I woke in the early hours of the morning, it couldn't have been any later than 4 am, and I felt like someone had hollowed me out with a spoon. I was a shell of myself, and why? Was it that dream I'd just had? I couldn't remember it clearly. It was mostly a fog, but I was sitting at a table in a restaurant with a handful of friends and they were all trying to cheer me up because I was single. Jon had left me. That's why I felt empty. It's only a dream, I told myself. Somehow I'd escaped Jon's grasp in the night and rolled to the edge of the bed. The covers were all on top of me, almost like they'd been thrown on me. This bed was huge, there were miles between Jon and I.
I turned over onto my right side to look at him, but he was gone. It wasn't a dream. I felt my heart rate increase and my breathing eradicate. Don't do this, Mich. Don't freak out. I threw the cover off of me. I was burning up. Just as my lashes became wet with tears, light flooded the room momentarily and then it was gone again. He hadn't left, not permanently. He'd just left the room.
"Jon," I spoke his name softly, hoping he wouldn't notice the panic in my voice. He flipped on the bathroom light, and I was thankful. It was dim enough maybe he wouldn't see that I'd began to cry. We'd only been together a short amount of time. I didn't want him having to deal with my mental breakdowns just yet.
"What's the matter darlin'?" Jon asked. He laid something on the dresser. It looked shiny, probably packs of hotel coffee. He was a coffee man, black coffee, as strong and bitter as you could get it. He crawled back into bed and pulled me close to him. He was so strong. I felt safe, no longer empty. "Bad dream," I replied, trying to hold back tears again. Jon stroked my hair softly. "Am I doing this right?" he asked me after a few moments of silence. I laughed softly and nodded. For someone who didn't do relationships, he was doing just fine.
"You wanna talk about it?" Jon asked. I shook my head. I really just wanted to go back to sleep, but I was certain he was awake for the day now. "Go back to sleep," he kissed my head, rubbing my back softly again. "Will you be here when I wake up?" I asked. "I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'll be right here," he promised in his gravelly voice. I drew a deep, ragged breath and let it out before closing my eyes and drifting back off to sleep.
I woke again a few hours later to the bedside table vibrating fiercely. One of our phones was ringing. Jon was back asleep himself, snoring ever so slightly. I laughed to myself and turned over to grab the phone that was ringing. It was mine, work calling. I groaned, why could I never escape them? I silenced the call, laying the phone back on the table. Jon was still soundly asleep, but I was rested enough I could start the day. I gently escaped his grasp so I wouldn't disturb him and sat up on the side of the bed, stretching.
I picked up my phone and made my way to the bathroom, thankfully not in complete darkness, or I would've fallen over Jon's clothes and his suitcase that were littering the walkway. After I used the restroom and washed my hands, I looked myself over in the mirror, something I normally didn't do. I normally avoided mirrors at all costs. What the hell did Jon see in me? I wasn't pretty, at least not to me. He could do so much better. I was fat. I had a horrible face. The only things I liked about myself were my hair and my boobs, and I only liked those on certain days. I looked better when I wasn't lazy and tried to dress semi-cute or when I'd put on a little makeup. Maybe that's what I should do, put on some makeup, I thought. I walked out into the room trying to be as quiet as possible.
"Good morning," Jon startled me when he spoke. His sleepy voice was so damn attractive. "Hi," I replied. "Not trying to sneak out on me are ya? Not gonna run away and never speak to me again? Change your number and name?" he asked. Part of me wasn't sure that he hadn't been done that way before. "I was actually just looking for my makeup bag," I told him. "Forget about it. You don't need it," he patted the bed and I sighed, but sat down next to him. He took my hand in his and gently kissed across my knuckles.
"You're sweet," I told him. "I'm trying. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I'm trying," he replied, shrugging. I nodded, not really sure what to say. He was trying, that was undeniable. I was just so terrified deep down in my gut that I was going to run him off by being the bi-polar, manic depressive, clingy, over-emotional Libra girl that I was. I must have gotten quiet for quite some time because Jon had to wave his hand in front of my face to get my attention. "What are you thinking so hard about?" he asked.
"I'm scared," I finally admitted, my voice quiet. Jon cupped my chin in his hand, rubbing his thumb softly down my jaw. "I am too. But here's the beauty of this situation. We can learn together. I'm not going anywhere. Are you?" he asked. I shook my head without hesitation. I wanted this. I wanted it badly, but I was so fucking terrified. "I want this to work," Jon said, still holding my chin. I nodded this time, my lashes wet with tears again. I let him see this time.
