Her lips were so soft, softer than he had imagined. After a beat, he pressed harder, the need to taste and experience her too great. He wanted to deepen the kiss so badly, and he wondered if she'd let him. She felt amazing and he closed his eyes, savoring it.

He knew this was wrong, so wrong. He was kissing Monica Geller, the woman who was supposed to be getting married tomorrow. His friend. He should stop, pull back. He should do that; he tried to make himself stop, really, he did but despite his best intentions his grip on her only tightened.

Did she just pull him closer? He wanted more, so much more. He opened his mouth, and every bit of him was relieved when she opened hers. He deepened the kiss, wanting to explore every inch of her.

God, this was everything he wanted. He wanted to stay here, kissing her like this until the end of time. He moved his hands to her back, ran them up her spine, pleased when he felt her skin there, felt goosebumps; she shivered against him.

His head was spinning, but he didn't care. All his senses were filled with her. He was drowning yet he didn't want to stop. Ever.

Then suddenly he felt her pull away, felt her hands on his chest and he opened his eyes. She opened her eyes and they were wide, confused and suddenly it dawned on him what he'd done. It crashed down on him and he staggered back slightly. Panicked.

Oh god what had he done?

She'd needed him, needed a friend and he'd taken advantage of her. Just like he'd vowed he wouldn't.

"I…" he stammered, backing away from her. He needed to get away from her, get away from here. He needed air.

"Chandler…"

He shook his head, he didn't want to hear her right now, wasn't ready. He practically ran to the door, his shaking hand fumbling for the door handle in his desperate attempt to escape. He got it open and turned, taking one last look at her.

She looked broken, confused, tears running down her face...he'd done that to her. He should have left her when he'd had the chance. At least then he wouldn't have abused her trust.

"I'm sorry," he choked, unable to meet her eyes, the guilt too much.

With that he bolted, his feet carrying him out of the building. He ignored his friends' worried shouts, shrugged off Joey when he tried to stop him. He just walked and walked.

He needed cigarettes.

Monica stood there, shocked, as the door closed behind him.

Chandler just kissed her.

And she let him.

In fact, she may have kissed him back.

God, if that was what she was supposed to feel when she was kissed, she'd been missing out. She shook her head, stopping her thoughts. Now wasn't the time. She couldn't even contemplate this right now. She had a wedding to...what...cancel?

Pressing a finger to her lips, she tried to stop the tingling and focus on the biggest decision of her life. She shouldn't be thinking about the kiss...it was just a moment of weakness between the two of them. He'd been comforting her, emotions had been high and it had just happened. She needed him, and he was there, just like he always was. And that's all it was. Nothing else. It didn't mean anything.

Monica wiped her tears away again, standing to find a mirror in the room so she could clean up her face. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, sighing hard. She looked exhausted, but she needed to at least make another appearance, to find Pete and talk to him.

Chandler had been right; she couldn't marry him if she didn't love him enough. It was that simple. It just wouldn't fair to either of them.

Chandler.

He'd looked pretty freaked about the kiss but he was probably just as surprised as she was. Closing her eyes and taking some deep breaths, she pushed thoughts of her best friend to the back of her mind. First she had to deal with this whole mess of a rehearsal dinner. Let everybody down and face the unknown. After that was done she could check on him. He'd be embarrassed, probably crack a joke or two and then he'd give her a much needed hug and let her cry on his shoulder whilst she ate an entire tub of Ben and Jerrys.

Picturing this evening actually helped a little. She had some fantastic friends and they would help her get through this. Squaring her shoulders she left the small room and walked down the hall towards the dining area to find it almost empty, only Pete and a few guests remained. Her stomach flipped as she stood back and watched him.

He patted the man's back, shaking his hand, "alright, thanks for coming." Finally turning to her, he walked the few steps towards her, taking her disheveled appearance and grabbed one of her hands, "hey, you alright?"

She looked up into his eyes, nodding just a little, "yes. I am sorry about that I-"

"It's okay, I was just worried about you." Silence fell between them for a while and she felt him study her, "are you sure you're alright?"

