When Romano awoke, he found himself sitting up... and also, tied to a chair. He saw that he was somewhere indoors now, and… of course. Those two strangers from earlier were here, too.
"Well, hello there, little buggy. Did you sleep well?" the girl asked, once she noticed the nation was awake.
"...'m not a bug," Romano managed to grunt out. He had no idea where he was now.
"Sure you are! You even have a little feeler riii~iight here~!" She pulled on Romano's flyaway curl, hard, and he winced. Thankfully, she let go soon after, and pointed over to the large man behind her. "Should I have Klein over there squash you with his fists?"
"...what?"
The girl giggled and ruffled Romano's hair. "Oh, your face! It's been so long since I've met someone who can actually… react. Killing you is going to be so much fun~!"
"Wait—shit—killing!?"
"Your hair is so nice, you know?" She ran a hand through his soft locks. "I don't know if I've ever met anyone with hair so nice! Maybe I should, oh… cut it all off before I kill you~?"
"Not the hair!" And already, Romano could feel the tears gushing out.
Again, the girl giggled. "That certainly sounds like an invitation to cut your hair. And I know Klein has some of his own lovely ideas on what to do with you~!"
"P-please don't kill me and cut off my hair!" Romano struggled against his restraints as he instinctively tried to flail his arms. "It's really not as fun as you think! A-and, and I still have so much more to live for!"
"Oh, you're such a funny little buggy~! Please, do—"
"Ah, shit, I still need to get back at that potato bastard! My stupid brother was going to let him stay over at our place, and I bought some markers to draw a mustache on him in his sleep—fucker sleeps pretty heavy after some beers—and maybe try to shut off the hot water when he showers—"
"...what?"
"Shit, and how long has it been since I've had a pizza? Or even a good lay! Fuck, I thought I could meet a nice girl after the meeting and all, but—"
"My, you like to talk! Maybe I should cut out your tongue, and—"
"Nonono, not the tongue! I need that for eating! And cursing out the potato bastard!"
"Well, I think I—"
"Fuck, and then there was that new recipe I wanted to try, I just needed to wait for the tomatoes to ripen!"
"Just—shut up already!"
Romano whimpered. "Don't… don't you know I have relatives from here? Please don't kill me!"
The girl glared at him for a moment, waiting to see if he had anything else to say. When it seemed that he would stay quiet, she replied, "And why should I care at all about you or your relatives?"
"You should care, because, um… because… my relatives are very important!"
"Oh, please, enlighten me, then. Who are you related to who must be soooo important?"
"Um. Yes. Right. My relatives. Well, uh, one of them is a guy... named... An...to...?"
She raised an eyebrow at the name he fumbled on.
"...ni…?"
Recognition, now?
"...o?"
Definitely recognition! ...And then, disbelief. "Are you kidding? Antonio, you said?"
"...Yes? Or… no?"
"You mean to tell me that you—you!— are related to Antonio? Felicity's greatest war hero?"
"Um… yes! Sort of? I mean, he used to be, uh, my boss? Caretaker? ...The fuck would I know?"
"You're kidding. You're trying to tell me Antonio, the Antonio the Red Axe, used to be your caretaker?"
An axe...? "Oh, yeah, definitely! Definitely, yes, him and that axe. Yup. Loved to, uh, show it off to me. Swing it around and everything."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, it's so! And, you know, he used to tell me all kinds of interesting stories! Stories, about, you know…"
"...how he wanted to kill his enemies in the most grotesque ways possible?"
This world's Antonio sounded eerily close to his Spain, in a way. "Yes! Exactly. Like, um, there was this one time, when he told me how he wanted to cut off some guy's eyebrows with his axe…"
"Oh, do tell!" Suddenly the girl seemed genuinely interested, and she pulled up a chair to listen to Romano. Behind her, the ever silent Klein also leaned forward with interest. "But wait—how rude! We haven't even formally introduced ourselves yet. My name is Lindy, and the big quiet guy over there is my brother, Klein!"
"N-nice to… meet you? I'm, uh, Romano." Shit, should he have really just told her his name?
"Oh, look, this must be so awkward for you. Here, let me get those ropes off."
"Oh… yeah! Of course. Heh. I can let you off the hook for all this, since you're such a pretty lady." Holy hell, the I-have-relatives-from-there excuse actually worked for once! Fuck yeah! ...Of course, that excuse was always fairly reliable, dammit. Anyway, with his bonds now gone, Romano could see himself just talking his way out of here, nice and unharmed. Score one for blatant lying!
"So, did you come here to visit his memorial? Oh, Klein and I are such big admirers of Antonio! His gruesome ways of killing were quite popular news in the demon world."
"...Demon world?"
"Oh, yes! Klein and I are demons too, you know. All of us were sealed in the underworld for a thousand years—but I guess, you overworlders have forgotten aaaall about it by now~!"
"Yeah, don't you know! Totally didn't know about any of that. So, uh… what brings you here now?"
