Author's note: Slightly shorter chapter, but I'm trying to get out as much as I can. Taking a programming class and a web development class, while working full time so time is very precious to me right now! But I will continue to update when I can. Already started on next chapter... things will begin to be revealed! Woo!

Chapter Twelve

Ashlyn couldn't sleep and it was obvious why. She felt so ashamed she didn't even want to confess to EDI. At what was worse, she couldn't deny the fact that she enjoyed it, but even thinking about it made her feel terrible. She tried to tell herself that maybe, just maybe, her actions had something to do with her memory loss, or her strange abilities, but the more she ran that idea through her mind, the more it sounded like a cheap excuse.

I should've stayed at the Citadel, she said to herself as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. She had no clue how she was going to fix this. She couldn't tell Shepard. As much as she wanted to be honest to avoid hurting him, telling him what happened between her and Garrus would destroy him. Then the Reapers just might get the upper hand. She decided that she would just avoid Garrus and Shepard as much as she could. As hard as that would be on a space ship.

Though she wished to stay in bed for forever, Ashlyn's bladder pained in protest. She groaned as she sat up and began heading towards the restroom, hoping to avoid running into anyone. Before she made it through the bathroom doors, she heard someone and it made her cringe.

"Hey," Shepard called to her, "I was going to send you a message soon, but since you're here, I'll just tell you."

Ashlyn turned around and tried to force a polite smile. It probably came off very awkward since Shepard then asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, trying to keep her eyes off his. That would only make things worse.

"Well, I want you on our next mission, what do you think? We're heading to Thessia to retrieve a Prothean artifact that could help us find the Catalyst." He chuckled. "I've not really clarified what we're trying to do, huh? Well, the Catalyst is said to have the ability to destroy the Reapers, so our mission is to find it. I could really use your skills, but if you're unsure I can bring someone else. Liara is coming as Thessia is her home planet and Garrus is coming as well." Great. Ashlyn thought. At first she considered turning it down, staying away from the two of them for as long as possible, but then she had the idea that it might be good. If she could show Garrus that she was only on the Normandy to help fight, then maybe it would be easier to stay apart. Plus, if she was stuck on the Normandy with her own guilt-ridden thoughts for much longer, she thought she might go insane.

"I'll do it." Ashlyn agreed.

"Great," Shepard said with a smile, "when we get closer I'll brief everyone. Oh, and the crew wanted to get together tomorrow night before the mission. We'll have a few drinks, a few laughs, it's a good way to unwind before a mission. You're welcome to join us."

"Alright, thanks." Before Ashlyn could make it any more awkward, she turned and made it into the restroom.

The next day came rather quickly for having such a sleepless night. Much to her disdain, her omni-tool went off quite early.

EDI: Did you break the news to Garrus and Shepard?

Ashlyn groaned and thought about what she could do to avoid answering, but she knew EDI could find her anywhere on the ship.

Ashlyn: Not really. Things didn't quite happen the way I wanted it to.

EDI: What happened?

Ashlyn: I'd rather not say right now… still trying to figure it all out.

EDI: Oh… well, I am here if you need to talk.

Ashlyn: Thanks.

Ashlyn was fairly positive that EDI would know she was being short. Hell, she probably knew what Ashlyn and Garrus did already, but EDI was polite… sometimes.

Ashlyn decided to get up and grab something for breakfast before the morning bustle. She headed out to the mess hall, grabbed a package of oatmeal and turned to head back to her room. However something was in her path as she tried to make her escape.

"Ashlyn," Garrus said in a near purr that sounded so damned sexy.

She briefly caught his eye and a shiver went down her spine, then she pushed past him and went straight back to her quarters. Before she even had the chance to sit down and open her food, her omni-tool pinged, which she expected.

Garrus: Can we talk? I feel like you're avoiding me.

Ashlyn thought of many different responses she could've sent back, but none were good enough. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to say. She ate her oatmeal as she thought over and over on how she should respond to Garrus, but after a while she realized that hours had passed. Her oatmeal was gone and she figured she might as well leave Garrus's message alone. She knew she had to figure something out to occupy her time. That's when she decided to head down to the training room and take her frustrations out on a punching bag.