She nodded again, although she could feel the tears building, "I'm fine."

He squeezed her hand, "I've hardly seen you today, and since we can't spend the night together..."

"Pete, I think we..." she sighed again closing her eyes for a second to finalize her silent decision, "I think we should talk."

He closed his mouth and nodded at her, "okay..."

Monica walked ahead of him back down the hall where she was a little earlier. She opened the door and held it open for him to follow her inside, closing it behind him.

He stuck his hands in his pockets, standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly waiting on her to join him.

She walked over to him, looking up at him, unsure of how to start this conversation; a conversation she never thought she'd have to have. Not the night before her wedding.

He cleared his throat to break the silence, "so," he said, "did something go wrong with the rehearsal?"

Monica swallowed the lump in her throat, "no, everything went okay."

He continued to stare at her, "so you and I should go and practice, right?" Her eyes finally looked from the wall she was staring at behind him to his eyes. He held her stare for a while, neither of them moving a muscle. He finally broke the stare, pressing his lips together before he spoke again as the realization dawned on him, "unless we don't need to practice." She looked at him, her blue eyes filling with water, "do we need to practice?"

A tear rolled down Monica's cheek, and she shook her head slowly, her voice barely above a whisper, "no...I don't think so."

He sighed, lifted a hand and wiped the tear away from her face with his finger. She wanted desperately to feel sparks from the touch in some last ditch attempt. But she didn't.

"You don't love me?" he asked swallowing hard.

More tears fell from her eyes, "yes," she said, her voice cracking on almost every word, "but I don't think I love you enough for...I'm so sorry," she said miserably, "I wished I'd figured it out before all this."

He looked down at the ground, and then back up at her, it was hard to read his expression, "is there someone else?"

She shut her eyes, shaking her head, "no." More tears fell from her eyes, and she was unable to stop them now. "I'd never do that to you," she promised and he nodded, believing her, "I'm sorry," she put her hands on his chest, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know," he pulled her the rest of the way to him, hugging her tightly "it's okay."

She pulled back from him, "I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't." He honestly didn't. "It sucks, of course it does but it's better to find out tonight than tomorrow night." He watched as more tears fell from eyes, so he pulled her into another hug, searching for anything he could say to make both of them feel a little better. He could yell and scream and tell her that she shouldn't have said yes in the first place, but he wasn't that kind of guy. "Monica, it's okay," he said, "I was going to tell you that we needed to postpone our honeymoon anyway, because I needed to pour myself into work after the wedding- that deal has to go through." He sighed, "I don't think that would've gone to well with you."

She forced out a chuckle, "no, not really. Messes with the schedule."

He smiled, "can't do that." He grabbed her hands, "can we date again? To see if it gets better?"

Monica stepped back from him, taking a walk through the room. Silence fell between them again, but she finally spoke, "I think," she started, "that dating again would be too awkward for me." She sighed, walking a little closer to him, "can we be friends?"

Pete finished the distance between them, shaking his head a little sadly, "that would be awkward for me." He grabbed her hand, "besides, I think you have enough friends."

She nodded and pulled him into another hug, "I'm so, so sorry, Pete." When she felt him wrap his arms behind her back, she turned to whisper in his ear, "you're going to find someone, who loves you so much that it hurts. And you deserve that."

Pete held her, closing his eyes and listening to her words. "Right back 'atcha," his voice caught.

There was an awkward moment as the enormity of the situation sunk in for both of them.

"Right," he let out a heavy breath taking a couple of steps away from her, "I guess this is actually happening."

She nodded sadly, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to keep saying that," he promised. He knew he'd lost her. With a deep breath he walked backed up to her and kissed her cheek before loosening his tie, "guess I better go break the news to people…and my parents."

Monica put her hands over her face, "oh god, I didn't even think about that."

He chuckled, patting her shoulder, "you may have it a little worse."

She smiled at that, and she watched him as he walked across the room, turning to her at the door, "bye, Monica, take care of yourself."

"Goodbye Pete." When the door closed, she fell back into the chair in the room, a feeling of relief spread throughout her.

