Hello valued readers! Welcome to Chapter Nine! It's been quite a long time, and I'm glad to announce that I hope to be back and badder than ever! My updates may be fewer and less frequent as they once were, as I no longer have a great laptop to write on, but I still hope to be back with it! Also, please forgive me for any spelling errors and grammatical mistakes; my writing platform is very bad at detecting errors and I'm a very lazy person and hate going through and fixing everything up :3
Thank you so much for the kind reviews, follows, and favorites while I have been away! You guys are the best!
In this chapter, we recap what happened 'last night' and Jet and Gloss come to terms with what is happening in their relationship.
Enjoy!
Not wanting to disturb the tender moment, I don't dare speak. Knowing me, I would say something awkward and embarrassing. With only the moon illuminating the handsome features of his face, my heart does violent somersaults in my chest. There was something undeniably compelling about him, and in that moment I knew that I was falling in love. It may be wrong, morally speaking, but I didn't care at this point. I couldn't care. The man before me was not the charismatic and strong fighter he made himself to be; he was scared and lonely, and I wanted nothing more than to fill the void in his heart.
Oh so tentatively, I lean forward ever so slightly, my heart pounding so loudly in my chest I fear that he may hear it. A hand is soon embracing my cheek, his thumb tracing invisible circles against the tender flesh, and before I know it, our lips are locked together. It was pure innocence, that kiss. Nothing but the cultivation of two souls who knew they were meant to meet, and that moment was the proof that misery loves company.
The rest of that chilly night was spent holding each other, our lips meeting every now and then. The feelings that swirled around in my chest were hard to explain, and I struggled with the realization that my mentor had stolen my heart, not just with his looks like most citizens of Panem can say, but with his shockingly tender and sincere personality.
At some point in the night, I had fallen asleep nestled up next to Gloss, and in the morning, I wake up in my room, slightly disoriented at first. I sit up in the soft bed, still not quite used to the luxuries the Capitol had to offer. A few more moments later and I begin to remember last night, a slight smile taking over my lips as I think about the tender moments I'd shared with the man who had managed to steal my heart.
Even the fact that the Hunger Games was to start in a few short days didn't seem to deter my optimistic mood. Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, I rise to my feet, padding silently over to the bathroom. I need a quick shower to bring me back to reality, I deduce within my head, relishing the feel of the warm water as it cascades over my body in welcoming waves.
After my quick shower, I dress myself in a simple dashiki print dress that's transparent in some places and is floor length. I choose a pair of strappy, flat sandals to go with it, and glide out of my room, the dress flowing behind me. Today was the day dedicated solely to training for the interviews, and honestly, I was just looking forward to spending more time with Gloss.
Speaking of the devil, he was currently seated at the island in the kitchen, Cashmere at his side. There was no sight of Sheen as of yet, but I assume that he'll be making his appearance soon. I almost rush over to join the two mentors, but I reconsider my decision when I hear my name.
"...so naive, Gloss. She's so young, for the love of all that is holy. You're not thinking," Cashmere's harsh voice sounds, wincing to myself as I realize she's definitely talking about me.
"Cash, you need to relax. It's not like we've done anything. It just happened, and I don't mean for it to happen again," Gloss' voice sounds, sounding exasperated and annoyed.
"I don't care! I'm trying to look out for you and you're making it harder on me. Do you honestly think she's going to win?" Cashmere's voice was a notch louder now, and Gloss made a sh sound. While I can't see his face, I can only assume that his perfect features are more than likely contorted in a grimace.
"Yes, I think she can make it. Let it go. I told you, it doesn't mean anything. Now stop, they're going to be out here any second now," Gloss' words were definitive, and the conversation was over. I can't deny the pang of hurt and anguish that swells in my chest, but I force myself to be nonchalant as I approach the two nonetheless, doing everything in my power so they get the idea that I didn't hear anything.
Gloss flashes me a gentle smile and I can't help but think it's fake. He doesn't love me, he's practically just admitted that, so what do I care about his stuid, perfect smile? Before me is a bowl of grapes, and for the most part, I eat them just to keep busy. The silence that has spread through the room is painfully awkward, and I know they're both worried that I'd heard their conversation.
"So, what's the plan of action for today?" I finally ask, my tone not totally pleasant, breaking the uncomfortable silence, and just as I do, Sheen appears from his private quarters, and I'm inwardly thankful that the level of awkwardness will be lessened now with his presence.