"Don't cry. Come here," he pulled me on top of him and wrapped his arms around me tightly, placing a soft kiss on my head. "I'm just scared you're going to see the dark side of me and you're not going to want me anymore," I cried into his chest softly. This was the true test. If he could deal with this, he could deal with anything. "Baby…do you know who you're talking to?" Jon asked, chuckling slightly, "you're perfect. Darkness and all. It's gonna take a whole lot more than a bi-polar mood swing and some low self esteem to run me off. Now stop crying. Don't mess that pretty little face of yours up."
Jon and I laid in bed a while longer, silent, but content. When we finally got up, he made himself a pot of coffee, downed the whole thing in about ten minutes, and started packing his things. I didn't want to say goodbye. I wondered how much trouble it would be for him to get me into the next show. I could call out of work. No, I couldn't. I couldn't afford to miss work. "You're thinking again," he grazed my lower back with his fingertips, sending a shiver up my spine.
"I just…I'm not ready for this to be over. I don't want to tell you goodbye yet," I replied.
"So don't. Come with me to Raw tonight. Then you can come to Smackdown tomorrow and I'll fly you home Wednesday. You got a return flight?" he asked me. I nodded. "Call and change it," he told me. I smiled softly and stood on my toes to kiss his cheek. "I wish. I have to get back to work," I told him. He frowned, but nodded. "I understand. One day you won't have to work," he bumped my chin softly and gave me a smile. "Think you can take me to the airport?" I asked him. "Yeah. I've gotta head that way anyway. Come on," Jon picked up my bags and slung them over his shoulder with his own.
Our goodbye was short, and I was thankful. I don't know how I would have dealt with a long one. Jon had to get to the next town and it was starting to snow again. He kissed me goodbye and told me to call when I landed. He told me if there was too long of a delay, he'd come back and get me.
Sadly, Dallas was 80 and sunny but I made it home just in time to catch my new boyfriend on TV before I had to go to bed. I thought a lot about the weekend I'd just had. I flew across the country to see a guy that I mostly only knew over the phone to be with him for a day. We'd had some amazing sex and shared some great laughs and he'd told me some outrageous, absolutely unbelievable stories – and I was falling for him. I was absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, falling in love with Jonathan Good.
I woke the next morning to a text, three phone calls, and a voicemail from my district manager screaming at me to get to the store right then. My regional manager was on his way and my store needed to be perfect. Of course, I hadn't been in the business in two days, so I had no idea what kind of condition my store was in. I typed a quick text to my friends who had texted me in the middle of the night and replied to Jon, who'd texted me just a few minutes before. I was so thankful he was awake. Just talking to him set me at ease.
Good morning beautiful.
Not good at all. But hi. Fuck. I wish I was still with you. I'm probably getting fired.
Why? That's bullshit. You haven't even been there.
I know. I'm just so fed up with this place. I hate it.
Well don't quit just yet. Take it in stride baby. You got this. Trust me?
I trust you. Thanks babe. I've gotta go get ready. I'll talk to you tonight?
Sure thing.
God, he was borderline perfection. I threw on a dress and shoes, applied a little eyeliner and mascara, and hopped in my car. I sped to work, quite literally, and made it there in record time. My distract manager wasn't even there yet – but she arrived soon after me and we both panicked. The store was trashed, it was like the people who worked under me didn't do anything the two days I was gone. I immediately started crying. I wanted so badly just to hand my keys to my district manager and walk out.
Just as I was about to, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I sniffled and wiped my eyes before pulling it out. I couldn't help but smile a bit. Jon had sent me a photo of himself. I couldn't help but giggle at how he was dressed – in black slacks and an oversized collared shirt. They were required to dress in 'business casual' wear outside of the ring, some crazy idea his boss had. He told me it would die off in a few weeks, but for the time being, he was borrowing dress shirts from his teammate, who was twice the size of him when it came to muscles.
Cute, I texted him.
Why do I feel like you're laughing at me?
I am not…lol…maybe a little. But I needed to laugh. My store is a disaster and I'm definitely in major trouble…even though I haven't been here. So thank you for that.
Still say it's bullshit…but you're welcome.
It is. So can I call you when I get fired in an hour?
Yeah of course. I'm here for you and shit.