She'd done it and it felt right. She knew she'd made the right decision.

Now she only had to tell everyone, and her Mom.. Oy.

"Chandler!" Joey called still following him, "would you stop?!"

They had been walking through the darkening streets at a fast brutal pace. It was starting to rain slightly, the droplets hitting their hair, their faces but neither man noticed.

Chandler continued as if he hadn't heard his roommate, too caught up in his feelings of guilt and remorse. A flashing neon sign came into view, calling to him like a beacon and he'd never been more relieved to see anything in his life.

Joey rolled his eyes as he watched his friend enter the off-license; there was no doubt in his mind what the other man was after. With a sigh and a shake of his head, he hurried in, hoping he'd be able to stop him in time. He wasn't. Chandler was already handing over his money.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked, causing the man behind the till to glance at him, his eyes assessing him and the likelihood of trouble.

"What does it look like?" Chandler bit out, frustrated as he accepted his changed and stuffed it into his pants' pockets.

"You don't need cigarettes, Chandler!" Joey protested.

"I disagree," he informed him grabbing his precious purchases.

"They aren't gonna help you."

"I disagree again," he stated, turning but pointedly not looking at him.

Joey blocked his path.

"Do you mind?" he grated, grinding his teeth, his jaw clenching.

"What happened?" Joey asked, not moving. He was aware of the shopkeeper still cautiously watching them, but he didn't care. He just wanted to know what had caused Chandler to act like this.

Chandler sighed and raised his face, his eyes finally meeting Joey's, not trying to hide anything; his annoyance, his anger, his frustration and guilt over this whole sucky situation.

A tense silence filled the air as the two men studied each other.

"I kissed her," with that he pushed past his stunned friend and walked into the crisp night air.

He waited for the Italian, no longer feeling the need to run. He ripped open the cigarettes with ease, placing one to his lips and sparking up.

"You kissed her?" Joey asked surprised. "Did you tell her your feelings? Did you talk? Does she like you?"

Chandler breathed in the smoke, letting it surround him but still shook his head, frustrated.

"No," he blew the smoke into the damp air, his hands gesturing wildly, "none of that! She was crying, I hugged her and then I kissed her because I'm an idiot, a complete moron. My best friend is hurting, confused and about to marry another man and I go and do this to her."

Joey frowned watching the agitated man as he paced, lifting the cigarette to inhale more of the poison.

"How did she react?" he asked.

Phoebe had filled him in about Monica's doubts but doubts over Pete didn't mean anything regarding how she felt about Chandler.

"How do you think?" he snapped. "She couldn't believe that I basically stuck my tongue down her throat."

His friend shook his head, "I'm sure she didn't think that."

"You didn't see the look on her face," he cringed just thinking about it, "she was counting on me and I..." he slammed his eyes shut, he didn't want to talk about this anymore.

Joey waited a while and ran a hand through his wet hair, the droplets of water flying everywhere, "where is she?"

Chandler was taking a long draw from his cigarette, "probably trying to forget how I just screwed everything up for her."

Joey shook his head, "I'm sure that if you tell her how you feel about her, she may be excited, may want start this new thing with you."

He scoffed in reply, "what? The thing where when she needs a friend I go in there and kiss her? She's going to tell Pete what I did and he's..."

"Hey!" Joey cut him off, causing Chandler to look up at him, "nothing is gonna happen to you, not while I'm around." He felt the need to look around and make sure Pete wasn't actually around to hear that. He looked at Chandler again, "I still think you should tell her how you feel."

Chandler pulled another white stick of tobacco out of the box from his pocket, lighting it up and taking another long draw. Joey rolled his eyes, "great. Chain smoking is something you need right now."

"I don't need a lecture." Chandler spat back to him. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Joey wondered if his feet were starting to hurt for the walking back and forth, "so what are you going to do?"

Chandler shook his head, "I don't know. I feel like I need to go to Timbuktu and never see her again," he didn't even like saying that. Even after everything that happened just a little while ago, he couldn't imagine not ever seeing that beautiful face again. "I can't believe I hurt her."

