"Hey, badass, wake up." Alice groaned at the voice next to her ear and opened her eyes to find Jessica standing above her. The psychiatrist held two Starbucks cups in her hands, with one of them reading Alice's name, and she offered a small smirk at the teenager's disheveled appearance. Alice sat up, pain wracking her body, and couldn't help but remember the time she had ditched the doctor in the Starbucks line on the main floor of the hospital.
"Where's Amelia?" She croaked out.
"Sleeping. She stayed up with you all night and I finally kicked her out when she slumped over in this chair." Jessica gestured towards the piece of furniture before sitting down in it and handing the younger girl the latte she had gotten her.
"Thanks. Am I...is this like psychiatric watch or...?" Alice's asked, her voice trailing off with an edge of insecurity. Jessica shook her head immediately and took a sip of her coffee.
"No, no, nothing like that. I just figured someone should be here in case you needed anything. Please I like using your concussion as an excuse to wake you up." Jessica shrugged. Alice attempted a weak chuckle, too tired and sore to manage anything else. Her former psychiatrist immediately picked up on her evident exhaustion and sighed. "Look, Alice, I know I wasn't the best match for you as your regular therapist, but I want you to talk to me for a little bit. Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours."
"I'm not really up for an impromptu interrogation, Jess." Alice warned.
"It's not a session, I promise. I won't even write anything down. I just know that you aren't going to open up to Lexie because you're afraid of stressing her out and I...I'm doing this as someone who cares about you, alright?" Jessica elaborated. She watched the teenager debate her options and felt a wave of relief as a Alice seemed to relent.
"Okay, what do you want to know?" Alice braced herself for the questions and took a drink of the hot latte the psychiatrist had picked up for her.
"How are you dealing with the loss of your parents? Are you relieved or sad-"
"I feel nothing. I feel nothing for them." Alice's voice was cold and her eyes met Jessica's as she interrupted. The psychiatrist couldn't find a trace of insincerity in the statement or Alice's gaze. Finding it wise to move on from the subject, she wracked her brain for a smooth exit route.
"Okay. Last night you seemed paranoid. What was going on there?" Alice finally averted her eyes and her bruised face turned red with embarrassment.
"I...I didn't feel safe." Alice admitted softly.
"Why's that? You had Amelia right there with you and this hospital is filled with people that-"
"I've died here. I mean, the last time I was admitted here, I technically died for a few seconds. That bastard hooked up to a vent downstairs dumped me here and I was shot here and I watched Lexie have a breakdown-" Alice's voice broke off and she chewed her bottom lip, willing herself not to cry. Jessica hesitantly rested her hand on Alice's and squeezed it, hoping that the younger girl wouldn't pull away. To her surprise, she allowed the small effort on Jessica's part and clutched onto her hand.
"Jess, I want drugs so bad. I don't think I can stay sober this time. I thought that I was finally safe from them, and I wasn't, so what's the point-"
"Hey, no, slow down. Alice, I'm going to hug you and I want you to let me, because I promise it's going to calm you down," Jessica warned before standing up from her chair and wrapping her arms around the shaking teenager. Alice froze initially, unfamiliar with the psychiatrist's embrace, but allowed the fear that had been building up inside of her for hours to finally take over. "You worked too damn hard to get to the point you're at now. Don't let them screw this up for you. Don't let anyone screw this up for you." Jessica murmured, rubbing her former patient's back.
"You mean the point I was at." Alice mumbled. Her breath hitched as she stifled another sob and buried her face into Jessica's shoulder. Part of herself was astounded at her willingness to be this vulnerable in front of the woman she had sworn as her enemy less than a year ago. The other part of her was just grateful to have someone sturdy to hold on to.
Alice forced her breathing to slow as she pulled out of the embrace; trying to regain some composure. It wasn't long before the doctors would show up for rounds, and although she knew that Jo and Arizona would completely understand, she couldn't handle the idea of being the recipient of any more pity.