I laughed to myself and shook my head. My happiness was instantly sucked right out of me again, though. My regional manager knocked on the door just as I slid my phone back into my pocket. This was it – I was toast. Burnt toast. I'm not talking about the kind that's edible with a little scraping and a ton of jelly, either. I mean toast that is burnt beyond recognition, black soot that's in the shape of a piece of bread.
To make a long story short, I wasn't fired. I was chewed out beyond belief, but because I hadn't been there for two days, I was given a warning and allowed to go home early by my district manager. She was slightly more forgiving and kept apologizing for how much of an asshole her boss was. I needed to find something else. As soon as I got home, I searched and searched for a new job. This place was going to be the death of me and I needed out. I looked at the clock. 4:45. Jon should still be able to talk. God, I hoped he was. I hit send on his number in my contacts and waited for him to answer. The day was weighing on me and I needed to hear him. "Hey darlin'," Jon answered.
"Hi," I said.
"You sound down…" Jon replied. I laughed slightly, my eyes welling up with tears.
"I'm just overwhelmed. I'm stressed out. I don't want to work at this stupid place anymore. So I'm looking for another job," I replied and wiped at my eyes again. I was so tired of crying. I wished beyond wished that I could just go back and stay when Jon asked me to. I wished I could just quit, but I couldn't. I had to pay bills.
"You'll find something," he assured me. I hoped he was right. I missed the days when I loved my job, when it didn't stress me out so much. I wished I could just be one of those stupid designer bag-carrying girlfriends who didn't do shit and lived off of their boyfriends, but I couldn't. There was no way I could ever take advantage of Jon. I didn't want his money or anything. I just wanted him.
"Fuck me…" I sighed. Jon laughed. "If that's what you want," he said. "Not what I meant…I mean…I do, but…I totally forgot I was supposed to go to my sister's tonight," I told him. God, I hoped she wouldn't be mad. I'd had such a shitty day, that was the last thing I needed. "Go. I'll call you later. I need to get ready for the show anyway. Go," Jon and I hung up with one another and I rolled out of bed. I wasn't going to bother getting dressed up. I'd already changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt. I grabbed my phone, keys, and wallet and headed to my car. Just as I got in, my sister texted me that she'd gotten called into work and needed a rain check. Perfect, as if I needed another excuse to go climb into bed, I thought.
Weeks passed by with no leads on a new job. Jon and I communicated daily, but only because he put in the effort. I felt like a shitty girlfriend, but I was so depressed that I didn't want to deal with the outside world at all. I honestly couldn't tell you how I got to work some days. I knew I was there, and my car was in the lot, but I couldn't recall getting out of bed and driving there to save my life. I was in a haze. All I wanted was pizza and cuddles, and I was broke as shit and Jon was God knows where. I'd been texting him all day and whining about how shitty my life was. He just took it in stride. He was perfect, and I didn't feel like I deserved him, at all.
Give me your address. I'm gonna order you a pizza.
Are you sure?
Mich, just give me your damn address. What kind do you want?
Pepperoni and jalapenos…with extra cheese. Thin crust. Please. Thank you. You're amazing. 5432 E I-30 Apartment 987, Dallas Texas 75228.
Thank you.
Jon texted me back with an estimated arrival time of the pizza and told me he'd text me again in a bit once he got settled on his plane and connected to wi-fi. I cuddled up to my pillow waiting for the doorbell to ring. I wanted so badly to tell Jon that I loved him, but I didn't exactly want to be the first to say it. I was scared it would run him off or make him think that I was too clingy. We'd only been together officially for a month and a half. How long did it normally take couples to drop the L word anyway?
Is your pizza there yet?
Jon texted me just as the doorbell rang.
Creepy that you ask that right now. The doorbell literally just rang, I replied, rolling out of bed. I exited my room and made my way down the hall as the bell rang again.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I yelled. The pizza guy knocked. I was getting agitated. I unlocked all three locks on my door and yanked the door open as the bell rang again. "I said…" I stopped, unable to form words. What was standing in my doorway was not a pizza delivery guy. What was in my doorway had shaggy blonde hair, the most gorgeous blue eyes, and a shit-eating grin that made the dimples in his cheeks show. He had a fist full of flowers he'd obviously picked up in an airport or a supermarket in one hand and a suitcase in the other.
"Well, are you gonna let me in or do I have to stand out here all night?"