THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER is owned and property of Brenda Hampton, and the producers of ABCFAMILY CHANNEL. The characters involved in this story are totally fictional as are the situations, the plot involved with this story however is mine.

Sorry I Can't be Perfect

May 23, 2019
Sunday Oakwood Cemetary
1:46 PM

Ben stood at his family plot looking over the names of his grandfather Stephen Leone Boykevich, his grandmother Ramona Tyler Boykevich, his dad Leonardo S. Boykevich, his mother Sarah Helen Boykevich, and his daughter Mercy Lee Boykevich. He stood thinking of the three generations of Boykevich's that were buried in this cemetary, and how the rest were buried in Italy.

He was the last the very last of a once proud and strong bloodline. Now he was here all alone, the Prince of the Boykevich Meat Kingdom, a king by his own hand of his own magazine TiC ToC. He had all of this, and he felt he had nothing at all. Adrian hadn't spoken with him since that day in her office a week ago, and he feared by calling her she would feel pressure from him. Waiting for her to respond was agonizing, but he was distracted from that with decision the board had on what to do with the company.

In one month the decision would be made, and either a new C.E.O. would be chosen or elected, or the company would become free reign. meaning the board and shareholders would be in charge of their own destiny.

Free, that is what he wanted to be when he left this city. Free to have fun, free to live his life by his terms, not by his father's. Free to make friends he knew he could trust without worry of being betrayed, or fear that they were using him. Free to find love without question, doubt, or guilt, but he couldn't find that. He never knew why. Even though he trusted Tess, Eli, and Marcus as if they were family, he still did not feel the bond he once had with Henry, and Alice. He also no matter how hard he tried could overcome the feelings he had thought he put aside for Adrian, and Amy.

He used to blame so many of the problems he felt he had on his father. Leo had to be rich, had to be successful, and had to make his son learn humility. He felt he had enough humilty, but what he endured at Grant High wasn't humility it was humiliation. The name calling, the ridicule, the whispers, the rumors, the laughing. All because he had to be the better man. Now he realized that much of that humiliation was his own doing for always acting before he thought about the consequences. Well for every action there is a re-action, and now he was living the re-action of all of it.

Chloe: Hey, I thought I'd find you here.

Ben: I didn't know I was lost.

Chloe: Yeah, you were. You've been lost since the before I met you Ben. I'm just glad you are starting to find your way back to us. I really missed you.

Ben: I missed you guys too. But just because I'm here now doesn't mean I'll stay.

Chloe: I know, but at least now I know you won't stay gone for very long, and I know you're no longer angry.

Ben: No, I'm not angry anymore, now I'm just guilty.

Chloe: Guilty, about what Ben?

Ben: About everything, leaving, my anger, and not being here for dad when he needed me...

Chloe: I guess you are both a like in that way, I'm glad I don't share genes with you or I would never be able to live with myself.

Ben: I guess you are in that respect, but what would dad have to be guilty about?

Chloe: You. He always felt guilty for having you go through so much. He felt even worse when he got back from New Guinea. He was almost heart broken. What happened between you two over there? (looked intently at Ben waiting for an answer)

Flashback November 20, 2017
New Guinea General Hospital South Africa
Room of Ben Boykewich 11:13 PM

Leo sits at the right side of Ben's bed by the door waiting for him to awaken. He looks at how much like Sarah's father Benjemen Helen. Ben looks. Ben had grown in weight and muscle finally. He also had a beard for not having shaved in a month. He smiled remembering a picture of Sarah's father who was once an Irish Boxer, Ben the Saint of Fist Helen. Sarah saw that Ben was his descendant the moment she saw his hair. Now he saw the full resemblence in Ben as he lay there asleep.

Leo: Your mother would be so proud of you son for the man you have become. I know I am...

Ben: uuuuuunh... Tess?

Leo: Ben, son you're awake...(pleased to see Ben awake he had been unconscious from the drugs since he arrived after Ben's operation.)

