Chapter 21: Drunk Texting

Gerald had taken the liberty of driving Phoebe home himself, probably leaving room for them to rekindle their romance. Arnold was left with a very drunk Helga and vocal Helga. He could barely get her in the door without her giggling or yelling or trying to attack him. She was already difficult sober but drunk it wa slike she the Hulk or something. The girl was strong and she had quite the mouth on her. Arnold decided it was best to pick her up bridal style and get her to her bed.

She let out a surprising giggle and cuddled into his chest, "Ohhh Arnold. I always knew we'd get married my darling!"

Arnold almost dropped her on the floor. This girl was insane. All she kept rambling on and on about were dramatic lines poetry declaring undying love to her "corn haired goddess". It was drunk gibberish to him. Arnold was successful in getting her on the bed. Now the issue was getting her to change into comfortable clothing. How was he possibly going to undress her without it being awkward?

Helga was rolling around on the bed with her legs sprawled open so he had full view of her panties. Arnold turned around quick and tried to erase the sight from his mind. He rummaged through her drawers and found a tank top and pajama bottoms for her to put on. Now the real challenge was to get her changed.

"Oh Arnold my darling! You are the sugar to my coffee, the sweet morning breeze, the sun, moon and stars and heaven above," Helga screamed as Arnold kneeled down to get her heels off. She didn't even close her legs which made Arnold blush a bit. Helga just continued screaming and flailing around while Arnold struggled to unbuckle her complicated and unnecessarily strappy shoes.

"Helga, you have to stop moving. I'm trying to help you and would it kill you to close your legs? It's inappropriate for me to see, see your underwear." Arnold finally got one shoe off and was working on the other.

"Arnold likes seeing my precious petals huh?"

Arnold removed the second shoe and covered his eyes. He didn't want to see Helga's "precious petals" at least not like this. He handed her her clothes with one hand and covered his eyes with the others.

"You need to change your clothes. Put this on. I'll leave."

Helga quickly unzipped her dress and let it hit the floor. She was clad in her bra and underwear, "Don't go Arnold. I want to stay with meeeeee. I don't want to put clothes on!"

Jesus, she was half naked in front of him now. At least in the dress he could imagine what was underneath but now he couldn't ignore the truth glaring in front of him. He was attracted to his roommate and she was making it more than difficult to fight temptation. Suddenly there was a bra thrown on his head. That was it! He needed to phone a friend! Arnold ran from Helga's room and into his, shutting the door behind him. His breathing was heavy as he dialed a number, any number he could see first.

"Hello? This better be important Arnold. I'm on night patrol."

It was the voice of someone he didn't want to hear right now. Sid. How he hated his stupid accent and smug attitude. He eyed the clock. It was 3AM. No one else would be up right now.

Arnold said in the most unexcited voice he could muster,"Hi Sid."

"What's the problem? Have you been stabbed? Has someone tried to break into your home? Is Helga okay? No one calls at 3AM that doesn't have a problem." SId was obviously deep into police mode at the moment and didn't even suspect why Arnold was calling. Maybe he was wasting Sid's time with a trivial situation but he needed him.

"No. No. No and no. Well she's okay. She's more than okay. She's drunk and-"

"You called my private line because Helga is drunk? As fun as that'd be to see I don't think this was the best decision to make Arnold."

"She's not just drunk. She's acting crazy. She asked if I wanted to see her 'precious petal'. "

"What in God's name is a 'precious petal' Arnold?"

"SID! Her… you know."

He could hear Helga up walking now and what sounded like something breaking.

Sid laughed when he realized,"Ohhhhhhh. Good to know she isn't an angry drunk. Well what's the problem? You don't touch, look at, or entertain the idea of watering her 'precious petal'."

"It's hard-"

"That's what she said."

"Can you grow up? She's parading around half naked now and I'm a man. I'm not sure I can get her calmed down without um looking. She's breaking stuff now. She has the strength of the incredible Hulk."

"You're a man huh? Give her the phone Arnold."

"But-"

"Give Helga the phone Arnold."

The sound of breaking wood filled Arnold's ears as he creeped open the door. Helga was probably dancing on top of their cheaply made coffee table and it broke under her. She didn't look hurt but she was still walking around not dressed.

