"Just shut up and come on," Clint commanded as the two walked between the stucco buildings along the sand. Loki didn't look irritated, but he was almost petulant.

"I feel like this will be as interesting for me as ballet probably is for you."

"Hey, I have a lot of respect for ballerinas," Clint said, walking backwards to watch his lover. "Know why? Nat. But- ah jeez, I can't really- fuck, I walked right into that one. I can't really go into why. She'd be upset."

"You're rambling. Give me the water." He held his hand out as they went and Clint pushed the water bottle into his hand. He took large gulps and capped the bottle, keeping it for himself.

"You've read about this and, yeah, it's kinda boring as fuck, but seeing it is different."

"Then you've already been here before?"

"Well, I flew over it once. During the night. Lo, just shut up," he reiterated.

The pair walked onto a metal walkway with two other families as it branched away from the desert dwellings and arched out over a deep and large hole- a crater left by a meteor. From their height at the lip of the crater, land level, a truck at the bottom looked the size of a bumblebee.

Clint choked on his breath as they came up to the railing, leaving the families with their younger children along the edge where they apparently felt safer, jutting yards away from the land. "Holy shit. Okay, I didn't expect it to be that big."

Loki hummed and looked down to the bottom, the high wind flying through his hair and blowing it around him. "What do you expect from a god?"

It took a moment, but Clint turned to stare at Loki in surprised, and the god smiled at him knowingly.

"Wha- Did you just make a dick joke?"

The mother in one of the families nearby looked at him scandalously and turned her young daughter's head away from the pair. Clint saw and didn't a crap. Kids hear worse things at school or even just from their parents. Loki smirked as Clint snorted about his joke, turning back to the crater.

"Wow, I guess you really are acclimating if you can make dick jokes."

"Please don't remind me," Loki muttered. He squeezed the railing in his hands and roved his eyes along the crater's edge and down to it's depths. It was just a hole in the ground- brown with some plant life starting to grow along the inside, but it was massive.

"I will admit, it is more interesting than I thought, but there isn't much to see."

"Yeah, we won't be staying long," Clint chuckled. "Cool though right? This shit killed the dinosaurs and stuff. And then humans came along. I think we do a good job of killing the planet just by ourselves, don't you?"

Loki snorted and turned away, Clint following him out of the crater's area. "Yes, you have a penchant for destruction. I think you humans may do it best."

"That means a lot coming from an alien who's seen other aliens. Good or bad, heh, it says a lot."

They drove along the freeways again, through El Paso and into New Mexico, passing along it's southern counties and watching the desert become all they could see. It was hot, to say the very least, with Clint and Loki shedding their coats to get down to their long sleeves billowing in the wind. They didn't want to be sun burnt. At least, that was what Clint told Loki, who had yet to experience a sunburn. Clint thought that was ridiculous, being that Loki lived in a world that did have a sun and apparently was sunny a lot, but never burned. He said it didn't make sense and Loki said this planet didn't make sense. He was very snarky that day, doing his best to make jokes and take into consideration what a normal human being might say. While Loki said he despised how human he was becoming, Clint thought he was trying hard to fit in, where it seemed he never fit in on Asgard.

"Wait, wait!" Loki suddenly cried as they drove along the sand-blown roads, startling Clint into a slight swerve.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Pull over!"

Clint did as commanded and slowly stopped the bike on the side of the road. Loki clambered off and pulled his head out of the helmet, wincing at the bright desert sunlight and turning away to ruffle around in the saddlebag by his feet, cursing and mumbling.

"This planet." He pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, sighing with relief before strutting away into the sand.

Clint stared after him in confusion for a moment before putting down the kickstand and following after him, helmet under his arm. He saw the god stomp up to a small cactus and broke into a run when he saw Loki squat before it and reach out.

"Ah- fuck. Loki!"

