"Chandler?" She repeated softly, causing his wide eyes to snap up to her, "what are you doing out here?" His mouth flopped open and closed a few times like a fish. He was unable to come up with something to say before she spoke again, "it's raining," she started, "you're going to get sick."

He felt the need to point out that she, too, was out in the rain and cold and she would also get sick, but he fought that urge, "I um, wanted to get some air." His gut clenched and he pressed his lips together as she sat down beside him. He willed himself to look over at her and he cringed when he saw water on her face, wondering if it was tears or if it was the rain. He swallowed, forcing himself to stay seated, deciding that standing and running away from her as fast as he possibly could wouldn't help things at all; he'd already done that once tonight. "I'm so, so sorry Monica."

She looked at him, remembering how fast he left after they kissed.

She attributed the goose bumps that formed all over her body to the sprinkling rain and not because she started thinking about the kiss with him.

"Chandler, you don't need to apologize."

He nodded quickly, "yes, I do. It wasn't appropriate, I had no right to-"

"It's okay." She reached over and grabbed one of his hands, and he felt a spark run through him again, one not dampened by the rain. "Really, it's okay."

He watched as her thumb caressed his hand. It was both comforting and thrilling; just like any touch from her always was.

"I don't want you to hate me," he said honestly, "I shouldn't have done that."

"I don't hate you," she replied, and he finally met her eyes. She chuckled dryly, "You're my best friend. I could never hate you."

"You needed me to be a friend," he explained, "not to take advantage of you," he scrubbed his free hand through his wet hair, making it stick up in all sorts of ways. "I'm the worst person in the world right now."

"Chandler…"

"Pete is going to kill me when he finds out."

"Chandler…" she tried again.

He dropped her hand and turned to her a little more, interrupting her again, shaking his head to show he wasn't finished, "Pete will hate me, Ross will hate me...so, for that reason," he stopped. It was so hard for him to say this, but he knew he had to do this. He had no choice even if it was going to kill him, "I think I should stay away from you, keep my distance for a while."

Her breathing sped up as she frowned, caught completely off guard, "what? No."

"Monica, I can't…" he stopped, letting out a breath he'd been holding in.

She furrowed her eyebrows together, "you can't what?"

See you kissing him. See him touching you. Listen to the secret laughter and giggles as they enjoyed being a happy newly wed couple. He pressed his lips together, stopping himself from saying the words that were just behind his lips, "I can't be the guy that kissed you the night before your wedding," he said softly, "I just need to stay away for a while so you and Pete can start your life together the right way."

"No!" She said again, her voice a little louder, "Chandler, it was just a kiss. This is crazy! It's not like you ripped my clothes off, threw me on a bed and had sex with me."

He tried to ignore the mental image in his head; more proof that he couldn't be around her and stay sane. "To Pete, I'm sure it'll be just like we had sex." He stood from the bench and ran his hands through his soaking wet hair, the droplets flying everywhere. The rain had now stopped, but thunder still rumbled above them. "If it was me that was marrying you tomorrow, and if it was me that found out your guy friend had kissed you the night before my wedding, I'd pound me into the ground."

He couldn't take the stress anymore, so he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, sticking it between his lips. "Chandler," she stood as he searched for his lighter and pulled the tobacco back out of his mouth, throwing it somewhere in the wet grass behind them, "I hate it when you smoke, and it doesn't matter what Pete would have done... I didn't tell him."

He sighed, shaking his head, it made no difference, "but you are going to tell him. I know you, Mon, and I know you won't start a marriage by not telling him something like this."

She sat down on the bench again, groaning. This conversation was giving her a headache. She used the elastic hair tie around her wrist to pull her wet hair off of her neck. "It was just a kiss, Chandler. Will you please, please drop it? You're not going to stay away from me, that's crazy, besides we're not...I mean..."

She paused, taking a breath to try and find the words to tell him her decision regarding the wedding but he cut her off.

"You say that now," he swallowed, pacing, "But if you knew everything…" he trailed off, his hands were shaking and frustrated he turned them into fists stuffing them into his wet jacket pockets.

