The apartment was trashed, just as Natasha said it was. Apparently the grunts at SHIELD didn't feel it necessary to straighten anything in the rooms in the past few weeks, not even the couch, which was pushed onto its front. The rug was kicked up, zodiac plate of jellybeans tossed all over the room. Pages ripped out of Loki's borrowed books and thrown everywhere. It looked like the hit men had been peeved that their mark hadn't shown up and just to show him up, trashed the place instead. Clint scoffed inwardly about it- amateurs. He was disheartened by his belongings being thrown about and torn up but it wasn't until he went into the kitchen that he became truly sad. A small cube sat on the countertop, a ring presenter box, but instead of a ring sitting on the velvet cushioning lay Charles, dry and withered. A note next to box read 'I'm sorry, I didn't know what you'd want to do with him. -N'
Loki peeked over Clint's shoulder, seeing the dead fish and grimacing as he snatched up the note and read it, tossing it away with a scoff. Clint stared down at the carcass and shrugged his shoulders.
"What do I do with him? There's nowhere to bury him unless I take him to a park."
Loki pursed his lips in thought for a moment before telling Clint to wait there and start setting the apartment to rights and he'd be back. He headed out the front door before the archer could ask him where he was going. So he turned the couch back onto its bottom, picked up the library books torn pages and stacked them on the end table. He set his prayer rug right and collected his DVDs. In the bedroom, he made the bed, folded up his tossed around clothes, closed the drawers and started to hang up his jackets and shirts in the closet again.
He was pulling out the vacuum when he heard the front door open and shut, and he curiously came out to the kitchen. The god stood at the counter next to Charles and turned to see Clint sneaking up behind him. He held a square ceramic pot, small enough to fit in his hand, painted in blue and white with a shiny glaze over it, with a small succulent plant fanning out over its soil-filled insides. Loki set it down guiltily on the counter and stepped aside, allowing Clint to close in on it.
"I went to your lady-friend in the next building," the god said softly. "I explained to her your home had been ransacked and your fish murdered and we have no way to bury it. She gave me this. She looked at me quite strangely though."
Clint found a fork and used the prongs to gently lift the plant and a mound of dirt out of the pot, and he picked up the withered fish by the tail and tucked it into the hole of earth before fitting the plant over it again. He dunked the small potted plant under the faucet for a drink of water and then set it on the windowsill where the sun streamed in. Both he and Loki stared at it in silence as though the water and plant would bring life back to the fish and it would rise out of it. It didn't happen, of course.
"You told her my name," Loki said quietly.
"I wasn't trying to, it just came out. She's not gonna suspect that you're the Loki."
"I am Loki."
"Don't worry about it."
They left the grave of a plant on the sill and moved into the living room, where Loki sighed regretfully as he picked up the stack of papers and sifted through them, sorting them out on the floor for the books they belonged to. Clint set about vacuuming up the jellybeans scattered everywhere. Loki tucked the pages into the covers of their rightful books and looked down at them sadly. When Clint finished cleaning up he flopped onto the couch next to the god.
"I'm sorry about your pet," Loki muttered.
"Wasn't your fault." Clint huffed and settled into the cushions. "He was just a fish. I shouldn't be so beat up about it. Thanks for burying him with me, though."
"It was the least I could do- you named it, you cared about it, kept it fed. Stands to reason you would mourn its death."
Clint had nothing to say to that, he stared unseeing at the blank television. Loki stared down at the torn tomes of history.
"What did you mean about my bike?" Clint murmured as he stared away into nothing. "You said you were assuming too much... including yourself in the paint job."
It took a moment before Loki answered, fidgeting and adjusting his position on the couch over and over before Clint calmed him.
"Loki?"
"I wondered too late if it was wishful thinking to include myself so permanently in the design of your bike- the wolf."
"Yeah, I know you're the wolf there. What's so wrong about it?"
Loki tapped his fingers nervously on his leg. "I don't want to fool myself into thinking I'm a permanent fixture in your life- I'm merely a prisoner who happens to share intimacies with my guard, making my sentence more bearable for the both of us. But you're still free to seek relationships with others and I do not count in with that possibility. Once I'm rehabilitated, I'll be brought back to Asgard."
