It took them the rest of the daylight hours to climb to the top. Edith seemed to be getting slower and slower, and Anthony worried about her.
As they neared the summit Anthony sprinted ahead to check all was clear and to choose the best place to rest for the night. He returned to lead Edith over the last outcrop and sat her down where he'd spread his robes out for her.
Once she'd got her breath back she ran her hand over the cloth she was sitting on. Anthony's robes were lined shoulder to hem with pockets of varying sizes. She glanced up at him questioning.
"It's easier to carry equipment this way, without advertising the fact, especially with the arm, you know."
"No, Anthony. I don't know. What's wrong with it?"
"No one told you? Oh God…"
"Told me what, Anthony?" She was looking ever more upset and he knew he would have to tell her.
He opened one pocket and brought out a couple of solid ration bars.
"Dinner, m'lady?"
She relaxed a little and gave him a small grin, but the food tasted heavenly after a week without. The sun had set and the moon had risen.
"You haven't answered my question."
"No. I'm…I'm trying to find where to begin."
"Try starting from the last time I saw you" she said, bluntly.
"I was afraid you'd say that" he said with a wince. He looked at her and gave a deep sigh. "After I left you at the church, well, I wasn't thinking straight. Dear God, I'd just thrown away my chance of taking the most beautiful woman in the world as my bride. I was desperate, despairing, I admit it. I rejoined my unit and threw myself into my work. When I was sent back out here, I was glad. I needed to be immersed in something else. One day on a routine patrol my unit was ambushed. We all got pretty badly shot up. Not all of us made it. I was lucky. I recovered with just my right arm knocked out."
She was so shocked, she forgot she was going to ask more about the day at the church.
"Not forever, surely?"
"I'm afraid so. It's paralysed from the shoulder. I was invalided out of the army. So you see, I'm an ex-Major."
He took a bite and munched thoughtfully.
"Which means what I did back there wasn't covered by the Geneva Conventions, and was common murder, pure and simple."
"No!" she cried. "You risked your life to save me. That can't be called murder."
He smiled sadly at her, but looked down unconvinced. Edith looked up at the cold stars…masses of them shining like lasers this far from civilisation. She shivered.
"Do you have anything in your one-man-army supplies to light a fire?"
"No fires, I'm afraid. It'll lead them right to us if there's anyone still looking, now or in the morning, since we won't be able to disguise the cinders.
"So how are we going to stop ourselves freezing to death?" The cold was pressing into Edith and bringing her insecurities and fears to the surface.
"It will get cold, but not that cold" Anthony smiled understandingly. "Wrap your robes and mine around you…and I've a chemical heat pad which will help."
He found it and activated it for her, and she cuddled it like a small child, though she was visibly relaxing.
"Here, have my headdress as a pillow. Is that warmer? Comfy enough?"
"Yes, thank you. What about you?"
"I'm used to it, but thank you for thinking of me. Now, why don't you watch the stars and relax? I'll tell you the constellations. They look different in England."
Within a few minutes, feeling more snug and safe than she had in several months, Edith fell asleep.
Anthony sat up and looked at her, then scanned the horizon for signs of anyone tracking them, then indulged in staring longingly at the woman he loved.
He repeated the pattern until dawn.
... ... ...
They'd had Kendal Mint Cake for breakfast, but Edith wasn't complaining. She felt so much better for a sleep, that she thought she could face anything now, especially with Anthony with her.
They walked side by side, Anthony checking the GPS occasionally.
"Anthony?"
"Yes" he answered with a gentle smile.
"I'm sorry I was grouchy last night."
"Good grief, you had every right. Kidnap, starvation, almost execution, manhunt, and route march. I thought you were amazingly stiff-upper-lipped, considering."
His smile broadened.
"And I'm sorry I didn't know about your injury." He tried to wave that away too, but it was obvious to her that it had stung. She had to say this.
"The truth is your name was just never mentioned in front of me. I think they all thought I'd fall apart if they did. I wanted to come round to Locksley to find out what really caused you to…to jilt me, but Papa and Granny forced Dr. Clarkson to keep me sedated for the first few days, so by the time I did get to Locksley, you'd left. Eventually Kate Gervis told me you'd returned to your regiment and that was that."
