Jim wrapped his arms around Leslie's shivering frame, and did not let go.
She was trying to keep it together, he could see that, but the truth was that she was in unbearable pain and was urgently in need of a trip to the hospital. She was bruised and battered everywhere he could see, and where he could not see - like under the bandage around her hand - the damage was plain horrendous. The freshly sutured gash on her throat was red and swollen, and the cop couldn't look at it without flashbacks of himself pressing a handkerchief to a similar cut on Barbara's bleeding neck. It's gonna be okay, he had told her.
«Why didn't you just bring her to Gotham General?» the detective snapped, not quite looking at Cobblepot.
If he had tried looking at him, he was certain he would have lost it and started screaming himself hoarse.
«Flass had recruited men to watch the hospital, or so my informants told me! I just couldn't risk it! Imagine if we had brought miss Thompkins to the emergency room, only to see her gunned down by some hireling! The best I could do was to bring her here, where a qualified doctor was ready to care for her.»
Jim closed his eyes. Lee had not shown him her hand, but he'd been told of the fingertip her abductors had amputated. The more he held onto her, the more her weight shifted onto him, as she could not keep herself upright.
The blond felt as if standing on the line between wanting to kill someone and needing to.
«Where is Barbara now?»
Zsasz, who had been tending to his nosebleed in a corner of the living room, grunted.
«Gone. She took me by sur-PRI-se.»
Wanting, needing.
«Are you sure her body won't be found floating in the river by the end of the week?» Jim wondered, because it was the most likely possibility.
The hitman glared at him and stood up in a slow, jittery motion.
«If I had her. If I HAD HER», he screamed. «It would not be at the end of the WEEK. Not. That. Soon. I would plaaaaay with her. Carmine did not let me, but I'm on my own NOW.»
The outburst snapped Jim out of his fury, horrified shock taking over for a second. You knew Zsasz was insane. The blond had faced him before. He knew. He'd seen it up close. «Alive is a very broad category». But even back then, during that shooting match at the precinct, Zsasz had been on a leash. Now, nothing stopped him from grabbing his weapon and gunning down everyone in the room, Leslie included. It was not just that he could: he would have enjoyed it, and he was not unlikely to. Lee seemed to realize that too. She shifted away and stared at the killer in stunned terror.
Penguin raised his hands in aggravation.
«Victor! Is not the situation not dire enough for you? Do you somehow feel obligated to make it worse?»
The bald man slipped back into a saner persona, composing himself.
«I was merely attempting to make Jim see how accusing people without a shred of proof is not usually welcome.»
«Out», Penguin ordered, showing him the door. «Out, out, out. Now.»
The hitman frowned. The crime boss stared back at him in annoyance. Then Zsasz snorted and left the room. Now, that was something to be worried about, Jim thought.
«He obeys you», the cop remarked.
Cobblepot clicked his tongue.
«Things get much easier with Victor when you realize that he is absolutely clueless about what to do with himself. He is able to put on a very convincing, mature veneer, but the truth is that he is a five years old at heart. If you raise your voice, he will sulk, but he will listen.»
Gordon kept his voice carefully neutral.
«I wish I had known that when he raided the GCPD.»
«Just… Don't pay attention to the man. He's annoying but mostly harmless. I wish he would not spend so much time around the mansion, but it's my understanding he comes with the place. Now, to come back on the topic of miss Kean… My men are looking for her as we speak. She could not possibly have gone far. Once she is caught, I'll have her delivered to the GCPD. As unharmed as the situation allows it. I can't guarantee some overzealous guard won't shoot her in the leg to incapacitate her, but that should be the extend of her injuries. If there are injuries. I did instruct my men not to use violence.»
Jim studied his face and bit the inside of his cheek to stay silent. Once the urge to strangle the man passed, he changed the topic.
«We'll discuss this, but not now. I'm going to bring Leslie to the hospital, and if any 'hireling' tries to interfere, he'll get a hard welcome.»
«Of course, of course. Do you want some of my men to accompany you? They would provide solid protec-»
«No.»
Rage flickered over Oswald's pasty face. He forced himself to smile.
«Ah. A-as you wish, my friend.»
He's going to make you pay if you piss him off now, the cop realized. He's about as sane as Zsasz.
«Thanks for the help today», he said through gritted teeth.
«Don't mention it. I could hardly stay idle in such an emergency, could I?»
«I suppose not. Leslie, let's go.»
