Hanging out with Hayner had actually been a lot of fun. I had never actually heard myself laugh that much. I went to his house at least five times in the two weeks while we studied for finals. His friends were funny, and I found myself hanging out with them at lunch and our break. Playing games with them was actually the best part.

Walking to his house again, I found myself spacing out, and before I knew it, Hayner was snapping his fingers in front of my face to get my attention. I jumped a bit before turning my head to look at him. He offered a smile and jokingly punched my arm.

"Yoohoo, space cadet, you there?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows at me. He had on this ridiculous smile, and I couldn't help but grin right back at him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here." We shared a small fit of laughter before coming up to his door, the older unlocking the door and letting me in. I slid my shoes off, straightening my socks. I was wearing a white button-up shirt with a dark blue sweater over it, along with a pair of light skinny jeans. I had been wearing tennis shoes, but I left them at the door as the two of us went up the stairs to his room.

We all usually hung out in his room, playing board games or working on the newest homework assignment. I found my place on the foot of his bed, where I usually sat when we had a group of friends over.

Hayner and I were supposed to go over the essay we had worked on together for literature, but we found ourselves spread out on the floor playing a game he had pulled from the closet. And while we sat there, we continued to tell lame jokes and stories. One of his jokes really got me going, unable to stop from laughing loudly as I moved to roll the dice.

"Y'know… You're too cute," Hayner said softly, leaning over to pinch my cheek. I laughed and pushed his hand away before feeling his breath against my face. I looked up quickly and before I could say anything, his lips were on mine, his hands balanced out in front of him. I felt myself panic, and I didn't know what to do. When he pulled away, I felt myself pull in a slow breath, eyes wide. Pulling away, I pressed myself back, falling back against my ass as I stared at him.

He was moving around the game board, coming to my side and touching my cheek. "Hayner-"

"Sh… Everything's going to be fine." Fine? I swallowed and shook my head a bit, putting my hands out to try and stop him. It was no use. It wasn't like I didn't fight back, but I didn't want to hit him. Hayner was my new friend! Before too long, we were both shirtless on his bed, his fingers roaming across my chest. He must have felt my rapid heartbeat because he stopped and looked at me, his eyebrows pulled together in concern. "Are you okay?"

"… Uh… Not really. This… This is… This isn't really okay." I sat up then, watching as a sad expression spread across his face. He was looking down then, his hands tightening into fists. "I'm sorry, I just don't think that I'm-"

"Roxas, you said so yourself! He has a new girlfriend or whatever. I thought that we could-" I flinched and pushed him away, getting up from my spot on the bed. Grabbing my shirt, I pulled it on my arms, buttoning up the front slowly as I struggled to press the buttons into the holes. "Hold on, I didn't mean it like that. Roxas, come on." His hand was on my upper arm, and I jerked myself away.

"No, Hayner! I'm going home," I hissed, grabbing my sweater and lining it up with my shirt. I fixed the collar as I walked down the hallway, finding my boots and slipping them on.

I heard his footsteps behind me, his voice calling my name. I just shook my head and walked out, running my hands through my hair to spike it back up. I must have looked terrible, and I really didn't want to do anything beside go home. In some weird fit of emotion, I found myself drawing my phone from my pocket, going through my contacts to find Axel's number. Calling it, I didn't expect him to answer, and, of course, he didn't.

Stumbling and blabbering in the voicemail, I started sobbing, wiping my cheeks as I walked down the street toward my house.

"Axel, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about everything… everything. I don't know what else to do. I just… I miss you. I miss you a lot. I miss everything about you. Hearing you talk about your latest books, your constant worry over me, your annoying conversation… everything. I'm really sorry. It was wrong to… to just drop off like that. And I know you really don't want to talk to me. I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you, and I'm so fucking sorry."

Once I hung up, I put the phone back into my pocket, realizing that I had stopped crying. How serious had I been? I wished I hadn't called. Getting home, I hid away in my room, trying to keep my mind off the way that Hayner's hands had felt on my skin. I wanted to remember the way Axel's long, thin fingers had felt in my hair and in my own hands, the way that they felt hot against my cheeks when he kissed me. What was I going to do? I just wanted to see him, wanted to touch him and be touched… I… I loved him.