His run turned into a stumble when he tripped on the edge of a buried rock, the same color as the sand, and face planted the dirt. Dusty and sand in his mouth, Clint picked his head up with a groan and watched Loki flick one of the thick spines poking out of the cactus curiously. The god turned, ready to speak, and he looked confused at the sight of Clint on the ground.

"What is… What are you doing?"

Clint huffed and steadily got up, collecting his helmet and striding over. He grimaced and spit a glob of saliva and sand out beside them and Loki gave him an unimpressed glance.

"What is this?" Loki asked, moving on from Clint's trip to the sand.

Clint squatted beside him. "It's a cactus."

"Cactus…" Loki looked intrigued, fingering the tip of one of the spines again. "I thought… I thought cactus looked like this:" He proceeded to draw a picture between them in the sand of a tall cactus with two arms sprouting out of it.

Clint gave the drawing a half-agreeing nod. "Well, yeah, they do. But there are different kinds. Just like trees and- Haven't you read about this stuff yet?"

"I've read of a cactus but it didn't look like this."

Indeed this cactus was small and round, paddle-like growths branching off it with reddish-purple bulbs at the ends. Loki squinted at the purple growths suspiciously, poking them with one long finger and contemplating. They were the only things on the plant without the large spines. Some tiny ones, but small enough to grasp around. Which Loki did- plucking it off the cactus with a inaudible pop. He brushed a finger along the skin, knocking off the teeny needles until the thing was clean of them. He brought it to his nose and sniffed it, and Clint suddenly knew what was going to happen.

"Loki. Jesus, please don't eat that."

And Loki took a big bite out of it, where it squirted deep red juice that ran down his chin and he bent his chin down over the sand to let it drip off while he chewed thoughtfully. Clint stared, a little grossed out. He sighed and waited for Loki's assessment.

Loki hummed and inspected the fruit, still chewing. It was deep red, almost black on the inside, full of tiny seeds in it's fleshy coat. When he suddenly held it out for Clint to take, the archer took it gingerly, looking at it closely himself as Loki got up and started pulling off the other bulbs. When Clint finally noticed Loki holding out the bottom of his shirt to hold the fruits like a basket, he jumped up, confused.

"What are you doing?"

"These are delicious," Loki replied as if that explained it all.

Clint scoffed and turned away, making his way back to the motorcycle and brushing off the sand that covered him as he went. "You're ridiculous."

Loki didn't answer, but when he had filled his small make-shift hammock of cactus fruit, he came back to the bike smiling. Red lines from his lips and down his neck stained from the juices. Clint laughed at him and got on the bike, letting the god eat his fruit as he continued to drive.

The next stop, and Clint determined this would most likely be the last tourist site for them, was in Tombstone, Arizona. Clint had been here before, though he couldn't remember when. He recognized the Bird Cage though. They walked along the wooden walkways under the eaves of the buildings, watching carriage-pulling horses trot by in the dirt road. The people who worked in the area, employed for reenactments of the famous gunfights and Old West city life, were dressed in period costume and strutted about the boards looking fancy. When they reached the Bird Cage Theatre at the end, Loki laughed at the name and how Clint had remembered only this building and what was in it. Because of course the Hawk would remember a bird cage. Clint rolled his eyes at him and playfully shoved him into the building and out of the sun, paying for their tour.

Loki hadn't read much about the history of the Old West times, but he had seen the movie this town and it's history had borne, so he had enough of an idea. The Bird Cage Theatre was cramped with old furniture and dusty trinkets, paintings and lamps, tables with playing cards laid out like Doc Holiday and Wyatt Earp had just stepped out to pee. It was an eerie place with the lit oil lamps throwing long shadows along the walls. There was said to be ghosts that still wandered the Bird Cage, cowboys who'd been shot over a game of cards, whores from the level above who just couldn't leave the place alone. As the two looked in on the rooms of the old 'ladies of the evening', Clint asked if they had such a thing as ghosts in Asgard, proven real or not. They did, but they had no interest in 'proving' their existence, rather just content to know they wander and that's that. Loki found the human instinct to know endearing, pleased to see the thirst for knowledge and certainty. Though of course, that certainty could be good or bad.

