping mouse.

GOTCHA!

I swear to God... where was I? Ah, right.

So anyway, after those years passed...

I LOVE THIS PART!

What did I just say?

i got this, hey bro, i saw that dog raiding your bone collection again

AGAIN?! THAT MEDDLESOME MUTT!

Thank you, Sans.

no problem

I didn't want to leave the underground at that time, but I had a schedule I tried to adhere to, and it was time for me to see what other human technology I could find to bring back down. I left the caverns with a terrible feeling resting in my stomach.

And then, number seven fell.