Alice twisted her bracelet- a parting gift from the Seattle gang- nervously as she hovered in the hallway that led to Violet's office. She considered bolting, but there really wasn't anywhere to go. She made do with sitting a few feet from the door so that she was out of sight from the office, trying to talk herself into going in. Her failing self-motivation techniques were interrupted by Addison who came up behind her.
"Alice, it's going to be fine I promise. Violet is fantastic." Alice shook her head mutely. "One chance, that's all you need to give her. C'mon, get up." Alice stood reluctantly. "Oh- ask her about her scar." Addison said as she gently pushed Alice through the door and shut it.
Meanwhile, Violet was sitting on her chair thumbing through Alice's records. She winced as she read that Alice was an addict- relapsing once, ODing once. At age sixteen. She scanned the other pages; anorexia, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, self-harmer, PTSD. This poor girl had a laundry list of issues. She glanced up when Alice stumbled in, throwing an anxious look behind her to whoever just shut the door.
"Hey." Violet said, smiling at the teen as she shut her file. Alice gave her a wary smile before sitting down in one of the office's chairs.
"So, how do you like LA so far?" The older of the two asked, wanting to coax Alice into a conversation, instead of forcing it.
"It's alright. Nicer weather than Seattle. Plus things are a lot calmer around here." Alice replied, still not relaxing into the chair. She sat on its edge, leg bouncing up and down anxiously.
"So things were pretty crazy back in Seattle?"
"Yeah, I guess. Everyone worked such crazy shifts and with everything that happened-" Alice cut herself off after that sentence and averted her eyes to the floor.
"Look, I know these sort of things can be tough to talk about. But I'll tell you how I got my scar," Violet rolled up her shirt to expose a long scar that ran across her stomach, "if you tell me how you got yours. Deal?" Alice waited awhile before nodding.
"Alright then. I had a patient once who…believed that I was carrying the baby that she had lost inside of me. She had lost her own in a miscarriage and placed the blame on me. She wanted my baby, so she decided that she would cut it out. So this patient came to my home and drugged me…before using a textbook to perform a do-it-herself C-Section." Alice's face remained neutral as Violet finished her story.
"I win." Alice said quietly. Violet raised her eyebrows questioningly. "I was attacked by my parents twice. The first time was mostly my father, with a knife. The second time, my mother tricked me into thinking she had changed so I went with her to 'her apartment' where they beat me. Well, I think that's what they did. I was unconscious after my father knocked me out with a vase. But that's what seemed to add up when Arizona found me nearly dead on Lexie's porch the next morning after."
"Wow. You do win." Violet said. Alice smirked and nodded before looking up suddenly.
"But you can't tell Addison or Amelia. They don't know yet and I don't want them to. I'll tell them in time."
"Of course not. I wouldn't betray your trust like that." Violet assured her. Alice shrugged.
"Jessica did." She mumbled.
"Jessica is known by everyone in the psychology community. Some think she is brilliant, others not so much. She has very... unconventional methods. Regardless of those, it was wrong for her to tell Lexie like she did, even if she thought it was in your best interest. I'm sorry that you had such an unpleasant experience with her. I really hope that you will be able to give this a chance, because counselling should make you better, not worse. Will you give me the opportunity to prove that to you?" Alice nodded slowly. Violet smiled brightly.
"Excellent. Now, I'm curious. When were these attacks?"
"A while ago. 5 months maybe?" Violet's eyes widened in surprise.
"I wouldn't consider five months to be awhile- especially after something so traumatic." Alice shrugged noncommittally.
"Do you still have flashbacks? Nightmares?" Alice winced.
"Yeah. Often, actually."
"And triggers? Have you found any so far?"
"Knives. Anyone coming up behind me unexpectedly. Being... loomed over. Those are the worst."
Violet nodded in understanding. "It terrified me to be alone for a while after. I would look for excuses to stay at work so that I didn't have to be alone at home. I checked the locks on my doors multiple times when I got in and then once more just to be safe. I still don't open the door if I'm home alone. It's foolish of course, I'm a grown woman, a mother- and yet I still can't answer the door without fear."
"At least no one forced you into counseling." Alice sighed, leaning back in her chair.
"You were forced?" Violet asked, wanting Alice to elaborate more on her feelings towards therapy.
"Well, yeah. I mean, Lexie knew Jessica from college, so she made me go to her and since I lived with half the doctors in the hospital, it was a little hard to skip treatments." Alice explained. Violet nodded in understanding.
"I see. Tell me about your relationship with Lexie, if that's not prying too much." Violet asked, feeling a bit of triumph inside of herself as she made progress with the teen.
"Honestly, she will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. Nothing can ever change that. It.. it's just complicated. I think I overwhelm her sometimes. The whole mess with the parents, the drinking, the guys and then the girls, and the drugs. I don't think she knew what she was getting herself into when she became my guardian." Alice paused for a moment. "I... I don't even think I knew what I was getting into with the trouble I was causing, and by the time I realized it I was in way too deep."
Violet nodded. "Some of that may be true- but I truly think you are too hard on yourself. You're overcoming an addiction for the second time, while fighting the aftermath of these awful events that you have been out through. I'm willing to bet that Lexie is damn proud of what you've been able to overcome." Alice blushed and looked away, not quite sure how to take the compliment.
"You don't have to suck up to me just because you knew I'm being forced into these sessions. It won't determine what I choose to say and what I choose not to." Alice said, still attempting to not appear like an open book.
"I'm not sucking up, I'm just saying, you've been through a lot." Violet replied. Alice shrugged and then fell silent. "Why are you so resistant to help, Alice?"
"I'm not resistant to help. I tried it. I tried it a few times. And for a while, I was fine, but I relapsed. And if that's what the rest of my life is going to be like, then I don't want to waste my time and everyone else's." She answered irritably. Violet nodded in understanding and glanced down at her file again.
"But what if you don't relapse some day? What if you get better, and you stay better? Wouldn't it be worth it then?" Alice stared at the therapist blankly for a few seconds before sighing.
"Can we be done for today?" Violet glanced at the clock on the wall and then nodded. She put her newest patient's file away and then gestured towards the door. Alice stood up, a bit surprised at how easily the session had ended, and walked out.
Sorry for the wait, I've had a busy week. Lemme know what you'd like to see next.