Ben: Dad, what are you doing here where is Tess, Marcus, or Eli? (confused & groggy from the operation and drugs)

Leo: There fine, I told them that it was okay for them to go to there hotel rooms, and sleep.

Ben: How late is it? (reaches for a glass of water, but stress from his movement irritate his stomach) aaahhh. (touches his stomach from the stitches.)

Leo: Settle back Ben, I've got it. (pours a glass of water, and helps Ben drink it.) It's past 11 at night. You've been out of it for quite some time.

Ben: (seems irritated at needing Leo's help, but drinks the water) Thankyou. Well if it is 11 at night here that mean's it's eight o'clock in Canada, and I've lost time, but why are you here again.

Leo: Ben, I'm your father and you were ill where else would I be, but here by your side.

Ben: Dad, I don't need you here. I'm not a child any more, and I can take care of myself now.

Leo: Ben, I know that as your father that still doesn't mean that I don't worry about you. You're my son and I love you.

Ben: (turns away at that one word) Dad, I'm fine I just inhaled a parasite, and my body couldn't fight it, but I'm okay you should get back to California and take care of Camille, and Chloe.

Leo: Ben, Chloe, and Camille are both fine. They would have been here themselves, but I got Camille to take care of my meetings, and Chloe is still taking her final graduates exams. I'm here for you because we're family and that is what family does.

Ben: But, I don't need it. I don't need your pity.

Leo: Ben. This isn't pity. You're my only son, and I love you.

Ben: Will you stop calling me that, God I hate it when you call me that.

Leo: What...? Calling you my son? Ben...

Ben: Yes! I'm so sick of every time you call me that word when we both know it's a lie. (becomes angry as the grogginess clears from his head.)

Leo: Ben?

Ben: Dad, I'm not your son anymore. I haven't been your son for a very long time now and you know it. You have a new son now, and you know who I'm talking about. (sits up and places his hand over his stomack to ease the pain)

Leo: Ben, how could you still after all of this time be jealous of Ricky. Haven't you left all of that in the past. Let it go son. (places his hand on Ben's shoulder)

Ben: (removes his hand from his shoulder) I did let it go. I let it go the moment I left Glen Valley, and why I don't go back. So why did you come here.

Leo: So, that is the reason you don't come home. You do it because you left us. Ben, we're your family. We love and care about you.

Ben: And Ricky. That is why you call him son isn't it. That is why you invited him over for Christmas. That is why you upgraded him throught the company so quickly isn't it. I decided a long time ago that I was never going to beat him for Amy, Adrian, the company, or you. So I decided to have my own. So I left. I left and created my own life away from him, you, and all of them.

Leo: Ben everything I did for Ricky is because he needed someone to help him and to guide him.

Ben: And I didn't. You were the one that kept telling me about love, and how mom and you had that. I believed that lie. Love is not what you needed. You gave him every advantage, and took every advantage from me. (Stomach begins to hurt)

Leo: Ben, you were from a wealthy family, I thought by giving him the same advantage I made it fair.

Ben: Fair for who? How was giving him a job at the delhi making things fair? How did having my grandparent's apartment make anything fair? How was constantly massaging his ego and praising him for doing anything making things fair. He had Shakur, George, and even Bob as a father. He had Nora, Margaret, and even Bunny as a mother. He was already Amy's first, and John's father, not too mention he had Adrian and every girl in that school obsessed with him. So how was that fair to me? How was it fair that I had to be the one to fix all the problems he caused while he got the reward.

Leo: Ben he made mistakes, but so did you.

Ben: Have you ever asked why did I make those mistakes dad? Why did Adrian come to my car that night? Why did Amy continuously call me after I tried to break up with her? Why did Adrian want to divorce me? Why did she sleep with Henry that night at the graduation party? Why did Ashley leave her home and everything she knew to go to a country full of strangers speaking a strange language? You and everyone else judge me as some idiot who just couldn't get it right. But I was only doing what I had to help everyone. Even you.

Leo: ME! How were you helping me?

