sorry I haven't updated for a while...
Chapter 7- The fake poop
It was the sunrise after Shadedleaf had scared Riverclan away. She was pretty sure that no one knew about it though. The pale, milky sky slit through the gaps in the warriors den, reaching the dappled she-cat's eyes. Her green gaze flicked around the den, checking her surroundings. She got up and stretched, and she walked out into the clearing. Perfect timing, she thought, as she saw Firestar leap onto the Highledge, farting.
"Let all cats old enough to fart... I mean catch their own prey, gather around the Highledge for a fart...clan meeting." Firestar's gaze swept challengingly over all of the cats in the clearing. He continued, "It has came to my attention that our farting patrols have not spotted any Riverclan cats since last night. I know that this doesn't concern us, but I still want you to keep a lookout." He paused. "Dismissed."
As Shadedleaf walked over to the fresh-kill pile, she got a marvelous idea. The dappled tabby's eyes lit up and she turned towards the rockpile leading up to Firestar's den. Before she headed up the pile of rocks, she sadly glanced behind her, and her mouth watered at the tempting scent of a warm chocolate chip cookie. She shook her head and nearly tripped over every stone on the rockpile.
Once she reached the den she peered through the lichen and meowed calmly and respectfully (believe me it was hard), "Firestar, may I talk to you?" After Shadedleaf heard a short reply she strode into the den. Her smooth, glossy fur didn't shine in the dark and quiet den. She sniffed, it smelled like old man and death.
The fiery orange tom cleared his throat, indicating her to speak.
"Firestar," Shadedleaf started smoothly, "Starclan has sent me a dream."
Firestar perked his ears, "Did they say that a new season of Bill Nye was coming out on Netflix?"
"Um, no."
"Starbucks delivers?"
"No, Firestar-"
"Wait, one more guess." Firestar thought. "Oh, did they say my daughters would get high on cupcakes and burn the camp down and Thunderclan would have to live in the Twoleg nest and then I would save us all by farting toxic gas to kill off all the other clans so we could have the whole lake to ourselves?"
Shadedleaf paused, clearly confused on what went through her leader's mind. "No," she started, "they told me that they have an important message for you and that you need to go to the moonpool tonight."
"Oh," he was devastated. But he lightened up as he said, "I wonder if they want to tell me were to find a lifetime supply of waffles." The great, old, smelly leader ran out of the den and told his deputy everything.
Shadedleaf was left alone in the airy den. "Geez, he must really want those waffles." That was all she could manage to say.
Later, the moon was barely peeking over the moor when Shadedleaf was on a border patrol. She sniffed the air because that's what cats do.
As the patrol was heading back into the clearing, Shadedleaf took a different route to Fred Meyer's. When she walked into the store she yelled, "WHAT'S ON YOUR LIST TODAY, YOU'LL FIND IT AT FREDDIE MEYERS!" After this 'incident', Shadedleaf was banned from the she got what she wanted.
The clearing was bathed in moonlight and the dappled tabby she-cat's pelt looked dull and dim. In the blue moonlight Shadedleaf crept to Firestar's den. She crept inside the empty den and quickly spotted the nest. It was made out of soft feathers, bracken, and some leaves and moss. She reached her nose down, sniffing it. The nest scented faintly of Firestar and lavender. Jayfeather must have put some lavender juice on the leaves so that Firestar's nest wouldn't stink.
Shadedleaf peered outside and, reassured that no one could see her, opened the Fred Meyer's bag. It took a good ten minutes for the she-cat to open the plastic packaging of the fake poop. Kitty Roca. She smiled. The brown turd was slippery and Shadedleaf could hardly believed that it wasn't real. She carefully set it down on the side of Firestar's nest.
The next morning Shadedleaf blinked her eyes open super fast. She ran out of the den and to the fresh-kill pile. She skidded to a halt once she realized that she had bought a whole 20-pack of microwavable macaroni and cheese from her shopping spree last night. She slid back into the crevice near the elders den where she had hidden her bag. The she-cat peered in the bag and took out a pack of macaroni. She also took out the gallon container of Beaver tracks ice cream (which she hopped weren't real beaver tracks) and returned to her den.
As she entered the warrior's den she was relieved to find that no one except her was in there.
Paw steps sounded outside the gorse tunnel as Shadedleaf was finishing up her tub of ice cream. She belched really loud and stretched. She walked into the clearing to see Firestar returning to his den. Perfect! She slyly walked to the fresh-kill pile and Shadedleaf could hear him mutter, "Starclan didn't have any special message for me." Shadedleaf sat down and started to wash herself, but she still kept Firestar in her peripheral vision.
A blood-curdling shriek sounded from his den, moments later. Cats desperately ran into the clearing to see what was the matter. Cloudtail's fur was fluffed up to twice its normal size, making him look super fat. Dovepaw's tail was sweeping the ground. Lionblaze's muscles rippled in the hope for battle.
Firestar's face was red as he leaped onto the highledge. His voice was shaky and high as he said, "Who pooped in my den?!"
The clearing was silent for a moment but then it burst into laughter. Firestar's face turned even redder, which Shadedleaf thought wasn't possible. Then Firestar cleared his throat and repeated his question, this time with more annoyance and seriousness.
"WHO POOPED IN MY DEN!" The cats fell silent. He was serious. Brambleclaw stepped forward.
"Firestar, why would someone make dirt in your den?"
"I don't know, but someone did." The brown tabby followed Firestar into his den. A moment later the deputy was chuckling.
"Firestar...it's fake!" Brambleclaw barely laughed out. The clearing exploded with laughter and some cats farted because they were laughing so hard.
Shadedleaf returned to her den later that night. Firestar still hadn't come out of his den. The dappled brown and golden she-cat didn't expect that he would for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time.