"Hee hee. Well. After a thousand years, the seal was finally weak enough for us to break through! Klein and I were sent out to harvest more energy for the demon world. Don't worry, though—as an honor towards the late Antonio, we'll spare your life in the great uprising that's to come!"
"Harvesting energy?" Finally, things were clicking into place for Romano. "So, the deal with all the crystals, then…"
"That's right~! We're getting our energy straight from the source! Actually, that's why we wanted to kill you at first. We thought that maybe, the overworlders managed to summon a hero from another dimension!"
"That's… oddly specific."
"Well, you know, they'd need someone from a different world by now." Then she waved her hand dismissively. "But what am I going on about now? This is boring! Tell me ~all~ about Antonio!"
"Right, right! Antonio! And… his axe!"
"Romano!"
All heads in the room turned to the source of the new voice: America, running in through the open doorway. At the sight of the blond, Romano could feel the pit of his stomach sinking, for some reason.
"There you are, Romano!" America called out. "I thought I heard voices coming from here!" Belatedly, he seemed to realize that there were two other people in the room, and he sent them a quick wave and a smile. "Anyway, I need you to check this out, Romano! It's serious!" He held out a partly-eaten, colorless burger.
"Fuck no," Romano replied.
"I mean it, dude! This is a really big deal!"
Romano shot America a glare. God, the bastard could be overbearing. He snapped the burger out of America's hands and saw the blond encourage him to continue. Shit, he didn't seriously want Romano to… oh wait. Now he was making eating gestures with his hands. Of course the bastard would want him to take a bite out of this… thing. As much as Romano didn't like burgers, even he'd feel bad for them if he lumped this colorless food in with the rest of the burgers.
"Hey—! Excuse me! We were having a conversation!" Lindy stomped her foot and glared at America.
"Dude, just one second!" he said, and then looked back to Romano.
Reluctantly, Romano took a bite out, and—shit! Disgusting! He spat it right back out. "What the fuck, America!?"
"I know! That's what I'm saying too!"
"Hey! Don't just dismiss me like that!" The girl called out.
"It has no fucking flavor! Not even… gross burger flavor! ...Although I thought you liked bland food, America. And, shit…" Romano opened the burger and watched as some grainy stuff fell out of it. "The fuck is this shit? Is sand part of the Felicity specialty?"
"Oh, that's salt! I tried putting some on there to give it some flavor, you know?"
"Just how much do you normally use, asshole?"
"Hey! Pay attention to me!" Lindy was standing next to them now, shouting and waving her arms.
She pulled on Romano's shoulder, and that's when it dawned on him: "Wait… this world… all the flavors are missing too? Everything… just tastes like nothing?" He could feel the blood drain from his face.
"I know! Isn't it horrible? My god…" America shook his head, and for once, he looked solemn.
"Listen to me when I'm talking!" Lindy smacked America's shoulder, but it seemed to have no effect. "Just who are you? And why are you so surprised about the food, it's been that way for a while now!"
"Huh? ...Oh!" America finally noticed Lindy, and as he prepared to strike one of his usual poses, that sinking feeling returned to Romano. "I'm America!" He held a thumbs-up and had a gleaming white grin on his face. "And I'm the hero!"
"Hold on! Did you say… you're the hero?" The girl turned to Romano. "And you, you know him?"
"...What? No! No, of course not! Never saw this bastard before in my life! Ha, ha ha…" Romano tried, wearing a strained smile.
To which America gave him a hearty pat on the shoulder (nearly knocking him over) and said, "Don't be so modest, dude! It's okay to brag about being my sidekick!"
The girl frowned deeper than Romano had seen up to that point, and he could've sworn the very air around her was growing dark. "Soooo… you're heroes, after all? Sent to restore the Ether Crystals, then?"
"You got it! By the way, while we're talking about Ether Crystals, I found this on the way here!" America pulled a blossom-shaped crystal out of his pocket and showed it to Romano; a dim yellow light glowed from inside. "Pretty sure this is the Golden Crystal!"
"The fuck? Where did you find that?" Romano said.
"Haha! Weren't you paying attention on the way in? We're in the Crystal's shrine right now!" America let out an appreciative whistle as he glanced around. "Nice place you got here, by the way!"
Romano finally took a good look around for himself. If this place was anything like the churches in his home world… then he could guess they were in a back room somewhere, where priests prepared for ceremonies and the like. He turned back to the other nation, and just managed to catch that Klein had approached him—"America, look out!"
But it was too late; a loud snap resounded through the room, and Romano watched helplessly as Klein's fist connected with America's face.
And then… nothing happened?
America didn't budge. Instead, he lowered Klein's fist with one hand, and used the other to readjust his glasses. "Hey, man, watch the Texas," he said, frowning at the other man. "What was that even for, dude?" His only reply was the demons' shocked faces, and after a moment, he got into a more defensive stance, fists raised. "What, you're bored? Wanna spar?" He wore a stupid fucking smirk on his face, and Romano couldn't help smacking his own forehead; the fucking moron still didn't understand the situation they were in!