"What everything?" she asked confused, she could tell she was missing something but her brain was too exhausted to try and work it out. He just shook his head. "Chandler, tell me, what's going on?"

He was clearly having an argument with himself but eventually he shook his head, "no, forget about it. I can't tell you, you'd hate me. I -" shaking his head again he grabbed out the box of cigarettes.

She frowned at both his actions and his words. She remained silent though as he lit it and inhaled. If it was going to calm him down then she'd let him have this one. She waited as he took several slow puffs, closing his eyes as the nicotine obviously did it's job.

"I don't understand," she eventually said, almost calmly, "what freaked you out so much about a kiss? What don't I know?"

He looked pained again, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"Chandler," she pleaded quietly, finally standing up. Her hand touched his arm briefly, ignoring the unpleasant feel of the soaked material under her fingers. "Please, talk to me. Earlier, when I was so confused and upset, you were there for me. You listened to me, held me, you-"

"Took advantage of you?"

Monica took an involuntary step back from him, "what?" Her blue eyes met his, "you didn't take advantage of me."

"You're getting married tomorrow," He stared at her, unsure of how else to explain his reasons. She slowly shook her head, their eyes never leaving each other's.

She finally looked at the ground, taking a deep breath, "I'm not getting married tomorrow," she eventually said to his shoes.

He blew out a long puff of smoke, "what?"

She looked at him again, pressing her lips together before speaking, "I called off the wedding," she said softly, as if there were people all around them.

He stared at her, shocked. He was sure what she just said was a part of his vivid imagination, and not what she actually said.

There was a long, awkward moment of silence between them. Chandler finally recovered enough to where he could form words, "you wh-" he swallowed, "you did what?"

Her eyes met his, and his heart pinged when he saw the tears forming there. She spoke softly, almost whispering, "you were right. I couldn't marry him if I didn't love him," she shrugged a shoulder, "I didn't...not enough to be his wife."

One of the tears finally left her eyes to roll down her cheek. He didn't know what to say, so he pulled the cigarette out from between his lips and let it fall to the ground, stepping on it, "come here," he said softly. He pulled her into a hug, the need to touch her too great. He brought his hand up to the back of her head as she wrapped her arms around him.

"You didn't take advantage of me," she said, "I don't want you to think that."

He shut his eyes as he held her, the want to tilt her head up and kiss her again so hard to resist, "are you alright?"

She nodded into his chest, "I will be," she sighed, "I just need my friends right now." He slammed his eyes shut again.

Friends.

He squeezed her tightly for another second before pulling back, but she kept her hands on his forearms, "Mon I think I-" he tried to moisten his dry mouth as he heart started to thunder in his chest, "I think I need to tell you something."

The rain had started again, the drops bigger and quicker falling from the sky but neither made any attempt to move or seek shelter.

"What is it?" She asked and when he took a step back from her, she chased him, grabbing his hands, "what's wrong? Tell me."

He looked into her beautiful eyes, sighing deeply. Joey's earlier advice still ringing in his ears. Tell her. Should he? If he ran now he knew he'd never have the courage to start this conversation again. He had to do this, he had no choice. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to ignore the shaking of his hands, "I love you." He looked at the ground quickly, worried how she would react.

She furrowed her eyebrows together, "I know, I love you too."

Her response was so off of the mark that he let out a dry chuckle, but he refused to back out now, "no, ah, that's not what I mean," he sighed, changing his answer, this was hard, "I mean I do love you in a sense that you're my best friend and I love you for that. But that's not what I was trying to say."

Her forehead crinkled more, "what are you talking about?"

He took in a shaky breath, staring into her eyes, it felt like something from a movie, "I'm in love with you, Monica."

The rain was harder now, soaking them all over again. It was silent for a moment as they stared at each other. His heart rate increased as he waited in tense anticipation for her reaction. He didn't have to wait long as the pieces started to click in her overworked brain.

She let go of his hands, staring at him, "you're what?"

He sighed, missing the contact already as his heart sunk to his stomach. Oh God what had he done? He knew she heard him, and repeating it now seemed silly, so he just waited, ducking his head as he tried to prepare his heart for the imminent rejection; his stomach twisting in knots.

