I couldn't help myself and spent another afternoon writing and voila! I actually have another chapter not 24 hours after posting the last one! This is one of my favourites so far and I'm so excited to write the next one; you'll see why once you get to the end of this ;) This was a hard chapter to write actually because I wanted to do Felicity's story justice (which the show has yet to do...) but I feel like there's so much I missed out even now. I'll definitely be coming back to it again soon because I can't bear to leave things out that I truly believe are vital to her character development. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Fell free to leave me a review! xo, Lauren

Felicity's phone vibrated on her desk around 2pm and she picked up without checking to see who was calling.

"Felicity?" a familiar female voice questioned once she'd accepted the call.

"Mom?"

"I was just calling to see how you are!" Her voice was loud and overly enthusiastic and Felicity moved her phone away from her ear a little.

"Mom, you don't have to shout, I can hear you. And I'm fine, I'm just at work right now though so I can't really talk much," she replied, placing her phone onto loudspeaker so she could continue to type as they talked.

"So you and Oliver are home? How was your vacation?"

"We got back a few days ago, and it was wonderful. Thank you for helping to sort out the house while we were gone," Felicity smiled, thinking of just how touched and relieved she'd been to return home after a long haul flight and not have to worry about unpacking. "Especially the pictures and the oversized wine rack; those were lovely touches,"

"You're welcome, sweetheart," her mother responded, a warm smile in her voice.

"We'll invite you over for dinner sometime it's just that everything is really hectic right now with work and stuff so it's not a good time," Felicity stuttered, sensing that her mother was waiting for an invitation to come over and that it was the exact reason for her phone call.

"Of course! I wouldn't be a bother though, if you have an evening free this week," she persisted, keeping her tone warm but slightly authoritative.

"I know, but we've barely had time to live there ourselves yet. Maybe you could come over for the weekend sometime in a month or so? Maybe for a few days before Christmas?" As much as Felicity loved her mother, she didn't want anyone bursting her bubble of happiness with Oliver just yet, especially not inside their own home.

She heard her mother sigh and tried to push the wash of guilt from her mind. She would not let herself be guilt tripped into doing something she really didn't want to do, just to save her feelings.

"Oh okay then, I can tell when I'm not wanted," her mother sighed, and Felicity wasn't sure if she was genuinely offended or just trying to make her feel bad.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I have to go, I'll call you later and we can talk more," Felicity hung up before she could let herself be swayed into an agreement and called Oliver straight away, her gut telling her that her mother was likely to call him as well to ask the same question.

Oliver answered after a few seconds.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked, his voice low and slightly breathless.

"Did I interrupt your workout?" Felicity replied, apologetically.

"You did, but I'd always rather talk to you anyway," she could hear his smile in his voice.

"Are you like, really sweaty right now?"

"What if I am?" he teased.

"Wait, don't tell me. I didn't call to have mild phone sex, I swear," Felicity laughed, adjusting her glasses on her nose, feeling her cheeks warm involuntarily at the thought of him sweaty and shirtless in the gym.

She heard him chuckling to himself and the sound made her smile.

"You didn't?"

"No, I called to warn you that my mom wants to come over for dinner sometime soon. I just told her that it isn't a great time right now but I have a feeling she might call you and ask you as well so just please, tell her we can't right now, okay?"

"Why? We have a spare evening, I'm sure,"

"Oliver, I just don't want her coming over into our space right now, not when we've barely had time to live in it ourselves. I'm having too much fun keeping you all to myself right now to have other people coming over even for five minutes. Remember how mad you were at me about the pizza thing? Well that's how mad I'd be at you if you said my mom could come over," she snapped, suddenly aware of how wound up by this she was.

Oliver noticed too and questioned her.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, his voice quiet and concerned.

"I'm fine, I just- can I talk to you about this later? I have a lot to get done this afternoon and I'm stressed enough already without having to ramble on about my mommy and daddy issues," she replied, laughing dryly without a trace of humour.

"Of course, but you're okay right? You're not going to freak out or breakdown in the next few hours are you? Because if you are then I'm coming to get you and we're going out for lunch,"

"I'm fine, I promise. I just wish you weren't the only one who'd got off this morning I guess, I might not be so tense right now if there had been time for you to return the favour," This time when she laughed, her humour had returned and she knew Oliver was either rolling his eyes, biting his lip, or both.

"Well after we've talked tonight, I'll get you off as many times as you wish," he replied, matter-of-factly and she had every faith that he meant every word he said.

"I look forward to it," she smirked, repeating her exact words from this morning.

