Slade looked up at the shattered monitor and glowered. "Somebody better start explaining what happened here by the count of ten or I will make you regret your very conceptions."
Almost immediately, the two pounced on the chance, words spilling from their lips like diarrhea as they scrambled to set the scene for their boss and master. Slade sighed impatiently and held up his hand. "One of you."
"Here's what happened." Robin began, crossing his arms over his chest. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he had the chance, Red butted in.
"No fair! If he tells it, he's going to make it sound like it's all my fault, which it isn't!" Red complained. Both of them stared at him.
"Then what do you suggest we do, Red? Hm?" Slade sighed.
"I think we should both get a chance to tell our sides of the story and then let Slade decide who is at fault." Red nodded proudly at his idea.
Robin sighed and rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"
"Very well." Slade agreed, to Robin's disbelief. "Both of you will give me an account of what caused the broken monitor and then I will choose who is at fault. You each have five minutes to tell me everything that happened." He glanced at the microwave clock and turned back to them. "Go."
"Okay, this is what happened:" Robin started.
"Robin…"
"Robin…"
"Robin…"
"ROBIN!"
"What?"
"You said you were going to play Mario Kart with me."
Robin's eye twitched. "In case it wasn't completely obvious, I'm busy." He said, gesturing to the stack of papers on the kitchen's island. "Slade said he wants to see significant progress before dinner."
Red sidled up to him and snatched up one of the sheets, looking it over. "Math?"
"They're codes. You know, for hacking into security systems?" Robin sighed. "Slade told me to memorize the first ten by this evening. He's going to quiz me tonight and I don't want to disappoint him."
Red pouted. "Come on, can't you take a break or something?"
Robin shook his head. "Not until I can hack into these software programs in my sleep."
"You're lame. Who cares about what Slade wants?" Red scoffed.
"I do. Now let me study." Robin ordered.
Red did go away for a while, but Robin only had a good thirty minutes of peaceful work time before his thoughts were interrupted once more by the sound of Red's loud, incessant humming.
"What are you doing now?" Robin sighed, shoving a hand through his hair in aggravation. At this rate, he was never, ever going to finish.
"Making lunch." Red replied, pulling a frozen pizza out of the fridge.
"You shouldn't be eating that. Slade wants us to eat healthy." Robin frowned. "He knows what's best for us."
"Whatever, I wasn't going to offer you some anyway." Red shrugged. "Those who don't play Mario Kart don't get pizza."
Robin rolled his eyes and looked back down at his paper, tapping his pencil on the counter top. He scribbled diligent notes in the margins as he read and reread each code with special care, implementing them in his mind. It wasn't too difficult, he was already rather gifted when it came to academics and as a result was a fast learner. Unfortunately, Red's clanging of pans and deliberately obnoxious humming kept him from being able to do his studies.
Red took a seat at the island with a plate piled with pizza and watched as Robin did his work, chewing idly on bite after bite of his pizza. A spot of sauce dripped onto one of the papers and Robin immediately snapped his head up to glare at him. "Will you just leave me alone and let me do my work?"
"Where's the fun in that?" Red asked as he polished off a third piece of pizza. He leaned over and looked at the paper Robin was currently working on. "Let me see that." He said, then without waiting for Robin's permission, snatched the worksheet off of the counter and held it up to his face with his grease covered fingers.
"Hey!" Robin snapped. "Give that back! You're getting it all dirty!"
"You want it back?" Red grinned teasingly, waving the paper around. "Play Mario Kart with me."
"No! I told you I have to finish my work!" Robin argued, getting out of his seat to reach for the paper. Red grinned and stood up, holding it high over his head as Robin hopped around, trying to grab at it.
"Cut it out or I'll push you." Red warned him. When Robin ignored him in favor of reaching for the paper, Red simply rolled up the paper to stick in the back of his pants, grabbed the front of Robin's diaper, and poured the ice water he'd been drinking down the front of it before giving Robin a hard shove.
