thanks so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites! you guys are the best! i'm sorry i've been gone so long (and i'm sorry this next chapter is about to be depressing, but it'll help me deal with some stuff, i hope...writing is an expression right? it came to mind also bc i'm pretty sure someone suggested it in a review for moments) i really wanna get back to writing bc when i started it helped take my mind off stuff so would love ideas for a Christmas special from you guys! i'm sorry if this all seems like too much venting...you guys have just always been so great! anyway, here it goes...

Summary: Some surprises are great, others not so much.

The Surprise

2011

Alexia just stood in the downstairs bathroom that morning, the house empty, just staring at the counter. It wasn't so much the counter she was staring at, but the positive pregnancy test. There was no way, right? How could she be pregnant again so soon? Jack was barely six months old, she was still nursing. She knew you could still get pregnant then, but it just didn't seem real to her that it would happen again so soon. Shoving the test back into the box, she prepared to leave the bathroom.

"AH!" she screamed when she stepped out and saw someone in the house, throwing the box at them as a reflex; it was only Danny. "Jeez Danny," she breathed out, relieved. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Uh huh," Danny nodded, holding up the box as if questioning what was going on, raising his eye brows at her.

"Don't you ever knock?" she muttered, snatching the box out of his hands.

"I did, the door was open," he said, following her into the kitchen. He watched her toss the test in the trash before covering it in paper towels. "Where's Steve?" He wasn't going to question the test just yet.

"Ah, he left early," Alexia waved it off. "Said he would drop the kids off since I didn't feel well."

"So, it's positive?" Danny asked now and she gave him a look. "What's wrong?"

"My head is spinning, I just had Jack six months ago," Alexia listed off. "I don't know what to think, not to mention how Steve is gonna-"

"Let me stop you," Danny said gently. "Have you met your husband?" She lightly rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, what's happened every time you've told him you're pregnant?"

Alexia stopped to reflect. She had been excited to tell him about Julia, their first baby; it had been his birthday and she presented the sonogram in his card. He was beyond thrilled, picking her up to kiss her before calling everyone they knew. She wasn't sure how to tell him about Lucy, considering she found out at the same time his friend Nate had been killed. She told him the night of the funeral, and while the overall mood was still somber, he did smile. She was nervous to tell him about Jack with everything that had been going on, but again he was excited, kissing her big like he had over Julia.

"Ok," Alexia nodded.

"It'll be fine," Danny assured her. "Just tell him."

Alexia waited at home that evening, having picked up Jack after leaving work, alone with him at the house for now. She had started dinner while she waited for Steve to get home; he was going to be picking up Lucy from cheerleading practice after work while Julia was still going to be with Grace at soccer. With dinner on the stove she sat in the kitchen with the baby, rocking him in his carrier. She couldn't believe that in nine months there was going to be another one of him.

"We're back!" Steve called, entering the house with Lucy.

"Hi mommy!" five year old Lucy said, poking her head into the kitchen before running upstairs to change.

"Hey," Steve smiled, kissing his wife after not seeing her since that morning. "You feeling better?"

"Oh...yeah," Alexia nodded.

"How was your day?" Steve asked her.

"We're back!" Julia called from the front of the house. "And going upstairs!"

"Ok!" Alexia called back. "Weird," she told Steve.

"Yeah?" Steve questioned. "Tell me about it." As if on cue, Jack started crying. "Aw, what's wrong buddy?" Steve asked, picking him up but that hardly seemed to soothe him.

"Steve, I-" Alexia was having trouble finding the words. There was now scrambling on the stairs.

"Max, no!" Julia said, her and Grace running downstairs. They flew into the kitchen, chasing after a puppy.

"Julia," Steve said seriously.

"Can we keep him?" Julia asked, her and Grace both giving him big eyes. She had planned to keep the dog upstairs through dinner when she could ask them before springing it on them, but the puppy had other plans.

"You know your mom is allergic," Steve reminded her. The puppy broke free from the girls again, running circles in the kitchen; Jack was still crying, the girls were running again to catch it.

"Cool, a puppy!" Lucy exclaimed from the doorway. "Can we keep it?" Steve shot Alexia a strained look.

"Steve, I'm pregnant," she informed him over the noise. His look went from strained to confused.

"Julia, take the dog outside," Steve told her and all three girls shuffled out.

"Mommy's having another baby?" Lucy questioned, to which her big sister shrugged, leading them all out to the back yard.

"...what?" Steve asked her now; Jack had turned from crying to just sniffling.

"I...am," she said slowly, not believing she just blurted it out like that. "Pregnant," she said finally.

"Really?" Steve asked her smiling, rocking Jack back and forth.

"You're happy?" Alexia asked him; of course he was.

"Yeah," Steve laughed. "C'mon Lex, as crazy as it gets around here, you have to admit it's fun." He laughed. "Even the puppy." Alexia laughed too.

"Even the puppy," she smiled in agreement. They were going to have another baby and everything was going to be fine, her nerves finally settling.

A month passed since Alexia found out she was pregnant. They had told their friends, their daughters, the rest of their family; everyone was happy for them. It was crazy close to their last kid, but if anyone could handle it, it was them. As time went by the excitement continued to build for the parents; they loved all three of their kids, they loved being parents, so another pregnancy was a thrill for them.

Then everything came to a screeching halt.

Alexia laid on the table at the doctor's office alone, having insisted that it was ok because Steve was in the middle of a big case; she was never so wrong.