"Alright, what about pros? You have prostitutes in Asgard?"

Loki peered along the walls, taking in the drawing of the women in their rooms, reading the plaques telling a woman's history. "Don't all civilizations have whores?"

Clint shrugged. "I guess so. Maybe. I think it's kind of a thing for developing societies. Cavemen didn't have pros, they just did it."

"Yes prostitutes come after sex has become taboo."

"So sex is taboo in Agard too?"

Loki hummed as he considered it, the both of them halting with a group to listen for ghosts that wouldn't show. The guide turned the lights off in the back of the building, hushing everyone to listen closely. Loki leaned in to Clint, whispering while his eyes roved the objects in the darkness.

"Everyone knows that everyone has sex, but we don't throw open our bedroom doors during the act. It is a private matter, except in the cases of barroom attics. Many a man has fallen through the ceiling and broken a bone during those drunken orgies."

Clint snickered at the imagery. "Ever been in one of those?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

The guide shushed the pair harshly for their whispering and soon turned the lights back on after nothing happened. Clint turned to the pool table in the center of the room with a smile, rolling one of the balls along the dark green felt.

"That's a yes," he chuckled. "Me too. No one else was gay though, so I had to be content with plowing all the girls I could reach."

"Oh, poor baby," Loki drawled sarcastically.

"Come on, did your ass get reamed in your orgy? I kinda doubt it."

The trail of guests in the theatre swiveled glances at the two, scandalized and glaring at their conversation. Clint pushed on anyways, and Loki raised his nose at them like he was of a higher stature. Loki rounded the pool table to stand opposite of his lover, twirling a ball on the table between two slender fingers. He looked smug and teasing.

"Our culture feels differently about sexual encounters between males in such that warriors are companions and life-long friends. It is not beneath one warrior to find comfort and solace in another for they understand each other better than someone of different occupation. There is no relationship- no monogamous tie, but a bond formed between the best of friends and warriors." Loki ticked his head to the side. "What you and I have could be called something like that were we in Asgard, but our continued solitary companionship and love-affair would be strange to the rest of the population. Some might even say we are wasting our genetic gifts by not passing them on in the form of a child."

Clint chose to skip the lesson and read between the lines, releasing the billiard ball when a guide asked them to not touch the 'relics', and he walked around the table to bring Loki along to finish the tour.

"So you got fucked."

"I am a prince- I do not get fucked," Loki retorted. "Not in public."

To this Clint laughed as they walked out of the back of the Theatre, going down the boardwalks one last time and seeing the sights before heading off again down the dusty highways. Loki held on around Clint's waist gently, happy enough to watch the landscape go by, spotting large lizards scurrying off the road when they zoomed on. While barren, it was still a fascinating area for Loki, who marveled at the tenacity and adaptiveness of Earth's animals to thrive in a wasteland such as the Arizona desert.

While Clint had considered stopping at a small dive off the freeway, something right out of a movie where bikers in leather would stop en mass and have a beer, he thought better of it and kept moving. He thought that maybe if he didn't have Loki with him, or maybe if Loki had spent a little longer on Earth and wouldn't stick out so badly there, then he would have. He had been to plenty of biker bars in his years; liked to swap stories about the things he seen and done with the burly guys in their leather chaps and boots. They underestimated him at first- always, until he proved himself. The first time was the brandishing of a gun at the start of a brawl, and then after that he carried a government ID or something equally awe inducing. But that was when he was young. Now, in his forties, scarred and a no-nonsense expression, he showed up on his motorcycle and the men nodded at him as he came through the doors. Loki was liable to start a fight right off the bat, and Clint said nothing to him about possibly stopping. Though when they drove by the establishment, the front lined with motorcycles, he felt Loki turn to watch the building get smaller with interest. He didn't mention it to Clint.