"Oh my god," she finally said, falling down on the bench again in shock, wiping the wetness from her face.

Cringing, he stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to regulate his breathing without success. He looked at the empty space next to her on the bench, wanting to sit and try and explain himself, to do anything to fix this disaster.

He finally made the decision and let out a ragged breath he'd been holding in, moving to sit down beside her, "Monica I-"

He couldn't even finish his sentence before she'd stood up, walking quickly down the sidewalk. Muttering under his breath he stood up to chase her, but she turned around to him quickly to make him stop, "don't."

She started to walk again, but he grabbed her hand gently, "wait," he pleaded, "please can we-"

"Chandler, let me go." She pulled her arm away from him, walking backwards, "I can't do this right now, I can't-." She shook her head panicked and turned back around. He followed her as she walked at a fast pace, almost jogging.

"Forget I said anything," Chandler pleaded to the back of her head, "It doesn't matter".

She turned towards him, a few strands had escaped her ponytail sticking to her, her mascara and eyeliner running down her face, "I can't deal with this!" She yelled at him. She couldn't. She'd had the most emotionally charged day of her life. She was all over the place and she couldn't add something as big as this to it; her brain couldn't even begin to contemplate it. It was too huge.

"You told me to tell you, so I told you," he yelled back over the pouring rain, and she took off again, walking down the sidewalk quickly, "Monica, please stop and listen to me for one second, please?" He was desperate to sort this out.

She paused and he caught caught her up easily. He resisted the urge to touch her, to pull her into a hug to try and take away all her pain. She finally looked up at him, her eyes a window into the turmoil she was experiencing. He swallowed, hoping he was masking his pain better than she was.

.

"Is that why you kissed me?" her voice was hard, but the confusion and hurt could still be clearly heard. "You kissed me the day before I was supposed to get married and tell me you're in love with me? Did you think I was going to swoon over you and say that I loved you too and just leave Pete and we'd go off into the sunset together and live happily ever after?"

He stayed silent for a moment too long and she shook her head, starting to take a step away.

"I wasn't going to tell you at all!" he finally admitted loudly, causing her to turn again and look at him, "I wasn't going to tell you at all." He repeated, "I was not going to ruin your marriage or our friendship." He swallowed, wiping the rain from his face, "And it's not going to ruin anything now. If you want, I'll never say anything about it again. Everything will be back to normal. Please Monica, can we -"

Monica sighed, right now she felt like her life was never going to be normal again. Her head and heart hurt more than she ever remembered and she was so overwhelmingly confused.

"Just leave me alone," she said quietly, she didn't want to hurt him but she just couldn't deal with this, it was too much for her. Swallowing she walked away from him, not looking back, leaving him standing there, his heart in a million pieces.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing she was too far away to hear him. "I'm so sorry."

He swallowed hard, the pain crashing through him so violently he could barely stand it. What had he done? Idiot. As if he hadn't already dumped enough crap on her today. How had he expected her to react? Damn it, why had he told her? He wished he could go back in time and just reverse the last hour of his life.

Annoyed at his stupidity, he kicked out at a random stone, watching as it tumbled and came to a stop. It wasn't enough. Soaked to the core he continued his walk, his thoughts filled with self-loathing criticisms and in his heart a new pain. The pain that anyone that had ever suffered unrequited love would know. The pain of having dreamt of telling that person your feelings for so long, secretly holding onto that little bit of hope they might reciprocate. Then the moment you've been waiting for actually comes, you show your cards, lay your heart bare... and your worse fears become reality.

Before his ill-received confession he'd told her he needed to cut her out of his life. Ironically, it would probably be her cutting him out.

He let out a growl of frustration as he collapsed back onto the bench. The heavens had well and truly opened. Rain continued to pour down showing no mercy as thunder crackled in the sky around him.

What was he gonna do?

A/N- and the rollercoaster ride continues. Come on- you didn't think we'd make it that easy did you? Still many many chapters to come. Thanks again for all the reviews, each is very very much appreciated.