"We can't do this. I don't have it in me to piece myself back together, not today. Today I need to just smile and nod and pretend that it's all going to be ok. Fake it till you make it, right?" Alice brushed the tears out of her eyes and grabbed for her coffee as a distraction. The psychiatrist winced in disagreement- avoidance certainly was not the right way about it- but took the hint and gave the girl a break. Considering how hostile things had been between them just months earlier, this was a huge win in her books.—-
"I know you technically have a right to be distracted today, but I really need you to get your head in the game, Wilson." Arizona broke Jo out of her thoughts as the two of them stepped out of one of her younger patient's room. It was obvious that the brunette hadn't slept a wink in the few hours before her shift and exhaustion painted her features. Alice had been on her mind from the moment she and Arizona had left the teenager's room and Jo knew very well it was obvious that her mind was not in her work today.
"Sorry. I really shouldn't be here today." Jo admitted, glancing down at her charts. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Alice's name on the next few papers and she glanced at her attending questioningly. "I don't...I don't have to be a doctor in there, do I?"
"Of course not. Just be whatever she needs." Arizona nodded towards the ajar door of room 311. The two of them had just started towards it when Owen rounded the corner behind them and chased the two women down. He caught Wilson by the arm just before she could step in.
"Wilson, can we talk for a minute? It's important." The trauma surgeon kept his voice quiet and avoided eye contact with Arizona; not wanting to give anything away. He watched concern wash over Jo's face and pulled her down to an uncrowded area of the ward before explaining himself.
"It's become apparent that you have legal jurisdiction over what happens to your...to Jerry. Alice is still a minor and you're the only living relative." Owen's voice had an apologetic tone and he offered Jo the manila folder with the paperwork in it. The younger woman took it slowly, processing what she had just been told. How on earth could she have a say in the life or death of a man she had only found out she was related to a few months ago?
"I'm very sorry for your situation. Give Alice my best and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know." Owen put his hand on the resident's shoulder and looked into her eyes with a deep sincerity in his words.
"Thank you." Jo murmured. She looked briefly down at the folder in her hands and then up at Arizona, who had watched the entire exchange unabashedly. From the look on Arizona's face, she had deduced the situation by the folder in her hands and the look on Owen's face while he had been talking. Wilson wiped the shock from her face as she walked back over to the pediatric surgeon and slipped the folder into her stack of charts.
"You have to tell her." Arizona warned. Jo frowned at the ease at which the blonde had been able read the course of action she was planning.
"You really think that's a good idea?"
"She was the one who had to grow up with him. She's been truthful with you about practically everything and you owe her the same decency." Arizona reminded her. Jo sighed at the truth in her words and glanced into the room. A new panic swept over her as she caught sight of Jessica sitting on the edge of the bed. If the psychiatrist was there, then it meant Alice could have had a meltdown and she wasn't even aware of it.
"Okay, okay. Let's just play it by ear and see how she's doing. Dr. Lewis is here." Jo replied nervously. She didn't bother waiting for her attending's approval before opening the door the rest of the way and finding her sister sitting up in bed, sipping on a coffee.
Arizona took a deep breath and forced the signature, sunny smile to her face, before following her resident into Alice's room. The teen lifted her head and studied the two doctors. Always perceptive, she detected that something was off instantly.
"Arizona, it's 7AM. The only reason someone would be smiling that big at this time of day is if they cured cancer, or if they have something to hide. Since I haven't heard about any massive breakthroughs regarding the former, I'm going with the latter. What's going on?"
The blonde surgeon's face fell, and she glanced at Dr. Wilson, who was anxiously fidgeting with the charts.
"Damn girl, you're good." Jessica broke the silence, eyeing the sharp teen with a new appreciation.
"Medical stuff first, personal stuff second. We'll fill you in, but not before we take your vitals." Arizona answered, earning a dissatisfied glare from the teen.
"Fine." She muttered, knowing that she would not win an argument like this in a room full of doctors. Jessica pushed out of the chair and motioned to the door.