Clint was brought out of his daze by Loki's rambles though he still looked into the middle distance as he digested the information. Loki was counting himself as a fuck being had to keep his jailor happy because he didn't want to believe there could be anything more. There was more, but the more Loki didn't want to hope for had yet to enter Clint's mind until now. They had begun this relationship almost on a whim, and it certainly was keeping the handler pleased, but he hadn't thought about anything past what was happening right now. He knew he hated thinking about the future, it was too loose, too unpredictable. The best laid plans could be dashed to pieces the next day and you'd be in a panic to set it on the right track again. He preferred to fly by the seat of his pants. But Loki was thinking about the future for him, because what would become of them if Loki did follow his father's commands and learn his lessons? Not even Thor stayed on Earth for Jane. And they had exchanged the 'L' word. The thought made Clint shiver and he looked sidelong at Loki. If he thought about it, it wasn't a question of 'could he say it'- it was a question of 'would he mean it'.
And if he meant it; if he said it... Would Loki say it too?
Heart pounding as Clint thought of these things, he cleared his throat and tried to keep the calm in his voice. "I think unless you're gonna start doing what Odin sent you here for... you're gonna be stuck with me for a long time."
Loki swallowed hard and absently squeezed a fist to stretch his knuckles. "I already told you I wasn't going to play his game."
"Then you've got your answer, don't you?"
Loki looked at the archer with open eyes, meeting Clint's eye without expression, until he rose from the couch and started away for the door.
"I'm going for a walk," he muttered and Clint let him go without a word.
The archer went up to the roof and was confused to find six or seven people up there already, milling around with drinks in hand or sitting in lawn chairs. When he looked around to the neighboring apartment buildings he noticed their roofs were filled with tenants as well. A couple kids chased each other on one roof with sparklers in hand, and a bottle-rocket zoomed out into the open sky and popped open its sparks and colors. He wanted to smack himself- it was the Fourth of July. He smiled at the frolicking people and scuttled to his rabbit hides that were in the corner, still there next to the bucket, tanned by the sun from his weeks of absence. He picked them all up, and fondly ruffled the fur between his fingers. He breathed in the coming-night air, looking up when a few sparrows jetted by with a tart chirp in their travels, dodging the spiraling bottle-rockets shooting into their path. The setting sun painted the clouds hot-pink and orange under the darkening blue sky and he spotted one star, the North Star, shining. He smiled serenely and turned away, jotting back into the apartment to toss his furs on the counter and grab a blanket and a couple cokes from the fridge before heading back up, intending to watch the city's fireworks show with his fellow tenants.
He laid out on the blanket near his neighbors and popped open a coke and took a sip or two. He watched the skies go from blue to black, the clouds lose their rose-tints and dissipate into nothing. He saw the stars fade in, and heard the chirping birds fade out. He lie back on the blanket with a sweating coke can at his side, taking sips every once in a while when he remembered it was there. People were lighting off their own fireworks from their rooftops in anticipation for the big show they knew would start soon. Loki appeared then, sitting on his knees on the edge of the blanket and looking up at the flashing colors.
"What is all this?"
"Fourth of July. I totally forgot it was so close."
Loki nodded his head in recognition and looked to Clint for confirmation. "The day America celebrates its independence from England's rule."
"Right! So those books did you some good after all."
"And all this?" Loki waved his fingers at the explosions of flashing lights starting off in the black sky.
"It's how we celebrate. They're called fireworks: gunpowder and metal and stuff like that- the Chinese came up with them."
"Fascinating..." The god stared up in awe at the show and Clint gazed up at him from his spot on the blanket, smirking fondly at him.
"Loki," he murmured, pulling the god's gaze down to him. "Lay down with me."
Loki seemed stunned by the archer's request but he shuffled around to lie beside him anyway, settling in with a small gap between them. He laced his fingers together over his belly and studied every sparkle of firework that blew up above them. He sniffed the air at that smokey burning scent and hummed. Clint set the other unopened coke between them and took a sip of his own. The tenants of the building all sat down in their chairs or blankets or just the floor and they watched, wrapped up in their quiet conversations.
Clint sighed gently through his nose and sneaked his hand through the space between him and Loki to scratch at his hip.
"Are you scared I'm gonna find someone else?" he whispered.
It was Loki's turn to sigh and he fidgeted his fingers atop his stomach. "The thought has crossed my mind..."
Clint chuckled silently and shook his head at the god with a smile. "There's no one else like you. Maybe we'll grow apart later on, find other people or interests. You don't know what can happen. But I know I'm happy right here, right now. I like you with me.
Loki turned to the archer with an air of thoughtful distrust. "But it could change, you say. You could find companionship in another at any time," he said almost unhappily.
Clint chuckled even though he knew he probably shouldn't. "If you don't like that, then you better make sure it doesn't happen."