She nodded, he near carried her to the exit.
«I'll call you tomorrow, my friend», Oswald said as a guard opened the door.
Jim felt a chill run down his spine.
###
«No offense or anything», Butch said, «but you suck at killing people.»
He peeked to the side, briefly, as he had crashed one car earlier and did not want to repeat the experience. Barbara Kean wriggled her naked toes on the dashboard. Her shoes were still in Falcone's - Oswald's - mansion, so she was escaping barefooted. She didn't seem to mind.
«I did the best I could! I didn't have much time!» she snapped. «I would have liked to see you try! I don't think you'd have done much better.»
«Of course I would have done much better. I've more experience with knives, for a start. And then I'd have used a gun. You can't go wrong with a gun.»
«Geez. I don't know if you're aware of the fact, but firearms are somewhat more difficult to obtain in a mental institution.»
«Well then, in your place, I wouldn't have tried at all. I don't know how you weren't gunned down the second you touched Thompkins.»
«Cobblepot wouldn't have gone through all the trouble of engineering my abduction and so-called rescue to lose everything at the last second. He needed at least one of us alive, or Jim would have butchered him.»
«How did you even know that he was the one who-»
«Oh please. You've met the man. He's a weird, conniving little rat who just needs Jim to like him. I've met him for a grand total of ten minutes in my life and I can see that. Of course he was the one.»
Butch sighed.
«Also», she continued, «you just confirmed it.»
He groaned.
«Bring her to the club», Oswald had told him. «Discretely. And make sure you don't kill her on the way. I want to have the pleasure.»
And she had heard that. She knew she could drive him nuts and get away with it.
«I really liked you better back when you were sane», he muttered.
«Everyone keeps saying that. I like me better now.»
«Well, that's the most important thing, I suppose.»
She removed her feet from the dashboard and put them on the seat instead. She fidgeted.
«How far is that club exactly?»
«Not too far», Gilzean replied. «Ten minutes from here or so.»
«We're near Fifth, aren't we?»
«Yeah?»
«Can we by any chance drop by a friend's?»
The henchman gaped for a second.
«I'm sorry, are you under the impression I'm some kind of taxi driver?»
«Come oooon! It will only take a minute, your boss won't be able to tell!»
«I'm not driving you anywhere but the club. I don't know if you have noticed, but you're not exactly wearing city clothes right now», he told her, pointing at her bloodstained uniform. «And I'm not sure you have friends, and I don't want to be an accessory to whatever murder you might be planning to commit.»
She crossed her arms and started to sulk.
«Are definitely planning to commit», he amended.
###
Oswald walked into the club, handed his coat to a waiter, then hurried to the basement.
He entered very last room, that commonly served as a holding cell, and slammed the door behind him. He got his knife out. Gilzean, who had been watching Kean, took a step back.
«Hi», the bitch said.
She was sitting on the one chair in the room, a metallic monstrosity adorned with more straps than legs. Her legs were crossed, she was comfortably leaning back, and she was smiling. Cobblepot whirled to Butch.
«Why isn't she tied up?»
The imbecile cowered, but cleared his throat.
«You told me not to kill her. I'm fairly sure it's what it would have taken.»
«SHE'S A QUARTER OF YOUR WEIGHT! MAYBE A FIFTH! FULLY CLOTHED! WHAT WAS SHE GOING TO DO TO YOU? TICKLE YOU INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS?»
The pathetic swine cleared his throat.
«Remember when you pointed out that I should totally have frisked her?» he muttered. «Well I really should have.»
Oswald gaped. Then he slowly, slowly turned to Barbara Kean. She was waving a bloody shank.
«How many of those does she have exactly?» he asked.
«She's in the room and it's not polite to talk about her in the third person», the blonde lectured. «And three. I had three. The things you can get away with when you're awfully nice to the nurses…»
The crime lord stared at her in shock. Then he took a long, shaky breath to calm himself.
«Listen to me very attentively. You are going to drop both knives. Right now. I believe the situation can still be solved in a civilized manner, if we just make the effort of discussing like reasonable, sensible adults.»
«I believe it can be solved by discussing like reasonable, sensible adults, but with me keeping my weapons, frankly.»
Oswald pursed his lips.
«Is that so.»
She gave him a vapid smile.
«Yes.»
He bit the inside of his cheeks so hard he tasted blood, and turned to Gilzean in a slow, jerky motion.
