June 1, 2021
Tuesday 9:30 AM
CALIFORNIA STATE PENAL INSTITUTION

The Man in the Mirror Part 1

Ricky looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, and unlike every other time where he just looked to see how well he looked physically. This time he looked at the man that looked back at him. What he saw disturbed him, because the image he saw was one that he hated. He looked at a man that hated a person who he owed everything he had to. Ben was small when he first met him, accept for his height he was mostly scrawny. But for some reason he felt intimidated by Ben. He hated that feeling, the feeling of being inferior, or small. The feeling of being less than anyone. He hadn't felt that way since he was a child, and Ben made him feel like that, and that made him hate Ben with a passion.

He thought at first it was because Ben came from a wealthy family, he later assumed it was because of Leo. So Ricky spent years of his life from the moment he met Ben until the day he fought with Ben in Leo's old office taking away everything that he believed made Ben better than him. Now he realized he felt intimidated by Ben not because of his wealth, or his father. He felt intimidated by Ben for being Ben. Ben was strong, confident, and unlike Ricky he didn't care about what others thought of him. Ben knew he was ridiculed for being in a relationship with Amy, but that never stopped him from loving her. Ben didn't do that because he wanted to get attention, or praise he was there for Amy because he loved her, and he loved the child that grew inside of her. His son John.

He hated that. To realize he hated Ben for loving his son, and caring for his son even before him. He still remembered the day John was born and how Ben was there. He felt angry that Ben was there, but at the same time he was happy he was there. He didn't know if he would have had the strenghth Ben did to stand in the room with Amy as she endured the greatest pain a young girl could experience, because of his selfish behavior. Some people would laugh at Ben for fainting the way he did, but Ricky envied him. He envied Ben for being able to go in the room, and try to be there for her. Ben didn't have to be there for Amy or John, they were never his responsibility, but he still chose to be there for them. He was there because he loved and cared about both, Amy and John. That is what he hated most about Ben, his ability to be there for people, and love them.

After that day he spent his life trying to emulate Ben, his only problem was he didn't know how. He spent three years working with him, talking to him, and pretending to be his friend to learn what it is that made Ben Boykewich, Ben Boykewich. He thought it was Leo so when Leo began to take an interest in him, he jumped on the opportunity to prove himself to Leo, and he soon realized that Leo was not as special as he appeared. Although he was a good man, and loving, he like many could be fooled into believing his false sense of maturity. Leo, his parents, even Amy's parents believed he had become this super mature, responsible, and loving man, that could do know wrong. Trouble was he wasn't that man, he was just as troubled as Ben. The difference he had thier support, and understanding to be troubled. Ben did not.

He could easily go to his mother, his father, Dr. Fields, Leo, Bunny, Nora, or even Adrian's Dad for support and advice, and they would do what ever they could to help him. Ben either didn't have that ability, or he never trusted them enough to be that much use, whatever the reason Ben chose to keep his own pain inside. Ricky knew that Ben doing that was a mistake, but he was selfish, and if Ben chose ignore the pain he was feeling after losing his daughter, Adrian, Amy, and everything else, then it was his problem, not his. It was that thought that made Ricky hate himself even more. Because it was that attitude that made him inferior to Ben. Ben would never be that selfish with people. He would help a stranger on the street if they needed it, and Ricky never had that type of heart to care like that for anyone without a reason. The worst part he knew the reason why he felt like that. He felt that way because that is what his father taught him to do.

Bob, was a selfish horrible man who never cared about the pain he caused to he or his mom. Bob hated both he and Nora, and Ricky never knew why so now today he would get an answer. Ricky hoped today that answer would solve the problems that plagued his existance. He hoped today he would finally do the one thing he could never do, and be able to look at himself in the mirro, and be proud of who he saw. Ricky ran water into his hands washed his face, and dried it with a paper towel. He then walked outside to the front desk, and talked to the guard in charge.

Prison Guard: Yes, can I help you.

Ricky: Yes, I'm here to see a prisoner Bob Underwood. My name is on the list.

Prison Guard: Are you a relative.

Ricky: Yes, I'm his on. Ricky Underwood.

Prison: Are you sure you want to do this. He's housed in Prison Block B:, and that block is reserved for sexual offenders, mostly child molesters, and rapist.

Ricky: Yes, I know. Under California State Law I'm allowed to see him. Under the Victim's Rights' Act.

Prison Guard: So, you were...

Ricky: Yes. (looks away ashamed to admit he was molested, but looks back. He was tired of looking away. Everytime he looked away, Bob won. He would no longer be ashamed of what Bob did to him, it was not his fault or his sin, it was his father's) Yes, my father abused me as a child I'm here to get closure.

Prison Guard: Well, good for you. Unlike many others, they get closure that ends with them on the other side of this glass. It's nice to see someone learn a new way.

Ricky: Thank you.

Prison Guard: Don't thank me kid, thank yourself for having the courage to overcome your past.

Ricky was then led into a private visitation area, where he was sat on the other side of a two way glass with a voice monitor

Bob: Yeah, yeah, so whose here to see me? (goes into the adjoining meeting room, and is shocked to see his now 27 year old son seated in the adjoining room.) Well, well, well. Look whose here my little Ricky Ricardo. So you've come to spring your old man from prison after all these years, or have you finally come to gloat. Or have you missed those special times we used to have back when you were young (smiling as he saw Ricky flinch at the reminder of his childhood). What's the matter Ricky? Don't tell me you came all this way, and you haven't got anything to say.