The words no heartbeat were echoing through her head.

No.

Heartbeat.

"Alexia," Dr. Hooper was saying to her gently, her doctor through her first three pregnancies. "Honey, do you understand me?"

"I..." She couldn't say the word miscarried right now if her life depended on it.

"It wasn't anything you did," Dr. Hooper reiterated. "This is very common with pregnancies that are close together. The body doesn't have enough time to heal and prepare for a new baby." Alexia heard her, but her voice started sounding farther and farther away; she couldn't focus or think straight.

"Can I go home?" Alexia asked abruptly; she shook her head. "I, um, just want to see my husband."

"Of course," the doctor nodded and Alexia didn't wait another second before heading out the door, passing by the front desk on her way out the main entrance to her car. She walked fine, went through the motions ok. But when she got into the car, she felt like she couldn't breathe; she felt tears flooding her cheeks. She knew there was no way she could drive, reaching for her cell phone.

"Hello?" Steve answered, just getting back to HQ with Danny and Chin.

"Can...can you come get me," Alexia stammered out.

"Lex, what's wrong?" Steve asked worriedly, Danny and Chin giving him a concerned look.

"I'm at Dr. Hooper's," she continued, speech broken by tears. "Can you...can you get here, please?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way," he said quickly, hanging up. "Guys, I gotta go," he said, the others nodding for him to leave as he hopped back into his car, speeding out of the lot. He sped the whole way to the office which was a few miles away, pulling his car into the space next to Alexia's.

"Hey," he said, opening her door and kneeling next to her. "I'm here, I'm here," he said quickly. "What's wrong?" She said something at first, though it was inaudible. "What's-"

"I lost it," Alexia said now.

"What?" Steve asked softly.

"I lost the baby Steve," she said, crying more. "I miscarried, I-"

"Shh," Steve soothed her. "Come here," he helped her stand, hugging her close while she sobbed into his chest. "Shh,shhh," he soothed her, kissing her hair, blinking back tears of his own. "Let's go home, ok?"

Alexia spent the weekend in bed, with Steve coming to check on her frequently. The girls knew that something wasn't right, but they didn't ask because things were that somber. Friday, the day the parents found out, Danny offered to take the kids to stay with him and Grace, giving them time alone together. Sunday night, Danny was bringing the kids back since they were going to have school Monday.

"Head upstairs for bed," Steve told his daughters, taking the baby from Danny.

"How's Lex?" Danny asked quietly as the girls went upstairs together.

"I got her to use up more of her vacation time," Steve said, though it didn't take much convincing since she hardly got out of bed. "I hate seeing her like this."

"How are you doing?" Danny asked seriously now; Steve just waved it off. "Seriously man, it wasn't just her baby."

"Right now, I just wanna make sure she gets better," Steve insisted and Danny nodded.

"I don't know how you wanted to handle this with Julia and Lucy," Danny started off. "But, Rachel came by to surprise Grace for a weekend trip, I asked to keep her for the weekend with the girls and explained why. When I turned around, they were all there." Steve sighed. "I'm sorry," Danny told him seriously.

"Don't worry about it," Steve told him sincerely. "They were going to have to find out sometime," he said, adjusting Jack as he prepared to go talk to his daughters. "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"In a few days," Danny told him. "You use up some vacation time too," he said before shutting the door behind him. Steve took Jack to the nursery, tucking him in before heading down the hall. He asked Julia to come with him to Lucy's room so he could talk to them, Julia hopping up onto the bed to sit next to her sister.

"Is mom ok?" Julia asked first.

"Mom is ok," Steve reassured them.

"Is she sad about the new baby?" Lucy asked innocently. She heard Danny say to Rachel that Alexia lost the baby. While she didn't know exactly what that meant, she knew lost couldn't be good.

"She is," Steve nodded sadly.

"Are we still gonna get to meet them?" Lucy asked enthusiastically, thinking maybe the baby was lost like in a store but could come back. "Like baby Jack?"

"No, sweetheart," Steve swallowed hard. "I'm afraid not."

"...what happened?" Julia asked.

"Well," Steve sighed, not sure how to word it. "You remember how, when Grandpa John died, we talked about how he went to heaven? So, he would always be with us?" Both girls nodded. "The new baby," he said gently. "Went up to heaven."

"Before it was even born?" eight year old Julia asked in confusion, not able to wrap her head around it; Steve nodded sadly.

"I think Grandpa John will take good care of the new baby," Lucy said positively.

"Me too," Steve nodded in agreement. "So, Grandpa John and the baby are always going to be be," he pointed at Lucy's heart first. "Right here," he pointed at Julia's now. "Ok?"

"Ok," both girls nodded.

"Can Julesy sleep in here?" Lucy asked.

"Absolutely," Steve nodded, kissing both of their heads before leaving the room, gently closing the door behind him. He turned to go down the hall, startled slightly when he saw someone there, though it was Alexia. "Hey," he smiled weakly at her. "You wanna get something to eat? We can order some late take out or-"

"I heard what you said in there," she stopped him; Steve wasn't sure if that was good or bad right now. "I...really like that idea," she admitted softly. "That your dad gets to take care of the baby."

"Me too," Steve agreed, taking her hand. "Come here," he said, hugging her close and kissing her head. "I love you."

"I love you too," she sniffed, blinking away tears.

thanks for reading! :) so...i know that was really really beyond heavy...thoughts? and on a brighter note, Christmas ideas? thanks you guys :*