"Helga!" Arnold called to her and hand her the phone. "It's Sid."

Helga said in a chipper tone,"Siiiiiiiid! I miss him."

She snatched the phone and from there she got completely calm, even sat down on the couch.

She handed him back the phone and said in a high pitched," Sid said good bye! I'm ready for bed now."

What the hell did he say to her? Whatever he said Helga settled down quietly on the couch and covered herself with the blanket they kept there for movie nights. Helga snuggled up under the blanket. Arnold took the opportunity to give her her clothes to sleep in. After changing, Helga settled down but that didn't mean she was down talking.

"I had fun tonight. Did y,you have fun Arnold?"

"I'm sure you did have fun. Maybe a bit too much fun. I didn't get to have fun because I was working."

And staring at all the guys approaching you from a far.

"We can have fun together Arnold," Helga shifted closer to Arnold and ended up placing her head in his chest. In her embrace the world stopped still on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no rain. Arnold's mind was at peace. How could it be that he hadn't seen Helga's love for what it was before? Pure. Unselfish. Undemanding. Free. He felt her body press in, soft and warm. There was no more denying it, but she was drunk right now and maybe he a little drunk too. Besides, they were with other people. It was Sid who had calmed her down, not him. Lila was literally everything he could want in a women but he found himself craving the woman now sleeping in his chest more and more.

" Arnold," she muttered under her breath. That was definitely the tequila talking. No way that was true. Tomorrow she'd go back to Sid and he'd go hopefully open new leads with Lila. But tonight he held her like nothing else mattered. He needed to talk to Lila. Once Helga was fast asleep Arnold gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and snuck to his bedroom.

It was late but Lila still answered the phone in her groggy voice. She must have been sleeping. Truthfully Arnold didn't care. He needed to get things off his mind.

"A-Arnold, it's 3AM. What ever could you want at this hour? I have work in the morning." Lila sounded slightly irritated to say the least. Maybe he should've waited.

"I'm sorry about this but I have some stuff on my mind. I wanted to talk to you."

Lila yawned and said," What is it?"

"I'm not so sure about dating you anymore Lila. I, I don't know I had a change of heart."

"You have feelings for someone else. I should've known."

"No, it's just I don't trust you. You're hiding things from me, I know it. I talked to Eugene and he nodded towards you being crazy. I don't know what to believe. With Rhonda's death, everything has been so sketchy."

"If you want the truth we can meet up tomorrow. I'm ever so sorry but please don't call me at this hour again. I have work in two hours. Good bye Arnold."

Before he could even say good bye back Lila had already hung up. For once the girl with the painted on smile seemed to have cracked. She was definitely pissed. At least Helga had calmed down and gotten to sleep thanks to Sid of all people. It was time for him to do the same.

~/~

Helga woke up the next morning with drool on her face and quite the hangover. Her mouth was dry and her head was killing her. She rolled over and immediately hit the cold floor. This wasn't her bed. She looked up to find she was sleeping on the living room couch. How did she even get home? She felt like crap. Maybe she overdid it last night. She crawled back up to the couch and looked to her left. There was water, aspirin, and a note resting on the end table. There was a God!

She popped the aspirin, chugged the water, and began to read the note:

Helga,

Went out to get some food with Lila. You were out for a while. There's food for you in the microwave. I made waffles and bacon. Hope they help with the hangover. I'll see you soon. By the way, "your precious petals" were unplucked.

Love,

Arnold

What the hell was a precious petal? Idiot. Oh well at least there was food involved, something she desperately needed to get over her hangover. She grabbed her phone and headed to the kitchen. Apparently she had sent risque texts to Sid, including wanting him to come over and thrust her up against a wall. Criminy, she was never drinking that much again! To her surprise there was no response to any of her texts. Maybe he could tell she was drunk and didn't respond.

She sent an I'm sorry text and then heated her food up. It had been a few minutes and he didn't respond. He usually was a quick texter. Maybe he was busy? Maybe he's been shot? Maybe the mob killed him? Stop overreacting Pataki, he's fine she thought. He'll respond soon she hoped. Sid was fine she told herself.

Author's Note: What do you all think?