Ricky: No, I have a lot too say. I have to say, I hate you. I hate what you did to me, and my mother for years. I hate how you could call yourself, a man and do what you did to your own son. You are a horrible man, and I hate you.

Bob: (clapping his hands) Well, you've said it. Now have you got that off your chest can I go back to my cell now?

Ricky: No, you can't go back to your cell because I need...

Bob: Need what, a hug. I would be glad to oblige, and more. But this glass wall and the armed security would frown on that.

Ricky: I need to know why? Why, would you do what you did to me, and my mother. I need to know what horrible thing did I do to you to make you hate me so much that you would do that to me. Why would you make me hate myself from the time I was eight years old until now. Why you beat, and raped my mother til she would start using drinking, using drugs, and hurting herself? I want answer's, and I want them now. (glares angrily at Bob, and tears come to his eyes.)

Bob: Answers, huh. You want to know why, well I'll tell you why, but you have to do something for me in return.

Ricky: I don't have to do anything. You owe me an answer, and I want one.

Bob: Sorry Ricky this is prison, and nothing here is free. If you get my pun. So you either agree or leave. (Ricky get's up)

Ricky: (looks at him and glares, but sits back down.) What do you want?

Bob: I want to see a picture of my grandkids.

Ricky: What? Not in a million years you sick perverted son of a bitch.

Bob: Hey, you came here to see me for answers, not the other way around.

Ricky: I will not let you see a picture of my kids, so your sick ass can pleasure yourself to their image.

Bob: What harm can a look do Ricky. I'm just curious about what they look like.

Ricky: Why would you be curious about my kids.

Bob: They're my grandson's I would like to know if they got any of their looks from there pop.

Ricky: My kids have two grandfather's two good men, who love and care for kids like the good father's do for their kids. Something you will never be.

Bob: Oh, don't forget their Grandpa Leo.

Ricky: How do you know about Mr. Boykewich?

Bob: I know alot about your life Ricky. I keep tabs.

Ricky: If you know so much then why do you want to see a picture, of my kids.

Bob: I've heard things, I've never seen anything. Sex offenders are forbidden to use the internet.

Ricky: What?

Bob: Other inmates can use computers, sex offenders are forbidden. Funny, the guy I paid to check you out on facebook, killed four people, and he gets to use the internet but not me.

Ricky: How much about my life do you know. (felt shocked, angry, and betrayed. To find out that his use of social media, gave Bob the ability to keep tabs on his life)

Bob: Oh, I know alot. That wife of yours, and your mom really like posting pictures and broadcasting about you. But, you can't blame em they are so proud of you. So am I you really pulled a number on everybody. You got that rich fat cat, what was it "The Sausage King" to kick out his own kid, and make you his.

Ricky: Leo didn't do that, he and Ben just had a few problems.

Bob: Who are you trying to fool Rick. I know all about how you got that kid to take care of that pregnant slut of yours while she was pregnant, and you had your fun with that little latina whore. Then when you got her pregnant, you got him to do it again by tricking that idiot to actually think it was his.

Ricky: I didn't do anything that was Ben's baby.

Bob: Yeah right. Out of all the times you fucked her, and she gets pregnant by him after one time. Come on Rick. You can't con, a con artist. (laughing.)

Ricky: You aren't a con artist you're drug using, alcoholic, wife beating child molesting bastard.

Bob: And you're my son. So what does that make you? (he sneered at his son as he said that)

Ricky: (looked at Bob angrily) I'm nothing like you, I'm better than you. I'm a better man than you will ever be.

Bob: Really, and how are you a better man than me.

Ricky: Because unlike you, I'm there for my kids, and I have never hit my wife. I don't spend my money on drugs, and booze. I have never once been anything less than a father to my kids.

Bob: Now you are deluding yourself about me. I'm a child molester, but the correct term for me is sexual offender. You should remember whatever therapist you have that a sexual offender doesn't commit their acts for sexual gratitude. They do it to have power over another human being. Or they do it as a predisposition to their own memories. Now the question is what am I? Why did I do bad things you and your mother. Only by answering this can you really decide if you are a better man than me, or just a better offender. Because if you actually believed you were better than me, you wouldn't be here. So stop the bullshit, Son, and show me a fucking picture of my grand kids.

Ricky: (looked at Bob with fury because he was right. Ricky opened his wallet, and took out the picture of John, and jamie in suit and tie that he kept in his wallet) One look. (he held the picture up to the window).

Bob: (he looked at the picture and for a moment something appeared in his eyes that Ricky could not describe, but it quickly disappeared as he snatched the picture away into his wallet as Bob lifted his hand toward the picture) The little one looks like my mom.

Ricky: (shocked to hear this through out his childhood Bob never once spoke of his parents) Who?

Bob: Well in here you give a little to get a little. I guess I should give you the answer you're lookin for. But, I have to warn you Ricky the answer's I give you, won't be the answer's you want to hear...

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well I will give you more on this story and other's on a much sooner date. To all Ricky Fans I apologize if you found the beginning offensive to Ricky's personality.