Garrus kept checking his omni-tool even though he knew it would look the same every time. She wasn't going to respond. He knew she felt guilty. She turned down Shepard and she was about to do the same to him, but he couldn't help himself. He had to admit, it was the best he'd felt since he first felt the adrenaline of hitting a long distance target. He'd do anything to have her again, but he knew she wouldn't allow it. He could see Ashlyn's point though. Shepard was a passionate human and he could imagine how upset he'd be if he found out. He cared about Shepard too, but the thought of never being able to touch Ashlyn's soft skin again felt like a knife in his chest. Garrus wondered if he was able to confess how he really felt to Ashlyn, she might give him another chance, even if they had to keep it from Shepard. Maybe she would see that their connection would be worth the trouble? Garrus only hoped as he checked his omni-tool once more.

Ashlyn cleaned off the sweat from her body and changed into a hoodie and loose fitting pants before heading off to Shepard's little powwow. The work out did her good. It cleared her mind a bit and readied her for the awkward encounter ahead. She did work out longer than expected though, she was a tad late, but she made it.

As she entered the room, she immediately spotted Shepard sitting on the couch next to Tali and Traynor. He gave her a polite smile and it lifted her heart. James and Kaiden sat in chairs on one side of the couch while Liara and Doctor Chakwas stood on the other side. Joker was seated at the bar and next to him stood Garrus, who turned his back to her. EDI wasn't present, probably left in charge of the cockpit.

Everyone, other than Garrus, gave her a smile or a nod as she entered. "Come sit, pod girl," James said to her as he pulled up an empty chair next to him, "Shepard was just gracing us with stories of his past adventures."

Ashlyn smiled as she took the seat and listened as Shepard picked up where he left off. "So, there I was with good old Jacob and bitchy Miranda in the middle of a mercenary shootout. Garrus is gonna love this," he added side commentary as Garrus simply shrugged, "I'm taking off down towards this building and shots are literally whizzing by my head. I'm thinking, 'Who the hell is this Archangel asshole?' So I finally get up to where he is and who's underneath the helmet, none other than Garrus Vakarian. I nearly had a heart attack."

Garrus turned back around at this point. "Then I took a missile to the face just for you."

Ashlyn felt a knot in her stomach. That's how he got the scars.

Shepard laughed at the turian's comment. "It was karma for shooting at me."

Shepard's stories continued on for about another hour. Ashlyn tried to keep her eyes trained on Shepard, on his kind smile and eyes, but she constantly felt the heat of those damned turian eyes on her. He was staring at her. He had that primal look again. It made her feel like there was no one else in the room but him and her and at any second, he could pounce on her and ravish her.

She coughed slightly and turned her head away, knowing she had to push thoughts like that out. "Excuse me," she said as she interrupted Shepard's story about Jack and the biotic school, "I'm going to go rest."

The crew all announced their parting words to her and she made her way back to her quarters as quick as she possibly could. As the door shut behind her, she took a deep sigh. Being around Garrus was becoming too intense. She didn't know how she was going to do this anymore. She collapsed on her bed, wanting to scream, even more when she heard a knock at her door. She got up, opened it and Garrus pushed past her. He leaned against the window, his back on her, as she shut the door behind him.

A pregnant silence came between him at the window and her at the door. His posture was tensed and his hands were balled into fists. "I can't do it anymore." He said finally. Ashlyn wasn't sure how to respond. Was he having the same dilemma as she was? "I can no longer pretend that there's nothing there." Maybe only partially. He turned to face her. His brow plates were furrowed and his eyes showed pain. "Why won't you talk to me?"

Ashlyn clenched her jaw and looked at the floor. "I just can't."

"That means you feel it too. You know we have a connection, but you're too afraid to admit it."

"I'm afraid of hurting Shepard!" She said almost angrily. "I know there is something between us, but I cannot allow it to grow. I have feelings for Shepard too and though they may not be as intense as what I feel for you, I can't hurt him! I'm not even sure what I want."

