"Would she even care?

I still remember when she looked at me

A frown upon her face
(Trying to be sincere)

I gathered those little things she said

Kept them close to me
(Trying to make this real)

This cloud will always hover over me
(leaving you today
Because now I say)

Suffocate, suffocate, you suffocate
It's your lie
(I'm not a freak)
suffocate, suffocate you suffocate

I could take every fucking game you play

And blow it up all away

And would you even care?

I could take all those little things you said to me

Never go away

Never disappear

This cloud will always hover over me

Leaving you today…"

~Suffocate by Cold

The left side of Anthony's face hurt. His grandfather was on the run and what was worse, his uncle as he guessed he must call that critter, was still in Henry VIII's custody. "Damn that concubine. She knows her damn stuff." The more Tony thought about his sister and how close she and Anne had become, the angrier he became. He thought of the many ways he could trick their bastard sister into coming with him near the lake then dump her there. Nobody would know and nobody would care. But then he remembered what his mother made him promise the day before she killed herself.

"Remember Anthony, you are my only family. You and your sister are the only things I have left. You can't let petty differences with your sister get the best of you. Your grandfather was the greatest thinker that ever lived, you carry his blood through me." She gripped him harder, nearly digging his nails into his skin. "They will lie to you and try to convince you to accept that thing but remember, family is family." She emphasized.

And he did. Every day when he prayed, when he went to sleep. He asked God to increase his hatred for Anne and her family and to eliminate his dependency on them. To give him the tools he needed to forge his own path, away from them.

When Mary Tudor becomes Queen, I will be next to her. Advising her, helping her distinguish the fake from the truthful. He could only hope that became true. He heard news through Anne's noisy maids that she was getting close to the Emperor. It was quite scandalous. Rumor also had it that the Empress was jealous. She had been jealous the moment she stepped off the boat and into her husband's court. But if Anthony were to be true to himself, he would admit that he felt a pang of jealousy himself –only not towards Mary but towards the Emperor himself.

Since he was a kid and Mary had been a little kid herself, and went to visit them, he would watch her. He was only a baby when she made her first visit after she turned ten. When he turned five, she came back with a secret. It wasn't a secret but he liked to think of it as that because she said that he was the only one who would know and he was not to tell anyone of his present until the day after his birthday celebration. Tony surprised her by telling her "I am going to marry you someday." Mary blinked at him and asked "What" and Tony just shrugged then smiled and ran off to see what his grandpa had brought for him.

She was the best part of being left in Anne's care. She would tell him stories about her mother's native Spain and how she wished she could go there and then she would add that if she had any power, she would give him and his sister a better life. Tony wished he could really believe that. But even if Mary did get her claws on the Emperor, that would only make her father and the concubine more averse to the idea of her being Queen of England if something happened to his golden prince, Edward Tudor.

Doesn't matter. At least she would be back and I would see her again. And what is more, she can help me restore my sister's sanity by taking her away from that bastard brat and her whorish aunt.

He tried shutting his mouth every time he saw her or her aunt, but he couldn't help himself. Everything about them was insulting.

Bess helped her cousin translate one of the classical books so she could present it to the new Queen. "I heard that she is going to be pretty unlike the last one." Annie said, excited that Bess had told her, her translation was correct and no longer needed help with the last part.

"I heard that too but I won't believe it until I see it. Even if she is not, we will still like her. She is to be Queen."

"True. How do you think I should be dressed?"

Bess thought long and good. Discussing fashion with Mary Roper wasn't as fun as discussing it with her cousin. She knew what petticoat went with what farthingale, and when puffed sleeves worked versus thin ones. Mary, for all of her scholarship, was fashion ignorant.

An idea popped into Bess' head. Annie asked where she was going. Bess didn't respond. She returned with two new gowns. Annie gasped. "Are those?" Bess nodded. "They are beautiful! I didn't think they'd be made by now! It must've cost auntie Anne a fortune."

None at all. The baker she invited for her coronation party was a friend of the dressmaker so he brokered a bargain with him so she would only pay half the price of what he originally charged her. Do you like them?"

"Of course I like them! Bess, we are going to look like princesses!"