Gloss is, unsurprisingly, the one to answer my question. "Cash will be going with Sheen and you and I will find our own place to get ready for the interviews."
His voice is terse and short, and I can't quite place if it's from his little scuffle with his sister or if it's something I said in that short sentence. I try my best to brush it off, looking at my haggard district partner as he stalks his way over to us. I can tell that he's in absolute hell right now, and without a decent relief, it's really taking his toll on him. At least I have Gloss to trust and confide in, but Sheen really doesn't have anyone.
In a few more moments, breakfast is formally served and our small party drifts over to the dining room, seating ourselves just as Teris makes his appearance, looking rushed and unprepared as always. For some reason, the sight of him puts me at ease; even the people of the Capitol aren't expected to be perfect all the time. The concept is oddly human, an idea not generally applicable to Capitol citizens.
Eating breakfast is awkward, the nervous energy still lingering in the air as Teris tries his best to make small talk, getting only half-responses from all of us, even the usually charming and suave Gloss. I can't quite figure his mood out today, and even my brightest mood is starting to grow dim with his.
After the awkward affair of eating breakfast, Sheen and Cashmere split, disappearing behind Sheen's door to his room. Teris soon follows their lead and retreats to the living room, turning on the television as he continues to finish getting ready for the day. I watch with interest as the prissy individual makes a face at his less than perfect job at applying makeup. He was pickier than most girls I know, I muse in my head humorously.
The show is over soon, however, when Gloss clears his throat. I immediately return my gaze to meet his, heat rising in my cheeks. I was easily intimidated by him, and I had a hard time with keeping cool and collected, especially now that he was in this strange, brooding mood. It was very uncharacteristic of him, especially during the daytime.
"Shall we go to your room?" He finally speaks, almost surprising me. Wordless, I just nod, rising from my chair, pushing the seat in as an Avox hurriedly comes around and takes my plate away.
I walk over to my quarters, the door sliding open as Gloss and I filter in. The door closes behind us as I move to sit on my bed, pulling my legs up to my chest as I do so. Gloss seats himself in his favorite lounge chair opposite my bed and takes a deep breath, not speaking. This whole morning has been extremely awkward and quiet, two words that didn't even come close to describing Gloss himself. He was usually the one to get us to talk to one another, or at least fill quiet stretches of conversation with his melodic, rich baritone voice, but now, the only sounds I hear are my own breathing.
Running a hand up to smooth my hair, I soon grow irritated with a lot of things; the annoying dress I'd self-consciously worn just to impress Gloss, the annoying amount of perfume I'd put on yet again to impress Gloss, and Gloss himself. What was I thinking? Last night couldn't have meant anything to him. He could have his pick when it came to girls, so why did I think he would pick me? Stupid, quiet Jet who was destined to die at the hands of a fellow child.
Just when I think I can't handle the silence anymore, Gloss finally speaks. "So, at your interview tomorrow, Caesar will probably do most of the talking. You won't really have to worry about much because of your looks and your training score, so don't get worked up over it."
And just like that, I seem to have my Gloss back, with his charming smile and mellow voice, but I wasn't resigned to move on. I deadpan, "I want to talk about last night."
My words obviously catch my mentor off guard, but he recovers quickly. "Ah, right. What about it?"
He was clearly nervous and uncomfortable talking about it, but I didn't let up. I have no idea where the sudden burst of confidence came from, but I mean to use it well. "I heard your conversation with Cashmere this morning," I avoid his question, wanting him to explain himself first.
I'd obviously done a pretty terrible job at hiding the hurt from my voice and almost instantly, he's at my side on the bed. I cast my gaze down, not wanting to look at him. He doesn't object, but I can tell it bothers him. He gives a light sigh, and I see from my peripheral vision that he runs a hand up to run through his golden locks. I will myself not to cry.
After a few more seconds of painful silence, he speaks in a soft tone. "Jet, look. You mean something to me, but I just can't describe what it is-"
I cut him off roughly, "I'm just a tribute to you. You just want me to win so you can look good. I understand that, Gloss, but why couldn't you have just said that before you went and made me fall in love with you?" I'm immediately shocked at myself for admitting that. I had no intention of doing that, but now that it was out, I knew deep in my now broken heart that it was true.
