Chapter 4

Marian was staring in shock at the blonde's lips. He had confessed. One of her best friends , Anders, had just told her he loved her and she had no idea how to respond. Would it be wrong to run away? She supposed she couldn't not after she had pried it out of him. She had to be mature and accepting, and not crush his spirit.

" I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Maker, Hawke, talk to me. " Anders was shaking his head viciously. Calling himself an idiot as she finally pulled herself away from her zoning out.

She didn't say a word. She merely stood on her tiptoes, and used her hands to adjust his head and make it stop shaking. She swiveled around him and planted a firm kiss on his cheek, close to his ear as she didn't want him to continue shaming himself. She returned to flat feet as she felt him grow tense. He wasn't shaking anymore. Only looking at her with desperate eyes. She began to regret her kiss.

" I am a man ,Hawke. I don't know how much longer I can resist you if you do more of that. " His restraint was visible on his face and body. He was closing his fists tight so that his hands wouldn't push her into the wall behind her and hike up her clothes.

" I wonder how long it would take you before I drove you completely mad." Hawke spoke her thoughts out loud on accident and she didn't have the time to take the words back.

Anders growled something feral and his hand was in her hair within the second. His other hand on her waist, gripping her desperately. He tugged her in and let his nose dip onto her cheek. His lips inches from hers. He was smelling her deeply. " Hawke, don't tempt me. " Another growl sound as his nose rubbed against her cheek now. " Go! Leave now or I will do something you'll hate me for. "

" Anders I-" She hoped he understood that she would never hate him even if she could never love him the way she loved Fenris.

" Go, Hawke. You got what you came here for. I need to be alone now. " With every fiber in his being aching for her he turned away. Dropping his hands and letting her go to be free with the thought that she had options to think over.

With a double take over Anders as she walked out his door Hawke understood then that she had a lot to consider and needed to go home to think it all over. It shouldn't be a hard choice, but it was. Fenris may be the best thing that ever happened to her, but he never confessed, never told her if he felt the same. She shouldn't need the clarification, but without it she doubted everything her and the elf had. What if he only slept with her that night to pay her back for being so kind and generous with helping him with Hadriana? He had been a slave in a past life what if he thought of her as a kind master and didn't see her as a lover at all? She needed to talk to Fenris. To work this out. These were her thoughts as she went up through the cellars of her house, the cellars that were always suspicious in their connection to Darktown.

When she found herself walking up her own stairs she knew right away something was off. She could smell metal in the air and she could hear pitter patter in her room.

As a rogue she always had about three pocket knifes buried in different crevices in her bra. She pulled one out. She didn't think she'd need more than one. Whatever was creeping around her room had it coming even with one measly blade she could cause fatal damage. She snuck through the door once it was open enough and leaped at the source of the sound, tackling it to the ground, quickly putting the weight under her in a forced straddling position. The blade going straight to its neck, and then when the adrenaline wore off and she saw the flushed elvhen face and felt his rugged hands grasping at her shoulders she dropped the knife and her face in shame.

"Fenris?! You scared me. You always do this!" Hawke pounded on his chest to get back at him for his sneakiness. Eventually she stopped her aggression and swept her face down to his, still in the straddling position.

"I can't help it, Hawke."He seemed to sing her name out, apparently excited about her sitting on him. His hands held her, cautious, but prominent. He missed her, he wished he could stay, wished she didn't persuade him to so easily to stay, with her bright eyes, and soft lips within his reach.

Hawke always wondered why he'd never just admit to loving her. "I know." Hawke cupped his cheek with one of her palms. Her head swept down lower and she pressed her lips to his cheek. She felt him tense up and then tighten his grip on her shoulders. He really did love her, even if he'd never say. She could hear it in his barely audible whimper. She could see it when his lips instinctively parted and she could feel it when he buried his face into her neck and his tears dripped onto her collarbone. He had pulled her all the way into him in a hug that she couldn't escape. Perhaps his attempt to win her back. It upset her that he thought she had ever left.

"You don't know. You have no idea how much I lo-,need you. How hard you make it for me to stay away. You know that if you command me to go I will though? If this is too hard for you… if I'm annoying you with my inability to make a decision, tell me Hawke. I don't want to hurt you or in any way make you unhappy. I can't be yours, not now, but Hawke if you'll wait for me… I'll-"

Hawke cut him off with a brush of lips to his. She took the opportunity now that he was facing her again. "Fenris there is no one else I'd rather save my love for. " Hawke kissed his eyes closed at that thinking she had the upper-hand, but within a flash he was pulling her face to his and devouring her mouth, not even waiting for her reaction. She could have choked if he didn't know her mouth so well. He didn't stop until his breath was gone and she was gripping his collar.

"You said you loved me. You don't know what that means to me, Marian."

"If I get kissed every time I say the truth maybe I should start wearing lipstick again." Hawke mused still catching her breath she worked her hand under his shirt.

He pulled her in again for another, softer kiss, just to let her know how adorable she was. "Maybe you should put some on right now then, because I want you to say you love me again. Over and over." His voice went deeper and his ears perked up like she had read about earlier that day.

" Give me a moment lover to prepare. "

So sorry for the wait guys. I really hoped you liked ,I can't stress enough how much your opinion matters to me. I hope you review. See you all next time. Thank you and love you all.