She could see he wanted to say something, but it took all his control to stop his voice breaking. He coughed, and tried again.
"Thank you, Edith. Thank you for trying to give me another chance. But I meant what I said that day…that you should not want to tie yourself to an old has-been and bury your youth and vitality in deepest Yorkshire. And, thank God, you haven't. You've carved out a marvellous life for yourself, found yourself a way to proclaim sanity and humanity amongst the mayhem and madness of these last few years. I am so very proud of you" he smiled adoringly at her for a moment, then sighed sadly and added "Not that I have any right to be."
Edith could've screamed in frustration.
"And old has-been who is quite capable of infiltrating an insurgent unit, tackling them, and rescuing me! We'd had this conversation dozens of times, Anthony! Why wait until we were outside the church?"
.
August 2002
"Lady Grantham, please come in" Anthony smiled at his soon to be in-law. He liked the old battleaxe despite her rather disconcerting habit of pointing out the difference between his and his fiancée's ages.
"At least you remember the proper titles for people, Sir Anthony" she declaimed as she made herself comfortable in his drawing room.
"Would you like to take some tea?"
"I don't suppose you will want me here any longer than necessary."
"Not at all. I'm very happy to see you, Lady Grantham. What can I do for you?" Anthony replied, putting all his old-fashioned manners on show for her benefit.
"You can stop this ridiculous charade!" Her voice became uncontrolled for just a moment. "Edith is absurdly young for marriage. She spent all her time at Cambridge studying, she hasn't had a boyfriend before, and she's just got a crush on the first half-decent courteous man she meets. And you! You are old enough to know better, and are too old by half for any girl Edith's age, let alone a woman as remarkable as Edith."
Anthony was too stunned and too hurt to reply.
"If you marry her, you will ruin her life. Is that what you want? Because, believe it or not, I think you actually do love her. The kindest thing you could do is let her down gently before this goes any further. You're sensible, and you're a soldier; do the right thing."
... ... ...
If that hadn't been enough, Robert took him aside after dinner, later in the day.
"You've only known each other properly for, what, five weeks? The girl's only just graduated. She has her whole life ahead of her…or at least, she did until she met you. I know you've been flattered by her attentions, old man, any man in his right mind would be. But I know I can count on your sense of duty, because you are an honourable man. Let the girl enjoy her youth and live her life as she's meant to. It will be the best proof you can provide that you do love her."
.
July 2005
Anthony looked at Edith and her anger and disappointment tore him apart.
"Why, Anthony? Why?"
"Because you wouldn't listen to my concerns."
"Because I loved you and your concerns didn't worry me!"
"But they should have worried you!"
"Said who?"
"Your father and grandmother…as well as me."
Immediately Edith was silenced. She looked at Anthony, finally faced with the truth.
"What?" she breathed.
"I shouldn't have told you. I promised them both I'd never tell you, but I don't suppose it matters now. Lady Grantham came to Locksley, and Robert cornered me after dinner one night in the week before the wedding. But they said the same thing: that I should leave you and that was the only way I could prove that I really loved you. They both intimated that if I did marry you, then we would not be welcome back to Downton, but I'm sure that was a threat, and that it was really just aimed at me. What could I do, Edith? I couldn't force you to choose between me and your family."
All the hot anger seemed to have drained out of her to be replaced by a steely coldness as she found it oh so easy to imagine her father and grandmother using Anthony's honour and love as weapons against him.
"No, Anthony. I understand now the sort of pressures you were under. It wasn't your fault."
"It was though. I should not have shown how far I'd fallen for you in those few weeks. I should have held back and allowed you to go your way without me holding you back."
"Anthony! I was not a love-struck teenager. I was a woman in my twenties who knew what love was, and who knew what she wanted. And what I wanted was you! You were…everything I'd ever wanted…" And you still are.
"But now you have Michael who's a much better fit for you, I'm sure. What happened between us, our engagement, it's all in the past, and I wish you well."
Edith didn't answer. Another coldness had engulfed her at the mention of Michael. She walked in silence for the next half hour, thinking.