«Just so we are clear», he told the henchman, «I hold you personally responsible for this entire debacle. By the time Zsasz is done with you, you're going to be looking back fondly to that moment you could have died at miss Kean's hands, and that moment will be the point I start having my way with you.»
Butch swallowed, face clammy, and his teeth started to chatter.
«I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative», the bitch cut in.
«You. YOU. I will cut you apart piece by piece», he hissed. «You will beg for death. You will go through pain more unbearable than you can possibly imagine, and when you get to that point, I'll make the suffering increase tenfold. And maybe, in some months, if I grow tired of your terrified screams, I will consent to gut you.»
«Actually, I was thinking I could pay my way out of here, then continue a mutually beneficial business relationship where I give you piles of money and you use it to expand your territory and influence, then give me a share of the profits.»
Well, that was unexpected.
«I'm sorry?»
She scratched her cheek with the tip of her knife.
«You are aware I'm Barbara Kean, of the Kean family, and that both my parents - God bless their souls - recently met a violent death at the hands of… Me, I suppose.»
«Of course I'm aware of that», Cobblepot replied by pure reflex.
«Well, the law was not. Not for a few weeks, anyway, which gave me ample time to grasp a fine understanding of my father's creative accounting practices. I'm glad to say I managed to move most of his concealed funds to a variety of accounts in just about as many fiscal paradises. I'm pretty much sitting on a ton of money.»
He chuckled in disbelief, as it was highly unlikely that the blonde had any understanding of entrepreneurship. Her art gallery had been a pet project where her job's only requirement was to look pretty in an overpriced dress.
«So what, I'm supposed to let you go, and wait for a check, while you go off and murder James' girlfriend and her cat?»
«More or less. And mock me all you want, I get the feeling you are not that fond of miss Goody Two Shoes, and would like it entirely better if she was not there to keep Jim grounded.»
«James is a friend. I'm not about to release you to wreck havoc on his life because you're a bit miffed he left you.»
«Miffed.»
«Miffed.»
She studied his face, gritting her teeth in anger. Then she perked up and smiled.
«You know what? You're right», she announced, pointing at him with the tip of her blade.
«You don't say.»
She stood and circled the chair.
«There's a chip on my shoulder», she explained, shrugging. «And it's big as a boulder. But with the chance I've been given, I'm gonna be driven as HELL.»
Gilzean made a choked noise, distracting Oswald for a second or so. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the Arkham escapee.
«What you are going to be is careless, vengeful, and eventually dead», he pointed out. «All of that because you're vexed that Jim doesn't like you anymore.»
She clicked her tongue and raised both indexes to silence him. She indeed had two knives. The first was in her hand. The second was hidden in her left sleeve, attached to her arm with an elastic band.
«Yes», she said. «Yes.»
She took a deep breath and crossed her arms over the chair's back.
«I've been smiling and sweet», she explained, balling her hands into fists. «And thoroughly beaten» - She scratched her throat along a near invisible scar, where Jason Lennon had cut her - «blowing my chance.»
Butch chuckled. Oswald's eyes narrowed. He was missing something, but he didn't know what, and it infuriated him.
Kean circled the chair again and sat down on the very edge of it, crossing her legs and leaning back.
«This chip on my shoulder makes me smarter and bolder», she said with a mean grin. «No more whining or blaming. I'm reclaiming my pride. As for Jim? Let's not chase him away. Let's face him and say-»
«Hey punk, let's dance?» Gilzean suggested, earning himself a large smile.
«Exactly», the lunatic replied. She turned to Oswald. «Now, maybe we should talk numbers.»
«I'm listening. What paltry sum do you intend to offer me for your freedom?»
«Two hundred thousand dollars?»
He rolled his eyes.
«Now that's just plain ridiculous.»
«Four?» she tried, rolling her eyes.
«Still not nearly worth the trouble you got me in, with that little trick with Thompkins. That won't be fixed with some pocket change.»
«Six, then.»
«I'm starting to believe you really intend to scam me.»
She sighed.
«Now who is being ridiculous? One million. And you better make good use of it.»
The crime lord thought of Victor's ridiculous quote, and smirked.
«Can you make it two?»
So! The song Barbara is ripping off for most of her little speech is "Chip on my shoulder" from the "Legally blonde" musical. Oswald is obviously not well versed in musical romantic comedies. I somehow don't think it's his cup of tea.