Loki grunted and continued to stare up with Clint, eyes following the bursts of light and color and burning. They lie on the rooftop all night, sipping at their fizzy drinks even after the show had ended. The tenants had vacated slowly, some going out to party on another roof, in another house, and people around the city continued their own private displays throughout the night. Clint and Loki found no reason to leave the warm night air. They watched the brightest of stars peek through the smog of firework smoke and Clint named them for the god after having watched the stars for years. They ended up dozing on the blanket in the early morning hours, waking for a few moments when the shriek of a bottle-rocket sounded nearby, and then they would fall asleep again.
Clint awoke and looked up lazily at the brightening morning sky, the deep blue fading gently into pale pinks and whites. The most silent time of the morning when even the birds take this moment to gape in awe at the event of a new day. A hand slid up from his side and onto his chest and he didn't look to know Loki was leaning close, gently hooking his foot around the blond's ankle and dragging himself onto the stout body.
Clint closed his eyes just before Loki could enter his vision, stealing the serenity of the dawning skies into him and he skimmed his hands up the gods body to his face and blindly pulled him into a kiss. He weaved his fingers into Loki's hair and pulled him closer as the god braced himself on the chest beneath him, moving his lips against Clint's with his eyes closed.
They breathed faster as they continued to kiss, hands moving to hold onto the thin body, fingers digging into the muscles of his back and grinding up against him. Loki broke away, eyes looking down at Clint softly and lightly panting. He looked something between frightened and awed. Something like realization.
"Clint..." Loki's eyes flickered back and forth between Clint's. "I-"
Clint covered the god's mouth with his fingers.
"Don't say it," he whispered and slid his hand to hold the god's cheek, seeing the pastel skies outlining his black hair. He pulled Loki back down to him, squeezing his own eyes shut and rubbing their noses.
"I know," he said and connected their lips again with a frantic need.
The god crawled onto his knees and hovered over Clint as he fumbled with the button of the smaller man's jeans, cupping his other hand over the bulge there and squeezing gently until he'd opened them. Clint reached down to free Loki of his jeans also, but the god caught his hands and pinned them down at his sides, giving the archer a stern look when he grunted about it.
"What are you doing?" he rasped.
Loki nibbled his jaw before slipping down to his neck and biting down gently.
"Does it matter?"
He jerked the jeans down around his hips, clearing a spot for Clint's length to pop out and smack against his belly. As he slowly shimmied down the tanned body, pushing his shirt up and laying kisses against the revealed skin, Loki snaked his fingers up the underside of Clint's waiting arousal, rubbing hard with his palm and ghosting touches with his fingertips. He scraped his teeth down the archer's belly until he reached the twitching hardness awaiting him and he dropped his jaw wide and licked a wet stripe from base to tip with his whole tongue. Clint's entire body jerked and he cursed as he gripped Loki's arm, squeezing his eyes shut and groaning while the god sucked the tip of his length into his mouth, nose rubbing into his belly.
Clint popped his eyes open to stare at the brightening sky, trying to hold himself back because he felt like he'd finish too soon if he closed his eyes and imagined. The sun-whitened sky was turning blue finally, and he tried to concentrate on the colors as Loki wrapped his fingers around his base and lifted the hardened flesh up to close his mouth around it. Clint's hips pushed up of their own accord, trying to put more of himself into the god's mouth and Loki let him, undulating his tongue along the underside and drawing a stuttering sigh from the archer. Gently, Loki found Clint's hand and pulled it to his head, touching his fingers to his dark hair and letting him weave his fingers into it, rubbing his scalp. His other hand Clint used to brace on the god's shoulder, trying to keep himself from bucking into Loki's mouth and choking him, but the god allowed the slow roll of his hips in and out of the wetness, letting the archer set the pace.
Another few moments in the suction of the god's mouth, feeling himself bump the back of his throat and Clint cursed again, knowing he was close. He cupped his hands at the front of Loki's jaw and lifted him off his length gently, and he grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him back over top of him when the god gave him a look of confusion. He silenced Loki's starts of protest with a kiss and set to ripping open the god's pants and pushing them down around his hips, pulling the equally hard arousal he found there out and against his own, grinding hard between them. They kissed messily with tongues and teeth, pulling and pushing their bodies together, panting in between it all. Loki broke the kiss to bite at the blond's neck, scratching his nails down the tanned sides. Clint wet one of his fingers in his mouth while the god was busy elsewhere and he trailed his hand down Loki's back and over his half-exposed butt, wiggling into the back of his jeans and tracing his wet finger against Loki's opening. When the god's breath stuttered at the contact, Clint dipped the tip of his finger inside and then pulled it back it back out and did it over again. Loki bucked hard against the archer and gasped at the intrusion, digging his nails into Clint's sides as he plunged his finger whole into him, working it slowly in and out. His mouth hung open over Clint's neck and he moaned breathily, eyes closed gently before dropping his forehead onto the archer's collar as he ground forward against Clint's length and belly and rubbed back into Clint's hand behind him.