They entered California and soon started into Los Angeles by the highways, traffic backed up and hazy in smog. Clint raced them along the edge of the city as best he could, trying to dodge the rubberneckers at the site of a crash, until they rolled along the edge of the country, watching the blue ocean of the Pacific come into view until they reached Malibu, and Tony Stark's house along it's coastline.

At the gates along the road, Clint stopped and thumbed the button on the unlocking box nearby. From the speakers came Jarvis' voice in greeting.

"How may I help you?"

Clint leaned in and flipped up the visor of his helmet. "Jarvis, it's Clint Barton and Loki. Tony tell you we were coming?"

"Indeed, Mr. Barton. Let me get the gates for you."

The wrought-iron white and silver gates slowly slid open and Clint drove through, tracing the winding path through the property and up to the circular driveway, parking near the front door. The two brought their helmets with them as they dismounted the bike, Clint trying the handle to the door and finding that it opened easily. They stepped in and Clint set his helmet on the table beside the door, coat rack right beside it for his jacket which he shucked off as Jarvis welcomed the pair to the house.

"I'm afraid the garage and workshop are one and the same, and these are still off-limits to you and Mr. Laufeyson without Mr. Stark's explicit approval. Your motorcycle will have to stay outside."

"That's fine, we don't need to be in there anyway."

Clint watched Loki slowly, almost delicately begin to prowl the mansion's front room, a slow-forming and fond smile on his face at the surroundings. His fingers trailed over the arm of the cream colored couch absently as he neared the tall windows and looked out over the ocean.

"LUCIA is still linked into my system if you ever need to speak with her. You may even prefer to hear her over me if it pleases you. All you need do is ask."

"Thanks Jarvis." He had almost forgotten that the AI built into his bike was a small portion of Tony Stark's Artificial Intelligence system built throughout this house and the tower in New York. She was different from Jarvis in the sense that if Jarvis was a competent and all-serving butler/personal assistant, Lucia was that teacher you had in high school who knew exactly what she was doing, smart and sexy, and had every boy wrapped around her finger. It made Clint wonder if Tony saw Jarvis as a real person without a body, loved him just like a real person. Whenever Clint talked to Lucia, he felt like he was on the phone with a physical woman, never confused about anything he ever said, and he wondered if that could end up being something dangerous if AI systems like Jarvis and Lucia were available to the public. You'd be hard-pressed not to fall in love with someone that wasn't real.

He came up behind Loki as the god watched the sun slowly set behind the mass of water, setting his hand on the base of Loki's spine and dipping the tips of his fingers into the waistband of his jeans.

"So this is the Pacific Ocean," Loki said softly.

"Yep. Maybe tomorrow we can go down to the beach. Swim or or chill, whatever you want."

Loki hummed, pleased with the thought, and he turned away, slowly going through the rooms and inspecting all the lavish he found. Clint went into the kitchen and checked the supplies, finding canned and boxed goods, and then surprisingly, fresh food in the fridge. Jarvis informed him that groceries had been ordered and delivered a couple days prior for them. It was a trusted and discreet service used by plenty of celebrities and government officials, paid well to stock and organize the deliveries in the house without the need of supervision.

He left the kitchen to find Loki, going through the rooms- living room, bathrooms and bedrooms, gym, offices. He found him sprawled out face-down on a huge mattress covered in velvet and fur.

"I love this place," Loki said simply as he heard Clint enter the room.

Clint snorted and sat on the edge of the bed with a groan. He ran a hand along the comforter and groaned again at the feel. "Is it palace enough for you?"

"The colors are blinding, but it is spacious enough for me. You are quite useful, Agent Barton."

Clint chuckled breathily and moved to slide onto the bed, cuddling overtop Loki with his face pressed into the space between his shoulder blades. "I'm glad you're happy, Sir."

Short, but I wanted to be done with the trip and get on with the story. Seriously there's maybe... four chapters left until the end. Five at most if I can keep it on track and not just have them fucking all the time.