Flashback 8 months ago
I've been avoiding her. Ugh this is so frustrating, I don't want to like her. But she's consumed my mind. All I can think about is her.
I've tried to keep my distance, I'm tired of her being hot and cold. And I also found that she's dating someone named Lauren, so she is totally off the market.
I feel silly, I'm sitting in my office, practically holding my breath, as if that would make me invisible.
Someone from peds is supposed to come for a consult, and I really just don't want to see her.
...It's been 2 days since we told each other that we like each other.
And she walked away.
She's drawn to me, and there's something about me.
Story of my life. But...there is something. Something about her. In the past, I would feel angry and used. Angry for being led on and the fact that she has a girlfriend and was talking to me.
But, I want to win her over. I want to be the winner. I know it's not the right thing, and so I've been avoiding her for 2 days, wallowing in my misery.
Present
I haven't left my apartment in 2 days.
I feel used. I feel like the toy that they give to cats, the ones with the elastic string, used to dangle over said cat. The ones where people quickly flick their wrist to snatch away the toy before the cat gets to it.
Well, the cat's claws got to me. The caught me. They dug deep. and they hurt.
I can't believe how stupid I feel, I should have listened to my first instincts.
And yet, there's a piece of me that actually misses her. How stupid of me right?
I can't unfeel her lips. I can't unfeel her hands in my hair, on my hips. The burn that she left on my body. The burn she left in my heart. I can't unfeel any of it.
I can't unsee the look in her eyes, from the emptiness that they displayed when she left, to the dark tones her passion that took over when she was on me.
What do I do?