"A word please, Dr Wilson?" She asked, wanting to be informed so that she could help Alice cope with whatever she was about to hear.
The brunette resident hesitated, waiting on Arizona's answer. "Go on," The paeds surgeon nodded at her, and the two hurried out of the room, leaving Arizona to her work. Alice, who was in no mood for small chat, sat in nervous silence as Arizona checked vitals, examined the sutures, and read the overnight care chart.
Jo scanned the floor for a quiet area, but the whole unit was abuzz with activity. Settling on the supply closet, she tugged Jessica along and into the small room of shelving, shutting the door behind her.
"I feel like this is some sort of ridiculous cliche." The psychiatrist muttered. Jo ignored her, taking a deep breath before jumping straight to the point.
"I'm the power of attorney for Alice's father- she's a minor, she legally is not responsible for consenting his medical treatment, and since I am the next closest living relative, the decision making falls to me. Obviously, I'm only going to do whatever Alice wishes, but she's going to need to make some tough decisions quickly. He coded three times overnight, and from preliminary tests it appears he is completely braindead. Derek is going to do a full work-up this morning to confirm, but chances are he's not coming back from this." Jessica let out a heavy sigh, shaking her head at the whole situation.
"God this sucks. If I had to guess, she's going to tell you to pull the plug and she's going to act like she doesn't care, but there is no way that this isn't going to take a toll on her. Who else knows?"
"You, Chief Hunt, and maybe Arizona if she's put the pieces together, which I'm guessing she has." The resident replied, fiddling with the stethoscope that hung from her neck.
"Alright. Tell her now, and then go finish rounds. I'll get Lexie back here, and Addison too. It'll give her some time to process it all, and then she can come to a decision with the support of Lexie." Jessica, always the quick thinker and the first to take charge, laid out a plan for Jo who looked composed, but was secretly overwhelmed. The younger surgeon gave Dr. Wilson a grateful nod, and they steeled themselves to go give Alice the news.
—
"-and I know this is probably the last think you want to be dealing with right now, and you don't have to make any decisions, but I just wanted to be-"
"Unplug him. Let him die." Alice cut Jo off after about a minute of her trying to stumble her way through the situation and her words were hard and cold. Jo bit her bottom lip and looked to Arizona for help; unsure of where to go from there.
"Alice, are you sure?" The blonde surgeon asked.
"Yes, I'm sure. Give me the forms."
"Actually, Jo can sign them. You just rest up." Jessica stood up from her chair and started towards the door. Amelia, who had entered the room while Dr. Wilson and Jessica had been talking in private, took her place beside Alice's bed; effectively distracting her while her older sister was snagged by the arm and drug into the hallway.
"You need to let me keep an eye on her," Jessica's grip on Wilson's arm tightened the second they were out of Alice's room and the younger girl's eyes widened.
"What? Why? I thought...I thought that she took that in the best way possible. She doesn't seem too affected by it." The resident's voice was laced with confusion and she glanced back towards the door worriedly. She had studied Alice's features profusely as they had spoken to her, watching for any sign of a mental break. The teenager had seemed distraught of course, but nothing beyond seemingly the ordinary.
"Please, that's what Alice does. She hides everything. You're her sister and all, but I know this girl and I know she's not going to be able to keep this 'I don't give a shit' charade much longer." Jessica warned seriously. Jo was taken aback momentarily, feeling a bout of embarrassment that this other woman knew the teenager in the other room far better. The hospital door swung open momentarily as Amelia let herself out as well and joined the two of them.
"Dr. Lewis, do you have this?" The neurosurgeon asked quietly. She had picked up on the act going on in Alice's room and Jo suddenly found herself feeling worse. She technically should have known Alice's feelings more than anyone, and here she was being the most ignorant.
"Yeah. She won't like it, but I'll stay in there. I guarantee she accuses me of 'babysitting'." Jessica replied with a dry scoff. "Jo, maybe you should take a walk and visit a little later. Give her some time to process and let me help her cope."