Robin hit the ground hard enough to bruise and glared up at him, gritting his teeth as the cold violated his most sensitive areas, but he did not utter a single sound nor shed a tear. Instead he rose to his feet and pounced on Red, reaching for the paper in a display of perfect fighting technique. However, Red was too stubborn to let go and they wrestled their way over to the couch where inevitably, Robin retrieved his paper and Red tripped over the carpet like the big dumbass klutz he was and fell into the monitor, successfully destroying it while Robin, who was nowhere near the monitor, continued his homework.
"What a fucking liar!" Red laughed. "Are you serious? 'I don't want to disappoint him?' 'He knows what's best for us?' What complete and utter bull!"
"It's true!" Robin snapped, his face reddening.
"You are so full of shit." Red grinned, pointing a finger at Robin. "Do you really think anybody would by that bullshit story of yours?"
"Who do you think Slade's going to trust? Me, a righteous vigilante of good and justice? Or you, a conniving, selfish thief who lets others take the blame for his wrongdoing?" Robin glowered.
"You're crazy and probably the biggest liar in the world." Red chuckled. "Are you just too embarrassed to tell Slade what really happened?" He turned to Slade with a wide grin on his face. "Here's what really happened:"
Red entered the kitchen, having just returned from a few errands with the newest Mario Kart game in hand. Knowing Robin had been excited to play it, he had swung by the nearest game store to pick it up. He would be thrilled. After all, he'd been by himself all day, he had to be dying for some company.
However, when he entered the lair, Robin looked surprised, but bad surprised. "Red!" He gasped, quickly shuffling some papers around.
"What's up?" He asked curiously, leaning against the counter.
Robin grabbed a pencil, holding it upside down. "Nothing, just working on some codes that Slade gave me to memorize."
Red glanced down at the paper and saw what looked like a bunch of random orders, probably from the inspect element screen on the computer, but he said nothing. "Looks hard. How long have you been doing this?"
"Oh, like, all morning I guess." Robin said, looking a little stressed. Red frowned in concern.
"Maybe you should take a break and come back to it later. We can play this new game I bought." Red offered, showing him the cover.
"Uh, no thanks. I really need to finish this." Robin mumbled.
"Are you sure? You look tense." Red commented.
"I said I'm fine, now go." He said tersely.
Red held his hands up and shrugged. "Fine, I'll leave you alone." He nodded and gave Robin some room. He didn't return until lunchtime when his stomach started to growl. Red emerged from the hall and glanced over at Robin, who looked just as uncomfortable as the first time he saw him. Knowing better that to comment on his odd behavior, Red opened the freezer and pulled out a pizza.
While he waited for the pie to cook, Red didn't speak to Robin, who seemed absorbed in what appeared to be a bunch of scrap paper that the computer accidentally printed out. He hummed a little tune in attempt to lighten the mood, stopping to take the pizza out of the oven and place a few slices on his plate. He took a seat beside Robin and gestured to the pan. "Want some."
"No." Red detected a tiny bit of curtness in his tone and frowned.
"Fine." He shrugged. "I wasn't going to give you some anyway." He joked.
Robin blushed and squirmed in his seat, glancing nervously from his paper to Red, then back to his paper. It caught Red's attention and he was so focused on Robin's suspicious behavior that he never even noticed the tomato sauce dripping onto one of Robin's papers.
"Hey!"
Red looked down and started. "Oh shit! Sorry!" He quickly dropped his pizza onto his plate and grabbed a napkin, gathering the papers so that he could wipe them off.
"Hey! Stop that!" Robin yelped, reaching for the papers. "Leave them alone!"
"What's your deal? I'm trying to help! Why won't you just-
That's when he saw it peeking out from under the papers: a hastily hidden porno mag.