A single tear falls down my cheek. "Dammit," I curse, frustrated that I dare show him any emotion, but I can't help myself. I paw furiously at my eyes, willing myself to stop my crying, but I can't control it. More tears are coming and still Gloss doesn't talk. That bastard!
"Jet, I had no idea. Please don't cry," his voice finally sounds as he wraps is arms around my frame. Almost immediately sobs wrack my body and I grow even more frustrated, trying to free myself from his grasp but I can't. He's just too powerful.
How dare him! I want to scream, but I can't. He's so damn strong I can't move, and before I know it, I'm drowning in my tears, suffocated with the stiffness in my throat and forced to be too close to him. I can't escape, and soon, before I know it, I'm having a panic attack. I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
I'm going to die.
"Let me go!" I yell weakly, suddenly being reminded of my nightmares with Wyatt and Gregor. Thankfully, Gloss releases me and I fling myself to the corner of my bed, my breathing shallow and erratic. I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
I can't see Gloss before me, all I see is a blurry figure that could be Wyatt, or Gregor, or even Sheen come to kill me.
I'm going to die.
A hand is grabbing mine, and try as I might to wrench my hand away, I can't. I'm so weak. I'm useless.
I'm going to die.
"Jet, shh, calm down. Calm down. You're okay, you're fine, relax," Gloss' voice says to unhearing ears. I can't calm myself down, it's impossible! Hot tears are running down my face as I shake involuntarily, my lungs contracting painfully within my diaphragm. I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
I'm going to die.
"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out," I hear Gloss this time, and I try my best to heed him, closing my eyes, feeling comfort in the darkness. Slowly and carefully, I finally calm down, and a few more minutes later, my breathing is almost normal and the river of tears has stopped flowing.
Carefully, I open my eyes, seeing Gloss before me, a very concerned look on his face as he brings his hand up to caress my cheek, much like he had last night. I feel another painful stab in my chest, and I can't help but feel ridiculous for reacting the way I did. Why was I so stupid and thoughtless?
"Are you alright?" Gloss asks after a moment's hesitation.
"I'll be fine," I answer coldly, immediately regretting it as I see the hurt in his captivating eyes. Oh, damn those eyes!
Despite my harsh response, Gloss still keeps his hand against my cheek, his hand still on mine, I realize, too. "Jet, why didn't you tell me you felt that way?"
"What the hell was I supposed to say? You've heard it all before, what would make it any different if I said it?" My tone was still crude, my features distant and supercilious.
"Oh, for the love of God. Can't you see that you're different to me? You're not some ordinary girl, Jet," Gloss answers, his tone surprisingly fierce.
"Then why did you tell Cashmere that it didn't mean anything to you?" I almost shout at him, so much emotion was pumping through my circulatory system, I feared that I would burst.
"I only said that to keep her off your back, Jet. I don't like talking about my relationships with her, especially if I'm confused on my own feelings. I don't want you to have to worry about staying alive and wondering what my sister thinks," his tone was sincere, and automatically I felt like a total jackass.
I should've just asked him in the first place, but could I really blame myself? I was still baffled that he even felt anything for me. "Why am I special to you?" I ask tentatively, my bitchy attitude leaving me.
Gloss looked relieved that I had calmed down and was no longer angry at him. "Isn't it obvious? You're so beautiful, and not like any beauty I've ever seen. You're...pure. Untouched, innocent," his tone of voice was almost wistful.
I can't fight the smile that finds its way on my lips, and again, I am putty in this man's hands. "So, please, don't worry about this for now, okay? Know that I care about you a lot, and I want to see you come home. You don't need to be distracted by this right now. You just focus on coming back to me, alright?" My heart was flipping in my chest as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine once again.
My veins felt like they were on fire with the amount of passion that was flooding through me in this moment, and I can't help but to deepen the kiss. While I was not experienced by any definition of the word, Gloss picked up on my lack of expertise, his hands going down to the small of my back, pulling my impossibly close to him. We were both kneeling on my bed at this point, and I let out a soft sound of approval that was almost involuntary as he and I kissed with such a passion that it immediately shot down any doubts I'd had.
I was in love with Gloss, and he just might feel the same way about me.
What'd you guys think? Do you like the way Gloss and Jet's relationship is progressing? And poor Jet and her panic attacks D: Let me know what you guys think in a review!