Ben: Who was the best man at both of your weddings? Who had to love and accept every woman, and person you brought into your life? Who had to give you advice about asking a woman who has loved you since before my mother died, out on a date. You all keep thinking that I did all of this because I was selfish. If I was so selfish Dad, name one thing I got out of everything I went through. Name one time I stopped feeling guilty for every mistake I made. Name one time Ricky ever felt guilty for what he did. Have you or anyone else ever considered what would have happened if I didn't make any of my mistakes?

Leo: Ben, Ricky suffered a lot as a child, and that made him feel things differently.

Ben: Don't give me that. I lost my child before she was born, and I didn't treat people the way he did. I am so sick of all of you using that crap as an excuse for him. But, that is who he is. He is the one all of you want, I'm just the one all of you need. But, I don't need or want any of you, so leave. I don't need you here with me.

Leo: Ben, you are my son, I will always be there for you.

Ben: Really then where were you when my daughter died?

Leo: Benjamin. How could you say that to me? (tears coming to his eyes) You know I was there for you every day. I went to therapy with you.

Ben: (crying himself) No you were there for everyone else, not me. Name one time that you asked me about how I felt. Name one time you went to her grave since her funeral. When did you take me aside and ask how I was dealing with all of it? You could always ask about Adrian, but not me. She was my daughter too, and you all forgot that. Name one time you even spoke her name, or even asked me why did I give her that name. I go to her grave and mom's grave every year how many times have you gone there?

Leo: (feeling guilty because he realises Ben was right he didn't do any of that) All I can say is I'm sorry Ben, and hope that you forgive me.

Ben: I forgive you. But I can never forget.

Leo: I guess then, that I don't belong here and you don't need me.

Ben: No, I don't. So just leave.

Leo: (gets up to leave, heads to the door. He turns to say something, but doesn't. He walks out with tears leaving his face feeling though he has lost his son)

END OF FLASHBACK

Chloe: Ben what happened?

Ben: Dad, and I had a falling out.

Chloe: Was that all?

Ben: That's all I'm going to be able to admit to now.

Chloe: One day I hope you'll be able to tell me more.

Ben: One day I will. Could you give me a minute.

Chloe: Sure. (kisses the graves of Leo, Sarah, and Mercy and leaves a white lilly on each before she leaves.)

Ben: I'm sorry Dad. But, I guess you know that already...(starts crying)

Authors Note: Please have the song PERFECT by SIMPLE PLAN

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

Ben begins to remember his childhood of being read books by his father.
Ben remembers learning to ride a bike with Leo running beside him and
guiding the bike until he let's go with Sarah smiling by his side as they watch hm ride away.

And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Ben remembers going on a picnic with his parents, and watching fireworks.
Ben remembers Christmas morning of opening gifts to find the toy car he wanted that his dad had helped him race with.

cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Ben remembers sitting beside his father at his mothers's bedside as she looks so weak and sick.
Ben rembers holding his father's hand at the grave when they laid his mother to rest, and seeing his father cry for the first time in his life.

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero
All the days you spent with me
Now you seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

Ben remembers his dad taking he and Alice on the fishing trip in toronto.
Ben remembers his dad standing and clapping as he graduated from middle school.

And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Ben remembers his dad and he talking about Amy, and how he should be cautious, and about how he and his mother fell in love. Ben remembers how he and his dad debated love with Mr. Molina in his office when he said he wanted to marry Amy.

cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Ben remembers his dad rushing into the hotel room after he and Amy were married, and the talk they had after. He remembers how he and Leo held John together the day he was born.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again (right again)
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand (you don't understand)

Ben remembers the day he stood by his dad as he married Betty, and how he learned Adrian was pregnant that day. Ben remembered telling Leo about the pregnancy.

cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Ben remembers his dad talking to him about him marrying Adrian, and of the handkerchief he gave him from his mother. He remembers Leo standing by his side as he married Adrian. He remembers the sad look of his fathers eyes as he told his dad his daughter had died.

cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Ben remembers the sad look on his fathers face the last day they spoke to one another. He feels guilty, and ashamed of the things he said to Leo, and of his actions over the past ten years.