"That's the idea." Bess said, her eyes sparkling with anticipation for next week when everyone would see the two Boleyn cousins dressed in their finest.

While Bess and Annie talked of fashion and were ordering their maids to get ready for next week, going so far as to tell them how they wanted their hair done, Anne visited her youngest charge's room. Bess was not there for most of the day because she was busy choosing her gown for the upcoming reception Henry had planned for his next queen. Another Queen Anne. Anne thought with a wry expression. She hoped this one would fare better than her, and her foreign predecessor. If she gives Henry a Duke of York then we will all be saved.

She and Bess could live the rest of their lives peacefully and nobody would have to worry about Lady Mary.

She picked the baby and placed her on her lap. She had started teething. Her previous nurse said she couldn't breastfeed her anymore because her bite was getting too strong so Anne had to order her governess to find a new one. Luckily they did, but in the meantime it had been up to Anne to do it. She had never nurse-fed anyone except Bess and that had only been once. When Bella started sucking on her, Anne could barely believe how little she felt. She didn't want to stop but had to when Bess' governess came with a new nurse. The little time she and Bella had spent, had made them grow closer. After that, the child was barely inseparable from her or Bess.

Bess was right. If one of them wasn't with her, she would get afraid and start crying uncontrollably or grab on her favorite blanket and throw it against someone's face when she saw that someone wasn't either of her two favorite people. Anne hoped that these traits were only temporary because it was enough having to deal with three hyper active children like Bess, Annie and Mary Roper (although Mary –thank God- was calmer now that her attention was shifting towards boys and things girls her age focused on), she didn't want to imagine what it would be like with four! God help her.

"You are going to be at her reception too. Just as the Princess you are. You are going to let anyone see you." Anne wasn't going to exclude her just because Henry was ashamed of her. This was much her right as it was Bess and that milksop's son, Edward Tudor. And a part of Anne was also doing this so she could see the look on Henry's face when he saw that his youngest daughter was alive and well, being cared for by her mother's former enemy.

And it would also give her the perfect excuse to roam freely across the palace that she once co-owned with Henry, and search for Katherine's missing child, Bella's half-brother, the little John More.

John bit his lip as he endured another long sermon from his stepfather. God, how he hated to think of him as that but he must because if he didn't then he would punish him and force him to do menial tasks. Sometimes he preferred that over being in his presence but then when he'd see his happy smile at being condemned to the kitchens or to the servants' quarters, his stepfather would tell him his mother would be ashamed and that sent him down on his knees, begging him not to send him there.

Henry VIII used all kinds of scare tactics on the boy. It was fun scaring the bastard. He was a living reminder of everything that was wrong in his life. "Katherine's shame" he became known as, and every day he would gaze up at the stars and wish his father were back. Sometimes he would also pray and imagine his mother listening to him, telling him to be strong, that she was with him every step of the way but then he'd opened his eyes and remember that she was gone. That she wasn't coming back and that he was wasting his time wishing for the impossible.

Tonight was no different. John slipped into one of the few clean chemises he had and hopped into his bed. His stepfather had good rooms for him. Not as good as most of his courtiers had, but they were good when you compared them to the servant quarters or the lower nobility. And it was big enough for one person, so he had everything he needed. Still, it didn't feel like home.

Jeremiah, the Imperial Ambassador came to the King today to inform him that his master, or mistress as John liked to call her (since it was common knowledge that his real master was the Empress, not the Emperor as he claimed), had ordered him to inquire on his cousins' health and by cousins he meant John and his youngest sister, Princess Katherine Isabella.

Henry had given him very little detail but promised the two were fine. He ordered John to be brought to him, dressed as he always was, in his finest clothes so the Ambassador could see for himself that he was being well treated. But Henry Tudor didn't fool anyone. Anyone with two set of eyes and a common sense like the Imperial Ambassador knew that behind all that finery lay a miserable existence that was the King's doing.

