PREFASE:
It has been over a month since I last updated and I apologize. With this last section I will tie up loose ends. In what would have been three chapters is now summarized. Ben has become even more withdrawn with the company being able to stand on its own, so he decides on whether or not he should make it a publicly traded company placing the control into a more seasoned member of the board. This angers Ricky who still believes that he should be the one in charge of the company.
Adrian still hasn't given up on Ben and relays what happened between them to Clementine who is shocked at Ben's actions, and his declaration about Amy. It is also a shock to Tess, who knows Ben better than most, but refuses to reveal his secrets to anyone since he trusted them to her. Ricky and Amy are arguing because it is discovered that he had an affair on a business trip and the woman he slept with may have had his child. This news comes as a shock to everyone specifically Ricky. It is also discovered y Clementine that Ben found out about the affair, and tried to cover it up, by paying the young woman Victoria $250,000.00 but she was greedy and asked for more or else.
Clementine: Ben, I don't understand you how could you pay this woman off? Don't you have any integrity?
Ben: Clementine, what are you getting mad at me for. I was only trying to help.
Clementine: That's what I can't figure Ben who were you trying to help? Ricky is not one of your biggest fans, and I know that goes the same for you. So why on earth would you try and protect him. He has never done anything for you at all, and yet here you are covering for him. This could ruin his marriage to Amy and let you come in and take her. I mean isn't that what you wanted, another chance with Amy.
Ben: Amy, why on earth would you think I wanted Amy Clementine.
Clementine: Because that is what you told to Adrian, when she followed you to the grave yard after Chloe's wedding.
Ben: Its been ten years, and like always no one in this town can keep a secret. (Ben scoffs)
Clementine: Ben, if that is not the case then why did you turn Adrian away like that and profess your love for Amy, only to try and hide Ricky's dark secret about his other child, and the affair he had. This makes no sense.
Ben: Well, since you obviously won't let this go and you are my other assistant I might as well give tell you so you can drop this whole mess, and concentrate on work. (Ben then opens a desk drawer, and takes out an album. He holds it for a moment, then passes it to Clementine) This is the truth Clementine. This is only suppose to be between you and me. I don't want what I show and tell you to leave this office.
Clementine: Ben if what I have talked about with everyone was so private. I should have been more sensitive, and respectful of your life, and your feelings I'm sorry. You don't have to show or tell me anything. You don't owe me an explanation, or anything else. I owe you for this job, and this opportunity. You're my boss, and I'm your employee. I should have never overstepped my boundaries as your assistant. Please forgive me.
Ben: Clementine its alright, and understandable. You are more than my assistant you're my friend. You are also one of the few people in this world who I know I can depend on and trust. So please just look at this and let me explain.
Clementine: Okay, if you wish. (She takes the binder and looks at the cover which is in a beautiful design pattern with a picture of Adrian, Ben, Ricky, Jack, Ashley, Amy, Lauren, Madison, and John on the front. Inside she sees pages, and mementos through out the pages. Alson in them she discovers notes and pages of what looks like a journal inside beside each memento.) Ben what is this?
Ben: That is my journal. it details everything about me, my life, and the people in it. When I was a kid, my mom gave this notebook, and told me to put down all of my dreams, fears, thoughts, doubts, memories, and worries into that book. When ever I have problems, or I face a challenge or I just experience something new in my life I write it down, and place mementos of my life into that book. My mom gave it to me because she said that it would serve as a guide to my children, so if anything ever happened to me they would be able to read it, and understand who I was. That way they would know I wasn't perfect, that I had my flaws, I made mistakes, and so they could learn from them. I never really understood why my mother did that, until I my dad told me how my mom, and my grandparents were all alcoholics. I always pictured my mom as perfect, and even though it was hard for me to take in, it allowed me to become closer to her.
I used this journal at first to keep my mom close to me, and let her know what my life was like, and how I was doing. It was the only way I felt I could be close to her. When I was with Amy I stopped writing in my journal when I found out she was pregnant with Ricky's child. I did that because I felt ashamed because I knew Amy was only with me because of my family's money.
Clementine: Ben, I'm sure it was more to her interest in you than your family's money.
Ben: No, Clementine it wasn't. I wish everyday that there was, but it wasn't. I knew it wasn't because of how Amy treated me through out our relationship. Amy grew to care about me, but she never loved me. If she had she would have put in just as much effort into our relationship as I did.
Clementine: So, what does your journal have to do with all this.