"I love you," he said, after a few seconds of soft laughter.

"I love you too. And thank you for lunch, by the way. I enjoyed the fruit salad you so lovingly prepared more than you could understand," she smiled.

"You're welcome, I'm glad it was to your liking! Try and enjoy the rest of your afternoon and don't work too hard, okay? Remember why you're doing this deep down and try to understand that nothing that happens is the end of the world," she could hear him smile again and her heart fluttered in her chest at his words.

"Apart from an apocalypse, because you know, that is basically the definition of the end of the world," she replied, unable to stop herself from making a sarcastic comment she knew would make him laugh.

"Well so far today there's been no apocalypse warning so for the next 12 hours at least, nothing is the end of the world,"

"Thank you, honestly. I'll see you soon,"

He responded with his own goodbyes and Felicity ended the call before turning back to her computer. Removing her glasses, she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples for a few seconds, trying to return her head to the work she had to do. Oliver was right; nothing that happened was the end of the world, but in Felicity's brain, it had the tendency to feel like it. He was also right about how she needed to remind herself of why she was doing this. She was doing this for Ray, to honour his legacy and keep his brilliant brain alive. It was important to her, beyond words. It was something she wanted to do with all her heart and she had vowed to herself the very day she became CEO of Palmer Tech, to never let it become "work", at least not to the extent where she questioned her ability to do a good job. In doing this, Ray was never really gone.

It was after 8pm when Felicity finally felt close to being able to go home. Her afternoon had gone surprisingly quickly and without too much cause for too many heightened emotions and tempers, both on her part and that of her employees. She'd spent a large part of the afternoon familiarising herself with them, visiting each of their work spaces to introduce herself personally and chatting to them for a few minutes, determined to be the kind of boss whose employees weren't afraid to come to her if ever they had anything they needed to talk about. She'd had a dream a few weeks ago where she morphed into Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada, barking orders at everyone who worked for her and never taking the time to care about them as people, and had woken up in a cold sweat. She'd thought back to places she'd worked in the past; from her time as a waitress part-time whilst she was at college, her roles at Queen Consolidated, to her sales assistant position at Tech Village, about what was missing at each occupation, and a recurring theme amongst them all (except her position as Oliver's assistant), was a lack of trust and compassion in her relationships with her bosses. And above most things, trust was something Felicity had grown to realise was the foundation of any relationship; personal, professional or otherwise. Which is why she'd made it her goal for the rest of the year to build good relationships with her colleagues, hoping that for probably the first time in their occupational lives, they could have not only a boss who signed and authorized their paychecks, but one who said hello to them in every passing and asked how they were doing, pausing to really listen to their reply.

Pulling up her schedule for tomorrow, Felicity was pleased to find that her first meeting wasn't until 10:15am, meaning she could almost definitely sleep in a little. She'd got a lot of things done that afternoon that were on the agenda for tomorrow, so even though it would only be her second day at the office, she had no reason to feel guilty for being all too excited at the prospect of a morning that started just an hour or two before lunch.

Most of the people who worked on her floor had already left for the day and the quiet that had fallen across the building unnoticed by Felicity until now left her feeling pleasant and satisfied somehow. Now that she was aware of the almost silence, the clicking of her computer keyboard acted as a reminder that she should be heading home. After turning off her computer and collecting her phone and keys from her desk, Felicity took a few minutes to just breathe. Absentmindedly drifting to how vastly her life had changed over the last year, she found herself feeling profoundly peaceful. There was a routine forming, she could tell, one that she knew would keep her perfectly content for the rest of her life. Breakfast and dinner with Oliver every morning and night was the part of the routine she was most looking forward to, but the job satisfaction and promises of good friendships with the people around her excited her almost as much. All of this was her life now, and all of a sudden, everything that had happened to her in her life made absolutely perfect sense.

Pushing her chair out from her desk and standing up, Felicity switched off her office lights and locked the door behind her, calling a goodnight to the janitor who was unraveling the vacuum cord across the hall before stepping into the elevator and making her way down to the ground floor.

She had barely been home 5 seconds before Oliver's hands were around her waist, a kiss planted firmly on her lips. Pressing her forehead against his chest, Felicity smiled.

"I missed you," she whispered, kissing his neck softly.

A low hum followed by a kiss to the top of her head was his reply and she guessed it meant that he'd missed her too.

"How was your afternoon?" Oliver asked after a few moments of quiet as they embraced each other.