Joey furrowed his eyebrows, "you didn't hurt her. You just kissed her. And what's a kiss between friends? I've kissed Phoebe."

"But you're not in love with Phoebe. You guys are just really close. The way Monica and I used to be, and now I've ruined that."

Joey gave him a skeptical look again, "dude, I don't think you've ruined the friendship over one kiss."

Chandler finally sat down on the curb, "If I tell her that I'm in love with her and she laughs in my face because it's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard, she will always remember that I kissed her on the day before her wedding. And not only that, because I've just embarrassed the hell out of myself, she probably won't come to hang out with me or want any advice or anything to do with me, so now I've also lost my best friend." He put the cigarette between his lips, closing his eyes at the relief it seemed to get him.

Joey was silent. He didn't know what he could say. "I'm sorry, man."

Chandler blew out a puff of smoke, "I don't think I can go tomorrow."

Joey's eyes grew big, "no, you should go. Or at least wait and see how you feel in the morning." Joey insisted, still hopeful that there might not even be a wedding taking place.

His roommate just shook his head, "they are both gonna hate me. She's gonna tell the girls and they'll hate me. Rachel will tell Ross and he'll hate me for hitting on his baby sister."

He let out a painful, heavy sigh, taking another draw. He looked like he was deflating in front of Joey's eyes. He inhaled the cigarette as if his life depended on it. Letting the nicotine do it's job.

"Everything's such a mess," Chandler declared quietly, "I've ruined everything. Why couldn't I just hold it in for one more day? Why am I such an idiot?"

He met Joey's concerned gaze, his blue eyes filled with sadness and self-loathing.

"I need to go home," Chandler decided.

"What?" Joey asked surprised, "you can't just leave things up in the air like that. Besides, the rehearsal isn't supposed to be over yet. You can't just leave."

Chandler made a point of looking around. "You know it's funny, I think I already have!"

Joey rolled his eyes in annoyance, "you've got to come back with me."

"Why?" he asked, "seriously, what's the point? Monica won't want to see me, Pete and Ross will want to kill me."

"Chandler…"

"Look," he sighed, throwing the cigarette onto the ground and stamping it out with his foot, "I've already made this night hard for her, probably ruined a good friendship, the least I could do now is leave her alone. Give her some time with Pete, make it slightly easier on her. It won't make up for anything but at least it's a start."

"Shouldn't you let her make that choice?" Joey asked, "what if she wants to speak to you, what if she's worried about you and you just run away?"

Chandler swallowed, shaking his head, denying his friend's words, "she won't be worried about me, Joe," he sighed, closing his eyes, his hands massaging his head in a vain attempt to fight off the approaching headache. "She's got more important things on her mind."

"You kissed her," he pointed out unnecessarily, "don't you think that's on her mind?"

"No," he shook his head. It had been an amazing kiss, so passionate and everything he'd ever dreamed of with her, but he doubted she felt the same. She'd pushed him away even. "Her wedding is on her mind right now and that's the important thing. It's a big decision and no matter what she decides, she's not gonna forgive me for what I did."

"She will," Joey promised, "especially when you tell her your reasons; she'll understand."

He squeezed his eyes shut against the flutter of hope in his chest at Joey's words. He couldn't listen to them. Couldn't allow false hope into his already battered heart, because Joey didn't know. He hadn't been there, hadn't seen that look. He appreciated the sentiment and the attempt to comfort him, he really did, but it didn't change anything.

"Are you at least going to walk me back?" Joey asked looking around. "I was following you and don't have a clue where we are."

That actually brought a small smile to Chandler's otherwise regretful face, "I'll, uh, point you in the right direction," he promised, reaching into the pack for another smoke.

He lit it easily, it was like an instinct as he inhaled again before he started walking at a much slower pace back towards the hall where he'd ruined everything…

A/N: See we didn't make you guys wait too long. Thanks again for all the reviews. We're glad that despite what we are putting Mondler and you through you're sticking with it! Feedback always appreciated.