John hoped his sad eyes were enough for the Imperial Ambassador to convince his mistress to send someone to help him escape as his father had helped his eldest half sister escape, or better yet, to let the news reach his father (if he was hiding in Spain) so he could come and pick him up. He had told his old man that he was strong enough to endure anything but the truth was that he wasn't. He cried the first time they beat him. It was only one time but it hurt and he still felt the flames on his back. He shuddered and always worried they would come back.

"Please dad just come back." He prayed. If god wasn't going to listen, maybe his dad would. His dad had escaped death once, he could do anything. Why wasn't he looking for him? "Please dad." He said in a smaller voice. "Come back."

Mary found herself in the Emperor's secret room. "What is this? Are all of these yours from your secret travels to the Sultan's harem?" She asked, feeling emboldened by his smile.

"Ha, ha, I wish but I would never step foot in Suleiman's harem even if His Holiness were to command me."

"That sentence alone contradicts everything." Mary pointed out.

"That –" He shook it off. He wasn't even going to try discussing semantics with her. She was schooled by some of the greatest humanists in Christendom, so if she implied she knew something, Charles was going to take her word for it. "Never mind. Let's talk about your private collection of works. I heard you loved reading classical works."

"You heard right. It wasn't something I once enjoyed. I still do. Is that from our grandfather?" She pointed to a long blade hanging next to a long Arabic-looking tunic.

"Why yes it is. He got it after he and our grandmother were given the keys of Granada by Boabdil. Boabdil himself was there acting as their escort and he lived with them on this same palace, dined with them on this room and toasted for their triumph."

"How charming. To think we are in the same place our grandparents once stood. It is almost surreal."

"Yes, it is." Charles said, entranced by her smile.

~o~

Isabella was stopped by the Imperial Ambassador. He asked her where she was going. "You know who you brought and you still brought here. Do not lie to me Your Excellency, you have been drooling over her ever since she outgrew her childish clothes. You and Charles might lie to yourselves but I can see it."

Eustace had nothing to say that. He liked the Princess. Who can deny that? She was special, so much like her mother and in spite of all she suffered, he knew that deep down she was still the beautiful soul he had met when he saw her on Hatfield under her sister's service for the first time.

After a long silence, Eustace told the Empress "My High Lady, I wish you reconsider what you are doing. You are the mother of the future King, and the Emperor loves you. Whatever notions you have about your cousin, know that she will insult you. I swear to you." He said, adding that she was every bit of her mother's daughter.

Isabella snorted. So unlike her but she did because everything about that English rose set her aflame. "If you only knew Excellency, I have seen Charles with other women and I didn't mind because he always came back to me but this is different. And you know this." Before he said something else, she added "Goodbye Excellency, next time you see me, you will know I am right." Just you wait –her eyes said then turned her back and walked away.

Anne landed on Deal in Kent on the 27th of December of 1539. She had previously been in Calais where she met the Duke of Suffolk and various other members of Henry's court. She was overwhelmed by the level of warmth which she had received from her future subjects. She had been told by her brother to be careful, the English King wasn't a generous man -he said. But his people seemed welcoming enough. On Kent she had received a more grandiose welcome. A children's choir followed by actors dressed as mythological beings welcomed her as she and her ladies rode by in their respective carriages. Anne met the Duke's wife, Catherine Willoughby whom she was told by her brother's ambassador was the daughter of the late Queen of England's best lady in waiting and friend, Maria de Salinas.

It was an honor to be welcomed by all these people and it helped her forget how heartsick she felt about being so far away from home. This is my new home. She couldn't wait to meet the King. And his daughters. She swore that when she met them, she would do everything in her power to bring the family closer. From what she'd been told the former Queen, now Marques of Pembroke, was taking care of her predecessor's youngest daughter, the Princess Katherine. Anne would do better and make the king see she was his daughter and every bit deserving of his love.

She was anxious to talk with the Lady Anne Boleyn as well. The woman was an avid reader and she was a religious reformer. Though her brother didn't ascribe to Luther's teachings too much, he supported him and Anne always tried to find out more about his teachings, as well as other Reformers' teachings, but her mother never allowed her to read too much. "Intelligent women" she told her "do as they are told and don't ask too much questions." Well now she would. Because this was her new home and as Queen she would be entitled to ask as many questions as she could.