Without thinking, he reached over and snatched it up, staring at the tanned, muscular model on the front holding his brief-clad crotch as if it had the secrets to the world inside. "What is this?"
"Give it back!" Robin screeched, turning bright red. "You…you're getting grease stains all over it!"
Red broke out into a grin. "You weren't studying at all! You've been looking at porn this whole time haven't you?"
"Shut up!" Robin yelled, getting down from his chair and hurrying over to him. "Give it!"
"Play Mario Kart with me and I will, since you're obviously not busy doing anything important." Red smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"No!" Robin protested, delivering frantic blows to his stomach.
"Ow! Stop that! You're going to make me throw up my pizza." Red said as he held the magazine over his head. When Robin refused to stop, Red looked down at him and frowned. "I'm going to push you away if you don't cut that out." Robin persisted so Red shrugged and gave him an easy shove back, expecting him to quickly regain his balance. Instead he fell backwards and in his attempt to grab onto the table for balance, he knocked over Red's drink. His butt hit the floor just as the ice cold liquid soaked into the crotch of his diaper and Robin let out the loudest, keening whine Red had ever heard. He clutched his groin and whimpered, his eyes filling with tears at the unbearable iciness that now coddled his balls.
"Oh shit." Red gaped, holding a hand over his mouth to hide his smiling. "Are you okay?"
Instead of replying, Robin took Red off guard by throwing himself at the older boy like a crazy person and randomly pounding at him, tugging on hair and playing dirty. Red stumbled in effort to keep balance and brought them over to the living room to keep from destroying anything in the kitchen. In the effort to keep himself up, Red was forced to let his guard down and Robin was then able to grab the magazine and drop off of Red's back. Now dazed, Red tried to regain his balance, but before he could, Robin deserved one final kick to the stomach that sent him flying into the monitor.
"What? I didn't cry!" Robin shrieked. "And I most certainly was not looking at a porno mag!"
"Yes you were! You can't lie yourself out of this one." Red grinned.
"Where the hell would I even get a pornographic magazine? I'm not allowed to leave the lair!" Robin huffed.
"Well that's the kicker." Red smirked. "That magazine is mine. You stole it out of my dresser."
Robin blushed and sputtered indignantly. "There's no proof of that! If you're admitting it's your magazine, then you could easily just say I was reading it even though I wasn't and still be able to present Slade with some form of physical evidence." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You're the one who's full of shit, right Slade?"
"…"
"Slade?" Both boys looked over to find Slade sitting in front of the broken monitor. Through the cracks they were able to make out the security camera aimed at the kitchen and watched in various shades of gray as Red stole a magazine from Robin.
"See?" Red smirked. "Told you!"
"Hold on…" Slade murmured and continued watching. He watched as Red pushed Robin, who fell and brought the beverage spilling down into his lap. Finally, he watched Robin pounce off of Red's shoulders, who then proceeded to independently trip over the rug and fall into the monitor.
When it was over, Robin reddened and crossed his arms sullenly, waiting to hear the verdict.
"Robin, you lied about a majority of the events." Slade stated. Red cast Robin a smug glance. "Red, you antagonized Robin, who shouldn't have been looking at porn, which was yours in the first place." He glanced from Robin to Red and watched as the boys leaned forward in anticipation.
"You are both punished." He decided. "Robin: you will be given an early bedtime for the next two weeks. Eight thirty. You will be bathed, double diapered, and ready for bed by seven." He watched as Robin's expression fell. "And, since you hate to disappoint me so much, you will be given fifty security codes to memorize by the end of the week. Once those are complete, you will get fifty more."
Slade then turned to Red. "Since you were the one irresponsible enough to leave something as filthy as pornography around where a minor could find it, you will be in charge of all housekeeping for the next two weeks. That includes getting Robin ready for bed. You must also discard any and all pornographic material from the premises. I will be checking."
"No!" Red moaned. "Not my precious mags! Please!"
Slade looked down at him severely. "Case closed."