Goldilocks and the Threesome

Part Four:

On Earth, what Jim described as a "romantic getaway" could also have been called a "boys' weekend." The one-bedroom log dwelling on the shore of a small lake that Jim referred to as their "love shack" was, in fact, his uncle's hunting cabin.

The cabin oozed masculinity. It was frill free and devoid of any of the little knick-knacks that women (for some reason) felt the need to cover every available surface with. From the hardwood floors to the worn leather sofa, it was a MAN'S cabin – perfect for getting away with the guys... NOT so perfect for a romance.

"Hey, look!" Bones said happily, stepping aside to reveal a closet stocked with fishing poles and waders. "I haven't been fishing since B.E.W."

"B.E.W.?"

"Before Ex-Wife."

Jim laughed. He was thrilled to see his lover's excitement at the prospect of fishing but secretly hoped that he would be allowed to sleep through it.

"Jim?"

He followed Spock's voice to the kitchen where he found the Vulcan peering into the fridge.

"What's wrong, Spock?"

"Are you aware that there is no food replicator in this..." he eyed the cabin with barely suppressed disdain, "dwelling? For lack of a better word," he added under his breath.

Jim and Bones exchanged an amused glance.

"Also," Spock continued, opening the fridge door wide. "This refrigerated storage device appears to be empty."

Bones, who had come up behind Jim, laughed. "That fridge," he drawled, "is supposed to be empty. Out here, if you want to eat, you kill it and clean it yourself."

If Spock was distressed by this piece of information, it didn't show. "That hardly seems...convenient."

The way he said it made Jim think that it wasn't his first choice of words.

"Relax, Spock," Jim told him. "You won't have to go wrestling any wild bears for our supper. There's a store a few miles up the road."

Although... to mention it... The thought of Spock – bare chested and covered in sweat – wrestling a big, angry bear certainly had its merit. Jim's thoughts immediately went from Spock wrestling angry bears to Spock wrestling Bones. They would both be dripping sweat as they rolled around on the ground, their limbs in a tangle... Jim would have to referee, of course. And if they didn't play fair, well, then he'd just have to break things up. But if they should happen to drag him down with them...

"But we should check out the rest of the house first," he said in a rush. "Especially the bedroom." He smirked at his companions, who answered with a smirk (Bones) and a raised eyebrow (Spock, of course).

The gods had not been kind, Jim thought grumpily. He sat, slumped, in the back of his uncle's fishing boat. Although it was just past seven in the morning, a cooler full of beer sat at his feet – a bribe from Bones for his cooperation.

It had seemed like a fair trade at the time: a 5AM wake-up call in exchange for a breakfast of ice cold beer. Damn Bones and his powers of persuasion! He'd made it sound like a brilliant idea, of course... And while Bones had been pleading with his mouth, his hands had been working their own kind of persuasion. It was completely unfair.

Spock sat ram-rod straight on his seat, entirely focused on the act of fishing. Bones was more relaxed - "kicked back" was the phrase – with his feet up on the edge of the boat and a ridiculous hat adorned with various tackle pulled low over his eyes. Jim suspected the good doctor was actually having a little nap. That was even more unfair – considering the trip was his idea in the first place.

Which was Jim's excuse for being less than well-behaved. Not that he really needed one…

When the boredom got to be too much, he jumped to his feet, jarring the boat. Spock glanced over his shoulder but, as usual, showed no sign of alarm. Bones, on the other hand, nearly fell out of his chair.

"What the-"

"Did you see that?" Jim exclaimed. He leaned over the edge, peering wide-eyed into the water. The boat lurched dangerously.

"See what?" Bones grumbled, trying to right his ridiculous hat.

"There was something...some thing in the water!"

Spock swivelled in his chair as Bones climbed across the boat. "What sort of thing?" he asked.

Jim jumped across the boat and looked over the edge. Spock grabbed Bones to keep him from being thrown overboard when the boat rocked.

"It was... some... creature!" Jim exclaimed. He continued to stare into the murky water because he knew he wouldn't be able to look at either of his lovers at that moment without laughing and giving himself away.

"It had teeth this big and its eyes glowed red. Didn't you see it? It swam right past us!"

They eyed him dubiously.

"Maybe you should lay off the booze," Bones suggested. "At least until after lunch."

Jim pretended to be insulted. "I'm not drunk!"

Spock raised one dark eyebrow. It was common knowledge that, more often than not, that statement was simply not true.

"I'm not!" Jim protested. "It was there! No," he said, jumping across the boat again. "It was there!"

Spock had to grab the edge of the boat to stay in it as the small craft shifted under Jim's weight. He glanced into the water, curiosity getting the better of him. Even Bones – who knew the lakes and ponds of Earth better than either of the other two – couldn't resist peeking to see if anything was actually there.

Ha! Jim thought. He had them!

As both Spock and Bones leaned further over the edge of the boat to catch a glimpse of the mysterious creature, they felt a rough shove from behind and toppled out of the boat with an enormous splash. When they surfaced, wet hair plastered to their heads and water running down their faces, they found Jim doubled over in the boat, laughing. They shared a look that normally spelled trouble for Jim. In unison, they put their shoulders against the boat and flipped it over.