"Come with me, actually. We have some things to discuss now, I'm sure." Amelia tugged Jo along, not really giving her the option of staying or going. Knowing now that she wouldn't have any distractions or interference, Jessica braced herself and slipped back into Alice's room.
—
"You're back." Alice noted, looking up from her phone as her former psychiatrist let herself back in. She hid the small device expertly, sliding it in between her leg and the mattress before sitting up in bed as best she could. Jessica shut the door behind herself and came to sit in the chair next to the bed. "Oh God, let me guess, they sent you in here to watch me?"
"Nobody sent me. I decided." Jessica answered truthfully.
"Well there's no need for you to be here. I'm fine."
"No you're not," The doctor deadpanned. She watched Alice's bruised face take on a familiar scowl and knew she was in for a dose of Old Alice.
"I said I'm fine. You don't get to tell me how I'm feeling-"
"And you don't get to lie to me about it. Goddamn Alice, I thought we'd been through this. I'm on your side here and I know you want to protect Lexie, and Jo, and whoever else you seem to think you're going to hurt, but enough of the bullshit." Jessica's voice rose and she watched the injured girl in front of her glance nervously towards the door. "Don't you dare think about running on that leg either. Callie will murder us both."
"It's too bad she didn't get to me before they did, huh?" Alice smiled ruefully and glanced up at the ceiling. She knew the words had come out more seriously than she had meant them too, and that was exactly the way Jessica was going to take them.
"Alice, I'm worried that you're just going to ignore everything you're feeling because of this and it's going to destroy you again."
"Again?" Alice laughed harshly. "God, Jess, I don't really know how many times you can get 'destroyed'. Either way, you're here in Seattle and I'll be back on the first plane to LA I can. It's not your problem."
"See, there you go. You're already starting to push people away so they don't get you to feel something. Are you really trying to go through all of this again? Right now? Right before Lexie's about to have her baby?" Alice's bitter expression changed and she locked eyes with the psychiatrist.
"You think I'm trying to do this?" Her voice wavered and she stared at Jessica incredulously.
"I think that you're letting it happen. You have to feel this, Alice-"
"I can't! I can't fucking feel this, Jessica!" The teenager snapped. Her hands instantly clutched at the blankets beside her and the psychiatrist watched the apathetic, bemused demeanor she had tried to uphold completely melt away. Jessica stood up and carefully situated herself on the edge of the bed. She could hear the teenager's breathing become more labored by the second and her first concern became Alice's ribs. Jessica knew well enough that they had to be killing her with even the slightest breath, and the last thing she needed was for her to start demanding painkillers again.
"Lay back, hon. The whole way, there you go." Jessica coaxed, relaxing only slightly as she managed to get Alice to lay the entire way back against the pillows behind her. Traces of pain were now evident on Alice's face, and she bit her bottom lip as her chest lit up in agony. "You can't just block these things out. You know that doesn't work and you know it just gets worse. What if you turn to drugs again? After everything you and Addison and Amelia and everyone has done to get you sober?"
"It honestly doesn't sound so bad anymore." The teenager admitted quietly. Her confession set off a bundle of nerves in the doctor's stomach and she found herself running out of words for once in her life.
"Do you remember what you were like? Do you remember the girl that held a knife to my throat because she wanted a hit that badly? Because I do. And it would be a fucking shame if she came back and hurt someone." Alice averted her eyes at the memory she had worked to put behind herself and nodded. She now remembered that girl quite clearly, and what it felt like to be her. She recalled the shocked look on Jessica's voice when the blade had flicked out. She remembered the gut wrenching reality of her actions hitting her like a train.
"You have made an incredible amount of progress. They can never, ever hurt you again. Not now. If you can get through this, Alice, you're free." Jessica's voice softened and she offered her hand to the brunette. Alice looked between her open palm and the psychiatrist's eyes before placing her hand on top of Jessica's. The older of the two squeezed it genuinely, praying to God that Alice had heard her.
Thanks so much for all the views on this story and TUS! Reviews are more than welcome and entirely appreciated!