Garrus crossed his arms. "So we're supposed to just deny our feelings until this is all over? Avoid each other in the hall and pretend we're strangers?" He shook his head slowly. "I just can't."

Ashlyn closed her eyes, trying to stop tears from venturing out. I should've stayed on the Citadel. Suddenly, she felt something cold and hard surround her. Garrus was holding her. One hand was cradling the back of her head, while the other wrapped around her waist. His face buried into her neck and she nearly melted into a puddle of Ashlyn-goo.

"If…" he hesitated, "if something goes wrong… because of this war… I don't want my last memory of you to be just a quick fuck in the battery. I know it's better than nothing at all, but I want the chance to express my feelings for you."

She couldn't help but let a tear roll down her cheek. Garrus's words struck her right in the heart and before she knew it, she was kissing his mouth plates. Everything was like a euphoric blur. In a matter of moments, her clothes and his armor were on the floor and soon after, they were on her bed, where he claimed her once more.

It was different this time. Ashlyn felt like she was in a dream. Garrus was touching every inch of her, savoring her, proving to her that what they had in the battery was not a mistake. He was gentle and rough, doing everything right as he held himself over her, moving inside her. He knew she couldn't handle the weight of his carapace on top of her and he took extra care to put the right amount of weight on her body. It felt exquisite and caused her to shatter into a million pieces more than once.

Garrus nuzzled her neck, feeling his boiling point rise to the surface. Her shoulder was brushing his mouth plates. He opened his mouth slightly, then clamped it shut as his mind screamed at him, I can't! He brought his tongue across her sweet skin there, but it only made his drive to mark her climb. He was losing control of his thoughts the more he buried himself within her. He felt himself reach his peak and before he could stop, his teeth plunged into her flesh as he went over the edge.

She didn't scream. She sucked in a sharp gasp, as if her breath had been taken from her. Garrus slowly withdrew both ends of himself and sat up. Ashlyn's eyes were wide as they landed on him. Her fingers moved to her shoulder, grazed the bite mark and came back to her face so she could see the blood.

Her voice was barely a whisper, "What the fuck?"

Shit… shit shit! Garrus cursed himself over and over, but said to her, "I'm sorry."

She sat up and touched more blood. It was now dripping down her front, cascading down the curve of her breast. Her tone became elevated. "What the hell did you do to me? I thought you said you wanted to express your feelings, not suck my blood!"

Garrus moved off the bed and turned away from her. "I-I'm sorry, I knew you wouldn't understand."

"Understand what?!" She yelled back as she grabbed a sock off the floor to hold over the fresh wound.

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. "It's a turian ritual. It's a, uh, sign of bonding… love." The last word was barely audible.

Ashlyn was surprised at the response. She didn't know what else to say. How could she be mad? He did express his feelings she just didn't realize it would be so painful. Not only that, she folded to temptation… again. The damned turian was like a drug. She was so high when she was with him, but coming back down always brought thoughts of John and that warm, comforting feeling she had with him. And how badly she'd betrayed him more than once.

"We can make this work," he began, glancing over at her.

"No," Ashlyn replied bluntly, "we can't." She could almost hear the whimper in his undertones. "Just because I feel the way I do about you, doesn't change that I still feel what I feel for John." She paused as she watched Garrus start putting his armor back on. "Could you please give me time to figure out how I feel? I know we have a connection Garrus, but I have one with John too, otherwise this would be a helluva lot easier."

Garrus moved to the door as he spoke softly. "Well, when you decide… I'll be waiting."

Garrus let the door shut behind him as he headed towards the battery. Why was this so damned difficult? Why was he trying so hard over a human who wasn't even sure how she felt? It was like a battle that would never end. By the time Garrus reached the battery, he was pretty angry. Angry at himself for not being able to win Ashlyn over, angry at Shepard for being the third wheel and angry at Ashlyn for not being able to choose. He suddenly couldn't wait for the mission tomorrow. Maybe blowing up some bad guys might calm him down? Maybe not.