"Good, actually. I mean, I didn't freak out once and I got a huge chunk of tomorrow's work done so there's no reason I need to be in before my first meeting at 10:15 in the morning," she smiled as he unwrapped his arms from around her and leaned back against the wall as she took off her coat and shoes.

"You've survived your first day particularly well then," he smiled back, his eyes full of pride.

"I guess! And there were no apocalypses, so you were right, nothing that happened today was the end of the world," Felicity grinned, reaching up on her tiptoes to press a kiss on his mouth before heading into the living room.

"Your mom called, by the way," Oliver said as she curled up on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her and covering her lap with a blanket.

Felicity rolled her eyes and sighed.

"I told you she would! I knew she just wouldn't be able to leave it,"

Oliver took a seat beside her and Felicity scooted over and leaned her head against his chest as naturally as if she'd done it every single day of her life. He didn't say anything for awhile, just silently started twirling her ponytail while she thought to herself.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked once he felt her breathing soften, her body relaxing completely into him.

Sighing, Felicity sat up and leaned back against the back of the couch. Oliver took her hand and began tracing circles into her palm.

"I hate how she makes me feel, Oliver. I love her to death and I swear I'd take a bullet for her in a heartbeat but she just makes me feel like shit. Everything she says, I know she means well, but- fuck, see this is what I mean! I can't even have a conversation about how she makes me feel without feeling obligated to reassure myself and anyone around me that she's a good person deep down. I felt responsible for so fucking much that happened with my parents when I was a kid and I've just carried that with me my whole life and-" she stopped mid-sentence and exhaled deeply.

Oliver squeezed her hand tightly but kept quiet.

"It sounds so dumb out loud, all of this. This is why I never talk about it," she said quietly after awhile.

"It's okay," Oliver whispered. "I promise, none of this sounds dumb in the slightest,"

Felicity gave Oliver a grateful smile and reached up to untie the hairband that was holding her hair back. Letting her hair fall down around her shoulders, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes for a few seconds. Oliver ached to pull her into his arms but he knew she needed a little space to breathe and think or she'd never get whatever was upsetting her off of her mind.

"I've spent the last 15 years of my life analysing practically every single second of my life, obsessively, nearly every night before I fall asleep. And every time I feel like I'm close to figuring out why things happened the way they did, I think of something else and have to start all over again. It's so hard to explain but I really want to explain it to someone,"

Oliver smiled softly and kissed her temple lightly, reassuring her once again that it was okay.

"Even before my dad left, my family was weird," she began, the slightest hint of humour in her voice at her opening sentence disappearing almost as soon as it had emerged. "For as long as I can remember, it just always felt like we were never really in the same place, you know? Like there was always this sheet of glass between us, stopping us from ever being close to each other. And in a way, when my dad left I was happy because I thought it would make my mom and I closer. But it didn't, she just pushed me even further away. It was around then that I decided I'd just focus on school, I think. Studying never made me feel bad, because I was good at it. I could close the door and open my book and not think about anything else for hours. Before you go thinking that my mom neglected me, she didn't, not physically anyway. I mean, she kept a roof over my head and cooked my dinner every night and gave me money for new books and stuff. I guess I'd just have given all that up for her to hug me every now and then,"

She went quiet and sighed, her eyes closing again as she tried to summon up the strength to continue without crying.

"You never really can understand what not being held does to a child..." she mused, and Oliver wondered whether she'd meant to say that sentence out loud.

"I love you," he whispered, unable to stop the words slipping from his mouth.

She opened her eyes and smiled, a heartbreakingly small smile, squeezing his hand in response before continuing to talk.

"I blamed myself for my dad leaving, I blamed myself for the distance between my mom and I, I blamed myself for everything, and I had no one telling me I was wrong, you know? So the blame kind of just stuck. Anytime anything bad happened, it was like my brain was wired to pin the blame on me. So if ever I felt shitty about something, my automatic response was to think, 'it's your own fault, so quit being a baby about it'. I invalidated my every feeling, Oliver, and looking back, I don't know how I even lived with myself sometimes because I just always felt so fucking awful about everything. I messed myself up so bad for no reason, simply because I just didn't have anyone to talk to besides the stream of consciousness inside my head. And then, of course, I started to have anxiety attacks all the time. I mean, there's no wonder in hindsight, but at the time it was yet another thing I blamed myself for. I had every intention of never telling anyone how bad it was, and I would have kept that intention if it wasn't for my mom coming home early and finding me sobbing and practically clawing at myself one night. That sounded psycho, I know- I just did that sometimes. Like you know when the noise in your head is just so loud and it feels like you're suffocating from the inside out? I just had no other way of channeling my anger, so I took it out on myself. Anyway, it was weird, my mom seeing me like that. And just for that one night, I feel like she saw me for the first time and realised that none of it had been easy on me. That's when I started going to therapy I think. But like I've said before, it didn't help much at all and I knew it was expensive so I told my mom I was feeling better and that was that. I told her it was down to being nervous about moving away to college and she was eager to believe that so we could go back to how we were before. I think it made her uncomfortable, being around me in more than a superficial way. It sounds so mean to say that but I just mean that we existed around each other our whole lives and got used to never talking about more than stuff, so to have to acknowledge each other's feelings... I guess it was weird for both of us. When you live a certain way for so long, you just learn to accept that that's the way it will always be, I guess.,"