Ben: My journal held all the secrets about myself from myself. Whenever I felt bad, or knew that I was being used I would write it down. That way I could keep the secret about what I really knew about people from myself. My journal Clementine is probably my best friend in the world. I can tell it any secret, and it would keep them. It holds the truth about everyone in my life, and all my mistakes, its also the thing that made me start writing. there are secrets in there about myself that I don't even remember existed. That is how I was able to deal with my life Clementine. Its how I was able to be in a relationship with Amy despite the fact she didn't love me, and she was pregnant with another man's child. Its how I was able to be there beside Adrian, and marry her. Then able to stay by her side when our child died. Its how I was able to withstand losing her, and our marriage. It helped me cope with realizing that Henry, Alice, and I weren't really friends. Its how I dealt with being stuck as the loser compared to Ricky. Its how I dealt with the disappointment my dad had for me. Read this, and then you will understand more about me than any person in the world, myself included (smiling). Then give it back to me. Never ask me about anything you've read, or what secret you have uncovered because not even I read my journal. This journal is my secret life, and I want it to stay that way secret even to me. You are only one in three people that have ever read it, so think yourself lucky.
Clementine: Who were the other two, if I'm the third?
Ben: Chloe was the first, and Tess was the last.
PROFASE:
Clementine then takes the journal home with her where she reads it for six days. Each day she would return to work only to look at Ben, and wonder, about some item she had read in the journal. Ben would notice her stares, but disregard them and not worry about what secret she had uncovered about him. What Clementine discovered about Ben, made her cry in many sections of the journal. She thought that what she and Ricky endured growing up as orphans was difficult, but Ben's life was no different in some instances she understood how it was worse. Ben dealt with bullies for years of his life, and he would hide his beatings, from his father, and friends. He was ridiculed throughout his high school life the moment everyone found out Amy was pregnant. Ben would spend a lot of time unknown to his friends family, and even Amy hiding the graffiti being written about him, Amy, and even Ricky. He even paid people to not spread rumors about all of them.
His relationship with Adrian was no different, he even paid some people to go to Adrian's baby shower unknown to Amy, and Grace. When he and Adrian broke up, and she was living with Omar the rumors about Ben and his life got worse, however Ben didn't stop these rumors. She was near tears when she realized Ben spent his senior year in high school in total shame. What shocked her was Ben even paid to keep the secret of Ricky cheating in school from ever being realized when he paid Joe Hampton $1,000.00 to never tell that he wrote all of Ricky's papers his Freshmen year. It amazed her how he could do so much for all of these people, and no one Henry, Alice, Adrian, Jack, Ricky, Amy, or even his own father realized what he was dealing with on a daily basis for all of them. Ben was ridiculed primarily because it seemed as everyone was rewarded by his dad for hurting his son. Ben loved Leo so much he didn't have the heart to tell his own father he hated him, and he had every right to hate him. In Leo's attempt to do good for others it did harm to his own son. Leo never thought that paying for Ricky after Amy and he started dating would make Ben look like a loser to everyone. Adrian was no different by dumping Ben and going after Ricky, sleeping with Henry, and living with Omar she made him a resident joke. Amy was just as bad if not worse, but Ben kept all the rumors and ridicule against them at bay and suffered for them on his own.
When she got to the part about the affair Ricky had with Victoria, she learned that Victoria had left a message for Ricky that accidentally got sent to Ben. When this happened he swore not to let John the young boy whom Ben felt was the closest thing he would ever be allowed to having a child be hurt. So Ben paid Victoria's blackmail on Ricky's behalf, however when she learned who Ben was she wanted more, and went to Ricky directly when Ben refused to pay. When Clementine finished reading the journal she cried for him. When Clementine went back to work the next week she returned the journal. She placed it on his desk and looked him in the eye. What she saw nearly broke her heart, she saw then Ben's stone glare that allowed him to deal with his life, but after reading his journal she realized the stoney glare held back his sadness, his anger, and his pain. She now understood why Ricky and Ben could never like one another it was because they were exactly the same. The difference was Ben was his own enemy, he made himself suffer the way Bob made Ricky suffer. But Ricky unlike Ben found a light into his dark life that was given to him by everyone that he loved, Amy, Adrian, his parents, John, and Leo. Ben on the other hand was driven into the darkness by everyone he loved. Amy, Adrian, Henry, Alice, Ricky, and Leo. They were both two sides of the same coin.
Clementine: Ben...
Ben: Yes, Clementine? (giving her that stone glare and forcing her to remember his words...(Read this, and then you will understand more about me than any person in the world, myself included. Then give it back to me. Never ask me about anything you've read, or what secret you have uncovered because not even I read my journal. This journal is my secret life, and I want it to stay that way secret even to me.)
Clementine: Would you like some coffee? (She decided that if this is how Ben wished to live his life in order to cope she should not interfere, because she had no right.)
Ben: Yes, I would love a cup of coffee.(smiling knowing that she would keep his secret.)
I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
My God
Amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises, just write it into an album
Seen it straight to go
I don't really like my flow, no, so
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm a tell you everything
So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away
All my secrets away
AUTHORS NOTE: Later it was discovered that Victoria's son Victor is not Ricky's son, she paid someone to alter the lab results, this ends Ricky's frustration with her but not with Amy. In my next update Ben will have a conversation with Amy. It will also have an argument between Ricky and Amy. It will then return to an argument between Ben and Ricky.