"...Spar, what? I mean—no, we don't want to spar!" Lindy said, finally snapping out of it. "Listen up! We're demons, sent here to steal the Crystals' energy and bring the coming of our race to this world!"
"Seriously? You know that it's slowly killing the people here—"
"Yes we know that, and honestly—!" She took a deep breath, and that creepy smile finally returned to her face. "Honestly, we don't care. I can't wait to see the day when we destroy every living thing up here and take this world for ourselves. It's too bad, though—without their emotions here any more, I won't be able to see their faces twist in pain as I slowly murder them."
"...Damn, dude. Now you sound like Russia."
"I don't care! The first deaths in our uprising will be you two interlopers! Klein, come on!"
The girl waved him on, and in a moment, he swung another hook at America's face.
This time, however, America caught the fist with one hand. And with the other, he sent a clean punch to Klein's face, knocking the demon clear off his feet. After a moment, it was clear that Klein wasn't going to wake up any time soon, and America's posture relaxed. "Geeze, he's pretty weak for such a big demon."
Lindy ran to her brother's side, fell to her knees, and started shaking his shoulders. "Klein, wake up! Come on!"
"So, uh..." America cleared his throat awkwardly. "You need a face-punching too?"
"America! You wouldn't dare—not to a lady!" Romano hissed.
"Hey, if that lady is some hell demon who's trying to kill me, then... Well, yeah!"
The girl looked up to both of them, bitterness clear in her eyes. "I won't forget this. Mark my words. I'll let you get away this time, but I swear... Klein and I will have our revenge next time!"
A shiver ran down Romano's spine. That did not sound good... Shit.
"Wow, now you sound like a real villain!" America said, and Romano refused to admit that he heard any appreciation in the other's voice. "Anyway, I guess we can go for now! Come on Romano, let's get out of here." When the Italian didn't move right away, America gently tugged him along out of the room.
As they made their way out of the temple, America withdrew the crystal from his pocket again. "Well, so it was pretty easy to find! But you know, now that I think about it... Now what? How do we get it to work again? Any ideas?"
For a moment, Romano was completely silent, unable to organize his jumbled thoughts into words. Finally, one idea became clear in his mind, and he turned to America with a frown. "You're a fucking moron."
"... Right. Guess we'll have to ask around, then! Here, you hang onto this for now." America handed the crystal over to Romano, who stuck it in his magic bag. With that, they headed back to the city, and Romano was definitely not looking forward to the work they had ahead.
Author's Notes:
Cultural/Translation Notes:
Once again, not much to say here this time! Lindy is also named after a mathematician, sort of; named after Ernst Leonard Lindelöf, who I know about because I studied a little about Lindelöf spaces in topology. Man… Lindelöf. Lindelöf. I like that name!
I feel bad for the bland reputation American food has. I guess since I've lived in the US all my life, I'm a bit biased… but still! McDonald's is totally delicious! And there's actually a huge variety of restaurants and regional differences and all that stuff throughout the country… I think anyone can find something they like, even if it takes some asking around!
Notes for my Awesome Friends who Don't Watch Hetalia:
Antonio is Spain, and Spain was Romano's caretaker back when Romano was a little kid. Jokingly, Spain would refer to himself as the boss, and Romano as his henchman. Even though Romano's actual brother is North Italy, I think Spain would be the closest person to him, considering all the time the Italy brothers spent apart. And that's why Antonio would be the first relative name that Romano thinks of!
Spain is normally a cheery guy, but he can be pretty scary when he's mad! And he's known to have a battle axe. Considering the horrible rivalry he had with England (aka distinct eyebrows guy) in the past, I can just imagine Romano overhearing Spain whispering under his breath about all the horrible things he wanted to do to England and his eyebrows...
"Please don't kill me! I have relatives from your country!" Both Italies are known for saying this kind of thing to any of their attackers, in an attempt to not get beaten up/killed. Also, when Romano mentions the potato bastard, he's talking about Germany. He's not very happy with how close his brother and Germany have become...
Also, canonically, America is ridiculously strong. Like, superhero strong! And the guy's already been in quite a few wars and had to live through the western expansion not too long ago… in my mind, at least, America is seriously not a guy you'd want to get in a fistfight with.
Other notes:
Well, hello again everyone! Here's chapter three! I actually knew pretty much what I wanted to do here, but… damn real life got in the way! Nothing horrible or earth-shattering, but it did just keep me away from writing. I'm hoping the next one won't be too long!
Also, I love personally replying to reviews, but I don't like to use author's notes to do it! If you want a reply (and I guarantee you'll get one if you review XD), then please log in so I can send a direct reply! At least, on fanfic-dot-net. Not sure if I can make reply threads on AO3 with anonymous reviews.
In reply to the guest review I got last time, though—no, I didn't know that about the FDA! It's pretty interesting, though. Glad you're looking forward to more Romerica as much as I am~!
Until next time, everyone!