"What you do to me..." Loki gasped against his chest. "How can you do this to me?"
Clint's tightened his hold on Loki's butt while he worked inside him and he puffed through Loki's hair a light chuckle.
"I want you to come so hard you can't see," he grunted.
Loki's hips jerked at Clint's words and he gasped again and buried his reddened face into Clint's chest.
"Harder, then," he groaned and the archer hummed pleasantly and carried out the god's command, adding a second finger into him and thrusting them hard enough to shove Loki up against him.
Loki huffed his breath over Clint's chin as he threaded his fingers through the short blond hair, pushing and pulling himself against the archer. The fingers pushing inside him made the god want to raise his hips, get onto his knees and push back onto them, but he wouldn't be flush against Clint's skin and the conflicting needs caused Loki to whine and then silence his embarrassment in Clint's mouth.
While he certainly enjoyed their kisses, the archer would have none of the silence that Loki wanted, and he jerked his fingers shallowly and quickly inside the god, knowing exactly when he began to touch against that spot inside him that made his jaw go slack. The god stopped all his movement and let Clint thrust into him, breath coming in pants and his insides tightening around the fingers. When Loki suddenly moved again, jerking his hips hard against Clint's and snaking his hand in between their bellies to grasp their lengths together with a firm squeeze, the god hissed behind his teeth and dropped his head to the ground beside Clint's. The blond dug his nails into Loki's cheek and began to lose his rhythm of thrusts as his fingers were held tight inside the god. He released his grip and wrapped his arm around Loki's middle, using the leverage to grind himself longer and harder against the pale one above him as he groaned and when he heard the god openly moan in his ear and felt the first drips of warm liquid spread between them, Clint cursed and came in turn, squeezing his eyes shut and riding his orgasm out with the god jerking against him, puffing his breathy moans in his ear.
When their stuttering hips calmed and the grip of Loki's opening around Clint's fingers loosened, they lie on the roof catching their breath, feeling the come squish between them and drip down Clint's sides. The blond left his fingers inside the god but he ran his other hand under Loki's shirt and rubbed his back as he sighed happily.
"Fuck," he said and Loki chuckled quietly against his neck. "Think we could keep this morning sex a regular thing?"
Loki hummed and raised himself onto his hands. "If it pleases you."
"Hell yeah." He leaned up to kiss the god. "You please me."
Loki snorted and rolled his eyes even as he returned the archer's kiss. "Sappy sentimental sod."
"Enjoy it while it lasts- I don't say shit like that often," Clint laughed. He finally pulled out his fingers, making Loki grimace a little at the drag, and he rubbed them against the blanket. "Guess we should shower. Gotta wash our clothes too."
Loki groaned and sat up, stuffing his softened length into his pants but neglecting to close them up, and then he tucked Clint away into his jeans as well, earning a soft look from the archer.
"I wasn't sure if you were really gonna do it- give me head."
"I am completely capable of giving it; I just don't like receiving it." Loki steadily avoided Clint's eye as he buttoned up their pants. Clint hummed thoughtfully at the god's admittance as he continued to lie on the blanket. Loki traced his fingers down Clint's bent leg and absently stared at his fingers as they moved.
"I enjoyed doing it for you," he murmured and hoped he wasn't blushing. "You were gentle; I don't like to be choked."
Clint smiled and sat up, touching their noses. "Well I didn't want to choke you. Not that I could've- I ain't that big," he chuckled and Loki tried not to smile. "Come on, let's clean up." He got up and took Loki by the hand, grabbing the blanket, and they abandoned the rooftop for a hot shower in the apartment.
The water splashed on the wall tiles and steamed the tiny bathroom into haze as the archer and god stepped into the stall and wet themselves down. Loki hogged the shower's spray to wet his hair while Clint wet the soap with the water down the god's back and lathered up. As Loki started shampooing his hair he let Clint by to rinse off and wet his own hair. Clint looked up at the pale one with a gentle smirk and leaned up on his toes to kiss him, coming back down flat on his feet with a furrowed brow.