Oliver pressed several soft kisses to her temple again as she spoke, swallowing back the lump in his throat, unable to find any words he thought would even come close to making her understand how strong and brave he thought she was in that moment.

"Things started to get better though, I swear my whole life isn't that depressing. I found myself a lot in college and I made real friends- well, friends who were real at the time anyway. My mom was different too once I'd moved away; part of me likes to think that maybe my not being there made her miss me. And while things were never perfect by a long shot, whenever I came home for the holidays, we did stuff together. We started going to the movies or grabbing coffee before she went to work, just little stuff like that we'd never done before. We talked more, never about how we felt about what had happened, but about how we felt about each other I guess. And after that I started to see things differently and I slowly stopped blaming myself for every single thing that went wrong. I don't know how I did it, even now, but I did. Maybe it's one of those things that happens as you get older, you stop being so fucking hard on yourself... I don't know. I know now, that none of what happened to me or my mom was my fault deep down, and that life is just a fucking bitch sometimes, it just took a long time for me to get here. And even though I know that, I truly know it, it still affects me, you know? I'm the most pathetically jealous sociopath in my head sometimes, I've just learned to understand that what my head assumes, isn't always the truth. I've come a long way, but it still hurts, and I will always hate how much of my life I lost believing I was to blame for everything that went wrong. And I've just literally never talked about it to anyone until now and I think that in essence is the only thing truly wrong with anything,"

Felicity was suddenly aware of how long she'd talked without much pause, and how quiet and intently Oliver had listened beside her. Glancing over at him was all it took for the tears she'd been holding back to fall. Before she could even sob she was in his arms, wrapped tightly against his chest, soft kisses in her hair. He held her there for a long time as she cried, stroking her back and hair, whispering endlessly that everything was okay and that he was there, always.

Felicity couldn't find words for what she was feeling. Her emotions were a mixed up bundle of juxtapositions; somehow she was empty and whole, happy and sad, exhausted and revitalised all at the same time.

"Can you believe that the whole time I was talking I was reminding myself constantly to be brief?" she said after awhile once her tears had stopped and her breathing had returned to normal.

Oliver smiled, his smile growing even further as she lifted her head up from his chest and he saw that she was grinning too.

"You have no idea how much I love you," he whispered, pulling her face to his to kiss her hard on the mouth.

"If it's anything close to how much I love you, then it's a lot," Felicity smiled.

"How the hell have you made it this far in life without talking to anyone about any of that?" Oliver asked, tracing her right cheekbone with the side of his thumb.

"I've just never met anyone I allowed myself to trust. I've never met anyone who made me believe that I'm worth sticking around forever for. Until you,"

Oliver pulled her to his chest again, holding her there, feeling her heart against his, suddenly struck by how much trust she must have in him and how difficult it must have been for her to let herself be loved.

"You are home to me," she whispered against his neck. "When I have you, I have everything,"

It was another of those times where Oliver wasn't sure if she was aware that she'd spoken out loud and not just in her head. Oliver couldn't respond anyway, all he could do was pull her closer and try not to think about the moment when, for whatever reason, he'd have to let go.

They stayed like that for a long time, long enough that had Oliver not grown perfectly attuned to Felicity's breathing over the last few months, he would have almost definitely thought she'd fallen asleep. Pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head earned him the most heartwarming smile he'd ever seen before their mouths met again. Oliver intended on keeping the kiss gentle and slow but Felicity seemed to have other ideas, sucking first on his bottom lip and then on his tongue, pressing herself into him with all the strength she had. Breaking apart for air a minute or so later she smiled devilishly and looked up at him, fluttering her eyelashes. Running her tongue along her teeth she said,

"Now, didn't you say something earlier about getting me off as many times as I liked tonight?"