"S'weird," he commented and Loki chuckled.
"I never kiss you standing up."
"Yeah. You're so tall."
"Imagine how Agent Romanov feels," the god concluded, "without her heeled boots she's the smallest of all your Avengers."
Clint rubbed the shampoo out of his hair with the help of the shower. "Yeah, but she can kick all of our asses in a fight. Maybe not Thor, but imagine how he'd react if she came at him with her leg-chokehold."
Loki barked in laughter as he soaped up his chest. "He wouldn't be able to decide whether to bite her or stick his tongue into her! It would probably be a little of both."
"He'd get choked to death."
"And he would love every moment of it."
When their shower was finished, they toweled off and Loki combed his hair while Clint merely rubbed his towel over his and called it good. He tossed the towel over the top of the shower stall door and left the bathroom, walking naked to his bedroom. From his discarded jeans on the floor he could hear his phone ringing and he sifted through the pile of his and Loki's clothes to find it. The screen told him it was Natasha calling. He took the call.
"Hellooooo," he drawled.
"Hello to you- must be a nice morning. You never wake up this early and sound that happy."
Clint sat on the edge of the bed and laid back. "Yeah, you'd be surprised what an early-morning wank will do to you."
"Oh yeah, I forgot: you're a morning sex kind of guy." She sounded irritated yet somehow playful.
Loki entered the room and started opening the drawers of the dresser, picking out his clothes for the day. Clint watched his ass and legs move from the corner of his eyes.
"You coming in today?"
The archer sighed and scratched at his hip. "I guess so... I could hit up the range. Show off a little."
"You could teach Loki how to shoot."
Loki turned to look incredulously at Clint, having heard the suggestion, and Clint had the same expression on his face.
"Teach him to shoot? What's with you lately? You wanted me to spar with him, you wanted him to lift weights with us. Now you want me to teach him how to shoot?"
"If you're going to hang out with him, you might as well-"
"We are not 'hanging out', Nat." Clint protested. "He's my- my prisoner!"
Loki stretched into a shirt and raised an amused eyebrow at the archer.
"Is he?" she asked flatly.
Clint stopped and stared at the ceiling. She was probing for a tell. He opened his mouth, but what he was going to say, he had no idea. Natasha beat him to it anyway.
"You're afraid to tell me."
He chuckled nervously. "Tell you what?"
He heard her sigh in irritation and she was quiet. Loki leaned on the bed and Clint covered the speaker with the pad of his finger.
"She knows," he muttered to the god, whose eyebrows jumped up and then came back down to their usual position. "She knows, but she wants me to say it."
"Then say it," Loki admonished.
"What? No! I-" he took his finger off the speaker and told Natasha to wait, tapping the mute button and looking at the god with panic. "No, we can't tell her!"
Loki clicked his tongue. "If she already knows, what's the harm in admitting it?"
"She'll never fucking forgive me, okay? She thought what you did to me was horrible- she'd never look at me the same if she knew I was fucking you and enjoying it."
The god rolled his eyes and stepped away, pulling socks onto his feet. "I have not seen her act any different towards you since all this began. And where is your trust in her? You said you love her, trust her with your life, have this 'understanding' between you."
"Goddamn it, I do love her, but-"
"Clint Barton, your argument is invalid; she's asking you to tell her. As your best friend even! If you do not- I will."
Clint gaped at him and pulled his phone to his chest protectively. He looked down at it as if it were the body of a dying bird he'd tried to save, sad and reluctant to learn a hard lesson. Loki climbed onto the bed and took the archer's face in hand, pecking a chaste kiss on his lips as he pulled Clint's hand and phone up to their level.
"Tell her."
Clint sighed hard as Loki pulled away to finish getting dressed, and he tapped the mute button again and put the phone to his ear.
"Still there?" he asked.
"Mm."
He flopped back onto the sheets and sighed again. "I haven't told you because I don't want you to hate me. I know we've been through a lot of shit together and I trust you- but I... I'm just not sure you'll understand why I'm doing this and you'll think I'm crazy and then SHIELD is gonna come down on my head and I'll be shipped off to the funny farm-"
"Barton," Loki warned at the rambling.
Clint looked at the ceiling and it's faces that formed in the crackles. "I'm banging Loki."
He thought he could hear her eyes roll playfully and she snorted.
"Took you long enough. Bring your boyfriend to the range- teach him to shoot."
Clint sighed in relief. "I love you."
"You're an idiot."
And she hung up with that.